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April 28th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Golly Gee folks!
It took old “L” to point out I’m like TWO MONTHS behind in making the monthly area!
Thanks L, honestly, I was clueless…
I’m still adjusting to not having a 24/7 sidekick, and I have a new counselor who has started and I’m working on getting her up to speed, understanding my view of the disease and direction of recovery.
Had our first patient (of course, that I KNOW of!) who was put off by having someone new involved. I know we hashed that subject around a bit ago, so here’s the question:
IF one assumes it it “necessary” for someone new to be involved, what is the best way to introduce that news to an established patient? At this moment I’m not even having her interact much with folks, only watch me and listen. I had the luxury with Steve to have someone who thought like me and understood my plan before day one.
And THANK YOU again L, I’ll work on getting more folks involved. I bet MK and the other medical person and JP and Rockinstuff and drumsllrl and some others are still checking in and listening.
I keep TRYING to bait the discussion!
Dr H
April 29th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
LMButtO L. Only you could get Doc to change the clock and calander. Although at this house most clocks stay the same. I rearrange my thinking and wrist watch. To much hassel. But it is nice not to go through 200 posts before getting to the last one you read. Good job.
First…Doc, did you have a fun time singing this past weekend? Hope it brought joy to your heart.
Second…Don’t sweat the blog. Just let us know you are thinking of us once in awhile. Better to have a healthy Dr. when we need you.
Third…You also have an outside life. I appreciate you, and love what you do for me and the others, but we know you have other commitments…like the jail, God, family, events, conventions…ect. You know what I’m saying…
Fourth…So, as far as an assistant. Thats up to you. I was comfortable with Steve because he had been blogging for awhile as BANJO, and so I kind of ”knew” him. But always enjoyed when both of you were in the room, especially all the kindness you taken to make sure I’m comfortable right now, and that goes along way. Maybe you could just let us decide if we are comfortable with this new counselor. Steve knew what it was like to be an addict facing day by day, often hour by hour. I still feel guilty, even though you tell me not to be, that maybe it was to much for him to work with addicts. And then I will just worry about everyone, cuz that’s what I was meant to do in life. You have to give yourself some breathing room. AndI bet your wife would tell you the same.
Fifth…Wrist has stress fracture right where I broke it last fall. Guess I’m lucky I’m not being cremated right now instead of watching them clean up the tree that fell on me in the yard. Yeah, that’s right. THANK GOD IT WASN”T MY GRANDCHILDREN. Going back to ortho this afternoon to see if swelling has gone down enough to cast it, or soft cast, whatever that is.
Sixth…I’m sensitive. You didn’t mention me helping keep the blog blogging..I’m also insecure.
Bup- you are right. it’s not day by day. it’s minute by minute, and sometimes we have wonderful times where its out of our mind for awhile. Had to remind my ortho when he went to write a script…no thanks…i have an addiction dr. that takes care of me. Used to jump up and down when they wrote or called in a script. Times are a changing.
To everyone else, have a great day, better weekend, and blog about anything. If you feel you are in trouble, just want to say a tree fell on you. Even if the Doc forgets who you are…lol…later.
(Heard anything from friend Steve?)
April 29th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Hey PS. Good to see you are still a bloggin ! Taking time for me was scary at first, but has been really good. I don’t think I realized how tired I was, running on empty. I have been making the noon meetings in SLO, did take a nap this week so I missed one. Then 4 nites a week at Cottage. 20 days sober today. Feeling like I have something I have been missing, guess it just took me longer than some, less time than others. There is an acceptance on my part now. I am an alcoholic. Its never gonna change. I have to just work on me, who I am. I know just cuz I am sober doesn’t mean everything is now going to be good, in fact, it means I won’t be able to run from my feelings. I was meditating the other night and my little girl came out that just wanted her Mom and Dad back. I let the tears run down my face, experienced the loss, then happiness took its place as I realized love never dies. They are with me and no one can take that from me. Allowing those feelings in are a defining part of who I am and always will be.
Take care and play safe friends. Keep the faith Doc, you set me on the right road. I just didn’t want to follow the map. I needed to get lost following my own directions, stubbornly refushing to pull over for help then not listening to the assistance offered. Finally, realizing I was hopelessly lost, I was ready to accept some direction. Now we are both headed to the same destination, I just have ended up taking a different freeway to get there.
PS Steve, if you ever catch up with this blog, got a warm hug and would love to hold your hand in a meeting one day like you did for this scared shitless puppy. Gotta admit, I really still need it some days… Peace Out!!
April 30th, 2010 at 7:45 am
Morning all,
Good to hear from you Rockin and to know your doing better. After the meeting last night we were talking about how much we had been so use to dwelling in our miseries that we could not be bothered to look up and share in the joy that was all around us, or god forbid ask for help, our mental mantras of “I’m miserable leave me alone” we’re always answered. Which led to more isolation and misery? A self fulfilling prophesy if there ever was one.
Doc. as far as having a second party involved in the process, it worked for me but you should probable explain to the new comer that it is two party delivery system so there are no surprises when they are most vulnerable. As far as established patients give them the choice, it seems some took offence, but I’m not to sure wither it was the procedure or the person doing it. I could understand that if you meet someone in the confines of your doctor’s office and then they show up at your local meeting it might be a little disconcerting. It happened to me and this guy broke every HIPAA law known to man and he was a so called licensed professional. But put simply new comer no choice, established patient choice. Your practice your decision.
Strat
April 30th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
“IF one assumes it it “necessary” for someone new to be involved, what is the best way to introduce that news to an established patient?”
100% Transparency of the situation at hand should be enough.
May 1st, 2010 at 9:33 am
A letter stAting ” we have added to our staf” yada, yada… But bottom line it’s docs practice and choice. But I do like newcomers, no choice , oldies but goodies, semi choice this isn’t our business and I think doc is being extremly considerate to us, but his decision. Follow your gut.
ROCKIN. Congrats on 20 days. Awesome. I’ve missed u too. Keep intouch sweetie. Hey babe, I miss my son, mom and dad, and my brother which will be a year in Aug. I admit I cry at one point during the day. My sister and I,well let’s say we don’t celebrate sister week! So I feel like an orphan. I know I have MY family, but there’s something about your family u belonged to. So I know how u feel. Just remember that they ARE in a better place now and we WILL be together again. One form or another.
My sons wife and new honey r having a baby boy, and she still wants me to b considered nana. I feel very honored.
I’ve set up surgery date for knee replacement in Sept or Oct. He’s going on a European trip which sets it for fall. Looking forward to it. Lol.
Take care ya all love u like family.
May 1st, 2010 at 9:34 am
Keep on rocking Rockin. Sooo proud of you.
May 1st, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Why am I red x’d out?
May 1st, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I don’t see any red x-out anywhere!
Might be something on your end?
Dr H
May 1st, 2010 at 9:52 pm
They were there, I swear, and now are gone. Thought you were getting rid of me… LOL?
I’m tired and depressed. Okay, I let the cat out of the bag. I know pain doesn’t help; nor does wishing you sis happy sister week day and she goes, uh. Nor a daughter that needs to be tough loved out on her butt. But what if I loose her to? I’m afraid that when I have my knee surgery, that I’ll be under and my mind just might decide not to let me wake up. Can that happen? And I don’t like the idea of taking antidepressents. Tried during sometother hardtimes, and they didn’t do anything. I just want to go to my MB home and be there by myself and my brain. I was going yesterday; something got in the way. Today, something got in my way, but I did get a throw rug for under the poker table so the guys don’t keep putting holes in my tile. The tile that was wrong for the purpose. Maybe a good rest tonight, and off in the morning, even tough my daughter already gave me the ”nicest goodbye” of all already. LOL Not even true. Hubby says GO, I need you for the rest of my life. Get you head back on straight. I won’t even come over, and stay for a month or longer. Bless his heart.
