September 2009 Part Two - Archived Do Not Post Here
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September 19th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
A while ago oldschool wrote
okay..how do you get someone to reply to you..and what does
“Your comment is awaiting moderation” mean…like my question have to be approved before anyone can answer..or help..hmmm..well..must say..so far..not to happy with the way this program is ran!!
September 19th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
# Fishing Girl Says:
September 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I need someone to talk to. I am 21 weeks pregnant, I got off suboxone rapidly as soon as I found out…it was rough, but not safe for the baby, I also was taking klonopin for anxiety and stopped that too. I have recently been having really strong cravings for opiates and severe anxiety due to that. I dont know what to do and neither does my obgyn doc. He just wanted to put me on methadone and that is not going to happen. I feel so bad and no one understands?
September 19th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
# OldDustyMan Says:
September 9th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Where are all my answers? I was told, without a doubt, that this was the place to find my answer. Suboxone is addictive as hell, and I want off. I don’t want to share why - I just want to get some help getting off of this stuff. No one warned me how addictive it is. I’m stuck and I need help. Anyone out there got an answer instead of another question?
September 19th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
jaydub Says:
September 16th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
hello i tried to blog on the 12th but it said awaiting moderation. this is a test.
September 19th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Stratman Says:
September 17th, 2009 at 7:28 am
OldDustyMan,
Making friends again I see, before you start patting yourself on the back for finding the website with all the answers you need to take a very close look at the ratio of forum members that successfuly ween themselves off Sub. without relapsing. I’ve been monitoring that site for close to a year and the percentage is pretty lousy. As for yourself do you have all your ducks in a row, stong A/A or N/A network, a sponsor who knows your story, do you know the difference between habit forming and addictive behavior? Those are questions only you can answer. If you decide to ween then jump keep us mere mortals in the loop and pass along the knowledge and wisdom you collect on the way. As always.
Your humble servant
Strat.
September 19th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
bupester Says:
September 18th, 2009 at 9:19 am
alright, let’s start fresh,
hope everyone is having a glorious day.
saw an old dr of mine the other day.
no big deal - he was the 1st to label me as
** drug seeking behavior **
kind of odd at 1st, but was grateful in the end.
weird, how resentments turn to anger,
but at full fruition - gratitude
similarities? anyone….?
September 19th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Green eyed lady Says:
September 14th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Hello. Hey DQ, I gather you lost a child. And I can so relate to that. I lost my precious daughter 7 years ago to sucide. I will never be the same. She had a problem with opiods ( pain meds. ) and a husband who couldn’t stop bringing them home. And because of the high price of drugs, they could not pay their bills. So all the stress, and all the pain from withdraw, over and again, trying to raise 3 small children, my little girl gave up. I cry every day. Why ? Why ? I miss her so much. I raised my oldest grandson, the 2 smaller ones stayed with their dad. My grandbabies are so messed up in one way or another. I spend every available time, holidays, vacations, when ever, with my grand children. My oldest grandson ( Joey )is now in college. The 2 younger ones, Nicole (14yr )and Brooklen ( 9yr ) All of them excell in school, I guess that might help them cope. People say in time it will get easier. Bull shit!
Also DQ I have been going through meno for 9 years. And I don’t think it’s fair that we, as woman, get to go through it for ever. Mildly or unconfortable. And don’t forget that mind screwy crazyness. I’m with you, I’m not crazy ( all the way ) I’m just getting older.
Take care everyone.
September 19th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Drama Queen Says:
September 19th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Hello Jaydub, Old School, and Fishing Girl. Doc and his team have been out of town for real, and glad you’re on now.
Fishing Girl- Don’t know much about pregnancy and sub or what to do, but Dr will help you when they get back. I’m sure of that. I hate to give any suggestions, cuz I’m not medically trained. But good luck sweetie.
You guys home now? It was a long time you being gone. Hope you learned alot, and got some fun time in as well…the yapper. Clap once and I start, clap twice and I stop.
