March 2010 part one - Archived - Do Not Post Here
March 2010 Archived Do Not Post Here
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February 25th, 2010 at 8:31 am
& years or so ago, I quit smoking cigarettes.
I distinctly recall when people around and close to me would say stuff like “Hey, I see you’re not smoking!” I would tell them to shut up and mind their own business!
“Well, isn’t he grumpy!” they would say, but it was something different. The restructuring of my thinking to shift from smoker to non-smoker was quite personal, and it was an unwanted distraction to talk to people about it.
Talking about it had a negative impact. I wasn’t expecting that, and I’m not sure I understand it still today.
Any ideas?
Dr H
February 25th, 2010 at 8:37 am
Also…
Why does it seem like human nature that if I’m headed into the room to empty the trash, and someone then tells me to “Empty the trash” I suddenly don’t want to do it?
I have Uber-hopes for a new patient who called one day.
Her parents were bugging her and bugging her and commanding her to call me.
When she called I asked “so, do your parents know you’re talking to me?”
“No. I didn’t want them to know” she said
Made sense to me. She wanted to call because SHE wanted to call, not because she was told to.
I thought this improved her chances or success.
Dr H
February 25th, 2010 at 8:43 am
The question of whether Suboxone might assist a non-opiate addict in not drinking is very important!
Thank you MK and Bupe for weighing in.
This person is struggling and struggling and quite intolerant of the traditional medications, so we’re stretching.
Dr H
February 25th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
time to move on- I wonder what kind of effect suboxone would have on an opiate nieve patient- maybe dr. H can enlighten us. I am a firm believer in anti-depressent use while in recovery. For me that nudge of seritonin was what I needed to feel more alive. I abruptly stopped taking an SSRI in 2000- (I didn’t want to have to put down that I was taking prozac on my new hire paperwork- genius- ) I relapsed shortly after and went downhill rapidly. just my thoughts
MK
February 25th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Wowie zowie…TMI for me right now. Doc, don’t know why it bothers you when people talk about your stop smoking. Maybe because every human being has the right to privacy. Did you put that log out to gossip? NO. You put it out because questions were probably being asked, and of course, your office, you need to care for it. It wasn’t gossip. Why did we jump on the train. I still believe it’s called caring. Period. Same reason the girl called on “Her terms..” She doesn’t want everyone in her life to KNOW her life. Have I told everyone? I’d lie if I said I did. My private box.
So, for the blog, I need to think. I’m a slow thinker. Guess we’ve all figured that out. And I hope ALL of our friends are still reading, and know that we care and wonder how they are. Just some thrown out there thoughts.
Also, I think Dr. is in a bit of depression. If we feel bad, how do you think you are going to feel Doc? Give it up. Let tears flow. This friend was your friend…it’ll take time. PS, out…
February 25th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
One of the hardest habits, for me at least, to break was smoking don’t know why but it took two years and three tries to succeed and I used nicorette gum to help me and I still chew gum as a result twenty five years later ( hum, gum , soboxone , gum , suboxone ) may be there’s a pattern here?
As far as the soboxone for helping relieving alcoholic cravings wouldn’t satisfing parts of the pleasure centers of the brain reduce some of the worst parts of cravings? I don’t know the mechanics involved but it would seem to make since, what do you think Doc.?
Strat
February 25th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I don’t know the answer to the alcoholic question, and seems that we need Drh to help, but, if it were an answer, wouldn’t they give it to alcoholics in the office now? Maybe I missed the pitch…
February 26th, 2010 at 7:39 am
dr h, to answer your question,
it seems a matter of ego and self confidence.
who the hell tells me to take out the trash?
…hmm…who the fuck are you to tell me i need sub??
someone just pointing out the facts?
February 26th, 2010 at 11:41 am
I haven’t written in the blog lately, so I figured it might be time to say hello to everyone. Hello everyone. I know what you mean about people telling you what to do. Luckily for me I don’t have that problem. As long as I don’t smoke and take out the trash every day.
I recently learned that a friend of mine is currently out on a relapse. It is someone I care about, and the last person I thought it would happen to. But that is the danger of this disease, if you aren’t proactive you can be in trouble very quickly. You all probably know what I am talking about. It just comes on you all of a sudden. One minute you are fine, the next thing you know something (or somebody) puts you over the edge. And before you know it, the only thing you can think about is using. For some reason, I haven’t fallen prey to it for a while now. I think this time I realize how bad my life was, and I do not want to go back there again. I have high hopes for the future and don’t want to mess it up again.
When I was coming off of methadone, or any other garbage I put into this vessel of mine, I would never sleep. I would just toss and turn and never be able to get into a comfortable position. I would, of course, nod off and fall over when I had about 200 mg in me, usually hitting my head. But I would run out of the “meds” after 7 days, and be sick for the rest of the month. But now I sleep great, and I am never sick. Not like that. This morning I am having my coffee and feeling great. Before December 2008 I would have been lying in bed, sweating and hating life, actually not wanting to be here. Now I look forward to each day.
I can go anywhere I want now without the need to pull over and find a “rest stop.” When I was using, my body was in really bad shape. I never knew when I would start to feel sick while I was driving, and just have to turn around and go home. It’s completely different now.
I can get along with people now. Before, I would only come out of my room to either go to my doctor or the pharmacy. What kind of life is that? Now I actually go out for walks. It is a beautiful world we live in here on the Central Coast. And we can all enjoy it if we want to.
OK, that’s about it. I wish you all the best and hope your journey is a fun and healthy one. Until next time - Live Long and Prosper.
February 26th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
North Coast- Glad you share your feelings.
What is becoming SO FIGHTENLY to me, is that the addict in us, is stronger than us. If someone we’d NEVER in the world would be relapsing, someone who showed a bright future, a wonderful person, and youre thinking ‘I can do it to”. This person relapses, and it feels like a wake. So how weak am I to do it? Well, I’ve been thinking, and maybe we don’t know our triggers. Maybe it’s like this stupid cold. FIne and feeling good one day, wake up the next, and nearly in the hospital with walking whatever it’s called. It whacked me in the back of my head, and I had no idea i’d be laid up for 2-3 weeks. Shit. It’s a bummer. But I get up a little more everyday, scream when I i mop the floor cuz i don’t feel good, and dramatically say “Why me oh LORD , why me?” Silly me. Get under a blanket, take me meds, sleep and watch corny tv. All I can do right now. but NC, I’m glad you are feeling good, enjoying my favorite place the coast, drinking coffee and enjoying it, (although my would be diet pepsi) My sister went to Disneyland, and I said, bring me something home. She looked and looked, and as usual found the perfect cup for me. Minnie Mouse in rollers and robe, saying “I hate mornings”. I don’t hate them,they just aren’t my favorite part of the day.
Everyone get ready for home grown heriloom tomatos. They are up about 5 inches, thick stems. and when the threat of this terrible rain, ready to go into the ground. WIll bring them to the office, and they can sit and let you take some, if doc don’t get to them first. Spring is here, and I love spring. stay well everyone. EVERYONE……..