The tree is finally cleaned up, took two full days. Looks like a different yard. They trimmed all the trees so I would not wind up another one if it fell. Did I menton I have a crazy life, and if it’s gonna happen it will be me. Proven.
Been weak on being okay on my meds,so i stepped up the meetings. Really does help. Anyone who is hesitant, trust me. They do help. Use them as a tool.
Okay, going to bed so I can get out hopefully tomorrow, and hopefully see Doc before coming home. I won’t stay a month. A week maybe, or till all the checks are gone!! I know I’ll be staying at home for awhile after surgery, and want to get out and make sure all the yards are planted, and enjoy the outside. I’m thinking about going to a rehap for my knee after I get kicked out of the hospital. What do you all think?
Okay, yakky yak will stop. Rockin…Love you. MK, hope your hunt is short. bup-keep writing, it makes so much sense to me. it’s what’s inside of me, but comes out wrong when I write. Strat- hope you are well. L-hope to meet you some day. Maybe doc needs to take his ‘nuts’ out like he has called us, and we will picnic and make a spectical of ourselves. He can tie us together with rope so we stay in the line…lol…sorry doc, had to try to crack a joke.
Everyone take care, and those I forgot to mention.
Thanks for blogging doc. See, a pro already.
May 1st, 2010 at 9:57 pm
Do I sound like my older self, or does anyone hear something different? Just wondering…
May 2nd, 2010 at 7:39 am
Mational Day of Prayer is on the 6th this week, (my mom’’s bd.) If you believe in God and don’t beieve that Obama took it away, yet had a Muslim prayer day in Sept 09, get your friends together in front of the court house and show them we can pray. In public. I believe this country is ending faster than Superman could get here. Didn’t mean to make this polictical, but addicts are strong…go ahead, give me your good and bad opinions…safe weekend..love…
May 2nd, 2010 at 8:20 am
National Day of Prayer…will start wearing my glasses…sorry
May 2nd, 2010 at 8:29 am
Morning All,
Well P.S. I went back and read your posts as “Kickin butt”, “Mother Hen” and ”Drama Queen” and there is a difference from then to now, go back and read for your yourself and you decide what’s changed.
PS3 Addict your right, the truth straight out is always best. Some folks voiced their dissatisfaction of having somebody from the recovery community being involved in their Doctors visits, a.k.a. “Their Recovery” these same people after leaving Sloarc went right out and got into an out patient program that had secondary counselors so my impression was they were upset with who it was, not that there was a second party involved. I of course could be very wrong in my observations but if their out there they can probably explain it better than me . To me the secondary counselor was always warm and supportive and very insightful to my needs as somebody who had never traveled this path before and I will always be grateful for the time he spent with me. It’s also my opinion that people who go to Sloarc and the like, are looking for a “Secret Recovery” one where they kind of keep it under wraps so to speak( just between you and me hey Doc.) and when the Doc. injects another person into mix and then tells the patient that they have to attend AA meetings I think their covers get pulled and good old denial won’t work anymore their comfort factor gets a little shaken up. I’m probably wrong but maybe this will spark some debate?
Strat
May 3rd, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Dr. H - For me, during the evaluation pahse, it would have been nice to cover who will or may be involved in the course of my treatment (e.g. your RN, a counselor, an individual with experience with abuse, etc.). Also, it would have been “music to my ears” to have the MD tell me that if there is a problem or concern, that it is safe to approach the MD directly (or via email) about the situation.
Drums -
May 4th, 2010 at 7:57 am
My experience at Sloarc was that I was given a phone number that gave me direct access to the Doc. or the counselor 24/7; I called one morning with a concern and was told by staff that he was with a patient but they would get him if I thought the situation warranted it. I guess my point here is that I was given the keys to the kingdom so to speak and I don’t think that policy was created just for me. And others on the blog have voiced the same sentiments concerning warm caring personalized care given to them by all staff members. Did this not happen for you?
Strat
May 4th, 2010 at 11:39 am
I guess I have to chime in here-I am learning that I adapt to change better then most. I have learned to go with the flow in these past years. I miss Steve-every time I go to my appointment I get a little sad knowing he isn’t there anymore-he was an important part of my recovery-and still is- knowing he is out there tap dancing on a land mine-is humbling to me. That being said-I met the new counselor at my last appt. She was very quiet but seems nice. Change is hard,but the more you fight it the harder it gets. I guess I have learned to appreciate what I have in the moment -being mindful of the present and gratitude gratitude gratitude. Then I don’t mope about the past because thats exactly what it is the past. Opening my mind to new experiences is new for me but I am enjoying it. Geeze I sound like one of those kooks I used to roll my eyes at!
May 7th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
what a kook!
man, you gotta love the eye rolling newcomer.
“why am i listening to you?”
“i’m here and no one else understands me”
“it’s all about me, me, and did i say me?”
May 7th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
just kidding about the kook part
May 7th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Here’s another quote about Suboxone for the record. New patient, addiction and pain, had withdrawal, took Suboxone, tuned his world up so well that when he came in two days later after getting his Subs in a blue bottle from the pharmacy an he said:
“I’m going to put that blue bottle in a ’shadowbox’ with lights on it!”
Another satisfied Suboxone patient.
Dr H
May 7th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Hi MK. Glad to hear from you.
I was this week and saw Dr. H. Didn’t see anyone there that looked new, and if I missed her would have been sad to been able to say hi.
I think Doc is the most kind Dr.,, actually wondering how this will effect us in any way, shape or form. I have found that yes, I miss Steve, but I still need to trudge on my way to the journey I have my GPS set on. Sometimes I turn right and my GPS gets me back on the correct road.
Doc, I know you will discover the right person to help you, so, go fer it.
That time of year and my mind is in several different places. Thanks Strat for re=reading my blogs. I know where I’m going. I seem to take it much more seriously now…make sense? No longer a candycane game, down the shute, back to where you landed. Addiction is not a game. It’s nothing you mess with. Want to get well? The best way to not stay well is to tell yourself you’ve got it all figured out. You never will.
May 8th, 2010 at 5:48 am
Oh pooh, I meant candyLand game. Play it all the time with the 3, almost I’m a big girl now, grandgirl.
It’s early, weather is cool, and I must weed the tomatoes. 300 plants. Still hard to put my prain around it 300 tomatoe plants.
Rockin- Will be thinking extra hard for you this weekend. It’s okay. You take care of yourself. I’m hoping that you keep climbing the bean stock. Love you so much…and everyone else…
May 10th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Well, even though it’s over, Happy Mothers Day. As I said in earlier post, hard time for me. Not only do I not just miss my mom, I miss “being” a mom to the son I lost a few years ago, at this time of year, and yet, am still a mom to one who ”doesn’t really love me anymore.” No more tears.. just treat it like another mothers day…
Been going to many meetings. You’d be surprised at how many I go to. Even started to going to one in MB and Cambria. I even surprise myself sometimes. Going to the meetings like I used to go to scrapbooking…all the time… Go figure me out. I’m still trying to, that’s for sure.
Have to decorate for a graduation tomorrow. Everyone wants balloon arches. I don’t mind for family or friends, but people go, “how much?” Look lady, an arch that size will have 800-1000 balloons, this much helium, I can’t get into the room til 1 p.m. and need to be out in 2 hours, no helper, yea, that’s the cost…take it or leave it. The economy has hit my little event planning also.