September 19th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Hey Y’all, back from the wild woolies of New England!
Lotsa action I see.
Old School - To keep the porn and spam off we need to “moderate” the first comment someone makes, from now on your comments will show up right away. We we’re out of town and away from our ability to approve new users, sorry!
WELCOME!
Old Dusty Guy - how can we help? Big picture - and this has been discussed at length before, getting off Suboxone is usually difficult. The problem goes back to the whole quitting opiates to begin with. It seems if you were able to be “okay” without opiates, then you would simply stop the drug you were abusing and move on, but since you were not able to do that then you probably will struggle getting off Suboxone as well.
The big question is WHY are you wanting to get off Suboxone and have you weighed the pros and cons? Relapse is dangerous, and taking Subs avoids relapse.
How to get off? Simple - taper down slowly and get meds that help the symptoms of withdrawal, and be darned sure you’re doing other things in your life to avoid relapse, meetings, counseling, other mood medications etc.
You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, and perhaps if you were friendlier and less judgmental and asked things in a positive way you would get responses more to your liking.
Dr H
September 19th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Fishing Girl - WELCOME, sorry it took a while for us to get you approved here.
You are in a pickle, misery and possible relapse vs. taking buprenorphine while pregnant.
My opinion, get on Subutex as soon as possible! Yes your infant may have some symptoms of abstinence when born but that is EASILY treated and safe etc. The risk of you relapsing is HUGE and FRIGHTENING and would be really really bad for your infant.
Several talks at the symposium at Cape Cod where we were talked about how going off opiates when pregnant is ill-advised and dangerous to the unborn child.
We have treated several pregnant women with buprenorphine at SLOARC and it has gone well. All indications are that buprenorphine is safer than methadone and causes less symptoms for the newborn. The “official” recommendation is to take methadone, but only because methadone has been around and studies longer, there have been zero indications the buprenorphine is inferior and several indications it is superior to methadone.
Dr H
September 20th, 2009 at 6:36 am
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: This Tuesday, Sept. 22, 5:30pm! Hope all can attend, it’s been awhile, and it will be fun to catch up with what’s been going on with all of you!
Steve–out
September 20th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Morning Steve
Has anybody heard anything from Rockinstuff ? I know you may not be able to reply on the blog due to hiapaa ruleings but I was concerned.
Strat.
September 20th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Didn’t Rockin suggest she was making herself beautiful through surgery, or am I remembering a movie? That’s what I remember Strat, and I’m not bound by hepa…
THEY’RE HOME, THEY ARE HOME. OUR SOLDIERS CAME HOME! Thank you Dr. about the honey and vinegar thing to someone. I must have cried a river after reading his RUDE remark.
Fishing Girl- Doc is good. Really. If you need help, and want a healthy baby, sounds like he can help you.
Not taking anything for surgery, yea to me! Except my antibiotic for phenonia (How the heck do you spell that?) Why wouldn’t they let me take my gallbladder home in a jar?
Talked to much, clapping twice…out
September 20th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Rockin’stuff is doin’ just fine…I guess she just hasn’t been in the blogging mood lately…We will see if we can persuade her to come back here!
Steve–out
September 20th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
You should all come on tues!. Hope you all are happy and well today!
JWS
September 20th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Same to you JWS. If i can sneak out on Tues, I’ll be there, but hubby keeping tight rope on me since surgery.
Rockinstuff, Rockstuff,
Where did you go?
We miss all your energy,
Just so you know.
SO, write us a ditty,
Doesn’t have to be pretty,
Just show the blog,
That you still like to log.
Miss u and hope you are okay. hugs.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Thanks Steve
September 20th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Glad you guys are back. Thanks for the phone call today Steve. It was nice of you to call and remind of the meeting. I am going to try my darnest to pull this one off. It’s either mandated overtime or car problems. Sorry out of my control.
