October 2009 Archived Do Not Post Here
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October 4th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Welcome BlueBoy!
I agree with Steve (fancy that!), if you are having cravings and true symptoms of withdrawal then in my opinion the winning move is to take “enough” Suboxone. There is NO “one size fits all” to this medication. I’ve had folks from 1/4 every other day to 5 X 8mgs a day.
I think there are only a few different doses of Suboxone….
0) None
1) Not Enough
2) Enough
3) Too Much - (but since it has the ceiling effect “too much” really ends up being a wasteful “enough”)
I think hanging around and craving and having withdrawal symptoms puts you exactly where you DON’T want to be, and at high risk of relapse and in my book you don’t get brownie points for suffering.
Dr H
October 4th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Hello all to the newest area post for October. Finally I get to say hi first. Just kidding. Hey DQ let us get together sometime. I want to spend some time with you. Really do. Well all is good and. Hope all have a good night. Steve you are probably right. Just a little pitty party thought. I do not even know more than one person on this blog that i can think of. Thanks for what we did I think (DOC too) I think it has made all of the difference. Well off to work tomorrow. Hope everyone has a good day.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Oops guess I was just kidding I did not see Admin blip. lol
October 4th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Thanks for your insight JB, good to read your posts, you have a unique viewpoint and it helps to include it in the mix here.
How about that Court Card thread? Is that all the fight and controversy we can get out of this group??
“Open” AA meetings are open to those who do not “have the desire to stop drinking”, so I don’t see any conflict there, it does seem odd the courts would “order” someone to attend but aerial view the courts are trying their best to help addicts “get a clue” and I can’t imagine a better place where that might occur.
Why is all this drug use illegal anyway? Oxy isn’t really different from alcohol and alcohol “use” is legal…
I accept the idea the courts get involved but I’m not sure I would play it that way if I were King.
Dr H
October 4th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
What should opiate addicts do who find out they’re pregnant?
Quit and withdraw and run the risk of relapse?
Get on replacement therapy with methadone, the only “standard” for care?
Get on Subutex?
What about the infant having symptoms of “abstinence” when they’re born?
Dr H
October 4th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I’m going to speak with the SLO County Bar Association of lawyers next week, any messages for lawyers and judges?
Who has an idea as to how I might get addiction TREATMENT incorporated into the county jail where I work?
Out at the jail they mentioned I would have to keep the different populations of inmates segregated, keep the “criminally sophisticated” inmates from the lightweights etc.
From my limited viewpoint I wonder if it makes sense to get opiate addicts on Suboxone prior to discharge from the jail and have a condition of their release be that they continue to take it on the outside. 1) It will mess up their “high” and decrease opiate use overall. Seems like it would be WAY cheaper than inpatient rehabs and sober living homes and the like.
How about the alcoholics? Court ordered Antabuse, seems a trickier proposition. Anyone have an opinion on naltrexone and Vivitrol?
Dr H
October 4th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Steve and I are going to yet another addiction conference this week. Any questions for the “experts” we’ll run into?
Dr H
October 5th, 2009 at 7:54 am
court cards are welcomed in my book.
a constant reminder of where i don’t want to be.
and any participation on thier part is also welcome.
from the remorseful to the obscene.
any exercise in recovery is good for me.
October 5th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Hey doc.
I don’t know what the legalities are but doesn’t the inmate have the right to refuse treatment where as a patient (admitted to a state or municipal facility) doesn’t? Then you would have to set up a outpatient clinic to oversee the administration of said drug after release and the list goes on and on. I would agree that it would be the easier and softer way for the inmate but how many would willingly go along with the program? And as you keep pounding home we all know Suboxone treatment without a 12 step program is only a third of the treatment, but I guess you could make the whole thing a condition of their parole. Is any of this blather on target or is the system easier to work with and if you where King how would you go about it?
As for Alcohol treatment my personnel veiw point is that it is so permeated our society that it has become almost an accepted addiction by many and to deny them there right to consume the social lubricate by administering antabuse would set off somebodies civil rights alarm. But again your the expert and you deal with the system why hasn’t been instituted yet?
strat.
October 5th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Doc, I don’t know or have any advice about treating inmates. Seems like if they want off, like all of us, they”ll find their way through the maze and into your office. I know what’s in my mind, but doesn’t come through the mouth to well.
So with lots to say, but knowing I’ll get blown out of the water for the way I would word it, I can only say, you know what to tell these ”experts.” All I can say, is ,I’m standing behind you. And Steve. And Rick, and everyone who understands. I know you’ll get through. Good luck.
not much confidence-out
October 5th, 2009 at 9:39 am
5150 “Hoping” to get away on Wednesday. I’ll Let you know. Would love to meet and walk and talk. Wish upon my star!!!
October 5th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Hey D.Q. Who stole your confidance? Remember we teach people how to treat us. Memorable quote of the day.
Strat.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:38 am
I thought antabuse was already used by the court system. I knew a guy who said he was required to take it as a condition of his parole. He didn’t say where he was going but mentioned they watched him take it every other day. Maybe that was a voluntary deal so he could stay out of jail. It was the first time I had ever heard of antabuse. He also mentioned that if he loaded up on allergy meds he could drink, although it still made it an unpleasant experience.
I think a treatment program in jails makes incredible sense. Without it, the addict who commits a crime for drug money is released and immediately goes for what makes him comfortable. So many inmates are nonviolent addicts in for drug crimes. Have the parole board educated in addiction, assign an addiction specialist, evaluate the crime, the inmates’ motivation, and detail a suboxone, anatabuse, etc. program along with a 12 step program and follow up with random drug tests. Has to be cheaper than the over $3,000 a month to keep them in prison. I’m not saying they shouldn’t do any time, that might help them see their bottom, but 10 years for posession of a small amount of crack?
October 5th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
my daughter doesn’t help
October 5th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Actually Strat, it’s been a life time battle. It starts on the playgrounds, and depending on if you should have been pushed from the nest and flew or flopped, some of us caught a wind a flew, but probably should have flopped. Everybody’s always been able to get me , just he way it is. Sad thing is, I really love people, love to offer a hand, try to do for everyone, and I seem to end up getting stomped on, called a whore by daughter today, she told me she’s the way she is because of me. It’s times like this that I really miss my parents, because they treated and told me how special I was, and I can’t believe that I haven’t treated my children that way. Or my grandchildren, let alone not lets forget my husband. I ask him why he doesn’t stick up for me, and he says he’s afraid he’d loose control around her, because it hurts him to see me get hurt, and I’ve told him never to say anything to her that he can’t take back. Like I said, I love people. I just don’t know why my heart is always on my sleeve…but it is. So, that’s how DQ’s life rolls. I’d hate to hurt anyone, so I take it on myself. So, now you all know I’m a panzie, that I don’t open up and stick up for myself, that there are probably more footprints on my back than anyone knows, and all I can do is work on being myself, and someday, I’ll just die from a broken heart. That’s all I can say about it Strat.
October 5th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 5th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
5150= Gremlins get to you? You okay?
October 6th, 2009 at 6:49 am
Thanks D.Q.
So just like me you stold your own confidance over time. So low self esteem (in my case) starts the insanity of addiction and self perpetuates that downward spiral of self loathing, then over time it creates that false perception of not being worthy of others love and if your not worthy of love from an outside source then of course it stands to reason that your not worthy of loving yourself and voila lets take or drink something that will take that pain away, then you beat yourself up for being weak and giving into the drug/drink and your one rung further down the ladder. Sound familiar? So my topic for the day is going to be fear the driving force of my addiction. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of not meeting others expectations. Fear of not meeting your own expectations. Fear of not being smart or cute enough. Fear in all it shapes and forms. Fear that all normal people have but we as Addicts don’t seem to be well equipped to handle. So I know you all have a story waiting to be told,unles you have a fear of Blogging of course.
Strat.
P.S. D.Q. one of the hardest things to do is keep your heart open after you’ve been hurt but You manage to do just that which in my book makes you a very special person.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Thanks to all who attended the SLOARC group tonight! Full room!!
Lots of good topics…..Please feel free to bring any issues you feel important to our group, and we will discuss them.