Okay, gotto go. Hope someone writes…
May 11th, 2010 at 7:22 am
Hello- I am at a crossroad AGAIN…was apatient of Doc H. and Steve…was sober from opiates for about 3 months or so…relapsed for the past year…Now I am really wanting to come back! Ran out of my drugs over the weekend and started to withdrawl bad….I still had some Subs form when I was in treatment soooo I took one…havent had my opiate for two days now…. but here is the dilema…my opiates are being delivered to me today…they were sopossed to come Saturday! So what do I do? Go see DOC ASAP or wait for my drugs and go back into addiction???? Dammit it should be an easy decision right??? I am struggling with this bad….I am 32 yrs. old…and I am taking HUGE amount of my choice drug Ultram everyday…30 pills aday!!! I am gonna kill myself on this shit!!! What the hell am I doing even considering staying on it???? But I am considering it… HELP!!!!
May 11th, 2010 at 10:41 am
Good afternoon to all. Hope you had a productive evening. Hubby played poker, my daughter in law was getting ready to graduate tonight for her RN, so I watched the girls, and I’m now waiting for hubby to pick me up, take me to Visialia so I can put together a balloon arch gy 5 pm for their ceremony. Daughter is still very sick, and I’m wondering, ”could she have whooping cough?” They say its going around, shes been on 2 antibiotics, out of cough medicine, and sounds not quite like a seal, but constantly coughing, and it sounds like”whoop”. She had her shots when little. So, do I need to excessively worry til she see’s her dr. tomorrow?
I have a dentist appointmet tomorrow. Have to have teeth checked and okayed before knee replacement, something many forget to do. I only knew because I read all about it before hubby had surgery. You would think your ortho would say, “here’s a list, and one is to see your dentist and tell them you are having a knee replacement.” So of course now I feel, “in my mind?”, 2 sore spots. Hubby home. Love ya all
May 11th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Princess- when you take your daught to the doctor, insist he do a nasal swab to check for pertussis (whooping cough). It’s a quick thing and he should be able to tell you then and there if that’s what she has (hope not).
Good luck!!
May 12th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Thanks. That easy of test? Poor thing, another night cough, cough, cough, and then I was sitting in the dark family room catching up on “Lost”, and she walks through, into the dining room, and I hear her talking. I go over and ask who is she talking go…’you can see them mom. they aren’t people, but they need love too.’ Okay, spooky. So, I put sheet on couch, pillow, lay her down, cover her up and she’d asleep in seconds. No fever, but very fitfull. She keeps talking in her sleep about these ”things” in the back yard. SO to make sure I’m brave, I go outside praying, and see nothing. Although our whole family have seen things from time to time , (I saw the angels come to get my mom, but I prayed and asked the lord if I could get some extra time to get the family together. He let it happen) Then when everyone was finally there but for two, I looked around again, and the angels were there, and I knew we had no time to get the two there. So, that’s when I layed in bed with her, and while talking to our wonderful nurse, asked her, ”if she’s getting morphine to help her pass, yet she’s in a coma, how can she press her med button. My sister is an RN and said, NO, YOU CAN”T DO THAT SISTER! Again, this wonderful nurse said, ”you and I can do it together. She was suffereing so much. So she took my hand, we picked up the button, and pushed it together. She was gone within seconds. My sister was angry, but I think only because she didn’t help, and no one was getting hurt. And no, I wasn’t on to many pills at the time. That kind of started after loosing her, and I couldn’t get myself back together !!!
Okay, crazy woman her has to head for the dentist. RP, thanks for the great info. I sure do appreciate it, truly, very much…
May 13th, 2010 at 11:49 am
Okay Doc, I try to keep things going. Feel like no one’s home sometimes when I ring the bell.
I’m very nervous about my surgery coming up, so, I’m going to go plant some more flower beds.
Hope everywell is okay…
May 13th, 2010 at 11:50 am
(Hope eveyone is well..) Typo..
May 15th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Had a wonderful time riding around today. We went to one of the golf course, wandered around”Lake Lopez?”, found a beautiful nursery, , will be back next week to buy beautiful flowers and I’ll bring them home to plant for the cemetaries for Memorial Weekend. I think I can handle that on my own. Hubby’s almost out of gasoline, so he went to fill up. We had big talk and decided that it was time to kick daughter our of house. Hard this time of year, but she’ killing me and him. I told her I’d get her to Dr.H, but she’s not ready. Which means her pills mean more to her in her life than anything right now. And I won’t take responsibility for that. Period. I’ve taked my responsibility, I’ve talked to her, I’ve tried to tell her I understand. She still wants hr pills. Thants all. Pills. Not the 6 she wanted, but she wanted 20 yesterday, and 28 today. Which she didn’t get, cuz she doesn’t have that many. *My fault, not hers” I can’t take the responsibility for anyone but for myself right now…. Hope everyone is having a great day. A sober day,,,
May 16th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Well, feels like I’m writing to myself. MB was beautiful, valley is oven hot. I was thinking about my knee surgery, and we always go to MB for the fourth of July. And we host a party. So, I think I must set another date, just a few days after the fourth of July. Don’t want to get summer schedule off to much. So I think I’m going to change surgery date for after the fourth. No, not backing out, just sticking to some summer plans. Don’t thnk a few weeks will back me out or be bad for me. Still have grandgirls that love to spend a few days a MB with Nana. I will honor my promises, and then start with new knew knee!! Better go water some wilting flowers. TTFN
May 17th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
pcs,
what was the name of the nursery you found?
May 17th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Hello one and all. I see that everyone is concerned about Steve. Hopefully he will make it back to shore. But it’s like the old joke. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it has to want to change.
May 18th, 2010 at 8:36 am
Don’t know name but my gps said it’s 2040 Los barrios. Beautiful and far less expensive than in the valley. Hope info helps.
May 19th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Gosh,
once, twice, and then again…! I check in periodically. WE are talking once a month or three. Would like to be a part, more active in this enviroment but find it, well irritating.
It is dominated by one. I don’t like it. Change your user name all you want, still can pick out who you are. So much so, and as much as I try to skim by it, ya can’t. You have a member( I don’t think ANYBODY would question who it is!) who needs to write their own book and let others have more time. This is not an exchange: with others seeking wisdom, guidance, camaraderie, a back and forth. It is dominated by one, who seeks personale control. Hate it. It is just too much of one person, who writes multiple paragraphs on their stuff, that just is not helpful for the rest of us. It makes this site, unfulling, and not helpful. Anyone know of similiar sites that have a better interactions on the same issues? Would love to check them out.
May 22nd, 2010 at 9:40 am
well, here i am again thinking about my dose.
i’m pretty good at 16mg, but my labido is down.
everything works - just not as often as before.
i’m at a point in my recovery,
been here for a while,
where i’m secure with getting completely off.
i just can’t afford the down time.
i just don’t want to have any other ‘down’ time.
there aren’t any complaints, but i know things could be better in the sack.
anyone have thoughts on this one?
May 24th, 2010 at 10:53 am
quiet
is everyone cured?
May 24th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Boogers…..
TWO different New folks blogged and I’ve been so derelict in checking… 154 spam posts as well.
Some folks have already met LaShea, the new counselor here at SLOARC, and I’m hoping she’ll get involved and stir the pot and keep the new folks getting comments approved!
I don’t think they’re all cured Bupster….
ANYTIME you want to call VanillaSky, I’ll talk to you, it breaks my herat to see you and your “addict” doing battle like that!
YOU know what the right answer is, and YOU know how well you did on Suboxone!