Hey not a good idea I think to put out your feelings when they are rude and can possibly offend others. Everybody has their own thought and advice about Sub but then that may be for you. If ya want to be on them for help then do it if ya think they are addictive then don’t. That’s my thoughts anyway.
See you guys soon I hope. Oh DO it would be so neat if you could come to some of the meetings. Let me know if ya do okay? Love ya lots and hang in there you are doing good.
And I have the same advice to the poor one that is pregnant. My 39 year old daughter had her last child (I hope) 3 years ago and she was all kinds of narcs. She has some serious back and neck problems. They did not take her off all of her meds. So ask Doc. They know these kinds of things. It is really bad for mom and baby to just quit. Thats what they told her anyway. Take care it will be all right. Hange in there and keep close to Doc and tell him EVERYTHING. Well I have to get off this computer. I have to work tomorrow.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
5150= If I can drive, I’m gonna be there. You were the first person I met, and loved you from the start. Lost your number. I’m not great with phones that eat my numbers, ect. Barely do well on the blog.
Fishing Girl- 5150 is SO right. GO SEE DOC. He’ll work with you, you’re Dr., it’s must. And as just said above, tell him everything. There isn’t anything he hasn’t seen or heard. And he knows when you tell the truth. He just lets you come out with it in your own time. He’s the best. I don’t live on the Central Coast and drive 2=3 hrs to see him. Not only that, you get the support of his staff (wonderful), and the biggest blessing is the blog. The people will embrace you and walk with you through this. Give it some hard thought sweetie. God’s giving you a wonderful gift. And the only thing Dr demands is that you name the baby after him. Naw, just kidding. I’d say let us know how you are, but I get in trouble for that one. Yap, yap, yap! take care fisher.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:09 am
First of all my apologies to Drama Queen. I’ve been withdrawling from sub for 16 days now and the addict side of me let loose on you the other day. I think those of you who are addicts know where I was. No excuse for being a dick head, but I think most of you can relate. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m doing much better now. Again DQ, sorry. Thanks to everyone that sent replys my way. I’m heavy in AA & NA right now until I can call myself cured, so I supose that means never. But you guys dont be afraid of getting off sub, but stay close to a program and you should be fine. Good bye, and good luck.
September 21st, 2009 at 9:41 am
Thanks Admin for cleaning up after me see ya Wednesday
Strat
September 21st, 2009 at 11:25 am
OldDustyMan- Apology accepted. Seee, honey is better. Hope you are doing well, and that is not a yapping woman, just another addict sharing concern. God Bless ODM.
Strat=What did you do that needed cleaning up? You did great.
September 21st, 2009 at 1:43 pm
GREETINGS OLD FRIENDS……….
THE ROCK STARS THAT YOU ARE….
HOW DO I MISS THEE?
HA HA
WILL UPDATE, EXPECT A NOVEL……..STILL DOING THE DEAL….AND I NEVER EVER IMAGINED I COULD ENDURE SO MUCH, YET STAYING IN THE NOW AND UTILIZING THE…..”ADDICTION FIGHTING OUTLINE CALLED– “H.O.W.” —If ya don’t know it’s an acronym for (honesty, openmindendness, and WILLINGNESS) Anyway it’s worked again, and as usual if you do this, then you will see how HOW has prevailed once again.
If you do know me, and are thinking “who’s this chick? Just a fellow boxer who I fell off the blog,(not the wagon, and am finally making the time to touch base here with my favorite “BOXERS”
( THE SUBOXERS WHO KICK THE S__T OUT OF ACTIVE ADDICTION ON A DAILY BASIS)…..DING DING……AND THE WINNER IS……….
Cool huh?
When I can sit down, give my totalness I will elaborate.
~~~ITS GONNA BE A TOSS UP TO WHETHER I DIVULGE MY ABSENCE FIRST OR READ MONTHS WORTH OF MISSED BLOGS….GOD, I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING OKAY!!!