Doc and I are off to San Francisco tomorrow for another Addiction Treatment symposium….This one includes talks by Dr. Walter Ling, he is the grandaddy of Suboxone use in addiction…Many of the long term studies were done by Dr. Ling…we will also be hearing from Dr. Reef Karim, who is kind of the “Suboxone Doc for the Hollywood stars” guy! He’s been on Oprah and many more…..(He’s a really nice guy actually, even brought his dear MOM to one of our “Suboxone dinners.” ha ha….)
Keep up all the good work out there! The SLOARC “family” is doing pretty darn good overall….
Steve–out
October 7th, 2009 at 12:27 am
SLOARC IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Strat. I think we;d have a great conversation if we ever got in
the same meeting!
Won’t be blogging much as this is very hard. Steve has my permission to let you know i cam’t blog, and when he finds more of the reason, he can pass that around also. dq
October 7th, 2009 at 6:11 am
D.Q. sorry to hear about your unfortunate accident; AND you were doing a good thing at the time! (Playing with children..)
Fellow bloggers: D.Q. broke her wrist, so we might miss her for awhile here….
Send positive energy….
Steve–out
October 7th, 2009 at 10:59 am
NEXT SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues, Oct. 20th, 5:30pm!
Mark it on your schedules….
Steve–out
October 7th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Heres a shout out from Puerta Vallerta. Had a blast today. Strawberry margis with no booze tasing just fine. DQ, promised ya I wouldn’t have any of that nasty stuff and I am having a great party without. Got a new bikini from Senior Frogs while dancing to Lady Gaga’s Poker Face laughing and singing stone cold sober. Now thats scary, got no excuse, just stupid happy. Anyway hitting Mazalan tomorrow then my fav, Cabo San Lucas. Hard Rock, Harley dealer then Hooters on the beautiful beach. Hey Steve and Dr. H. Crazy fun here, taxi drivers with a little pot for sale??? They said they were good drivers. HA Se Ya’all
October 8th, 2009 at 10:14 am
rockin-proud of u-keep up the good wk.
October 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
greetings fellow addict. I am new to the blog and this is the beginning of my story.Ten years ago I had back surgery and I know now everyone could guess the rest of the story from there. Some doctors will give no regard to addiction when perscribing strong pain medications on a long term basis. anyway the back surgery was succesful so I cant complain too much. to get to the point, I have spent the last ten years trying to find a way out of that rat race. I have always been the guy who was high on life and I practiced what i preached. I have known doctor H for about three years, and known about his practice. So about three weeks ago I started this journey into sorbriety and again I am high on life. The first and second night I found myself writing again, creating, something I have not done much since the addiction started. Everything will be ok. I will continue to read the blog and submit entries from time to time. I like to read inspirational stories, and have some that I am sure will inspire others
October 9th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Sorry to hear about your accident DQ. Hope you’re recovering and taking it easy. Nice post Stratman. Fear. I never really thought I had many fears when I was drinking. Oh sure a healthy fear of getting caught, both by the police and/or family and friends. My biggest fear was being found out to be an alcoholic. Of course it wasn’t until confronted that I made the decision to try and do something about it. Best thing that ever happened.
Not until I was doing the 4th step did I come to the realization that so much of my life was, and to a certain extent still is, controlled by fear. All the ones you listed plus quite a few more. The craziest thing is fear and worry over things completely out of my control, like the economy or what other people think. That’s where the steps and AA help me to realize what I’m doing and enable me to step back and laugh at myself. Or at least try to.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
way to go 417….
surgery and pins on tues….4-5 weeks in long cast. 3-4 in short cast. they say i was lucky, wonder what unlucky is.
October 10th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Last day OMG just discovered a new drink Lava Flow Real pretty One side white, pina colada, other side red, strawberry. of course no alcohol. So yummy Its gotten cooler so gettin closer to home Just gonna kick it at the spa and wander. No more buffets, so more having three desserts for lunch, or was it four I am so serious!! Gotta knock this shit off when I get home My addict has been completely silent on this trip No screaming for shots of tequila. Yea, it looked good but didn’t have to have it to be crazy Got that all worked out just fine Take care everyone Talk at ya when I get home Thanks Steve and Dr H You have made a difference in my little life Rock on Peace Out
October 10th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Wonderful to hear from you Rockinstuff!!! Sounds like a great time….D.Q. just take the next couple weeks an hour at a time….You’ll make it!!!
Thanks Strat, 417, AND WELCOME to “Randall Smith”….You FINALLY made it to the blog!!! Good goin’ Randall!! Thank you so much! 5150, you just keep checkin’ in here..ok?! Bupester, always good to see you here…..
Doc and I just returned from a few days in S.F. hearing Addiction Docs from all over, including other countries, talk about all the things that we do! Very good seminar!
Looking forward to seeing many of you next week!
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Oct. 20th, Tuesday, 5:30pm….
Steve–out
October 10th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Hello everyone. Hey DQ sorry to hear about your wrist. How did cha do it.Hang in there you will get through all of this. I know you will. you’ve got heart. Don’t fall for the ol daughter calling you names things and then the guily comes. Believe it or not she know exactly what get to you and how to do it well. I went through that with my daughter. Oh it was so awful. Until one day I knew what she was saying was not true by any means and I put here in her place. I let her know that I would no longer be her whipping post so to speak. She know just what to say to get you to do what she wants and the hurful truth of that is sometimes it to make you feel like s–t. Give it everything you got and do not let it bothers you at all and eventually within time she will see that you mean business and you are just not in the mood to play the game anymore. Memember it took me a long long time to finally get it. To know react when she said things and act like I just couldn’t take her hurtfullness anylonger. Love her but time to let go for awhile. Its hard I know. I have 3 adults and michelle has beeen the worst cuz of some things that may have taken place I protected her more, looked out for her more, etc. etc. It took about a year but Shell and I have a somewhat different relationship today. Much better. But I have to place close attention that I stick to my side of the street. Any that is way too much out of my mouth. love ya all
October 10th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
wwlcome randal..look forward to your blogs,,sxuse my spelling- one hand and gremlines-bad combo..
5150-
story goes that i was outside with darling 3 yr old and she asked me to swing with her. daughter was also ouyside and had been competing with mr all day, thought i was getting on the swing, but something happened and i was flying thru yellow swing, guessed i slipped,and was trying to protect myself and knew instantly something was broken pulled myself up withot daughters help, 3 yr old crying got her in the house and stopped her tears, calld hubby, told him i was broke went and picked up the 7 year old at school. he got someone to pick up the girls and it has been dr after dr. surgery on tues with fun pins. daughter and i have barely spoken since. like steve said i was doing a good thing playing with the kids, now that has taken me 45 mins to type,
tired and love you all, i’ll try to blog but probably wll write to doc and steve and they can transfer it over. might be easier till i’m into my short cast in november, i’m not having a pity party, but what happened to my life after i lost my son, sober? not sober? i am asking for your help as my blogging family,’ xoxo dq
October 11th, 2009 at 2:52 am
DQ????
omgosh sweetie, what can I do?
I am sending up some major prayers to the “almighty physician” upstairs…..(who loves us addicts)!! He CAME FOR THE SICK AND TWISTED AND WELL…….I KNOW I QUALIFY, AND DQ??? YOU DO TOO, HA HA HA (FYI…..I know her well enough to say that and she won’t “take it to the neck” incase someone wants to think it, say it or both, it’s not derogative in any way…..LOVE YOU VALLEY MAMA…..and speaking of the “valley” WHERE’S MY ‘MATER’S????
BEEN WAITING ALL SEASON FOR AN INVITE TO HELL-NO, i mean Fres-NO, lol, for the juicy tomatoes……i’ve got the salt, just point me to the patch and I’d see you all at dark!!!
HEY, i’ve been searching up, down, left, right, sideways, all-ways possible…..from Sept to the current - the NOW and can’t find my big, long, novel of a blog I wrote on Tuesday. Any suggestions?
****I can just hear you Steve-Out…….or atleast see you smiling and laughing at me and my -( well,my personality that is a touch - just a bit zealous, and that’s an understatement huh?)****
I am so sad to have missed the meeting on Tuesday….my mom flew in from Montana for a week and I haven’t seen her for months….so familiy came first, but I did hit the womens meeting at 5:30pm on Wednesday to make up for it.