Dr H
May 24th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
Here’s her post…. late…
Dr H
vanillasky77 Says:
May 11th, 2010 at 7:22 am
Hello- I am at a crossroad AGAIN…was apatient of Doc H. and Steve…was sober from opiates for about 3 months or so…relapsed for the past year…Now I am really wanting to come back! Ran out of my drugs over the weekend and started to withdrawl bad….I still had some Subs form when I was in treatment soooo I took one…havent had my opiate for two days now…. but here is the dilema…my opiates are being delivered to me today…they were sopossed to come Saturday! So what do I do? Go see DOC ASAP or wait for my drugs and go back into addiction???? Dammit it should be an easy decision right??? I am struggling with this bad….I am 32 yrs. old…and I am taking HUGE amount of my choice drug Ultram everyday…30 pills aday!!! I am gonna kill myself on this shit!!! What the hell am I doing even considering staying on it???? But I am considering it… HELP!!!!
May 24th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
And here is someone who is looking for help and info and is frustrated by the fact we’ve lost energy here….
sly2nun Says:
May 19th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Gosh,
once, twice, and then again…! I check in periodically. WE are talking once a month or three. Would like to be a part, more active in this enviroment but find it, well irritating.
It is dominated by one. I don’t like it. Change your user name all you want, still can pick out who you are. So much so, and as much as I try to skim by it, ya can’t. You have a member( I don’t think ANYBODY would question who it is!) who needs to write their own book and let others have more time. This is not an exchange: with others seeking wisdom, guidance, camaraderie, a back and forth. It is dominated by one, who seeks personale control. Hate it. It is just too much of one person, who writes multiple paragraphs on their stuff, that just is not helpful for the rest of us. It makes this site, unfulling, and not helpful. Anyone know of similiar sites that have a better interactions on the same issues? Would love to check them out.
May 24th, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Sly2Nun…
Thanks for joining in. I’m sure some others would love to exchange ideas and info and recovery with you.
How bout you tell us something about yourself OR ask something….
It usually doesn’t go well if you only look at what you don’t like.
How about what you DO want to discuss?
Dr H
May 25th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Well, doesn’t take long for me to know when i sucked the air from the blog.
May 25th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Sorry, stupid me hit submit. Sly2nun, was just trying to keep things going. And I’ve been PS for awhile. If anyone wrote anything I wouldn’t be blabbing on So, as my m taught me, if u don’t have anything nice to say, and people don’t like you in their playground, dry your eyes, pick yourself up and go somewhere else. Luck to all.
May 25th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
hey v.sky - hope you’re still among the living.
i know how hard that is to resist with no one else around.
too bad the blog-meister didn’t catch that sooner - sorry.
let us know how you’re doing,
and if we can help answer any questions.
the support is here - just ask.
May 25th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
I believe it’s a good time to introduce myself… I am no Steve, you can call me La Shea.
I finished the 2 year Addiction Studies program at Cuesta in the fall and now completing the required 2000 internship hours required for the state of California (CADAC). I started working at SLOARC a few months ago and have slowly become familiar with everyone around here. With that I have noticed that many people think I am “replacing” Steve that is SO not the case. I am here because I want to help people help themselves. If you don’t want me to help you that is your call. If you want to tell me to suck it. That’s your call. I’m not here to be your besty, I am here to do my job the best way I can and I can only help if you want it. My hope is that your honest with me and realize we’re in this together. Have a nice day.
May 25th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Welcome La Shea
May 25th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
hey, fresh meat!
tell us about yourself.
May 25th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
Hello again- well I am sure you can all imagine why I havent written! Why of course my addict won that battle! I am here again a full on 30 pills a day addict! I am scared everyday because I know I am killing myself…Liver failure cannot not be too far off. I have been on these damn pilld for about 10 yrs!!! My poor body…WHY the hell cant I get a grip when I am aware of what I am doing??? I also have two children who are young. I did quit during pregnancy but got right back on after they were born…I have done suboxone and knows it works! I need to justt get my ass to Dr. H asap. and to Sly2NUN…this is a blog for ANYONE who chooses to blog! Who are you to tell someone they blog too much??? That person may really need this outlet to stay on track!! I dont think it bothers anybody except YOU! You need to chill out…. U dont have to read her entries ya know… Blog what you want and chat with other bloggers here…. ask questions and they will be addressed….
I will be around….
XOXO
May 25th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
And bupester…thanks for the shot out :-)… I am still alive…for now…I dont know what advice would get my butt in gear because I already know what I should be doing and what the consequences maybe if I dont do it! Its very comforting to know others are going through this same crap and that I am not alone in this! I think I will make it back I just hope its not too late when I decide to change….
May 25th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
V77 Bless your heart. We are only human, we make mistakes and attempt to change them. That makes you and everyone who claws their way out of this disease winners. But its a disease, and we need to keep it In check. You have young children and I know you are fighting your way out of this for your family as well. Get back to Doc if you can You already know the answer. Love to you. I’d write more, but I’ll send you a copy of my book! Ok, now is my time to remember what happened 28 yrs ago when my son was born. I’m going to remember the living, and not dwell on the death. Thanks xoxo
May 26th, 2010 at 7:58 am
vsky,
the only thing i can offer you is my reality.
i was in your shoes - 3 years ago.
couldn’t pass a physical for an insurance policy - liver.
watching my kids grow - without me.
letting my fortune pass - just another refill.
and on, and on, and….
i got my ass to dr h, and got on with a program of recovery.
i’ve been working it, day by day, for 2 years 8 mos.
i was exactly where you are
and i made a decision, for me, to get whole again.
rejoin my life, and everything else fell back into place.
it hasn’t been all peachy-fuzzy, but i’m here - not there.
come join in - back to reality.
May 26th, 2010 at 8:03 am
and pcs,
addicts wallow in turmoil and drama.
they can’t stand to see someone doing better than themselves.
emphasis on their ’self’
don’t play into it, and keep on ‘blabbing’
May 26th, 2010 at 9:55 am
Thanks bup. You’ve been great inspiration to me, I hope you know. I was ready never to log on again, but a few kind words from you all and the doc, and a Swede never stays shut up. Like I said, I was just trying to keep things going. And I mean it when I say you do inspire.
vsky- honey, it’s not easy, and like I said, you don’t always stay on top. I’m still in pain for Steve…but this is like cancer…you don’t know when or what will make it pop back. If you have 2 young children, you are younger. I know you can do it. You’re connecting, and that is the first step I believe. You made it before. Don’t let your D.O.C. romance you. Don’t choose ”partners” that cheapen your life. I loved my D.O.C, and think I’ll always will. i don’t have the best judgement, but that is coming back. hang in there kiddo. Like bup says, “i’m here, not there.” There is nowhere.
May 26th, 2010 at 10:03 am
Ya know, just reread what was written for me. Today I laugh at it. Had a ouch moment yesterday. Everyone’s entitled to what they want to say. It’s called Freedom of Speech, and I’m honestly fine. Now maybe people will start to look in. And I won’t feel complelled to ramble. I love you all for standing up for me, but I think sly needs more help right now. This is a forum to support, not tear apart. We deal with enough everyday…
May 26th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
oh and vsky- i didn’t mean only you cheapen your life with romancing our d.o.c. honey, i did it for years. i just wanted to make sure you didnt misunderstand me. xoxo
May 26th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
What’s a “besty”?
Thanks for keeping us up to date VSky!
Was just reading some more bad stuff about tramadol released by the FDA today. Increased risk of suicide.
Suboxone worked, right?
Dr H
May 27th, 2010 at 9:00 am
I don’t know what a ”besty” is, but I’m thinking it someone or something that carries things for you? So, in this manner, would it be not carrying around our problems? There to help…definately, but we must carry our crap around ourselfs? Gotta get on the road…
May 27th, 2010 at 9:01 am
Is tramadol Ultram? Thought it was the wonder of the world….haha
May 27th, 2010 at 11:16 am
OK all you challenged ones- a “besty” translates to “your best friend”
May 27th, 2010 at 11:30 am
and ya Tramadol is Ultram I don’t know why people were thinking it was safe to take its nasty ass stuff. Its addictive,mood altering crap. Not the kick of say percocet but still a no no.