I’VE MISSED YOU GUYS, ITS WEIRD HOW I FELT GUILTY TAKING CARE OF ME AND MY KIDS before I woulda put others first…..but, I’ve learned in the program that it’s okay to be selfish, (good kind), because I am able to admit and share my “life” in all its chaos of late and take care of me first.
God, that sounds so weird, but it works like a dream, or a miracle…..
And speaking of dreams? Of miracles.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR MY FRIENDS…..YOU ARE A DREAM, AND DEFINATELY A MIRACLE.
Again— i’m so glad to be typing my usual “tourette’s- like” style here, and know that you guys either roll your eyes or smile. HONESTY ROCKS.
THE SAYING “IF IT’S NOT KIND NECESSARY OR TRUE THEN DON’T SAY IT?”
I beg to differ….it may not be kind, but if it’s neccessary and TRUE??? If its 2 outa 3 then I say tell them…….get the blood pumpin’ and find out the real issue!!!
Hi Steve, Hi Doc…..
Blessings to you all……meeting manana???? yes!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Just Trying- God first, you second, family next, friends and other stuff after. You are doing awesome! Never apologize for putting you and your family first. That is where you belong. Good going and good to hear from you. hugs…
September 21st, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I know Strat isn’t going say nuting on what he wrote, and I suspect he was ‘asked’ to keep an eye on the nuts. Strat , if that is the deal, you done real good. That’s a country girl(?) talking, and, well, thanks. u is real smart!
Steve-thought I’d be up enough to drive tomorrow, but answer was NO. From several people. I’m doing good except for the crap in my chest, but I’m on a strong anti.. Really thought I’d be there for the meeting. Just set a chair out with my name on it, and let me know what I say. Remember, clap once to talk, twice to shut up!!! Don’t ya love making fun of yourself. Temp is 101, which was the deciding factor. Oh well, NEXT TIME!!!!! Have a good one.
September 21st, 2009 at 5:20 pm
D.Q. You just stay home and get well, ok? Rest is very important….
Strat didn’t say anything bad today, there was just a couple confusing blogs, and it seemed there would be no loss of information if I deleted them, so that’s what happened….You guys seem to take care of yourselves very well on here without much help, and that’s really cool…
WELCOME BACK “JustTryin’” I knew you were ok, from some emails and FaceBook, but now the bloggers all know you are still in the game!!! Thank you SO MUCH for checking in, and yes, we are having group tomorrow, Tuesday the 22nd, 5:30pm. You are most welcome to come of course….
Busy day at the ol’ SLOARC office, and the good news is it seems pretty much everyone is doing ok…..
See some of you tomorrow…
Steve–out
September 21st, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Well, DQ, I’ll chime back in ’cause my post was deleted. It read something like this, after my previous post:
DQ, you kepp a yappin’ ’cause the addict in all of us fuckin’ hate it.
I don’t know why it was deleted. It was just a continuation of my remorsefull “yappin’” of my own. Well, I hope you guys get where I was at because it was totally an addict reaction.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Thank you Steve, but please know that I really want to be there on a Tues. when you have a meeting. If some of you haven’t been, they are AWESOME!
I was just asking about Strat, because I don’t know if he realizes what a great leader and mediater he is. Strat could never say anything bad. Unlike myself where words flow like, well, i’ll skip the example (lol), he thinks on it, and it’s smooth, intelligent, and sensable. So thankd Strat for keeping a cool head while the doc and team were gone. Appreciate it very much.
Okay Dusty, I’m confused. Clap once for go ahead and keep yapping and twice for no. You are turning my head around, and I’m getting dizzy. Gee Dusty, are we becoming…………………..friendly? wow. go figure.
Have a great meeting Steve, and I will do what the Dr. says. Working on getting my temp down. I was gonna be so cool and show everyone how fast I recovered. Not a good idea. haha, that’s a hard head for ya.