Gotta get to bed, early church in the morning and I’m so tired.
glad to see all the new bloggers here, it’ great to hear the things that you are all struggling with and getting answers to those struggles RIGHT HERE ON THE BLOG. IT’S SUCH A GOOD PLACE TO BE, ISN’T IT? I miss it - and hope to integrate sloarc back into my daily schedule!!
night all…………just tryin’
October 11th, 2009 at 6:34 am
HEY JUST TRYIN’!!!! ‘Bout time you made it back to the blog!! Ha ha..Hope you can make our next group…Tuesday, Oct. 20th, 5:30pm….I looked back through the blogs for a bunch of days, and your “lost story” didn’t make it here…I suggest to all our bloggers, that it is easier and much safer, especially if you are writting a lengthy story, to write it in MS WORD, or whatever your word processing program is, then just “copy” it, and come to the blog and “paste” it in your “reply” box….It’s easy to edit that way, before you post it here, and you can spell check if you want, plus if it DOES GET LOST somehow in the transfer, you still have it in your word program, and you can just try it again…I lost SEVERAL long posts here when we first opened the blog, and as you know, it makes you want to THROW YOUR COMPUTER right off the balcony!!! Ha ha…
Hope all are well…Will see many of you this week at the office…
Steve–out
October 11th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
steve-don’t know how to do that fancy stuff
welcome home just trtin-have to wait til next season for ‘mators’ but not to worry, we are planting 120 plants next year
love to all dq
October 11th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
hey randall. u still with us?
October 11th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
D.Q. I am sorry that happened to you. Poor thing. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Come to see you take you to a meeting. call you something. You have always been ther for me and I feel I really need to be there for you. I love you lots.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Well, sitting here at home. Already gave my little Australian Shepard a bath to get the dirt from playing at the doggie hotel off her. I missed her a lot but will miss all the pampering you get on a cruise even more. Damn, seems like you just walk out of the room and your bed is made, clothes folded and fresh towels on the rack. And lets not even start on the food and chocolate bar!!! Now I am going to have to battle the real world again, meaning back to work soon. Tomorrow is soon enough to get laundry started, visit Mom, see my “demon couselor” and hit a meeting. Next day, lucky Dr and Steve, I will be visiting you as well. Made some new friends at our table at dinner and surprizingly enough, they never drank at the meals. Not to say they didn’t hit the tequila in Mexico and buckets of beer at the pool, but I was great with all my “virgin” drinks. Half of it for me is the special glass, fruit and umbrellas served up with it, the yummy refreshing taste is secondary.
DQ, sorry to hear about your wrist. Weeks before I left for vacation I had something wrong with my right one. The pain was so bad I finally went in to Doctor and it is a sheath around my tendon that is pressuring the tendon causing really bad, bad slicing pain to move. And I am stinking right handed. The initial horribly painful cortezone shot in the wrist did nothing. So Doctor game me some darvecet to take on the cruise for the pain, small surgery to schedule now I am back. Took all the pain killers while I was on cruise. Didn’t feel goofy or anything, they just took away the pain. Really noticing the difference in the pain level notwI am out of them. I am going ask for more to get me through recoverying from the surgery, really don’t feel they are addictive, just took away the pain. But I can see if someone was in constant pain how you could just keeep taking them. However I didn’t see the addictive part cuz they didn’t get me buzzed or anything.
Anyway, its great to see so many new bloggers out here, and all my old buddies as well. Lets just keep talking about how we deal with life and our fight with our addiction monsters. Sharing how we keep them in the closet is a help to all. I think its awesome that we have this outlet provided to us by SLOARC. And Steve and Dr. H there for us through the ups and downs. I don’t deserve any pity just coming back from a dream vacation, which we did save our asses for, but I will need to blog a bit. I am already coming down from the wonderful natural high I was on. Whether I like it or not, being around that much booze for a week did take a toll on me. Just didn’t feel it until now as I am unwinding. This is life, and I choose life over addition and pain. Still makes me wonder why I can’t just get silly drinking once in a while, why it would turn into a week, then a month every night without control. What fucking mind shit was I born with that other “normal” people don’t have. Enough of this or I will wonder myself into a depression when I should be counting my blessings what a great time I had and all the life I have ahead of me.
Love to all, Rock On, and keep smiling through it all. Really does help !!!
October 11th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Sounds like a great time Rockin. I do love a cruise. My addict still wonders why I can’t do some “silly” drinking and then stop. And has convinced me to try it on more than one occasion. Then, a week or so later, I go “oh yeah, because I’m an alcoholic”. I think part of it is “mind shit”, and a large part of it is body. Read the doctor’s opinion on the allergy theory. Makes sense to me. whether I was born with it or drank myself into it doesn’t really matter as I have it now.
When I was younger I could drink a few drinks and be okay. I also rarely had hangovers. Now if I take a drink I develop craving and end up with a hangover only another drink can alleviate. Now when that little voice says “you’ve been sober for awhile, just for tonight what’s a drink going to matter” I just have to laugh at myself and remember where that has led every time. If I don’t and get in a debate with the addict, he usually wins.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
5150-love you too.
rockin- glad u r home and happy about darvocet-it was my first step to nocos. take carefully-love u 2.
October 12th, 2009 at 10:08 am
417, Even when I was younger I didn’t stop drinking. Spent many an evening with girlfriends singing to me while my head was in the toliet. Then I could start again but stop before that feeling started again. Now older every night drinking the vodka I had hid in the closet, in the boots until black out. Sto embarrasing the next day at work when the girls would start talking about stuff that happened on American Idol and I would be faking it cuz I couldn’t remember. God the Popoff was such shit, on the cruise they had flavors of vodka that make it sound so delitefully exotic. Still would take me to the same place eventually, hell.
This Friday will be 60 days for me. YAHOO Ive only made it this far once, thats when I first started with Dr H and Steve in Nov 2008. Then the pink cloud disapeared and the relapses started. And the relapses went from on and off, one day or two, then clean for a while, then a week drinking. Well, you all know the story. So I know now is a dangerous, really time to hit a few meetings, and blog a lot to get out the demons to others that understand the self doubt. Understand the addict that fucks with your mind, your home alone this week, stop the antabuse, he would never know. BUT Addict, I know the truth, that is you fucking lie and don’t love me. I have to love me. I have to believe I am worth a life of sobriety and happiness. AND that the one drink would never stop there. It NEVER has!!!
So DQ, thanks for the advice. I take anything coming from you very seriously. You know your stuff sweetheart. I gotta get started on laundery and the Price is Right, favorite show, is on. Then gotta see Mom at Sydney, its been a week, and then my Couselor. Last week of vacation so I really need to get something done. Love Ya’All. Keep blogging and on the path to freedom from the Addict. Together we rock!!!!
October 12th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
In listening to all I the thought of the big book came to mind. I can’t remember the page but it talks about the fact that at one time many of us could drink and it didn’t cause problems. But for some of us we crossed over that barrier, or line where no longer had a choice but the drugs and or alcohol ruled us.. I know, sometimes it is really a hare rprocess when you think about it sometimes. I’ve come to believe that it is something in our make up of who we are. We didn’t ask for it it just swooped down and got us. I can remember some of what I thought were the good ol days but when I reallly reflect on it none of it was really all that good. Oh well. Now we just have to acknowledgment and accept the fact that we are addict/alcoholics. Accpetance is the key to all of our problems. Another big book don’t know the page. Hope all is going well with everyone. I do not know if I know anyone on this blog except DQ. Thinking I might should change my name as it is well known by alot of people both loadies and straight people who I would not want to know it was I. HMMMMM
October 12th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
“Acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today”. To remind myself of this I changed my blog name to 417. This is the page in the 4th edition of the big book that has the great paragraph on acceptance that I read every morning (along with 2 other pages) to pause and reflect on.