I sat through a meeting last week where people were bouncing around the idea of smoking dope for pain relief. The rationale is it isn’t vicodin. Has anybody else noticed that addicts seem to have a lot of issues with pain,trying to rationalize drug use-and alcoholics tend to have anxiety issues- Don’t be fooled folks its your addict taking over,convincing you that you are needing that Xanax to relax- or that vicodin cause your in SUCH pain. It is a difficult situation to be in,I’m sure. For me no pain is worth a narcotic-and no anxiety is worth a drink or a pill or a toke-no thanks. Sometimes that pain or anxiety serves a purpose- I have learned to listen to my body and take care of it,which I never did when using.
ok I have rambled enough
May 27th, 2010 at 9:00 pm
Naw, its good to hear from you MK. Funny, Dr. and I were trying to figure out the word today, and he corrected me saying it wasnt beasty but besty, and I think he figured it out. Funny to see something dawn on his face. Me, I’m not hip i guess. But you have me laughing.
I have heard lots talk about smoking dope, yes. Pain, well, some have it. I’m having my knee replaced in June, and can’t wait. (K, nervous, but its the unknown.
The ultram. Back 5-6 years ago told my family dr wanted to get off narcotics. Bad back, knees were kicking up, and the damn migraines. So, he said he had the ”perfect thing.. Ultram…” Well, I didn’t notice any help with it, or maybe my addict was telling me so I’d go back to my D.O.C. Which I did. Ran out of D.O.C. 3a.m., in withdrawls, and hoping I dropped a pill in the bottom of my purse. Maybe, hopefully 2. Found the bottle of ultram, took one, and withing 20 minutes, the pain stopped, my legs weren’t jumping, and it hit me like a brick. Shit, this is as bad as the other. Of course, being an addict, I didn’t get rid of it. Got me between the refills. OK., that’s my experience.
MK- good to hear from you
La Shea- Sorry to have missed meeting you today. I suppose Thurs are your day off, but look forward to meeting you in the future. (Specially now that we all know what ”besty’ is. lol)
May 27th, 2010 at 9:01 pm
MK How the job hunting?
May 28th, 2010 at 11:33 pm
See my posts were the last two and honestly nervous about posting. I guess that letter did get to me. But I’m not doing well today. Told Dr.H that I was doing better re; son’s death, brothers death…so much death, unexpected. Norco was calling to me today, and I held it in my hand. Finally tossed it, but still on my mind. Called sponser, didn’t really help. Need to get up early and get to a meeting. I feel like a cat on a hot tin roof.
May 29th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Quiet,,,everyone ok?
May 30th, 2010 at 7:24 am
Wow go on vacation for a few weeks and all sorts of new people show up, welcome Le Shea,Vanillasky, katmandu and you to Sly2nun. You know Sly this is a blog not a forum it was set up for long rants so us ego centric addicts could have a safe place to talk about our inner turmoils and triumphs so please hang around and interact with us you won’t be disappointed and the nice thing about P.S. is that when the rest of us get busy or lazy you can depend on somebody being here to to sweep the welcome mat and keep the the coffee hot.
Hi Van77 you know my story on my first go around was with Darvocet I was taking up to 50 a day and reason had nothing to do with stopping or even controlling my intake addiction is a power greater than yourself it cannot be controlled with self will alone you have to surrender to a higher power and that power right now could be Doc.H and his staff but regardless of what you decide your always welcome here.
Strat.
May 30th, 2010 at 10:49 am
Aw Strat, that was the sweetest thing you’ve ever said about me!!
Thanks. I started on darvocet also. Then vic’s #5, vic’s 7.5, finally norcos. And they do talk to you. forever. Got though son’s anniversary of his passing, his bd, then Thurs. evening my husband and I took flowers to my brothers grave. Not a year yet. Honest. After all went to bed, I laid norcos in front of me, (husbands), and counted out how many he had. Hmmm might be enough to take me away not to come back ever again. Not worth it, but really enticing. Obviously a weak moment. OK, Off for the day around the coast.
Van77- Strat is right. Usually is. Let us know how you are doing.
I did get upset with what was written bout me, but after talking with Dr.H, and getting my head back on straight, or as well as it goes, I came across this saying. Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. I’m gonna remember this, and that I’m better than shooting a letter off as I did, cuz, you are my friends.
Missy You are missing. kiss kiss kiss to all
May 30th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Remember P.S. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
May 30th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
I do Strat. And being a born again Christian, it’s a no no. Besides I couldn’t do it. It’s been a hard 2 years, my sister an I are oil and water, and she was constantly stabbing me with her sharp tongue. PS goes, cry, cry sob. We actually fought over the Memorial Flowers, and she told me how many to buy and I said, no one more. “I haven’t cried for my brother and I never will. You buy him flowers, you pay for them.” Hurt, cry, sob. Then I sat back and said, screw it, you are the one wtih the problem. So I bought ONE more, took it to the cemetary, and she and her perfect Christian ways will have to talk to God about her helping Him judging people. She only calls when she wants a pat on the back. So, I told her before we left that we need to talk; the climate had changed between us, and sisters we will always be, but not close, and we need to close the barn door on the relationship. Harsh, but I need to survive. And she’s always been mean… PS needs to take care of PS. In the last two years, I received a call from a friends dad who couldn’t find his son, a heriron addict, taking sub from a valley dr., who threatened to turn him in. I had a bad feelilng while talking to this dad. Hung the phone up, drove fast to their house, walked around the property, and found him, under a tree, gun in his mouth. Had to go tell his dad, call police…this dr. didn’t have the compassion that Dr.H has, and it cost him his life. Not the way I roll, but I”ll be honest…when you miss your son SOO much, sometimes it rolls through your brain like a movie trailer.. But no worries Strat. God’s gonna have to take me by the hand and lead me to where ever I’m going. I just pray it’s where my parents are, my son and brother. Don’t want to go to my grave in a well preserved body. Want to skid through life, (legall), well used up,competelly enjoying each day and say “Thanks God. What a Ride.”
Take care and thanks for writing. kisses, kisses, kisses.
Heard from Steve the other day. Feeling better the past couple of weeks, has a job…Keep in thoughts and prayers. Still think he needs us….
Thanks……
May 31st, 2010 at 3:59 pm
On way home. Need to let friends know when im coming so maybe we can meet for coffee(diet pepsi). Actually did meet with a couple of u,and thanks for taking time for visit. Dr, getting very Jervis bout surgery. Never have had a spinal, and leaving me in and out. Please give me u’r honest opi ion. Ill try not to talk bout myself Missy how r u ? I miss u Soo much. MK. Pray for the perfect job for u. I KNOW it’s there for u. Rockin. Prayin for u also, always. If u can catch us up on your life, would love to hear froM u. Know u have hit major issues, and takes time to find peace, but peace willhappen. I ppromise u. StrAt. And bup. Keep writting. I learn so much and u two really make me think. Thanks u guys. Look forward to hearing mor from La Shea. Takes a village to make a blog suurvive. Rant, rave, get things out of u’r system. We r a kind group pulling into valley then brad to cemetaries to pay my respects noworries strat. No norcos lined up in a row tonight. Blabbing to ya all has given. Me strength. My son, brother parents r not there their remains rest there andhopefully well met in heaven on day with son saying “mo
been waiting on ya let meshow u the cool spots, and my brother parents will be right beside him. Been hard two years but like I told dr , things r looking better. Yes I rambleded and u don’t have to read it if u don’t want to. Kisses to all. Really , u r family wish dr would write more. I’m off. Sorry for the long blog. Kisses kisses
May 31st, 2010 at 6:37 pm
PS: I know who that was- his dad is a big car promoter in the Valley old armenian family right? Such a tragedy-
May 31st, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Wow, look like I’m writing on d.o.c. on the phone through the mountains. Very stupid looking, mispelled words. Ouch, sorry.