February 26th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Hi everyone. Rockin here, not so rockin lately. Yup, slipped again. I just haven’t felt like blogging. That’s because I need to say, yes, I wanted to drink and I did. I lied about being on the antabuse because I wanted to drink. I still do. But I am back on the antabuse. Sort of a necessity if I want to keep my husband. But will the drink be stronger than me. God only knows. I’m scared of what will hapen if it is. I feel like part of my world, part of the strength in my world, is suddenly not there. Then not only has my Mom not been my Mom for years with the terrible shit Alheimzers, she is now dying with ovarian cancer. Met with Hospice, it was time as soon as it was discovered. Please, I want to make it all just go away. But it’s NOT GOING TO!!! Even if I drank every day and night it wouldn’t change one fucking thing. But it would change me, and my life, and my soul. And I want to keep my soul. One day it may be all I have. So that voice that tells me I am so alone, a piece of shit daughter and might as well drink. Well, its won a couple of times recently and probably would be winning again if I didn’t have someone putting the pill in my mouth every morning. I feel so weak, tired of fighting. I know, stop fighting, surrender. My white flag is up, just can’t seem to raise it all the way. Sorry to be a bummer. Woe is me crap. It’s my poor Mommy that I want to help, to be there for her. I need to love me as much as I do her someday. Play safe in the rain.
February 27th, 2010 at 12:06 am
ROCKINGSTUFF- 1) call the office and please get my e-mail address and phone number. Tell them u have my permission. I’ve been worried, yes, WORRIED about you. Look, not everyone is made in a mold, and so that makes all of us addicts different. You are lovely, funny, and a friend I don’t want to loose touch of. I can come to the coast myself, and we can walk the beach and talk, do whatever. PLEASE WRITE OR CALL ME. I know that sounds pathetic, but I don’t give a damn. Lost to many friends that aren’t in touch, and you ain’t gonna be one.
You will find you way. I realize alcohol is harded to change your life over than if you were on pills, and taking subox. You know I’ve always understood that.
As for your mom, honey, i lost my mom to emphasema? in 95, and it’s a killer. I know how it’s hard, heart breaking, and what do you do? Love them like they love us. And be prepared. I’m afraid you won’t be prepared. Let me get to know your mom so I can help you help her. Easy request, easy to say yes to.
So, you slipped. Lots of slippage around here. No shame, no embaressment. Get up, and try again. You know the story. You don’t want to loose your loving husband.
All I can say is I’ve waited a month to see your name on here, some say to eagerly, but I don’t care what they say about that either. You bond with someone, you bond. So, CALL. The office will be open on monday, and ask Chris or Rick for my numbers. Tell them to ask Drh to look on the blog and he will say okay. Wish I could run my car up this weekend, but i’ve been, cough, cough, sick. Very sick since last Saturday. So sick that if my dr had not ordered meds in SLO for me, that i’d be in the hospital on oxygen. Lets say an AHHHH for PS. Today I woke up, said I feel great. Started to clean house, took a jazuzzi, washed, dried and curled my hair, started to clean house, laid down, and when I woke up I thought, DAMN I”M GOOD. CLEAN HOUSE, CLEAN CLOTHES, CLEAN EVERYTHING. And it was noon. Then I found the note from my housekeeper who lucky for me comes once a month that said, “U looked schleepy. I git me money nexta week. u git a better. (No, i’m not making fun of her, she’s pure italian, and teaching me some mean recipies.) God bless people who let you sleep.
So anyway, I for one am delighted to hear from you, slipped or not. Don’t go away that long again. I LOVE YOU. ps.
February 27th, 2010 at 5:59 am
Rocking…got up and re-read your letter. Yes, your mom is sick, but don’t you become sicker because of it. I hate to quote the saying, ”but it truly is the circle of life.” I had a really hard time when my mom passed. I wasn’t even in my 40’s yet, and she was 63. Rockin, call me, and I’ll come and sit with you. She’s still alive, and every minute is precious. As are you. your friend. ps
February 27th, 2010 at 8:32 am
Thanks PS. I met with a very nice lady last night at a meeting. First I had been to in, let just say, quite some time. Dr. H had suggested we talk since we are both raging alchys and both had recently “slipped”. The time went so fast and I happened to mention my blog name. She told me “Stinkerbelle” is worried about you or I never would have blogged last night. PS, we only met for a short time outside of Dr. H’s office one evening, and talked on the phone once, but we seemed to have known each other for a long time. So many differences in life, but so many similarities. I will be in touch. Pushing people away is not the answer, I can see that now. I need to talk, not bottle it up, or the bottle will be where I turn. Ill get your number. Thanks again sweetie.
February 27th, 2010 at 10:00 am
Okay, before I piss off my new friend I just met by the description of “raging” in the terms of alcoholism. My desciption: Anytime you let anything get a hold of you when you know it is destructive, seek it out and embrace it. Like a relationship, which could be a bottle or a drug. For me it has been a relationship since I was 14 years old. That part of me has always been there, just sometimes not as vocal because things were good. We were walking hand in hand, sharing conversations, most all the time in agreement. Now that I am trying to break up my partner is getting much more vocal. Seems they still care about me in a very sick way. The more I try to push them away, the louder they get, and more convincing. It was never that bad, come on. Just one more try for old times sake, it will be better this time. You’ll never have to be alone again. Sometimes I just want to say shut the fuck up because with you I was never more alone, thinking back, even during the “good times”. Now does that sound raging and insane or what!!!!! Nuff said, I am going this morning to see my couselor, then tomorrow meeting with my sponsor and a meeting. Gotta stay around the positive to quiet the negative. Have a great weekend.
February 27th, 2010 at 10:20 am
Good to hear from you rockin’. Tell that ‘friend’ of yours to shut the hell up and stick it! There’s plenty of other people out there that care about you and your well-being. I also had a fucked-up relationship with our mutual friend, but currently i’m sick uf his selfish and egocentric ways. Glad to hear your going to see your counselor and sponsor and hopefully we’ll see you around soon. Take care of yourself.
February 27th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
For some reason I feel the need to perhaps redirect the energy here.
Remember the ground rules!
1) Addict not leaving
2) Addict not shutting up
3) Doesn’t help to “understand” the addict
4) Addict SMARTER
5) Addict STRONGER
The way I read some of what people are writing it seems folks might be “fighting” and “doing battle” and “squaring off” against their ADDICT.
As Steve says: “Surrender means to join the WINNING SIDE”
The way I see it, discussing and fighting and arguing and negotiating with your ADDICT is DANGEROUS activity and won’t work in the long run, they WILL win, kinda like the Casablanca “maybe not today, but soon, and for the rest of your life” yada yada (If anyone remembers or gives a $%#@)
Am I off base? Separate and put up a barrier between you and your ADDICT, but make sure you can SEE through the barrier so you can be ever vigilant and WATCH your ADDICTS every move as best you can.
IMHO if you converse with your ADDICT, you’re in trouble.
Dr H
February 27th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
BTW I must have missed some posts and I’ll get back to them.