October 12th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
417, Acceptance is truely the key. You point out something so true, I need to pick up the big book and take the steps seriously. They are so simple that living through them sometimes seems not so very important. And yet I think they may help me with feeling good in my own skin. Slowing down, meeting me again and accepting are all part of a big picture of healing what addiction changed. Pausing and reflecting, but not dwelling on things that can not be changed and what can never be. 5150 and 417, love to read your thoughts, thank you for sharing them. Have a great evening, hope to catch you later.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Morning everyone….Great posts from all of you lately! I never get tired of talking about recovery….I hear critisism about AA meetings sometimes, people tell me, “All they do in there is sit around and talk about drinking!!” Ha ha….well yeah, that’s because we are alcoholics and addicts, and now and then we come close to talking the subject TO DEATH!! Ha ha….Having said that, Rockin’stuff touched on a very important fact; I go to AA for a couple reasons: Yes, it helps me to NOT drink and use drugs, (ANYTIME I have stopped going, I RELAPSED, and that is not just my experience, but also the experience of thousands like me..) but meetings also are a major help when it comes to all other LIFE ISSUES! Things like feeling good in your own skin, helping my insides match my outsides, issues of guilt, and shame…letting me feel ok with the MISTAKES and WRONG decisions I make on a DAILY BASIS! Ha ha…Then there is the social factor, a very large percentage of my friends are members of AA/NA today…that also includes those of you I know, that DON’T go to meetings….(YET!! Ha ha..) I just realized that I could go on for days about the benefits I receive from 12-step participation!!!
Looks like rain for a couple of days….WONDERFUL….we need it, and I love how it “cleans everything off” and the air smells so fresh!It rains like what?, 3 days a year here!!! BUT I KNOW I will hear people pissin’ and moanin’ about the darn rain today!!! Ha ha…ACCEPTANCE…ah yes…
RANDALL SMITH<>Where did you go???
JB, we would like to hear from you again as well….
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues, Oct. 20th, 5:30pm!!
Gotta get to work…I feel so very fortunate to have a job where I get to interact with all of you on a daily basis!
Steve–out
October 13th, 2009 at 6:32 am
Interesting tidbits from the California Society of Addiction Medicine conference last weekend.
Good news about heroin use: only 1% of kids used/using by 12th grade
Bad news about heroin use: 1% of kids used/using by 12th grade!
Prescription opiates have surpassed MARIJUANA in terms of number of people abusing.
More than 50% of kids abusing prescription opiates get them for free from a friend or relative.
More than 80% of the abused prescription opiates come from written prescriptions from a single doctor in other words not from multiple prescriptions from multiple doctors.
If a rat CHOOSES (lever pressing) to self-administer cocaine, cells in the brain change and stay changes for more than 30 days.
BUT if you give another rat the SAME amount of cocaine at the exact same time, their cells DO NOT change. There’s something about the CHOICE that changes the brain not related to the actual drug.
If you give people Oxytocin (no, NOT OxyContin silly!) which is a hormone usually found in women during childbirth and breastfeeding, they “trust” other people more.
There’s stuff called “Glial Derived Neurotropic Factor” that seems to have something to do with how the brain develops an addictive response to drugs.
If you smoke marijuana, it changes the way the brain later responds to OTHER drugs, even when they are taken without marijuana. It “primes” the system.
In a SIXTY YEAR FOLLOW-UP study it shows that is an alcoholic goes to AA meetings regularly, their chances of sobriety is 400% higher. (DUH - we knew that right?)
Help me out Steve… what other tidbits did we learn?
Dr H
October 13th, 2009 at 11:47 am
wow, i wish i got hooked on ‘oxytocin’ instead
maybe i’ld just be broke and naive
not broken and naive
October 13th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Well good day today. I think I have finally done some breaking through today. COULD not have done it without the ARC team. That includes each and everyone of you has touched me in some way. I personally do not know how you do it Dr. H. Esp not being an addict. To tolerate some of the stuff you have got to go through. I guess some would say you are nuts but I would say, as would others probably, that you are very unique and special in the area of helping addict/alcoholics out. You need a huge medal from all ofus. I can brag on ya if I want so there. It’s the truth and the truth shall set you free. I am almost astonished at myself and yet I know it was not just me, my higher power had a lot to do with it. I guess I just became open to it. What I am referring to is being able to walk in your office with what you asked. I really think being able to do it not only for myself but for you was what made it a little easier. You have gone through so much with me I just wanted to give you something back in return. And I knew it would thrill your heart. Anyway just had to get that out of the way.
October 13th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Way to go 5150!!! Yes, it WAS a good day for you…Doc and I both were a bit surprised….I’m happy for you, that things seem to be moving in a very positive direction!
Hope to see Rockin’stuff stay on the blog too….Thanks for keeping us updated……
Lovin’ the rain….
Steve—out
October 13th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
5150-u r very special lady, and i’m proud u r my freind. anyone woud be.
bup-life happened and we can’t go back and change. u r far more rich today sober than yesterday with diamond,siler or gold and no sobriety. u have great insight that i enjoy…
rockin- u rock. i hear more love 4 yourself lately, and that’s a geat gift. give your mom a hug from me. love to meet her. miss my mom. u r a good friend also
doc- your facts were fascinating. it;s good 4 u to share them with us. thank u doc, steve ans rick 4 keeping sloarc top-notch.
October 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am
DQ, I am really working at loving myself. I used to think that was wrong, ya know, stuck on yourself, thinking you were better than others. Well, first of all, God knows I never had that to worry about. Weird example: Was looking for something in my Dad’s old wallet with a co-worker for benefits for my Mom. Found 3 old pics of me as a kid I didn’t know were in there. My reaction.. What a fat, ugly, sad looking little girl. She looked at me funny and said she saw a sweet, pretty, shy little girl that loved her Daddy very much. Okay, I cried on the spot. Why don’t we see what other people see. Seems the alcohol became my confidence, made me feel attractive and fun. Made me feel other people liked me, party girl!!
On the cruise I made a point of looking at others that had been indulging too much. Not to put them down, oh no, I would have been there in less than a second in the past. Just to see what I might have REALLY looked like when smashed. Cuz I never had just one drink for the taste and a little buzz was never enough. Talking stupid, face slack, no soul in the eyes. Probably didn’t keep the legs together in the short skirt like one girl I observed, not too classy. Yet would the addict in me take me back there, well you all know the answer to that question. And I would willingly follow after one drink. So I still battle it. The truth vs. the pretty picture of having a couple of drinks, laughing with friends, leaving half a glass on the table and walking away. Cut to real life. Thats not me, and I can’t change that. So I choose to face it, and life with it, and enjoy life on my own terms. And it is fucking hard sometimes. Yeah, little class there HA
Last thought. Getting wrist surgery Friday. Took all the darvecet on the one week cruise for the pain. Hmm 40 + in one week, thanks Steve, maybe that wasn’t for the pain. So back and asked Dr for Vicoden instead, just cuz the darvecet upset my stomach. No it didn’t, it didnt’ do anything. But once in the office with SLO ARC group I spilled it, of course, thats me. I do want my sobriety, but I AM AN ADDICT. Its there, and not well hidden. Yes I was hoping it would give me a buzz and its NOT a relapse cuz Im an alcoholic!!! Pills are not my drug of choice so I can play with that shit all I want. Guess what, Steve burst that little bubble, didnt’ ya. Cuz you think the same as all us crazy fucking people, ya got the addict in ya too. So I gave it up to the hubby, I didn’t want to, the addict didn’t want to. He went to work and left me two today, yes Steve, I took them both at the same time. Honesty is my policy AND took the antabuse cuz I am not gonna drink no matter fucking what.