Yes, MK, I’m sure you have the family correct, spot on. Only one in the valley. Dad is still alive in his 80’s. His son tried SO hard to kick it. Went to arrogent drug addiction dr. in Clovis, who gave him subs, then as per his practice, stopped them. He was doing so cool on the subs…going to meetings, reading the NA book, cleaning up, shaving. I had so much hope! He is the one who told me about suboxone. But, he was involved in a car ”accident” (hit a side rail, only his car involved and no one hurt but his soul ) So, freaking out, his mind went into overdrive. All he had to do was go home, tell his dad, get a mouth whippen, and his dad would have called one of the police he knew and it would have been taken care of. But he couldn’t forget the last time he was in jail when they checked on him every 12 hours, going through withdrawls and wasn’t even offered a Tylenol. He had seizures, nightmares, creepy things crawling on him. SMART and INTELLIGENT man. Just had this stupid disease. He was afraid of going back to jail, which he would have not, and been fine. In between him telling me about the subox and the accident, I had surfed and found Dr.H. Told him, don’t worry, you and I are getting off all this shit. We’re going to SLO. Clovis Dr. called him in one time for some stupid reason,and I mean stupid. But this guy had been on so many things for so many years that detoxing him with subox and then saying. ”go and sin no more” wasn’t going to help this gentle soul. So, he took a gun, went to a tree in the back by one of the car sheds, and put it to his head, pulled the trigger, and he was gone. Because a drug addiction dr. didn’t know shit from crap. But yes MK, you have the right person. No doubt. They live just around the corner from us (for country folk) Kisses and good night to all…(yes, it was a tragedy, and I find him. Didn’t know if I’d start breathing again.) Then my son’s death…my brothers…it’s be a wild ride…Nice to hear from you. Luck on job seaching. Remember they need you more than you need them!!! Hugs…
June 1st, 2010 at 11:25 am
there was a lot more to that story I don’t know how comfortable I am with blaming his physican-Guzetta has his own way of treatment-good or bad its his way-there are others- The poor kid was a train wreck he was in and out of jail and treatment facilities for years and years-the family bent over backward to help-my husband knew him I think they went to school together both came from simlar backgrounds and had similar ends-it was their choice-I notice PS that you tend to be really rooted in tragedy and death. I understand how depressing that can be. It can be really owerwhelming-if you let it.What I do is morn the loss then put it away,set it free,let it go. Hanging on to all that sorrow and pain would depress anyone. Don’t misunderstand I don’t mean to forget those who have left us but I try to focus on life and the living.When I dwell on pain or worry about future events it only diminishes the here and now which is really all we have. Yesterday is over-Tomorrow isn’t here yet. But today is happening all around me,and I am present for it. Thats what I do and it has helped me to feel really comfortable and relaxed with myself. I wish you well
MK
June 1st, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Yes MK, have known the family all my life also. Everyone knows the beatings both physical and verbally this guy took. Yes, he was in and out of jail. Maybe that’s why he was a train wreck. To me, I saw a man afraid of his father, trying to please him, and medicating himelf because his father isn’t “warm and loving.” Only to those who can do something for him. And he didn’t bend backwards to help his son. He waved money in front of him, sent him places to ”get well” , but never supported him. As for Clovis Dr. -we’ve met. Tried him years ago. Arrogant little man, my opinion and many others. Told me to drink alcohol if the withdrawls were to bad. This was before subox. If your husband went to school with my friend, then he must have known my brother, possibly husband.
Hmm-rooted in tragedy and death. That’s what happens when you have it happening in your life. Parents, hurt but understood. I think I’ll not say much more right now. I know they are going to a much better place. I thought I’d been doing better with my son…morn him, then put him away and set him free. Let it go. Children are an entirely different story. And I don’t sit and mope, constantly cry, sit in depression. I’m doing so much better, right DrH? I need to think more about this blog. Thanks for writing…
June 2nd, 2010 at 9:52 am
MK- I HAVE been going on. I’ve been hit with lots of family deaths, not just my sons. So if I talk about it, give me a small break. I have great faith in God, which helps, but don’t think I’m sitting watching reality shows all day. Just last week driving to Dr.H I had the most peace fall over me than I had in years. I’m sorry if it sounds like I dwell on it. That is my fault, an I will work on it with you guys. Of course I understand it’s something you all don’t want to hear about. And I’m being sincere. And MK, you do have wonderful wisdom and advice. And I listen and get great thoughts from what you say.
OK, lots to do today. It’s a beautiful day, someone dropped two cute puppies off and I need to decide what to do with them. I know they need food,
MK-lets keep the peace. I admire what you do. Just don’t tell me to get over my son, to put it away, and remember. Doesn’t work that way. And Dr.H and I talk, and I think he thinks I’m doing ok. Hope you have great vibes out there for a job. I think of you all the time. YOu deserve a job after all the time and work you’ve put into this. I know you are a compassionate nurse who cares for her patients. Like I said earlier, they need you more than you need them!!! Have a great day everyone. xoxoxo
Anyone heard from Missy?
June 3rd, 2010 at 8:18 am
please don’t misunderstand I would never tell someone to get over their dead child- I was tring to get the blog going centered on recovery work-you don’t need to justify yourself or your feelings or tell me what others think of you-really its all good ps- I keep you in my prayers, your road is not an easy one-
mk
June 7th, 2010 at 10:29 am
Hey Vanilla sky how are you? I was you once. waiting for the Fed ex truck or calling the pharmacy waiting for the electronic voice telling me “my prescription is ready”. I remember once I was watching a Walgreens comercial and the actor was dressed as a friendly pharmacist in his white coat and I found myself craving. If I had a refill due on a certain day I would be at the pharmacy at midnight-sad but true I was in good company. (there was a 24 hour Walgreens in Fresno)All of us addicts sneezing and shivering sitting in the walgreens waiting area in the middle of the night. I got to the point where I just accepted that I would be a drug addict-each time I ran out and a refill was weeks away I would say “this time I’m gonna do it!” Once I went 11 days and still felt like crap. eleven god-damn days the sniffles and GI symptoms were less and I wasn’t cold all day long but I still couldn’t sleep and had zero energy I was close to losing my mind. So when my husband came home with a pharmacy bottle I waited until his back was turned and palmed about 10 norco and chewed them-chewed them so they would get into my system faster-it was almost a survival instinct behavior.Within 10-15 minutes I started to get “that feeling”and was so elated to feel normal again I could have danced on the kitchen counter. Of course that lasted about 4 hours and I had to reload and off I went….rationalizing my behavior. I think that is why the suboxones have been so essential for me. They helped to take away all the unplesent symptoms and allow me to function. After I got some clean time it became easier. My thinking changed over time-I don’t react to pharmacy comercials now. I used to get anxious in the pharmacy,this has subsided over time also. So before I become too long winded I too was taking anywher from 10-25 norco a day also. I just wanted you to vanilla sky that I am thinking ab
June 7th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Hey Vanilla sky how are you? I was you once. waiting for the Fed ex truck or calling the pharmacy waiting for the electronic voice telling me “my prescription is ready”. I remember once I was watching a Walgreens comercial and the actor was dressed as a friendly pharmacist in his white coat and I found myself craving. If I had a refill due on a certain day I would be at the pharmacy at midnight-sad but true I was in good company. (there was a 24 hour Walgreens in Fresno)All of us addicts sneezing and shivering sitting in the walgreens waiting area in the middle of the night. I got to the point where I just accepted that I would be a drug addict-each time I ran out and a refill was weeks away I would say “this time I’m gonna do it!” Once I went 11 days and still felt like crap. eleven god-damn days the sniffles and GI symptoms were less and I wasn’t cold all day long but I still couldn’t sleep and had zero energy I was close to losing my mind. So when my husband came home with a pharmacy bottle I waited until his back was turned and palmed about 10 norco and chewed them-chewed them so they would get into my system faster-it was almost a survival instinct behavior.Within 10-15 minutes I started to get “that feeling”and was so elated to feel normal again I could have danced on the kitchen counter. Of course that lasted about 4 hours and I had to reload and off I went….rationalizing my behavior. I think that is why the suboxones have been so essential for me. They helped to take away all the unplesent symptoms and allow me to function. After I got some clean time it became easier. My thinking changed over time-I don’t react to pharmacy comercials now. I used to get anxious in the pharmacy,this has subsided over time also. So before I become too long winded I too was taking anywher from 10-25 norco a day also. So vanillasky I am thinking about you- log on anytime you want to talk I know what its like I had two kids I was running around after while I was using and a house to take care of- its really hard to do it all- and the guilt we feel as mothers- so thats it for now-
MK
June 10th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
huh?