Suboxone / buprenorphine in the opiate naive person??
Holy &%$#@ Batman…. very touchy area, only the bravest of doctors are willing to go there!
(Sorry, I have to pat myself on the back SOMETIMES, no?)
Dr H
February 27th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Thanks for the kind words Rockinstuff. I think. Am I the fucking friend? I’m CONFUSED, and I’m sure this blog will get slipped over, and I’ll still be confused. I don’t think I’m the mutual friend, cuz RP, as far as I remember, haven’t ever gotten into it? The blog is getting me so messed up, I think I need a breather. I’m who I have always been, and I’ve told you all, I’m a bit slower (not easy to admit to others) than everyone else. SOOOO, Rockin, hope you get my number and email, and do well.
DrH, we all have the right to pat ourselves on the back time to time. You are granted two pats on the back given by yourself twice a month.
About the barrier between addict and oneselves. Always keep an eye on them, yet ignore them. For the oldies, do you remember Patty Duke when she was her cousin. They look alike, the act alike….an they did this mirror dance. They weren’t alike, they may have looked alike, but ah ha, two different being. Keep on eye on barrier, then ignore addict. Addict will act like a 2 year old not getting it’s chocolate milk, and I guarentee you, all of us, can handle our addicts tempertantrums. ps…out
February 27th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
And yes, Rockingstuff and I did connect very fast, like we’d lived a past life together.
February 27th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
RP did sound confusing, not his fault, but I had to go back to the previous post and work it out.
The “mutual friend” he was referring to was the ADDICT, not someone on or off the blog! Right RP?
d
February 27th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
I forget, I was going to call some dude a “pussy” if he didn’t blog. Who was that?
BTW in the office someone who drinks and takes Suboxone said “absolutely not” to the question of whether Subs help alcohol cravings.
Dr H
February 27th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
i agree - absolutely not
February 27th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
but it does help with the obsession
February 27th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
for me
February 27th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Princess- not to worry the relationship rockin was refering to was “the addict or alcohol” not you.
BTW welcome back rockin- it is good to hear from you.
MK
February 27th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
was absolutely referring to the addict or alcohol when speaking about rockin’s ‘friend.’ definitely NOT any person on the blog, so sorry for the confusion. BTW doc, I was the one you were going to call a ‘pussy’ for not blogging. So seeing as how I blogged before you had a chance to call me out, I’m going to take some time and try and come up with some sort of clever insult for you. Maybe something about you being old and bordering on senility, but that’s not good enough so I’ll get back to you. Sorry again about the ‘friend’ confusion…talk to you all later.
February 27th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
So I wonder what Doc wanted to call me for not blogging. Guess he didn’t need to call me anything because I was being hard enough on myself. Looking forward to the day he can call me a bitch to my face and I can say, like that’s a bad thing!!! For now my life is one day at a time. I really like the fact that my couselor keeps tellings me that recovery is a selfish program. I’ve always wanted to put everyone before me, doing things, volunteering, attending events, I didn’t necessarily want to because I thought other people expected it of me. She asked me today, does it bring you joy? If not, let it go. I have too much to concentrate on working my sobriety, staying focused on my job that provides me with my livelyhood and loving my Mom until the end. Plus I am blessed to have a wonderful husband that has stuck with me, a messed up alcoholic that lies without a second thought and is definately not nice or pretty as an addict. So life keeps a rolling, gotta take the joy with the pain. Learning to deal with the emotions sober. Not saying its going to be easy, but asking for help is not a weakness. Peace out friends
February 27th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Thanks everyone for explaining. When I say I’m two steps behind, even though i’m not stupid, I’ve fought ADD all my life, and went off medications 3 years ago. SOO, it does take me time to figure things out, so if you help me like tonight, appreciate it, truly. It would make life so much easier for me.
Rockin- I think I said something like your sponser; I have to get this done and this done and I asked you, sweetie, when are ya gonna take care of yourself? This is indeed a selfish disease. It’s not like we said no, can’t take a cake to the bake sale cuz my favorite shows on that day. We are taking care of the most important thing God gave us…our souls and heart. And that takes time for just us. Rockin, you are type AAAAAA, an I love you for it, but you will destruct if you don’t slow down. And I know how much you love an care for you mom, and guess what? I did break down when she passed. Want to save you from that. Oh, we always hurt. But if we are in control of ourselves, it’s easier, because when loaded, we’re thinking more about ourselves than what has happened. when my brother passed this summer, major shock, but I got through better. Still think of the stinker everyday, and tears fall when I’m driving, but, got through the beginning better.
RP Don’t think I’ve met you, but I’m almost sure that you can come up with even more for Dr.H. Through in his beautiful red troll like hair. (anyone remember the trolls) Okay, Prayers to all who know where they all, and prayers to those who don’t. God will care for us all…
February 28th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
So I have a tough sponsor, and that’s a good thing. Sometimes she states things that are true but I don’t want to hear, or accept. It sucks, but the truth seems to hurt a lot of the time. Like I need to start over again right at step one. I understand steps two and three in concept, but I don’t live them. And until I can embrace and make the first three steps a part of my life I won’t be able to move forward and change.
Meeting with my Counselor and Dr. H tomorrow am. Try to get a visit to Mom in between. Sweet dreams (are made of these…) Luv XO
March 1st, 2010 at 7:51 am
Hey no fair!
The red hair thing was a phase. I’m over it.
Rockin…. I think the initial AA step is all about what I was posting about. Surrender. Stop fighting the superior opponent.
Dr H
March 1st, 2010 at 9:38 am
Morning all,
Page 84 of the Big Book sums it up quite well, “And we had ceased fighting anything and anyone- even alcohol.” our self will has gotten us nowhere and the harder we push with it the greater the suffering becomes. It is that acceptance, that we had made our lives unmanagable and only a power greater than ourselves can help, that is going to be the foundation of our recovery and if we aren’t totaly honest with ourselves about that then we will be doomed, to are self generated misery. To give our lives over to a power greater than ourselves can be the most uplifting moment of our lives.
Strat.
March 1st, 2010 at 11:42 am
Today’s my one year!!! BIG THANKS to SLO ARC, and all of you guys, for always being there! Through recovery, ALL things are possible!! Love you all!!
JWS
March 1st, 2010 at 11:44 am
And a big thanks to Steve, miss you buddy.
March 1st, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Congratulations JWS
March 1st, 2010 at 9:40 pm
My congratulations to your strenght, commitment, and want you to know, how proud I am of you. Love, PS
March 5th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
hey, steve, where art thou?
hope you’re well, or on your way.
this is a selfish disease, and i want to here from you.
damn it - get your ass back here
March 5th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
OK let me get this straight. Your main guy fell off the wagon? Are you out of business now? And this thing is done? I always liked reading this recovery blog thing, and hope its not disappearing. So back at 90 days tomorrow. Booze won over again, but still on Suboxone. No pills, just booze making me fu>>ing nuts. Well, hope things are alright with everybody. bye
March 5th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Naw, it will take more than a candy-assed relapse to put me down, but yes it has “cast a pall” over the group, and real buzz-kill, and totally a wet blanket etc.