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:28 am
Well D.Q. let’s just say that I reacted to something in a prejudicial non constuctive manor and will leave it at that. I know that doesn’t scratch your itch to know but if we ever meet face to face I’ll tell you. As for the being a cool headed leader and mediator I’m flattered by your remarks but that is far from the real life Strat I’m just a Alcoholic Junky trying to work my program on a daily basis floating with the flotsam and jetsam of life. This blog allows me to slow down enough to think before I speak (sometimes) which gives a false impression I’m afraid.
Strat.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Old Dusty - curious how much sub you were on and how long/hard it was to get off the sub. I was at 32mg tapered to 2-4mg and jumped. stillcould not sleep for amonth and felt crappy for two months. Nasty stuff. I would have preferred to get back on a short acting and then jumped off.
But I made it…
Drums
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Strat- Thought I wrote back to you, but I either didn’t hit send, or the gremlins deleted it.
I’ll try again. I think you Strat don’t give yourself enough credit. But do, because you deserve it. You may be a recovering addict like many, but you are intelligent, and you know it. Hope to meet you on the trail one day.
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:44 am
This is a day for us to go forth and make good…for ourselves and EVERYONE who walks around our path. have a great day. I have check up with dr who cut hole in belly button. One week already. Time flies….
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:04 am
Drumslrll, I was at 24 then 8 for a month, 4 for month, 2 two weeks, then jumped off. Should have tapered more but profession wouldnt allow it. I still feel like shit, and the addict side of me makes that as evidant as it can. Driving me nuts. Restless lags and cant sleep, but Im over the hump and doing better each day. There’s alot of good info I found at addictionsurvivors.com on tapering, but I found it after I already jumped and there was no turning back.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:28 am
Morning bloggers! Thanks to those that came to group last night…Lots of folks home with the flu right now….
Good info from Drums and Old Dusty…..Best way to learn new things is from someone who has “been there.” From what I have learned listening to many patients and addiction doctors at the symposiums I have attended, it seems that the drop from 2mg to 0 is where it gets rough….the suggestion is to decrease your dose a “crumb” at a time from 2 on down…..I have used Suboxone for pain relief after back surgery a couple years ago, and can attest to the fact that Suboxone is POWERFUL medicine… I was only on it for a couple months, and used very small doses, and when I stopped I only had a day or two of “not feeling so good”…..Some think that since it doesn’t get you loaded, there will be no withdrawal…you all know that is NOT true! Suboxone IS an opiate. Seems to me the advantages of staying on Suboxone, (a lot of folks only take 8 or 4mg daily for long term maintenance) outweigh the possibility of relapse…The numbers from our office of people who relapse after discontinuing Suboxone are in the high 90% range…..I know of patients that started Suboxone after being clean from opiates for 2 YEARS! Why would someone do that? Because Suboxone has been proven to help stop the craving for opiates… One person told me that they for sure would have relapsed had they not started Suboxone…The craving for opiates disappeared on day one of Sub use. Normal folks have small amounts of natural opiates in their systems….As a non-using addict, you might consider the possibility that you are “opiate deficient”….. I know that sounds a bit strange, but it makes sense…..Suboxone fills that deficiency without getting you loaded. Having said that, I also gladly support anyone who chooses to jump off…Our mission at SLOARC is to do whatever is necessary to help you achieve YOUR goals, not OUR goals, or those of a biased society…Bottom-line: The choice to stay or jump is yours, my job is to give you all the information I have on the pros and cons….
Please continue to keep us informed with what’s going on with everyone…
Steve–out
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:54 am
well all i can say about tapering and the jump is
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
i tried everything, and i think i’m better off right here.
my addict was having a field day with my misery.
a crumb here, a crumb there -
i found myself searching for a reason to have another.
and that feeling is exactly why i’m back here - at 16mg
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:33 am
Interesting Stuff;
My understanding of this drug after reading the clinical trial docs. was that 2mg gave almost total saturation of your opiate receptors and anything over that was just frosting on the cake so to speak and that the reason that the last 2mg. is so hard is that your primarily jumping off a full dose at 2mg.