Enough, gonna get off my butt. Get off the blog and get living movin. Why sit here and romaticize the crap when living life is out there. I do enjoy life, laughing at myself and having fun. I might not be a rock star but I am a pretty girl inside and out. At least thats what Im working on. AND ONE DAY I WILL BE A ROCK STAR, ITS INSIDE ME AND ITS ALL GOOD!!!!!! Love ya’all, Play Safe and Enjoy all thats out there HUGS
October 14th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
rockin-
had my surgery yesterday.pins,screws and all/ cast up
to shoulder, still woozy,but pain much better since bone is stable. i’d been bugging hubby to put down playground mulch, and hr finnaly agreedsterday. not so much for kids but for me/ but since you r having something done,i say no more except what is yours? what did u do to yourself? glad u are getting your meds from doc. i’ve been honest with my drs here, and then there are no surprises. remember, i don’t like alcohol, don’t even have a social drink nymore, our addict will learn to like anything, especially after taking your d.o.c. away. u r doing so well, lets stay healty. but if u have any pain at all that cannot b controlled, get to drh and let him fgure it out/ learned thr hard way. i think i must have thought that because i was an acdict going to him for that. that i’d here,too bad/ but not like that at all there is no kinder, understanding place that i could think of. taje care rockin and everyone else. my timr up is over for now… sorry for the typos. not easy one handed
October 14th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Rockinstuff…..way to go! Blogging was a great idea to keep your alky/addict at bay, and help others while doing so…
D.Q. Glad you are home and on the recovery trail…Try to give yourself a break, and just heal, physically and emotionally…
Take care all..Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues, Oct. 20, 5:30pm…
Steve—out
October 14th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
DQ, I’ve got some sheath wrapped around sqeezing the tendon in my right wrist that hurts like a bitch. Of course Im right handed. Can’t brush my hair, cut an apple, I know, its a tragedy. Seriously, can’t shift car, lean on wrist and hardly hold a pen to write. Yes I’m typing but not involving thumb, goes from thumb down through wrist so holding things is a problem. So Dr. is going in to slice the sheath open to free the tendon. Out patient surgery, not a full knock out. But Im still a scared wussy girl about it. Poor DQ, you had a really serious accident and some serious surgery. You be more careful and get your ouchie better so you’ll be up to decking some more drunks/addicts in future bar fights with me cheering ya on. Oh wait, bars are not the best place for me to be hangin, really!
Thanks for the rah rah Steve. Blogging is like letting your mind out into the open for all the world to see. Then its not a secret anymore so it takes away the power. At least it does for me. And once my addict doesn’t have the power, it frees my mind for positive stuff. Stuff I want in my life. So I will keep tattling on myself, putting the bad shit into the daylight where I hope it will whither like the wicked witch. As long as I don’t melt in the rain Im still rockin. HA
Plan on being at the next SLOARC Group Session, and hope lots of ya’all do too. Should be a party with COOKIES. Right Stevo???? COOKIES YUMMY COOKIES Need that sugar high, thats not a relapse, right? Luv to all and to alll a good night. Peace Out.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:41 am
There was a fellow “JD” who has passed on. He used to say “… so I went to a meeting and told on myself” which always struck me as an easy way of looking at it.
Dr H
October 15th, 2009 at 11:04 am
my pRAYERS R with jd,
rockin- yi\ou’ll be fine also,my prayers with u 2.
having a pity party today, so got up and started folding clothes one handed. can b done, all my luv to sloarc…
October 15th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Okay. Today the tick in my head got worse. I accidently forgot to take the antabuse this am, really at the time it was, but then the tick got louder. Then voices started. Now I sound like a full fledged fucking crazy person. Voices, hmmm LOCK ER UP. All I can hope is someone understand me right now. So I cried, stoped thinking, obssessing with my addict, swallowed the antabuse fast then got my ass off the couch to a meeting. Sat silent, as usual, until the end when they say “anyone have any burning desires”. I physically raised my hand or I wouldn’t have spoke up. YES, help, please understand. Im nearly 60 days, I’ve blown it before andI think am walking a thin thin line of blowing it again. I dont know or understand why. Theres something in my head and I don’t want to fuck up again. I really spoke up. That is huge for me. I knew I was in the right place, in a room of people that understand. It was still so hard everyone, I felt so embarrased, so weak again. But I did it. It took some strenghth out of my addict, I feel saner. Im breathing, sounds stuipid but thats how I feel. Like I can breathe again.
Thanks for being out there everyone. This just helped too. I put it out in the open. Its not hidden so the lights shining in again. Really, it helped. Resident Psycho out.
October 16th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Rockinstuff - it’s insane but I started feeling the same way you did just an hour or so after leaving doc’s office today. I’m glad you got to a meeting and spoke up, I still have problems sharing when I’m having a shitty day. Honestly, I barely speak unless someone calls on me then that is my time to let it all out. I just past my four months and sounds like you are braver than me
I’m really happy I read this post because I was beginning to feel like a crazy person too. Do you have a sponsor? Because when I start feeling like that it is really nice to call up another addict or alcoholic who has been in my shoes a hundred times and know exactly how to help. It has saved my ass quite a few times now.
In other news,
I have been working on some test I need to take for school online for the past hour, it keeps failing me for some damn reason but I FINALLY passed and it keeps telling me I failed. And being the ‘woe is me’ egotistical alcoholic that I am, I just really wanted to throw the computer out the window for telling me I was wrong. Hahaha. So, I have decided I need to go to sleep and try this tomorrow when I’m not being so irrational because I just might end up breaking the computer.
Goodnight everyone, I hope you are all having a good day
October 16th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Hey Rockin,
Yea the Alcoholic/Addicted mind. You’re not crazy you’re an Alcoholic and that little voice is your Alcoholic mind trying to set you up. Everybody in the meeting you went to understood completely what you were talking about, it’s said in A/A that the Alcoholic mind has you drinking long before you pickup that first drink and its best friend is Isolation in all its subtle forms. The fact that you saw it for what it was is awesome and that you got to a meeting and shared is the ultimate one two punch. You are using the program as it was intended to be used, that sharing moment killed the isolation that your alcoholic mind thrives on so share, share, and share.
Strat
October 16th, 2009 at 9:15 am
WOW< THIS is how the blog is SUPPOSE to work!!! THANK YOU ALL so much!! Rockin’ you SO DID the right things to stay sober the last few days…..THANK YOU! “Alky”…you are doing so well, and had the presence of mind to KNOW you were in a dangerous situation….That’s ADVANCED recovery theory my friends! Maybe next time you can let some of those uncomfortable feelings out at the office, and save yourself a few hours of agony..Sometimes when people are doing really well (like you!) Doc and I get all excited, and tell you how happy we are for ya, I think it might put pressure on you to NOT TELL US when things are not perfect…Thinking you might let us down or something like that…TRUST ME…We are always supportive…If you would have mentioned your “jiggy” feelings yesterday, it would have made you AND ME less likely to drink last night..(Yup, see, I’m an alkie/addict just like the rest of you, and I need support as well…Talking with all of you on a daily basis helps keep me sober) I’m just very glad we all woke up clean and sober, and now we get a brand new day to enjoy!
NEXT SLOARC GROUP: Tues. Oct. 20th 5:30pm..
Steve–out
October 16th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Thanks Alcy and Strat. Its a beautiful morning and I made 60 days. Next goal, 61. HA, sound familiar anyone. Thank you Alcy, asking if I had a sponsor just made me take action and call mine. See, you helped me! And thats what we are all here for, to help each other. To cheer thru the good and work thru the bad.
Alcy, I sure didn’t feel brave yesterday. Like you said Strat, my Alcoholic mind had me. I have had so many relapses and the last took me so deep into hell. All that demoralizing shit thats talked about in the meetings. I knew I didn’t want to go there again but crazy talk was going on that was so convincing. And contrary to past thoughts, it wasn’t happy drunk thoughts, it was needing, craving the drink. So I know now, reach out, give the ol one two punch. Like ya say Strat, use the program and share. I used to think it was lame, go to a meeting. Fuck, just getting me to a meeting took an act of God. Ask Dr. H, the answer to that question on the little form we always fill out about the 12 step programs was Hell No, Never. Now I can say, going to a meeting last night and facing my fear by sharing helped saved my sanity and my sobriety. After the meeting there were so many people that understood that took the time to lend support.
So again, thanks Alcy and Strat. You are true blogger buddies. Going for wrist surgery in a couple of hours and I am nervous. But If I don’t need the vicoden for pain, no, I won’t need the vicoden, really think that stuff helped my mind get fuzzy weak. There, a commitment in writing. That makes it stronger. Have a wonderful sunshine day. Its so wonderful, know we need the rain, but bring it on. Blog at ya’all later. HEE, one handed like my friend DQ. Two one handed bloggers!!! LUV TO ALL
October 16th, 2009 at 10:24 am
proud of u rockin. and congrats on getting 2 60 days. our addict will do anything to screw us up. glad u realized what it was and got 2 a`meeting. lots of luck on your surgery. love 2 all dq
ps-don’t be nervous. i will b praying 4 u. u wll heal very fast and good drcision to only take meds if needed. addict will learn to love anything. i love u….