I’m interviewing some new folks to play the role of “good cop” against my “bad cop”. Looks promising, but it will take a few to bring them up to speed when they show.
Rumor on the street is Steve will come up for air Monday, we’ll see.
Some really really good questions I asked went dead, the kind of stuff I would save up for a 3 hour talk with Steve when we would go to dinners and stuff in LA. I’ll post them again.
Just licking our wounds.
I can’t let the metaphors alone, sorry.
d
March 6th, 2010 at 12:47 am
You know Doc, I do have to say that while I miss Steve at the office, really dig him and hope the best for him, it’s been very interesting my last couple of visits to the office. I’ve talked to you more the past two or three weeks than I have the eight months I’ve been going there, and actually , it’s been pretty cool. Don’t think your such a bad guy after all
Thanks!
March 6th, 2010 at 8:50 am
Aw shucks.
Wait a minute… you’re buttering me up… you want to borrow money… you want a script for Oxy’s…
grin…
It has been weird, since I’m always fooling around and saying odd things, everyone has had to double and triple check I was serious about Steve’s problem. The perils of humor.
Dr H
March 6th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Rockinstuff-
it is so hard watching someone close to you die, i know how much it hurts. but your mom would not want you to give up the fight just because she is gone. drinking won’t make it better, in fact, it will make it worse. know that you are loved, and that THERE IS A SOLUTION, if you decide to take it. call me please. i love u.
JWS
March 6th, 2010 at 9:08 pm
Been a rough week. A really, really rough week when you find yourself curled up in bed comforted by the covers. Then you realize others need you, life is still rolling by, so you get up, pad your way through it, smile, so no one knows what’s wrong.
Rockin, I’ve stood beside both my parents while they were ill, and it’s not easy. But, it’s not really about us. It truly is the circle of life, and the ones who hurt the most are the ones watching the people we love hurting, knowing someday they will not be there. Then my son, and my brother this summer. Somedays…it just hurts, but we get through. JWS know this also. Always thinking of you Rockinstuff…
Dr.H- Let Steve know how much impact he had on so many of us, in a positive way. And I think you have also had days when you wanted to curl up in the blankets, but you had patients and family to care for, and all we can do is wish our friends are going to be well. I think you just didn’t want people to know you were likeable, but hell, I liked you the first day I went to see you, 2 years ago last month. Let the mask down. LOL
Okay, really didn’t think I’d write, but ya all know me. yada, yada…
Still, somethings not right, and I don’t know how to make it feel normal…that time of year…
AndyMan-Doc won’t go nowhere…no worries
Everyone who’s been ”underground”, let us know you are okay. I don’t care that I care. I still look out for myself. I just care…
March 7th, 2010 at 12:17 am
Well, Hey there everybody, Three Beers hear… Congraaaats JWS on the BIG ONE Year!!! A tip of the hat and a bunch of way to go’s for ya. Every day you keep it going is another day to celebrate- god bless you and your courageous milestone. Today was a simple but good day for me; the sun came out for a while, I watched the weeds grow in the back yard another foot in about ten minutes, our dog Java sniffed out yet another gopher and probably saved our peach tree, went to the DMV and only had to wait five minutes - got a lot of things done and didn’t think about poppin drinkin and droppin down dumdum drunkedly. Yes, just a simple sober day and I must say, it was nice to say a few words again here on the blog tonight. While tomorrow may be a tad damp and bit dimly lit, I wish to all a cheerful brightly day of it- 3 beers 2xaweek….
March 7th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Frickin was sick again on Friday and Saturday. Took the good Doc’s advice and downed Theraflu both days and MIRACLE, felt better today. Good enough to spend money at the Harley shop. I should have know something was up. I had looked forward to the Bon Jovi concert in Sacramento at the ARCO center. There I was with Jon standing within three rows of me on the cat walk, and I was yawning. Good Lord, the man not only has a great voice but is a hottie, and I was yawning. Its hard because it hurts me to go in to see my Mom looking like she is right now. With the pain meds seems like there is nobody home right now. And thats not the way I want to remember her. Headed out of town to San Diego on Wednesday for a international health club convention. Hopefully I can let go for a few days. Yes I have been taking the antabuse but still the voices are there. Can’t listen to them !!!!! Peace Out
March 8th, 2010 at 10:56 am
Proud of you Rockin. Everyone’s had that crappy flu, and also , mucinex (OTC) helps clear crap up also. Lifesaver.
I understand about your mom. It was hard for me also. Like you said, not like she was, and no one home. Honey, but the day we walked out of the hospital, it was one of my finest moments.. She had always stood by me, and brought me into this crazy world, and I stood by her, and with the help of a nurse, pushed her morphine button for the last time. My sister wouldn’t do it, (she didn’t want to get reported), and it was like, we’ve taken care of you for the last two years, and we were all there to help her pass over. I don’t know if you understand, but it was, truly, something I know she wanted me to do for her. You get ahold of me if you need.
I”M JUST SO STINKIN PROUD OF YOU!!! Tell those voices you are BETTER than them.
Off to dr. Still can’t get rid of my ”flu?”, what the hell is going around this time DrH? I had my flu shot… Iknow, the shot is like protecting yourself in a cardboardbox when the bombs are finally set off!!
3 times 2= Read your blog last night, good to hear from you again, and sorry, I was just to blurry eyed to write. You sound good.
March 8th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
So, what is the deal - is “Steve” still attending sesssions?
To be completely honest, hell why not be, Steve was a prime motovator in my getting off the Suboxone.
I never really knew Steve and I thought it was odd that he was allowed to atttend MD sessions without my explicit consent. I never knew his backgournd, credentials, etc…
JMO - I am sure many of you dissagree…
Drums
March 8th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Dr H:
I just read past post and now se what happeneded to Steve. Maybey you should delte this message and my previous post - knowing what I now know it seems somewhat insensitive.
However, I meant what I stated in the previous post. I was not happy about being “blind-sided” and I never really trusted the guy. I trusted you and your many opinions. You never lied to me, Yet.
Drums.
PS: I too have relapsed.
March 9th, 2010 at 11:12 pm
Lost my log in ability/access…………see what happens when you lag with your log on SloArc Blog?
Howdy, it’s the old, “not dyin’ coz i’m tryin” then “just tryin” per mama of the drama and sometimes trauma — ha ha that Valley gal who was so precious!!!!
….yikes, i’ve made my self scarce round here now haven’t I?
I’m still doing the deal, school, mommy, being a wife and my marriage is on the mend, but it’s been work that honestly sucked……….”because it wasn’t me screwing up”…….
What a concept.