June 10th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
it looks like a spammer made it through.
you probably shouldn’t click on it.
where’s our web-meister dr h?
time to clean it up and get this thing rollin’ again
June 10th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Whew… once again 118 spam post to clean up, way strange one got through!
Things are heating up at SLOARC, and lots of new folks but I need to get LaShea to promote and get the blog going! The world also wants me to get folks hooked up with the HereTo Help program. Anyone here familiar with it? I’ve had several folks say good things especially their email “support”.
I think it’s like all the phone calls we make to folks to keep them in touch and connected. Connected people tend to stay sober, loners relapse.
The blog is useful for that too. I’m always curious about how many lurkers we have.
Hey LURKERS!! Drop a ONE TIME reply on us so we know you’re there….
Hey bupester, how about you grace us with a whole model of recovery that has to do with seeds and sprouting and watering and sunlight and stuff?
I’ve seen some more folks taper off Suboxone, which is heartening.
I hear the heroin supply is way down recently, anyone else have any news about it?
Dr H
June 10th, 2010 at 9:08 pm
Met another record holder… 50 Norco a day!
Dr H
June 11th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
NEVER should have said that about a record holder….
NEW record…. #90 Norco in a 24 hour period….
Dr H
June 12th, 2010 at 10:19 am
jeeze what do their liver panels look like? whats important is that they are getting into the office and getting some relief from the suffering of withdrawl-
I have been taking less suboxone and find that a small amount does the job. may not last as long,but it is pretty powerful stuff. I have been on several job interviews both are promising-I should know Monday on one I really want. I was amazed how relaxed I felt during the interview process. I never could have done this a few years ago. I guess over time and working the steps I have learned more about myself and feel so much more comfortable with myself. I think a lot of that comes from being honest with yourself and others,there is a real freedom in that. Another benefit of recovery for me has been learning to accept sucess-it sounds funny but true-my pattern in the past seems to be when I start to gain some success i will sabotoge myself- sad but true. So I am especially on my gaurd now going to meetings-being aware of when I am isolating and accepting my success. It feels good-I couldn’t have done it without the help and care I have gotten from Dr H and his staff-truly I am grateful
MK
June 14th, 2010 at 6:21 am
there needs to be some sort of new regulation on this shit.
a new schedule for any opiate?
it’s just too easy, and too available.
90 in 24 hrs…hmmm…
how many would it have been if they had cost 20 bucks each?
or if they had to get a triplicate rx?
or…?
June 14th, 2010 at 8:17 am
bup- 90 in a 24 hr period…i couldn’t have done it and survived…
so many people sell their scripts…and like you said…sometimes up to 20 a pill. norcos here (i hear) go for 6-8 and up depending on how many you buy at a time. what i don’t understand is people who plunk the money down for the pills, keep finding the money, and yet they say they can’t afford to go to Dr., well, sit back and do the math. cheaper to go to doc and buy subox than to shell out ????? dollars a month. to me that just shows they haven’t really made the decision to get off the pills yet…
good idea changing the the schedule for opiates. but when have you seen any branch of the government run fast with a bill to change anything. buy truly, a great idea…
June 14th, 2010 at 8:17 am
but truly…sorry
June 14th, 2010 at 10:17 am
Oh god please don’t let the government come in with more regulation! It will only crate more creative addicts- A good addict will walk in front of a moving car if they thought it would get them an injury that will justify their pain med use-I knew an addict who was excited when she found out she had cancer-(not fatal) she figured that would keep her in oxy- the addict is stronger then any regulation can be. Look at all the “accidents” and injuries/surguries your addict friends have-see?
MK
June 14th, 2010 at 10:18 am
and 90 in a day-I seriously doubt that-30 maybe but 90 would shut down your liver and kidneys
June 14th, 2010 at 10:20 am
not to mention you would stop breathing at about 60-I don’t care what your tolerence is that much narcotic will kevorkian you
June 14th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Hello All,
Having never dealt with the street market or the internet pharmacies how much of this stuff is the real deal and how much is made in some funky lab in china some place, making a knock off product so to speak? I can’t imagine that all those internet pharmacies are dealing with legit manufactures or maybe they are.
Strat
June 14th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
As a newcomer I would just like to say that the Subuxone has helped me tremendously since Friday. I truly feel what I suppose is normal. No withdrawls. Felt great 30 minutes after I took the first dose. Wish I would have started treatment long before Friday. I also would like to say that not only did I take 90 Norcos in a 24 hour period but was playing basketball at the park after 60. Liver is fine (had liver panel 2 months ago) and didn’t Kevorkian either (yet). But after 5 80mg Oxy’s one day I felt like I was going to die. Lucky (yeah right) in that I wasn’t paying for them and ruining myself financially. A “friend” was giving them to me. Wasn’t trying to set a record by any means and after 90 I didn’t even feel high. Thought at that point I should get some help and glad I did. Thanks Dr. H. Still feel sad and ashamed but things are looking up for the first time in a long time.
June 15th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
sorry…didn’t mean to get the government involved, but they seem to pull our strings anyway…
Strat-never did anything over the internet…to chicken. so when people say they sat and waited for the fed ex= can’t relate. i had ”friends” who got me out of some jams, and then friends started calling with 100 for 600 dollars. that’s why i know if you buy from ”friends”, you can come up with the money to get to a legit dr and get well. those who say they don’t have the money…don’t believe it…they just aren’t ready to walk over the threshold…one year while doing taxes, i kept my cash checks aside, and only i knew what they were for. stopped counting at 24,000 dollars. what good i could have done with that money, and what kind of wife was i to steal from my husbands good hard work that he does everyday to keep us going. he keeps commenting the past two years that the money isnt flying out the window anymore…still feel like shit to do that to someone i love…
June 15th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
OK ew I think you got some junk cause that much legitimate hydrocodone will kill ya-or you are a 600 pound gorilla
June 15th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
hey princess I get it- I was offered a job today by the nurse manager she went over everything salary,benifits I was elated then I went over to HR who promptly took it away-they were uncomfortable with my being a drug addict-dosen’t matter what I have done since 2003 or the person I am today-nope they saw me as less then human- devoid of feelings and tossed me in the trash with the rest of their garbage a very sad commentary on our society
MK
June 16th, 2010 at 6:06 am
Hello again-To ew I’m sorry about my last remark to you It was a little cranky-who cares how many norco you took? The point is you are getting relief with suboxone isn’t it amazing? to go from agony to feeling normal again in minutes-I remember being downright giddy I hadn’t felt normal in so long I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m glad you have found your way in.welcome
June 16th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Welcome ew. your letter got tucked in between some others. waiting to be okayd. Congratulations on seeing dr. h. how long have you been going, if i can be nosey? keep the good work up. i do believe people can take 90 a day…depends on their system, how long they have been taking them…so on and so on. just glad to have a new blogger.