October 16th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Congrats Rockin,
You will probably need the vicodin but make sure your Husband hangs onto it and dispenses it and then if you have any left over flush that shit down the toilet do not keep it around the house “just in case” take it from me just because it’s not your D.O.C., doesn’t mean that your Alcoholic mind won’t try to talk you into making it your drug of choice.
Strat
October 16th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
exactly what i was tryin 2 say also strat, you just make it sound better. i know both r opiates,bt started with darvocet years ago 4 migraines. soon i liked the buzz. soon,no more buzz. up to vics. 5-500. buzz, then no buzz. hummm…stronger vics…750;s same story. up to norcos. buzz stopped till i was taking 1—2—3—4—5—6—at a time,and once 10,just 4 the buzz. threw them up, and honestly saved them from the toilet. start of the bottom 4 me. not a good life- especially a`gift that god had given to me. told drh today that its been a rough 2 years, but really trying to b more positive instead of negitive. been volenteering at church more,different things. if i keep my faith, i don’t need to feel sorry for myself, when my saviour calls me home,if i’m lucky enough 2 join him, my son, parents and brother will be there, and how cool is that?
rockin-feel better, and like strat says, give the meds to your huby. i’ve finally have given in, and even what drh pres. 4 me…hubby keeps it 4 me, so when addict talks, has to get through him, and he isn’t easy to get through, will i be able to control it myself someday? OF COURSE! but right now i’m still learning and finding my way. when i fell off swings and broke wrist 2 weeks ago, my 1st concern was to take care of grandbaby,then i wanted pain pills. didn’t know where they were, hubby gets home, puts them in his pocket, wouldn’t give me any, but toldthem at the hospital how things were, and hat iswhat i took. no battin my eyes 4 script. i know they had to give me something after surgery, cuz i fought pretty hard coming to. you will do well. WE ALL HAVE TO STAY WELL!
we r all good people, with a problem, but problems r meant to b solved, and lucky us 2 have each other. hopr u feel better. dq
October 17th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
rockin-hope u r doing well…
October 18th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
im doing okay DQ Pecking at keys now too Have a club for a right hand Forgot and went to scratch my forehead and nearly knocked myself out Gotta laugh, bet I looked so stupid
So surgery, was scared so did accept something to calm me beofe surgery. Remember headed down the hall then being woke up with the “club” In recovery the addict was still there to ask the Dr for a refill on the vicoden but yacha know what.. he said ibeprophen would do me just fine. I owe him a huge Thank You I was still loopy so ME was not in full control. And not being in full control from any mind altering substance takes down barriors that we need to be in place to keep the addict in their place.
Worked a Chamber event yesterday called the Wine and Roses Bicycle Run. Its a great event that brings people into our community to ride 25,50,75 or 100 miles. God, I don’t understand ruining a day to do that unless on the back of a Harley, but to each their own. For the past 7 years my husband and I would pour the wine for the wine tasting or, as we would jokingly say, wine drinking. Of course that involved quite a bit of tasting on my part to be able to recommend intellegently. HA, intellegently. Guess what, this year my husband said let someone else take our job we have become known for. Insread we worked a rest stop and I was a cheerleader for the raffle drawing. You know, I think Icould have done the pour, but why. As I need to say to myself more often, why place yourself in danger, temptation. I am still a newbie to sobriety, I’m told I already play it a liitle close to the edge with concerts and cruises, so why push the envelope any further.
So DQ, what I originally signed on to say is it is flipping amazing since the surgery. The pain is GONE. Sure its uncomfortable, but that beats pain anyday. So I am happy and don’t even need the ibeprophen, let alone vicoden. Back to work and stress tomorrow but ‘m working the third step, and I know the principals are going to help me thru it, and thru life!!!
Take care all, hope to see ya Tuesday at Steve’s SLOARC Group get together. Love to see everyone.
October 18th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
great rockin. glad u came through okay. do u have a cast? mine is all the way to my shoulder, and didn’t wear my sling to bed last night. i’m a sleep walker,talker,love to start conversations and as in real life. use my hands alot. ended up telling hubby about how much i paid for some new lamps, and got so excited that it was such a good deal that WHACK!. hit him in the forehead. woke up to lites on, he was laughing, thank god, but he;s got a pretty bruise on his forehead. poor baby. i knew i talked alot through the night, but didn’t mean to hurt thr poor dear. i owe him big time. he’s treated me so well,seeing the depression sliding around me. i told him i need to do for others, and to stop feeling so sorry for myself. we;ve gotten through some bad things, and laughter still flows…I need to thank thr Lord more also. he didn’t take my son away. an accident did. and it was just my brothers time. and on and on. what i’m saying is i’m trying to enjoy and laugh at this great gift i receved-life/ think i may be going through some of my grief steps, and trust me, i’m nothing. plenty worse off. thanks dr 4 helping me 2 adjust my glasses. they focus on others more now- at least that’s how i’m gonna wear them!!!
love to all, and rockin- get better fast—the race is on!!! winner buys the looser a soda of their choice…..the weatHer is changing in the valley. it was foggy this morN!!!!! gOD BLESS…
October 19th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
hello to all. I haven’t been writing much in the blog lately but life is great. I am coming up on the five month point where that little guy inside says to go out and get wasted, but I feel very confident I won’t use at least for today.
I still have lots of problems but running out of pills isn’t one of them. and I can drive thirty miles without having a major episode. It’s a long story.
I hope everyone is hanging in there. time to watch monday night football.
October 19th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
welcome back, and sounds like u r doing well, 5 months is a long time in anyone’s book…keep it up……dq
rockin- how do u feel???? how’s the hand. i’ve been surprised at how slow hands heal, keep the faith,love you,dq
October 19th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
How do I feel? Like shit. Having major cravings and wanting to get loaded. What keeps me from doing so is not wanting to deal with the consequences that come with me using. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get to the point of not having thoughts of using. If this is what being and feeling normal, for me it sucks and I don’t like it. My health has taken a turn for the worst and there are very few feel good days and this does not look as it is going to turn around anytime soon.
So what do I do with all these feelings and how do I get out of my head? The answer is that I’ve picked up my meeting attendance, getting into the big book, as well as the basic text, and listing to a lot of speaker tapes. Has it helped? Yes somewhat. I have also upped my dose of sub oxen, not by much but enough that it is reducing my cravings.
It’s wet outside and I’m already to go to a meeting but my ride doesn’t look like he is going to show up so I may just be left here with myself and my thoughts. Oh Joy!!!
Looking forward to the meeting tomorrow, have a few things to talk about and I know it will help to talk to others.
JB
October 19th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
JB look forward to seeing you tomorrow night. Sounds like think before the drink for me is think before you use or Lose if you use. Would that work?
Cravings, feelings, major ticks as I say in my brain. They can be so fuckin strong. Last time I felt it I called, texted, got to a meeting, spoke up and told everyone that would listen I needed help. I pray that works for you too.
We’ll all talk, Okay, we can help each other. Rockin
October 19th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Thanks for sharing her JB….Just do all the things that are suggested and that you know works…It might not make you feel all warm and fuzzy, but at least it gets you through to the next day, and then things don’t usually seem so bad…This too shall pass….Should be a large meeting tomorrow…lots of folks say they are coming, but we are addicts, so who knows..ha ha..
Increasing the sub dose is most likely a good idea for now…
Later,
Steve –out
October 20th, 2009 at 1:44 am
jb just wanted to let u kno that i think u r doing a great job, good things happen only to those who work hard at what they wish 2 acheive. hang n there,
rockin-u r doing great, heal quickly. love you, dq
October 20th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Hey! Steve knows that this alcoholic recently had a relapse. Desperate to quit drinking, I contacted him through the website, and he was candid about my ability to get atavan elsewhere. It ended up costing me $3.75, but, of course, I don’t get all the other benefits available through SLOARC. HOWEVER - the dosage recommended with my prescription seems insufficient to overcome my craving. I’m just wondering what I received before through Dr. Howalt. The current Rx for Loraazepam/Atavan is for .5 mg tablet taken thrice/day. The Rx I received some months ago through SLOARC seemed more effective. Are they the same? Or am I just more screwed up now?
The Captain (Hah! Not anymore!)