I can now SEE what the effects of my addiction had on others in my life, (the one’s who stayed)–which were few and far in between……
Dah Duh Da Duh……
JWS????? ONE YEAR OF HARD WORK, TENACITY, HUMBLE AND GRATEFUL…………..MOUNTAINS YOU CLIMBED AND WITH VICTORY, MAKING THE VALLEY’S YOU ENCOUNTERED AND CONQUERED WITH FEELINGS YOU’VE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITHOUT A “BAND-AID” AND YOU FOUND NEW WAYS, NEW PEOPLE, NEW TOOLS TO UTILIZE WHEN THEY ARISE AGAIN….plus the newcomer is looking up to you with google eyes and wondering how you ever did it…..
I am so proud of you, you are a rockstar, a miracle because you folllowed direction and wanted a life……NOT TO MENTION YOU CAN LOOK AT THE REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR AS YOU PASS ONE, AND EVEN LIKE THE PERSON YOU HAVE BECOME!!!
**** OBVIOUSLY I AM QUITE JAZZED AND CELEBRATING THE UTILIZATION OF SLOARC’S SUPPORT SYSTEM AND THE AWESOME WAY THAT THE EFFECTS OF A NON JUDGEMENTAL AND EMPATHETIC STAFF HAS ON YOU WHEN YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO DIE ANYMORE. OR LOSE ANYMORE.
Okay, sorry just wanna say hi and I missed you all, Rockin’ —YOU CALL ME, LET’S DO LUNCH OR BEACH IT SOON, I MISS YOU AND AM HERE OKAY?
LAST WORDS IN THIS BLOG.
STEVE — IF YOU PEEK, OR READ YOUR EMAILS, CHECK TEXTS, LOOK AT PIX MESSAGES VIA CELL…………….YOU SEE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE MORE TO MOST THAN YOU KNOW, AND I LOOK UP (or down or all around) just to see and admire the way you can reach the hurting and addicted or alcoholic one…………You have a way that is like no other when it comes to guidance. Screw the past, and I will see you soon…….okay?
Dr. H……
can you kindly reply to my email that i’m sending you,,(as soon as i shut up)–
3yrs on 3.13.2010
March 10th, 2010 at 12:14 am
Hey, i was back reading?? (that can’t possibly be a word can it)?—
SUBOXONE PRICES AND ANY TIPS WAS DISCUSSED.
I JUST YESTERDAY RECEIVED 90 8MG SUBOXONE, A 3 MONTH SUPPLY, VIA MAIL FROM MY NEW INSURANCE COMPANY…..FOR $120.00 AND I WAS FLOORED.
I of course ran all this by my doc, and because I haven’t relapsed and have grabbed on to my recovery like crazy……
I think I have displayed and followed direction which has shown that I am “IN IT TO WIN IT” & I proved myself to my doctor, sponsor, therapist, myself that I am capable of a “financial treat” by this trust being given to me —
I also will continue my monthly appointments, as the accountability and check in with my physician is mandatory for my so far “success” with suboxone….after 30 years of using.
I am humble, and grateful for the savings, yet won’t sacrafice the monetary savings if things get “weird” , ya know??
I thought that it would be an ‘incentive” for ONLY those whom have rigorously and honestly complied and displayed the changes that are expected in the suboxone “gift”…..
I am positive that it’s the whole biopsychosocial program of suboxone, (12 step meetings, therapy, and testing clean) — for a substancial amount of time is the only way to be in remission from the powers of the poppy plant that was about to plant me “6 feet under”……
I have also decreased my dose 3 times and am going to only do what is going to work for “ME”……contrary to my old drug and alcohol counselors, “Why don’t you just quit” comments……I mean, I was clean for months and was seeking to find the safety net that may keep me out of the “empirical relapses” that have always happened, until Suboxone.
Anyway, just my 13 cents.
Cruzin’ not Usin’ a/k/a “just tryin”
March 10th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I was just “tryin” — (NO PUN, FOR REALS)—to see if this was my old blog name and/or email to utilize the rusty ole key to open the door to blog, or bark @ sloarc–if this isn’t right, please disregard.
thanks.
March 11th, 2010 at 9:08 am
Morning all,
I’ve deen thinking about a conversation I had with Doctor Analogous (commonly known as Doc. H) yesterday on, his term Ego, my term Self will. About how we addict/alcoholics are more susceptible to relapse when we start experiencing personnel problems but decide to go it alone, be it out of pride, fear, shame you name it, we for some reason decide to keep it to ourselves, not ask for help and try to fix it, what ever It is. And it got me thinking about how I had always tried to fix my defects of character and problems from within. Think about that for a minute, how in hell will you ever repair something that is broken by using something that is broken (my Self Will)? We addicts must always seek the answers to are problems from an outside source, and of course #1 is always our higher power, step six doesn’t say have your self will remove your defects of character it says God, and if your higher power doesn’t answer fast enough for you pick up a phone and call your sponsor, you have a sponsor don’t you?, or talk to your spouse or any body that is not residing in your head if you are talking to your self about self you are going to screw the pooch my friends, remember the first three steps, we are powerless, you admitted it so live with it, don’t try to take your power back one mental argument at a time, the only power you will gain is the power to drink and use again and that’s no power at all. I know I’m mixing defects of character and personnel problems together here but their pretty much the same thing for me.
Strat
P.S. these are my views not the Doc’s, but I’d like hear what you and he thinks about them?
March 11th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
‘right tool for the job’ might be the analogy.
sure, you can use your screwdriver as a hammer,
or turn the doorknob with a pipe wrench,
but it doesn’t work quite right.
ego?
self-will?
i’ve fixed myself a few times.
but it seems to be working better this time with someone else’s tools
March 11th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
example:
i’ve got 2 1/2 years this go around.
vs. maybe 2 1/2 weeks on my plan.
March 12th, 2010 at 12:00 am
Thats great bupe. 2 1/2 years. I had a good talk with DrH yesterday myself, (hi Strat, thought that was you when you and Rick were talking about, $80 picks?). For me, I need to keep my focus on good things. Not what happened in the past and cry about it. Coming up on two years with my son, and like I told Dr. yesterday. Yeah, it brings tears. But I’m not sitting in a chair covered with a blanket self medicating myself. Right now I’m going where I know or think I’m needed. And I’m still grieving my brothers death, and he did die from years and years of drinking, and not being able to stop. As much as I also miss him, I dont want to follow him next because of our addictions. Addictions are rampant in my family, and it frightens me to death when someone is in the depths, and doesn’t want to help themselves or use the right tools. And I know thoses tools work. But they just want to get high. And my daughter is the one I worry about, and she won’t get help. So like Dr said yesterday, live in the solution, not the problem, (not the exact way he put it), but my problem is I’m afraid I’ll loose her also.
Good to see the blog moving. You writing, helps me so much. Thanks guys.
March 12th, 2010 at 1:44 am
hello there, am I going to have to go back to my hard drive or my USB thingy where I saved my favorite blogsters and where I was given some cool tools, and hope I gave someone some kind of positive and uplifting maybe even a little bit of HOPE FILLED KNOWLEDGE…..
IT WAS A WARZONE OUT THERE, AND WITH ME BEING THE “POSTER CHILD FOR everything you shouldn’t do and I did it TWICE”
I love that saying, “I used to be a HOPELESS DOPE FIEND, and now I am a “DOPE LESS HOPE FIEND!!”