Strat.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 am
Good stuff guys….I totally agree with Bupester as far as staying on or getting off…..and everyone is a bit different as far as what dose works the best…Max therapuetic dose of Suboxone is 24-32mg, meaning that anything above that does nothing as far as filling opiate receptors…..I have not seen the info that talks about 2mg doing that Strat, but I’ll look into it….
Hope everyone is have a good, no-withdrawal day! ha….
Steve–out
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Okay, blondes get confused. So Steve, you are saying non addicts have opiates in their system? Like adrenalyn? (Excuse spelling, can’t wear contacts or glasses from whatever I had ) So, it’s a natural type thing happening in a normal person?
Strat- So 2 mlg. should carry you after you adjust?
Dusty- Do you mind me asking your profession? Because I know you sure need your wits to keep your life with many, many jobs. Don’t yell at me, you don’t need to answer…LOL?
Drums- Congratulations. Do you get cravings? Or have you conquered that with AA/NA?
I’m just trying to catch up and understand. That’s all I can do.
Will see you Steve and Doc in the office tomorrow. Surgeon said, “you think you can drive, then drive! personally, I don’t think women make good drivers.” Marriage issues maybe???? Cris was nice enough to fit me ”tight in the schedule.” Thanks to Cris. That is such a great name. Brings back memories years ago. “What do you name this child?” “Kristopher”. My traveling angel buddy…
love to all and have a great day, and great weather for me tomorrow…
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Steve or Doc. Another question I still don’t understand. WHY doesn’t sub help my knee pain. Am I weird? Put together differently? We can talk tomorrow. Or share on the blog, I’m not shy…
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Steve,That 2mg data is from the cat scans of the trial members and their peak saturation levels on different levels of Sub. That data could be found on addictionsurvivors.org on one of there forums as a data link that somebody posted. If I stumble across it again I’ll print it out and bring it to you. And no D.Q. that’s determind by you and your doctor as you know. It’s that the cat scans had shown that 2mg. attained almost a 90 plus percentage level of filling the receptors and anything above that only filled in the remaining 10 percent where as any thing below 2mg.had only minimal amounts of the receptors filled. Remember wer’e not talking about how long the dose last just the amount of receptors it filled.
Hope I’m not muddying the waters here the bottom line is do what the Doc. says period.
Strat.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Thanks Strat. I’m just really trying to wrap my mind around all I read, and sometimes I need people to help sort it out for me. I wholeheartedly have always agreed with, CALL OR TALK WITH YOUR DOCTOR. It is by far the MOST important stratagy to follow. Otherwise, why try? I usually doesn’t work doing it yourself.
I’m very excited that I get to go to SLO tomorrow. The doctor here said, still no lifting or pushing until pain is ALL gone (about 2 weeks), and I intend to follow directions. I’m just very tired, and was told that is normal.