mk-hope this doesn’t get rambling, for what i’m so famous for. what pieces of shits that didn’t give you a chance. i was reading that statistics re; RN’s, that they have the highest percentage of drug addiction than any profession, exception drs. (not u Dr.H) and the highest is in the recovery room, as it’s harder for some people to come out of the pain from surgery. the HR who said no very well could have problems of her own with medications. its disheartening…you got okayed and got your license back…you’ve been sober for many years. i bet you’d even take a drug test before and after your shift. i’m pissed off for you. you are not, repeat, not trash. makes me upset thinking, why do we try if we still get kicked at and looked at as ”druggies”. i’m livid for the reaction you got. keep on trying…not all are so closed minded. you are a good nurse from what i read between the lines. you r a good person from what i read. the land of fresh opportunity. right. keep your hopes up, i know i will for you. kisses sweetie.
DR.H. This would be a good thing for you to write to us regarding what happenened to MK. yes, we want to be sober again, we work at it, go to meetings…for what? MK is the most devoted, and they won’t give her a job. Dr. addiction in Clovis is a recovering drug and alcoholic, and has a practice like yours (yours is better) he can write scripts….what’s the deal???
ok, gonna stop my book here, but yes, i’m indignent for MK. keep the faith MK. your job is out there waiting, and it’ll be perfect for u. God helps those who help themselfs…
June 16th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
thanks princess I have had so many people call me with similar feelings- Its just so sad-this is a Catholic hospital I just keep crying which is not like me, but my heart is broken-and frankly I didn’t do sadness very well-it has been hard for me-I really wanted a glass of wine last night(I didn’t of course)this is why I started drinking and then popping pills- rejection sadness,being judged harshly. What scares me is that is what I am judged by-my past behavior-not what I have done to change-I can’t change the past-and they were so cruel-making me sit in this room alone while I hear them in the office next door talking about me-lots of sarcasm,catty remarks then all smiles and platitudes when they see me-
I’m worried about my sobriety I can’t seem to snap out of it I’m just really sad ,I can’t focus,I’m not eating,or sleeping.I don’t know how healthy this is for me.I’m sure this isn’t the last time this will happen-I’m going to a meeting tonight if I can manage a shower-other then that I’m just stuck and frightened-what am I gong to do if nobody will hire me
June 16th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
M.K. You need to get back in touch with the nurse manager thank her for the offer, but let her know the score about H.R. she may have other ideas and could prevail over H.R. You were of course totally up front with the Nurse Manager regarding your past and if she had no problem with it maybe there’s a chance she could press H.R. to change their decision. Did H.R. tell you that they were not hiring you due to the drug situation or did they use another of a hundred P.C. reasons?
Strat.
June 16th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Love the fact that it is one of our beloved faith based facilities, always ready to act in a non judgemental christian fashion.
Cynical Strat.
June 16th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Amen to all you said Strat. MK- Keep up the good work. YOU ARE WORTHY, and I’d love to see you when I woke up after surgery. Lots on your side.
June 17th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Stratman: Actually the nurse manager and I talked a great deal. She went to HR and called higher ups- because I’m on probation with the board not diversion I have to provide my manager with a copy of the accusation and decision-legal stuff- it details the bad stuff done-drug diversion falsifing records etc. you get what I mean? then it says what I have done to remedy this and the board had some nice things to say too-(which is huge for anyone who has dealt with them) The HR lady “Adrian” who never actually met me-she stayed in her office making another poor woman deliver messages to me in my room-kind of thike the “great and powerful oz” the nurse manager called me and said that HR is “uncomfortable with the information contained in the document” she did what she could but “legal” is very black and white. It took HR another 6 hours right before 5:00 to finally call me and say something about corporate policies&legal-not actually complete sentances-just rhetoric.Plus she was distubingly perky-which was creepy- I attend the catholic church and just last week the priest gave a sermon on forgiveness and not passing judgement on others- maybe I’m naive and need to grow up but the whole thing just seems so wrong-if this is the way the world works- I think going through life high is understandable-I mean seriously I don’t want to be aware and accepting if this is how it works
June 17th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
MK- You aren’t naive. The world is screwed up. It’s okay for a nurse to work as you did hiding your problem, and if no one is the wiser, well, no rules are broken, right? But you went and got help, seriously working the program, and the great oz won’t even talk to you. We all know there are many people working many jobs under cover to speak, even Dr.s operate while high. It’s highly unfair that you don’t get a chance. Why not be drug-tested when you get to work and when you leave,(discretly) It would show you are clean, working your program, and being a damn good nurse. This just sucks. I know you are down, but you will find employment from someone who understands, gives a damn, and is willing to give someone who has a disease a second chance. Keep giving us your feelings; we understand and care…be good sweetie…(I don’t think any of us really understands how this world works that is why we just keep the faith…)
June 17th, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Well M.K.there’s no harm in trying so to speak, so there’s more than just your addiction to deal with. You know it might be worth your while to look into a smaller clinic inviroment to get you set up and to create a new work history before taking on the corporate health care machine. Just my two cents
Strat
June 17th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
New story on the sloarc patient story page, patient “Q”, describes the heroin dealer with a heart.
A very well known blogger is now working on day 4 and living at a local sober living!
MK….. the older I get, the more faith I have in the “Grand Scheme” and truly I bet it will turn out that the missed job was EXACTLY the wrong place for you and would have either been your downfall or prevented you from landing in the correct place.
Dr H
June 18th, 2010 at 8:42 am
Strat and dr. Good ones. Very good ideas which speak to the heart. I know sometimes mk I’ve been upset when a door slams shut on my face then sooner usually later, a window opens. Gosh, how many times have we heard that one. You r full of wisdom, education, and it will come
Doc, w
w
we need anew thread. We waiting til July?
Bad news. Went to dentist like supposed to found out I needed a root canal that went to bone. Go faithfully to this dentist so surgery needs to be canceled. I’m sick and tired of not keeping up and hurting. Went to Disneyland with family and couldn’t hardly make it half way down main street. So someone went and rented a scooter. I know I should be grateful but I was embarresed and getting ready for relief. Not feeling great about myself.
June 18th, 2010 at 10:27 am
Thoanks all I’m feeling better- I have to believe that there is something better out there for me-I think strat you have a good idea- I can’t start thinking this is how it will be everywhere I just don’t know- Marion Medical Center just dosen’t realize the nurse they could have had- onward and upward. I am going to write a letter to the head honcho telling him a little about myself and how I was treated. How a hospital run by the church I faithfully attend could be such a polar opposite of what is taught in church and how it hurt me,and how I and my family members will never use CHW again and will spread the word of how I was treated- I bet the letter ends up in the trash or laughed at in the break room. I am sending it on the off chance that whoever reads it may have a family member that has had problems and it may hit home-this is an opportunity to educate people on recovery and the disease of addiction. Thanks for your kind words- my sweet daughter is graduating today and I am throwing a party-I must prepare!