Okay, just wondered if it is possible to get 86′d ………… I just landed after a 6 month “valley” of bull shit and chaos, pain and deceit, which I will admit to you was nothing except me, and the acceptance that I was hurt and in pain. (Which I reacted to with anger, rebellion, and denial of the fact that I had too many expectations —
I haven’t ever known a smooth life, hence my addiction and excuse for it, which kept me very SICK and addicted for over 30 years.
Today I realize and acknowledge the bazillion reasons for my responses to lifes situations, yet I am working hard at acceptance and also “the reaction” I have to each and every thing I go through on a daily basis.
I like the saying about LIfe being 10% of what happens to you and 90% how YOU CHOOSE TO REACT TO IT.
WHAT A CONCEPT, AND WHAT A RELIEF THAT I AM IN CONTROL OF MY TODAY, MY LIFE IS MINE TODAY AND I’m passionately taking the time to not react so quickly — instead incorporate the programs empirical steps to finding relief. In every way and in every realm of my life.
I don’t want to continue, but this Steve thing has really opened my eyes to the “monster” that is waiting, doing push ups, planning ways to take me back to the underbelly of the world of heroin addiction, thank God for the newcomer the old timer and the one that slips………….WE AREN’T SAFE JUST WITH SUBOXONE ALONE, IT TAKES THAT MEETING, SPONSOR, STEPWORK, THERAPY, OTHER MEDS IF NEEDED, THE “DESIRE” –
(That 3rd step prayer is so true……”take my will and my life, guide me in my recovery, show me how to live…….”)
or the Step 1,2,& 3 combo….
* I can’t
* He can
* I think I’ll let Him
I’m outa here, probably won’t get read anyway…..I’ve submitted probably 3-4 times in 4 days?? Still, no blog by me -
Shit, I may be black balled because I am a lengthy blogger.
Oh well, I am me and I accept the outcome no matter what.
PS……
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take — but by the moments that take our breath away………….
gnite….
March 12th, 2010 at 7:19 am
APOLOGIES Cruzin, Tryin, Drums!!!!
Doc keeps forgetting that his SIDEKICK was usually the “keeper of the blog”
If you have anithing different about your screen name or email the system won’t know that you’re already approved, but now I took care of that you’re In, AOK, Ready To Roll, Copacetic, In Like Flynn etc.
I’ll read the new posts and comment later, but wanted to get you guys ON and sorry for the delay.
You have no idea, I ALSO had to delete 35 SPAM posts to buy Viagra and online meds and stuff!
Dr H
March 12th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
i have to agree with the ‘blind-sided’ comment from drums.
although it didn’t bother me at,
it came as a shock to someone else close to me in the program.
fair warning should have been given.
my friend called to say she was upset,
and didn’t continue with the dr/steve combo plan.
March 12th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Thank you Admin -
I can’t imagine how over worked and busy you must be. Apologies back at cha.
I really really liked what you said Stratman, I printed it to access the “real truth” when needed. And you to “Bupester” thanks…..
I am glad to be able to blog again, so much to say and i just was reminded that all my yesterdays that i didn’t blog???? So frkn what…..they are yesterday and i only have today.
thanks Princess Stinkerbelle…………lordy mustve been you that gave me the notion to change the identities.
FOR THE RECORD I AM GOING TO BE MY OLD “JUST TRYIN” NOT THE CRUZIN N NOT USIN, OR MY VERY FIRST AND VERY LONG, LIVIN’ NOT DYIN’ (which somebody said was so well “NOT” a celebration of my recovery.
SO, JUST CLARIFYING ALRIGHTY?
BUT DOC,ADMIN, MY EMAIL REALLY ISN’T THE ONE ABOVE ANYMORE PLEASE CHANGE SO I AM ADDRESS APPROPRIATE——-
Gotta go……………i’m pissed at Gary so I am going shopping.
Peace……………………….
OH OH OH……
I AM GOING SHOW SOME MUCH DESERVED RESPECT TO MY FRIEND STEVE-OUT HERE,
I ONLY COMMIT TO THINGS I’M REALLY GOING TO DO.
And………., EVER SO SMALL that this is……….(AND I’M SURE SOMEONE WILL SAY SO WHAT?)
I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS, this is for me anyway right????
………I’M COMMITTING TO BEING A PART OF THE BLOG HERE, NO MATTER HOW BUSY I AM…..
COMMITMENTS AND MY WORD AND MY CHOICE TO BE HONEST ARE ALL I’VE GOT REALLY, BUT DAMMIT, I DIDN’T CHECK IN FOR 6 MONTHS AND JUST RE READ STEVE’S CONSTANT CONSTANT ABOUT INCLUDING ME IN THE MEETINGS AND FUCK, THOSE COOKIES AND HIS SMILE AND OUT STRETCHED HAND AND HEART. WHO CARE’S ABOUT THE CREDENTIAL MR. DRUMS……….I WONDERED THAT IS WHY AND WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT THIS SLO ARC CREW…..
PS “DRUMS”
WHY YOU DIDN’T ASK OR INQUIRE ABOUT THE CONSENT UNTIL HE WASN’T HERE TO EXPLAIN THE SITUATION. I CAN’T STAND PEOPLE THAT PUT PEOPLES NAMES IN THEIR MOUTH ONLY WHEN THE “NAME” CAN’T RESPOND OR IS IN A WEAK OR VULNERABLE SPOT.
SORRY FOR THE SCREECH, AND TRUST….. I WILL MAKE GOOD IF I AM WRONG ABOUT YOU. YES, YOU WERE INSENSITIVE.
You are welcome to rip me up too.
see you guys later…………………
March 12th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Wow. I guess Doc had lots of blogs hanging in the air. I look in and I’m thinkin, “what the hell?” So, stupid me finally goes up and reads what has been put on.
Just Trying- I let you take my name, seems so long ago. It was an honor, because when I picked that name, I really was just trying. You sound well and good, and glad you are back on the blog.
Drums- Sorry to hear about your relapse. When DrH brought Steve into my appointment the first time, he asked if it was okay. I said yes, and kind of had a feeling for Steve since he’d been on the blog under another name. So, I knew he was an addict, and he shared openly. It does show how strong the addict remains in us, that we need to be on our toes, and that we could slip anytime ourselves. I consider Steve a friend. I hope he finds his way back to sobriety, because he has lots to offer. My opinion. And I felt guilty like, did we put to much pressure on him. DrH has gotten me through that. The addict one once more, and Steve, if you read this, I have faith you will find your way back again. And let us know when you do. Live in the solution, not the problem. Something Dr reminded me of again the other day, something you always said. Drums…there was no dishonesty in Steve, but that is your opinion, which I respect, as I hope you respect mine. And it’s good to hear from you again on the blog.
Doc’s trying to keep up on the blog. Don’t think it’s his “thing”, maybe I’m wrong, but he showed great excitement talking about it the other day. Let’s let him catch his breath, because I still maintain that this wasn’t easy for him. No matter what he says.