Everyone have a great night…
September 24th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Hey all. Only have been on this blog one other time and have a bit of a hard time thinking and writing about anything. I just got the internet where I don’t have to go through changes to use it, so thought I might give it another try. Lately I have been having those cravings again so have increased the amount I was taking. I take very little and I do know that when I take more it does help. I also find that it can work the opposite with me if I take too much. I take suboxone strickly for cravings, It seems to have no bearing on any of the pain I go through so at times I have a hard time thinking of it as an opiate even though I know it is and am also aware that when I don’t take it I feel like shit. I read these blogs about people getting off it, and I guess we all have to answer our own ? of why we are on it in the first place and what is the ultimate goal here. I have no doubts nor do I kid myself to think if I wasn’t on suboxone I would stay clean! And I do have a very strong aa/na base program going on. But after so many years of opiate use I still most on a daily basis think or romance the thoughts of getting loaded. Last nite was a bad dream nite. Even after a long time of not using I still have those using dreams. I feel this is something I will just have to learn to live with, as well as the taking of suboxone. I know where the other takes me and it’s not good, so I look at taking suboxone as the least of the two . I do spend alot of time to myself and maybe I just need a companion and someone to talk to at times to just keep my thinking from going there. I know from the past that when I stay focused on others or other things it helps me stay out of my own head. Ok don’t know if any of this went anywhere but I guess it help me do just that, get me out of myself for a bit so now I got to go. Hopfully will return again soon. Buy the way I love the groups you have much more enjoyable than some of the aa/na meetings I go to. Wish there where more of these types of groups available. see you all soon. jb
September 24th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Everyone is different - that I think we can all agree on. One thing I learned is that with Sub less is more. At 32mg I would get hot flashes, sweats and feel crappy. At 2mg I just felt “normal” - better clearer. I have read several who state bascially the same thing 2mg is where to be. Now the addict naturally wants 16, 24 or 32!
Responding to Drama - I just say no. No meetings, no drugs, no smoking. I hope it lasts.
Dusty - it takes while no doubt. Exercise really helps if you can doit - even a good walk or bike ride. Get a bike - reminds you of being a kid again.
I must run to a meeting - but I would like to weigh in on Steve and Dr at some point. I hope all are well and whatever is working continus to work.
One note the Sub’ers might take satisfaction - a generic is due out by 1/2010. Dr. H might be able to expand on this (at least rekitt has lost it’s patents).
Drums
September 24th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Hey. Missed everyone. I’m back!! Will post when I get home. Love Ya’all. XOXO
September 24th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Hey Drums and Dusty
Keep checking in here on us Subbers and let us know how your doing good bad or indiferent.
And D.Q. hope you had a good visit with the Doc. and enjoy your stay on the coast.
Strat.
September 24th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I wanted to invite any and all persons who may have been on Suboxone and stopped it to tell us how that worked out.
In my experience the relapse rate is high for those who stop successful opiate replacement therapy.
I’m encouraged you were successful DrumsLLrL, it was frightening when it didn’t work out the first time you tried, and you were fortunate to make it back on to Suboxone so quickly.
Stratman is pretty accurate in the info regarding receptors saturation at low doses of buprenorphine.
Dr H
September 24th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
So fellow bloggers, its been a really long while. I know I’ll never be able to catch up on all the reading so I hope life has been good for all the month or so I’ve been gone.
So yes DQ, I did have a little minor surgery for “beauty” purposes over a month ago. It has been that long since we’ve talked. The vicoden was held and dispensed by my husband. I only took 3 for pain BUT, I had too much time on my hands and alcohol entered my life again. Home alone for recovery I thought I was hiding it well. The lies started again. So as ironic as it was, surgery for beauty purposes and I become ugly again. God I hated myself. I couldn’t blog. Finally on my birthday, first day back to work, I stopped at the liqour store, picked up my old friend and got shitfaced. WHY THE FUCK, I was a crazy, depressed alcoholic bitch. My husband called me on it. He knew I had been drinking the last few days, and I was tired of hiding it. I think I was ready to give up and in to letting it all go. So he threw and broke chairs, hole in the wall and then the bag was packed and he was walking. So all, that’s when I cracked. I was finally ready to die. Yup, sorry if it just sounds like drama to those that don’t know me. But I was done, tired, beaten. I wanted to just stop the hurt I felt and had cause those close to me. Seriously, I know I’m not worth it. So the words came out that I was thinking as he was walking out. I’m just going to kill myself. Thats when he stoped and said I had trapped him. It was the worst evening of my life.