October 20th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
JB STEVE USUALLY TELLS ME,
‘BABY STEPS!’ AND IT WORKS, GOOD LUCK… YOU HAVE SUPPORT ON THE BLOG 24/7,,,365…
October 20th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
IS ANYONEOUT THERE LATELY???
October 20th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
k - so 3 hours later, no response. Guess I’m just gonna double my dosage to1 mg thrice/ day,
M.
October 20th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Hey Mike….Glad you got some help today….I certainly can not give out medical advice her on the blog…SO I would just sugest you do as your doctor told you to…Hopefully you were honest with him about why you needed the Ativan…
Best of luck,
Steve
October 20th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
mike, i take it that drh is not your dr? confussed. i’ve gone back on the blog and don’t see that u’ve writen much, tell us about yourself if you don’t mind. or is drh your dr and you haven’t seen him lately? all i know is he keeps me on track.
received a phone message when we got home this evening that one of best friends dad who had run over his neck on the ranch about 2-3 weeks ago passed away about 6p.m. so life keeps going on. he and his wife had a homein cambria for YEARS. and he retired a couple of years ago. couldn’t stay home during harvest, he spent many years on fresno farm bureau. keeping the government aware of what farmers really needed. sspent much of his time at school board meetings,helping the schools in this area. he worked tireless, and its killing me that i cannot drive 2my friends helping her like she has helped me, no driving with cast on. hubby said he’ll get me there as soon as they pack up his things and say their goodbyes. and the circle of life ebbs and flows,ans the best we can do is to take care of ourselves and each other.
rockin-how r u doing? i’ve been running a temp, on antibiotics, will see what tomorrow brings. i love you all take care dq let me no how u r doing,k? u 2 5150…..
October 21st, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Just got caught up on what’s been buzzing on the blog for the last week. I went down to San Diego for my mom’s birthday. Didn’t really have any cravings until the drive up. About camp Pendleton I thought about a liquor store I used to hit up in San Clemente. A couple drinks, tunes, relaxing drive….. Lately that thought comes up and I laugh and push it away. Today it stayed with me for what seemed a long time but probably only 5 minutes. 5 dangerous minutes. Didn’t drink but a nice reminder that everything can be going great and an alcoholic thought can creep in when I least expect it.
October 21st, 2009 at 9:00 pm
417, got lots of thoughts lately. Think worst was at Bunco get together last night. Usually its just beer and wine the girls are having and I have zero problem with that. Honestly. Couple of the girls husbands subed for missing players and they were having vodka tonics. For over 3 hours I had the smell everywhere it seemed. They were drinking controlled with just a nice buzz on. Host husband went to the living room bar, out in the open in full view, and poured another round for them after the first. It was fucking normal. Like I want to be. Normal, having a drink with friends, out in the open instead of hiding in a closet. I am so fucked up, I cried all the way home. Im still just confused. I’m scared, I’m blogging about it but I just dont know. It hurts. Im tired inside so thats all for now. Play safe kids, Peace Out !!!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:32 am
ROckin’ my suggestion is knock off all the drinking events, at least until you get a more solid foundation…Yeah, it means changing some friends…Oh well, new friends, or dead Cindy? Not much of a choice in my book… “If you hang out at the barber shop for long, you WILL get a haircut!”…….Another more crude saying is “you don’t go to a whore house to read a newspaper!!”……..Changing our actions is what it’s all about…
You’re doin’ good..just want to help you keep it that way..
Steve–out
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:37 am
Concur with Steve. Maybe someday I could go to events where drinking is a main part of the festivities, but not now. Then again…if I’m not drinking it doesn’t really sound like fun. Went to the gym yesterday and they were having a members’ appreciation day complete with free wine! Did my workout and grabbed a bottle of water on the way out. Food, wine, and people laughing and it was hours after a mini obsession. So glad I went to a meeting where there was coffee, cookies, and people laughing!
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 am
Ok Rockin’,,,,Ya hear what 417 is saying? There are TONS of ways to have fun without drinking or even being around drinking! I hiked Half Dome in Yosemite a couple years ago….Could NEVER have done that if I was stopping to take a blast of vodka or smokin’ pot….Went to Europe twice and just enjoyed all the famous sites (by the way they frown on drinking and smoking, or snorting’ coke at the Lourve’)……Lounged on “Little Beach” in Maui for a couple weeks last summer,,and yeah, lots of folks smokin’ the good stuff, but the environment was so beautiful I had no thoughts of fogging it up with dope or booze…..Could I afford all these adventures? HELL NO! I’m a working guy just like most of you, but you only live once, and I have the credit card bills to prove it!!! Ha ha…Get out and enjoy life!
Steve–out
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 am
Rocin- drinking so far isn;t my thing, but omg, set me at a bunco table,and change peanuts 4 norcos and i’d be having a PARTY! lucky who has a husband that understands in his own way. he would take me, walk around, and point say, it’s your life,so u decide if u want to swallow
those 6 norcs in your hand, or r u ready to start that new life you;ve cried 4? and i wouldn’t take a drink cuz i’ve got the ‘lecture’ ftom dr h about trading 1 addivtion 4 another. i cried all the way back to fresno.
we’re all grown up. we all know its out there. we r aware that we r prone 2 slip. thats y we carry our tools around with us, and we choose to use the tools r not. i love bunco 2, but at this point, i need 2 go 2 ones with hubby, scapbooking has b-come big in my life right now except staying away from gummy worms. the choice is ours. we know the situations. go or stay away. i love ya rockin-like i told u b4-u r the same fun loving person without that drink in your system someday u will believe it!
how is your hand?
5150-busy or can’t get to the puter?
strat? jb? mike? 417- u sounf well. dr h ? steve? anyone and everyone/ hugs 2 all DQ
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Hello all,
I think it’s amazing how well the marketing gurus have so thoroughly saturated our society with the message that you can not have fun without drinking being involved in your life in one shape or another. And since most Alcoholics have self esteems issues to start with it’s a perfect scenario for disaster. I remember when I first stopped drinking years back. In the back of my mind I truly believed that my social life was over and dead and I would never have fun again. But look at me now I’m just a social gadfly and I hang out at such exciting venues as the Sloarc blog site and party with you crazies, who could ask for more LOL. Oh and I almost forgot all the A/A meetings. And I wouldn’t trade it for a drink or fix if my life depended on (which it does) oh well just a thought I had, thanks for listening
Strat
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
thanks 4 sharing your great sense of humor strat.
u bring such a great point home that even though we r addicts,we r jusr normal and desrving of a good, fun life as of any other ‘normals’ that we live with around us. God Bless us all one and all Charlie Brown!!!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Strat, I am not sure of the marketing connection. I agree that all alcohol ads show people having fun while drinking. I’m just not sure how much the ads affected me. I’m one of the few people I know who watch ads and analyze the pitch. (I have an MBA, emphasis in Marketing, I find it interesting). I do know that from about 15 nearly all my “fun” activities included booze. I avoided activities and people that didn’t involve drinking. I don’t think it was advertising, it was my love of the buzz. Even some of my beer drinking buddies questioned me about having a couple before scuba diving. I thought my “fun” life was over when I had to stop drinking not because of advertising but because drinking was the only thing I knew.
That said, it is clear that advertising does influence public opinion and purchasing decisions. The alcohol industry doesn’t spend billions for a questionable result. I guess my point is that once I found booze it didn’t matter if it was advertised, I was going to drink. It likely did influence what particular poison I purchased though.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:21 am
Morning,
417, I’m not laying the whole concept of drinking = fun at the feet of marketing as a whole. But spend a little time watching Comedy Central during prime time where the demographics are 18 to 35 yr.old males and the pitch is pretty transparent.
The one common denominator I believe that holds true is the stories of personnel insecurities and low self esteem that alcohol seemed to miraculously cure in the first stages of alcoholic drinking , myself included of course. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard it said “ I t made me feel that I fit in “ or “ I felt uncomfortable in my own skin until I started drinking” etc. I made sure that all of my social situations included drinking and I of course drank before I ever left the house just so I could feel less anxiety in those situations and then drinking became a way of coping with life in general. I guess there’s really no conclusion to this little rant of mine other than that Alcohol is a drug and as such I believe that the liquor industry has a greater responsibility in there roll as drug distributers.