Don’t let Steve’s slip work on you. We care, and thats all we can do, and hope he comes up for air soon. But it’s his slip, and only he can get to the roots of it. We need each other to throw ideas around, encourage each other, care for each other. Glad to see so much activity today. And if anyone wants to chew me out with Just trying, please remember, I’m not in a great place right now. My son’s 2 year ”anniversary” of his accident is coming up,and I plan to embrace his life this year, but tears are close to the surface.
Love you all, believe it or not. As Tigger would say, TTFN…stinkerbelle,out.
March 12th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Hey Cruisin…Congratulations on 3 years of sobriety tomorrow. Didn’t want that to pass by….way to go
March 12th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
I am here, as u know, Stink, esp. your son’s anniversary………..I can’t imagine. Maybe I can, my daughter is and has been with her dad since she was like 3, I’ve tried everything since I got “right” to bring her back to life, she’s now got the self doubt that any child would if there mom was doing dope and didn’t stop even if it meant she was a consequence.
I live through this daily, FUCK, THE TEARS ARE WELLING UP………..DAMMIT.
UHHH HUMMMM. okay, i need to feel that. The cold hard fact of addiction is that you use, to get to what you think is an authentic “homeostasis” — to normalize to function to deal……….when it’s a big lie from Mr. Dope. or Lady Heroin, that because of the effects they have on our brain and the physically and proveable fact that they’ve altered our natural state of mind and body and soul.
It is soooo hard to accept this, but we do have hope and thru this thing called recovery and support and direction from the folks who have more time clean / sober than us — and Because of this the proof in the pudding is shown, they have seen and felt the outcome of working the 12 steps, and its a magical and unconditional understanding they have to be willing to guide us and loan out their tools in hopes we will experience it ourselves.
However many times we relapse and are called re treads? The precious newcomers are what keeps it real, this disease is alive and the war zone will not stop in my lifetime and probably yours either….
I think we addicts/alcoholics are THE STRONGEST AND MOST BAD ASS AROUND WHEN WE DRAG OUR BUTTS BACK THRU THE DOORS AND RAISE OUR HAND, ADMITTING THAT WE ARE POWERLESS WHEN IT COMES TO THAT ONE CHOICE….USE? NOT USE? IT’S ALMOST BY DEFAULT WE CHOOSE THE LATTER. IT IS SIMPLE YET IT IS NOT EASY.
I HEART YOU ALL.
PS — I AM SORRY DRUMS…..I AM ALSO FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THIS SITUATION, AND PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT WAS A COMMENT THAT I REGRET, WHO AM I TO THINK I CAN PROTECT AND SAVE ANYONE…..I AM NOT THAT powerful. Again, my words were wrong and I hope you will accept my attempt to make amends.
Humble and Grateful.
Sheryl….ps….i still didn’t go shopping.
my fingers hurt clickety clack……
March 12th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Missunderstanding: To all those that read my post:
My first post was a legitimate question about where Steve was (at that time I had no idea that Steve had relapsed).
My second post was an attempt to have Dr. H remove the first post because I discovered that Steve relapsed and I thought my comments, given the circumstance, were not appropriate.
Ironically, during all of this I did relapse and did find a different treatment facility. I guess this is a fast moving environment. I have reset the clock and have been sober since March 1st. As always, I will continue to check and read this blog.
Drums
March 12th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
drums:
congratulations on finding the road back so very fast.
it isn’t often one of us jumps back on the horse that quickly, you had a lapse, not a relapse………
CONGRATULATIONS AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING TO KNOW YOU VIA SLOARC BLOG —
March 13th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Good Morning all-
I woke up today to my gorgeous blue eyed little 5yr old son…..saying, “Do we still have a date today mommy?”
ha ha ha
I have a skate N scoot date - he is on his scooter and I on my skateboard..which is quite a venture at 44yrs old……but, I do it and laugh as I look like a gromit ( the young and inexperienced on skate or surfboard) ….
Just checking in to let ya know I am clean and sober for 3yrs, 1095days.
wow….thank you thank you thank you.
Today i will stay clean and sober.
Just for today.
March 13th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
happy anniversary as well as re-birth Just Trying.
I saw on the Drs. yesterday these things you jump on for exercise, and as DrH knows how bad my knees are, of course i had to listen. but looking at these things, and knowing i’ve never been cordinated in my lifetime, i know i would end up spending time in another cast as i did only a few months or so ago. so, what is good low impact besides walking, and don’t say walking, because where i live in the country, there r no beautiful parks, walking paths, and you need to take your pellet gun for the coyotes. country living has many good points ,and lots of crappy ones.
just trying, i hear u and agree with all you say. i will die an addict. i just hope i’m a recovering addict at the time. lol
drums- you say what you say. everyones entitled, no? your opinion, my opinion, everyone’s opinion. you are cool. and so glad that when your saddle slipped, you found your way back on the horse. ??? yea, something like that. keep blogging. you bring life and great ideas and love reading what you write.
everyone have a great windy day (making me nervous and cranky). at least enjoy the sun, and hey,maybe there’s no wind over there. love to all..ttfn
March 13th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
just checking in after leaving 11 months ago….called doc, will be going to office on Monday…
March 13th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Just Trying- You remember that even when you weren’t doing so well, and your daughter went to live with her dad, that you DID find it in you, you DID make it right, and i have all the confidence in the world that you will bring her back into your life, where in time she understands, and love will abide. You will get her through it, just like you got yourself through it. You just keep on doing your great job. Proud of you… Hope you had a great day today…
March 14th, 2010 at 12:47 am
Whoa!
Step away for a minute and look at all the action!
Just went to a session where the Suboxone people train the teachers. There’s always more information than I can retain but the issues with generic buprenorphine and the DEA and diversion/abuse are huge and important.
Interesting question about if working with and meeting with and interacting with an employed counselor should be presented to patients as “optional”. From my view of the world things change, what I can and can’t do changes, what I do and don’t need help with changes.
I did and still do stand behind the appropriateness and professionalism and effectiveness of Steve as my co-worker. He was an important and valuable asset and helped patients in hundreds of ways I couldn’t.
You might find it interesting that over the course of time many patients preferred interacting with Steve over me. We were a complimentary good cop/bad cop team and I was the stern intrusive confrontational authoritarian one whereas Steve would calm patients down after I got them upset. I won’t be surprised to have some patients jump ship because he ISN’T there.
I’m in the process of having a new counselor work with me, and if it happens, she’ll be different from both Steve and me, and I’m sure patients will have varied opinions about her.
People don’t like change.
Change is necessary to grow and evolve.
Dr H
March 14th, 2010 at 11:14 am
i agree that a ‘counselor’ is a value to our recovery
don’t get us wrong
the problem was being ‘blind-sided’
already a patient
no notice
and we’re an open book to someone else
drums….?
March 14th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
I know some of you are still bugged by this, having Steve there. But going back on blogs, Dr. did let us know Steve was coming in, and finally said it was Banjo. I feel its time to accept it, if you didn’t like it, he’s not there now, and if you did like it, well, you miss him and wish him the best. I’m NOT putting anyone down for their feelings and opinions. Sometimes its just best to close the chapter, and start a new one. My sisters’s still miffed at me because at Christmas I gathered her Christmas napkins and threw them in the washer, something I’ve done for years, but she always thought it was her husband doing it. SURPRISE! It was always me. She feels like I thought she couldn’t handle her own home, when I was only getting the stains out before they set. So, now I take my paper napkins to her house. DrH’s business is growing because there are so many addicts that need help. So, he can cut down on patients, or get help. That’s just how I see it. And if we don’t like the new person, just say NO thank you.
March 14th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
HI guys, hope that you all are good, and taking in this glorious day….(that i slept thru)…ha ha
Sleep is my friend and i love it, lost to much of it in my past. Going to the grocery store and going to bbq tonite. Stinkerbelle thanks for always being so caring so Mothering, I love you to death. Anyway, gotta get my coffee gulped down and will blog later.
I agree with the fact that counselors are needed. The demand is never going to stop for the service at SLOARC, so kudos to the good doc for all he does, amidst the storms………..that will calm….they always do.
March 15th, 2010 at 2:05 am
Amen to that…
March 15th, 2010 at 2:06 am
Oh, WELCOME BACK CAB!!!
March 15th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Hey DrH., So, what is the huge difference between the generic bup and the non generic. So many people have been waiting…
Oh, and you can’t pull that bad cop on us. I never believed it anyway. So the new counselor is a woman? Should be interesting in how people react to her. Can you give us any specifics or info on her yet?
Yes, change can be hard, and many of us resist it, yet, it rolls by us everyday. I’d love to be in my 30’s again, but that will never happen. All you can do is look forward towards tomorrow, and pray that it will be a good day. Take care…
March 16th, 2010 at 7:46 am
Morning all
Just want to give my two cents on the “Blind sided” discussion. The day I walked into Sloarc my proverbial hair was on fire. I sat down with the Doc. he laid out his addiction model and then after getting some kind on buy in from me, probably just a nod of the head considering my state of mind at the time, said that another person would be joining us. My Addict’s first thought was great another person I’ve got to belittle my self to, keep in mind that am sitting in a Doctors office that deals with addictive behaviors my life is in the toilet and my addicts mind is screaming about pride, then another alcoholic/addict walks in and let’s me know that every things going to work out and that there is hope in all of this if I just follow some simple instructions. Now I go to public meetings where I tell my story to complete strangers and never bat an eye. So I guess the question is did the Doc. truly blind side us or, he always told me what was going to happen, was our addictive self will standing in our way to recovery?
Strat
March 16th, 2010 at 10:54 am
Good one Strat. Always wait for you to sit and ponder what you are going to say…then slowly, here it comes. I still say, lets close this chapter. Accept or not, resent or not…
“Stand in the middle of the ocean and try to stop the waves.”
See, I read the big book also. Things change, and we better be ready to change with it, or a wave will knock us back on our butt, and our addict will leap into action. Only thing that wont change is our addiction. Just how we accept it, how we handle it, and always keep one eye on the prize, and the other on the addict inside of us.
Weeds to pull…They are calling my name. Have a great day everyone…
March 16th, 2010 at 10:56 am
Come on Doc!
Is it “optional” for patients be “presented” the opportuinuty to meet with and work with an “employed counselor”. Answer: YES! Patients provide INFORMED consent - that is how it works!
-Drums
March 16th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
i concur
March 16th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
bupester:
May be I am being presumptious, but are you on sub? If so how much and how long? I am 2X/day 6mg. I have found less is more. I will try and get it down to 4mg 2x/day - anything less and I feel like I am in withdrawal.
As Dr. H. famously states, “there is no bonus points for being in withdrawal”.
That I think we can all agree on!
-Drums
March 16th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I’ll say my peace…..
People are free to come and go as they wish.
There is no guarantee things will not change.
I am not prohibited from changing because people may not like it.
Some people will like the changes, some people won’t. That doesn’t make the changes inherently “good” or “bad”.
Abraham Lincoln said:
You can please some of the people all of the time and you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.
That all said, I see that I should have done better introducing a counselor to help me. The polite way would be to inform patients that a counselor will be working with me, and if that’s not okay with them I can help them find another physician. This is not how I approached it previously, and thank you for sharing your experiences, it has helped me approach this in a better way.
I will have another counselor working with me soon. Some people will like that, others won’t.
Dr H
March 17th, 2010 at 8:22 am
The treament program I selected uses certified California Association of Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors (CAADAC). I have found them to be very professional, knowlegable and helpful in assesing my needs and providing information and options. The optional course(s) of treatment are presented by an MD.
The upside is that this program is an integrated, comprehensive drug program utilizing medications, group counseling, individual couseling tailored to meet my goals, and of course a 12 step program. The downside is the cost - you pay much more than a monthly refill for buprenorphine. Fortunately, I am a “functioning” addict with a job and insurance.
-Drums
April 3rd, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Well, it’s been mighty quiet on the high seas lately. I know Rockin has been busy doing things she really doesn’t want to do, and my heart is with you sweetheart. Keep busy. I know you’ve heard it, but I feel qualified to say it’s true, “time heals. not forgets, but heals.” Don’t shut yourself off to your friends, and let us know how you feel. We’re here, and we listen.
Worries me when the blog is quiet. The calm before the storm. I keep telling myself, it’s the week before Easter; so much to do before family comes to visit. Today we colored Easter eggs; helped the Bunny, he’s so busy this time of year. I’ve been cleaning the strangest places; like who’s going to look ”there under my bed?, or check out what condition my toothbrush is in?” I know some of it is the OCD, but in case someone does, it’ll be clean. I’m just exhausted from putting my canned veggies in alphabetical order, all faced the same way, same in the fridge, and I think some of the tiredness comes from both knees ”talking” to me like crazy. Wake up at night in pain pretty often, and I just either rub them or get up and move around. Then I get pretty tired around 3 or 4 am, and sleep finally revisits way to late in the early morning hours. I’m lucky I don’t have to get up and work anymore Well, you don’t need to know the boring details of life here.
I do wish you a glorious and memorable Easter tomorrow. Enjoy and remember the reason for the day; and if family gets to you, don’t sweat it. Its unfortunate, but I’ve learned the hard way, today, the moment we are in right now is all we can depend on. Tomorrows not promised to any of us, so enjoy the Aunts who always argue if your avacados should be in bottom drawer of fridge, or sitting on the kitchen counter. Give your sister a hug; one of you may not be there next year, or, you both still may be there! Live life as if God is standing right beside you, because, He is. God bless you all, my funny crazy blogging family. Stay cool tomorrow,and we’ll talk on Monday? Happy Easter. Now, I need to finish the yard before it gets dark. The Easter bunny likes me to leave a semi cleaned yard before he hides all those wonderful decorated delicous eggs. Love to ya all…