Strat
October 23rd, 2009 at 1:49 pm
strat, how do you deal with anxiety now?
of course advertsing is there to convince you that you will be more dunny, beautiful, popular with a drink in your hand. or cool while smpking a cigerette. that’s why companies spend millions a year on advertising.
advertising should be more regulated? not a bad idea perhaps…
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Now to totally contradict myself. I recently read an opinion piece on drug advertisement. It refered to the current generation as “Generation Rx”. Advertising prescription drugs was not allowed in the US until lobbyists succeeded in convincing congress in the late 90’s to allow it. Now the phamaceutical industry spends $6 billion a year advertising. The author made the point that kids now grow up with the message that there is a pill for every problem. Only the US and New Zealand allow drug ads.
I would love to see that decision reversed. I for one have seen enough cholesterol and erectile dysfunction ads. The bottom line is when we get a prescription we’re paying for the ads and through insurance for all the people who after seeing a 30 second ad believe they know better than a doctor what drug they need.
Any teens or twentysomethings out there with an opinion on how drug ads have influenced their generation’s view of prescription drugs?
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Anybody read, or just look at the advertisments, in Rolling Stone magazine. Guess it doesn’t matter what the product is. Sex sells. Period. The ad for the cherry vodka was mouth wateringly tasty, and, well lets just say the perfect images of the young beautiful women just had amazingly long tongues. Got it kids…
Anxiety DQ. Its a feeling. We are learning to live with feelings again in sobriety. They can be awesome, the best high ever reached. Then they can be so low, so painful, there’s so much doubt and questioning. Somestimes making me doubt my sanity. Thats flat ass scary, and a drink sure would help deal. Opps, think I’m going the wrong direction with this…
But ya know what, then there’s life. Not the crazy highs, not the extreme lows, just life. I’m trying to help myself remember thats the good stuff. The time you spend smiling, playing, loving, listening to music, reading a good book, you fill in the blank. Then there’s some problems, you deal and keep trucking along. Life ! So maybe that makes the crazy, extreme stuff balance out in the end. Just a thought.
And finally before checking out for the evening, the post I had after Bunco. It was the real thing. I quit the antabuse the next day. Those feelings, so strong, the need to just be normal. Tired of feeling like a freak around “normies”. Took a lot of self examination, and a little “real”iztion. I’m not a freak, I’m back on the antabuse. It still hurts but thats life. Hmmm Thanks 417 and DQ. And thanks Steve. LUV OUT
October 24th, 2009 at 10:27 am
but hey 417, man, how whould i know that i need to keep my arteries clear so my blue boner pill works to its full extent?
October 24th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
yocki-u r making it. how;s your hand,wrist recovering?
October 24th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
wow, that’s jumping to conclusions.
my wrist is just fine.
the wife could use a break!
just kidding - i hope rockin’s wrist is fine also.
October 24th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Remember bupester, if those blue boner pills make it last more than 4 hours consult Dr. H Unless the wife is a beggin for more. God you make me laugh. Just like Pink song U and UR Hand-Love It !!
DQ Wrist is out of cast and doing awesome. I was in so much pain before that I am flippin crazy happy. Haven’t even needed ibeprophen since the surgery.
Went to see Mom today after work and she’s doing well. Poor thing, the teeth just keep coming out. Her food is already put through a blender and looks like dog food half the time. But she’s well norished so thats all that matters.
Gotta get on all my rotary, chamber, foundation and women in business treasurer duties that have fallen behind since work has gotten so busy and stressfull. Get em done !!!
It’s Saturday and my hot night out is gonna be the grocery store then pop in the DVD Drag Me to Hell. Woo Hoo, Party Girl, watch out.
October 24th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Rock Glad u r doing well. i go monday to get the cast up to mt shoulder off, and i think they take out the pins? then hopfully the next cast will only going up to elbow, but probably not. i can already c where i will need therapy on elbow and then wrist, no more swinging for me usless i;m well
supervised
(I;m so proud that my hubby is almost 61 and still doesn’t need thoses blue pills!)
as 4 advertsments, i think it’s geared for the younger crowds who are so easily to convince. now,that’s a shame,
as 4 hallween, my son’s group would have a party the weekend before the holiday. he and his wife would bring the baby over, i’d drive them to their partywith their sleeping bags, and i’d pick them up about 8-9 in the morning. i remember my son pulling over on the way to one of the parties, dumped a voldka bottle out, filled it with water 9he wasn;t a drinker) and nursed that bottle all nite, so even your friends are likely to put peer pressure on u. that is also sad that people can make you feel bad because u DON’T drink or use drugs.
Erveryone HAVE A SAFE WEEKEND. love and hugs to all, DQ
October 24th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
bup=-sorry lol hard to type 1 handed!!!!
October 24th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
i’m still lol at bup….
October 26th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Dr H and/or Steve:
Not that need it, but I read a while back that by October of this year a generic suboxone would be available. Have you heard or have any info on this?
Your program is very afordable, but sometimes people I talk to cannot afford the Suboxone.
Drums
October 26th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Drums, yes Suboxone will be goin generic sometime in the furture….But as you may or may not know genericic companies are not just “given” the formulas for medications..They have to figure them out on their own, and seems Suboxone is not an easy one to figure out…I think they are probably missing the “eye of newt” and ‘left handed bat wings” at this point! ha ha…Plus there is no guarantee that the price will drop..
BTW, how are you doin’? still off subs? keep us informed….
Steve–out
October 26th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
There a bunch of us alchys waitin on the sub for us. Ahh, whoever invents that will be a rich person.
October 27th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
keep the faith rockin. honestly believe something for alcoholics will soon follow..
of course, are the alcolic comapnies paying to keep it uner wraps? love to see them go out of buisness
didn’t get my cast even slightly trmoved, but the xrays showed a bone chip that he wants to go vack in and get, because he missed it. for those of you who know me , i got in the car and of couesr crird. then our deareast friend from north fork called and yold us her husband fell in their home oct 6. hit the tile on their steps and broke his neck. 2 people who we have loved since the 1st of the month who broke their necks. devastaed.
October 27th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
I was talking with another addiction doctor at the San Francisco California Society of Addiction Medicine conference Steve and I went to earlier this month. I mentioned I wished I had “Alcohol-o-done” as the methadone or Suboxone equivalent for alcoholics. He said….
We already have that don’t we? It’s called Valium.
I thought it was an amusing perspective.
d
October 27th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
I was accusing a patient today of staying too close to the “edge” between sobriety and recovery. They seem to not “step AWAY from the addict” even though they stop using.
I always liked the picture of being on a lazy river and there’s a big waterfall you’ll go over if you don’t swim “away from the edge”. So the trick is to keep swimming upstream and get way away from the deadly waterfall. That way if something comes up and you stop swimming, you can safely drift for a while before you start nearing the cliff.
I think I’ll start a new thread. Thank you to all who keep this alive and thriving. Steve has started suggesting to new people who call but aren’t patients yet to join in the discussion here!
There are STILL a bunch of “lurkers” who read and follow but don’t post comments!
I “double-dare ya” to post!
Dr H
October 27th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Hello everyone. I went to the dentis today and ended up having to have some surtures on one of my teeth he pulled. It has all ready broken off and he had to go in there and get the rest of it. Well needless to say I had 3 teeth pulled and the one just gave him shit. But it is done, and I always hate the way you feel after you been numbed and poked and prodded on, the ol neck hurts your head hurts . You know all the shift we can think of when stuff like this happens. Needless to say we have tried you on vicodin right. You did okay with that and my response was every so quickly no I do not want any of that. He said good girl and gave me the non narcotic way to do it. 600mg of Ibuprofen and 1 extra strength tylenol every six hours. And that it what I am doing. Sometimes we do not see the growth in our own selves until something like this happens. Although my thought was what good are they going to do me anyway. You have to stay off the sub for so many days then you can use the vicoden. That just does not make sense to me. I would want to be able to feel them now.
Anyway, Hey DQ how are you doing? good I hope. I got so excited today I thought I heard you in one of Docs examine rooms and I couldn’t wait to talk to you but wrong. Twas not you.
Hope everyone has a good Halloween. I am going to Temecula to see my grandkids and son. Hope it all works out as planned.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
PS Sorry I missed seeing to today Steve. But at least I got to see the big guns. lol