Fast forward to next day. Suitcase still on floor, house a broken wreck and off to work I go for a rotary meeting, managers meeting, and huge business meeting with clients and board. Poor Steve, he was stuck receiving all my desparate texts. And yes, I still wanted to kill myself. I felt like shit and in between meeting #2 and 3 I just drove. Then I realized I was too fucking chicken shit to kill myself sober. I was sobbing, poor Steve so didn’t deserve this. Finally Dr. H called to slap me with a reality check. Lets just say, he couldn’t be nice. AND I HATED HIM. What a fucking piece of shit I was, I am so sorry to say it now.
So now you know why I was too scared to blog. I fucking blew it and the people I love and trust deeply saw really ugly that I don’t like in me. I met Steve at a meeting the day after, life was hell at home, but what options were there. I called my sponsor and did not get a warm fuzzy hug. But she helped me, the alcoholic, pick up the pieces.
So Im back to meetings, working step three, taking the antabuse, keeping in touch with Sponsor and Steve, and life at home is good at day 37 of sobriety. It a scary spot cuz this is typically a relapse point for me, but I recognize that. Husband is out of town and I am figiting like crazy. Called Steve and he said BLOG !! Sorry I just dropped out but I didn’t like me and needed to get back on track.
DQ, I really felt I had let you down after meeting you. You made me feel so special when you told me about the spark you saw in my eyes and the energy you felt from me, how you knew I could make it. And JWS, she was so there for me. I just fucked up again and nearly lost it all. I was ready to give up. I nearly did.
So like I said I’m back. I’m scared of dying. Alcohol is my demon, my addiction. I won’t be so long winded in the future but needed to get it all out there. Missed everyone, Im damaged property but hoping to use the entire tool box available to make repairs.
Take care everyone. Our addicts are not our friends and do not give a shit if they destroy us and everyone around us in the process. Hoping you will all allow me to step back in and kick my ass when I need it, give hugs and help celebrate when life is good. Thanks, Love and Peace Out, Rockin
September 25th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Welcome back Rockin
Surrender is the most phenomenal starting point for addicts of any stripe(drugs or alchohol) so use that feeling for all it’s worth, ring every insight and emotion you can out of it and create the environment for change that you need right now. As for self recrimination thats another animal all together. In my experience beating one’s self up over and over again for something that has effectively happened in the past and can not be changed regardless of how hard we try does nothing but lower your self esteem and robs you of the strengh you could be useing for your recovery and besides I’m sure your higher power thinks your somebody who is special, unique and loved.
Strat.
September 25th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Whew!!! Lots of emotions on the blog this morning…Good stuff….Rockin’stuff thank you for doing what you needed to do yesterday to abort a relapse! That is NEW behavior and a huge sign that you are changing in a positive way! I’m thinking that waking up this morning, SOBER, was a big relief! The other option would have been, drink to oblivion ‘till around 2am, then wake up this morning feeling like scum of the earth, with just enough Vodka left to kill the morning terror, so then we call in sick to work, and finish the job we started, only to have our spouse come home and find us once again shit faced (that’s a medical term…) and we just start that horrible cycle all over again……..makes me tired just remembering it…..
Good going Rockin’!!! If you continue to use the tools of sobriety like you did yesterday and today, you will have a long, exciting, fulfilling life; ONE DAY AT A TIME!…..
Welcome back “JB”…..you have a wealth of knowledge, and I’m glad you are sharing some of that with us…..Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Oct. 6th, Tuesday, 5:30pm!
Steve–out
September 25th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Hey Strat, Good to connect again. As usual you are right on about stupid fucking self recrimination. I think we all tend to beat ourselves up more than anyone one else could and it is useless wasted energy. Recovery is a rough road and we all need to gas up on premium and keep our tanks full.
Steve, my best bud and fellow alcoholic. Thanks again for knowing the score. It is so good to not to even have to tell you what Im feeling, you just understand. Your description of what my morning could have been was just scary. Right down to the calling in sick, after all I did have the flu earlier this week, and drinking the last of the vodka to live with the shithole I had dug for myself again. It was awesome to wake up looking and feeling good this morning. I couldn’t help smiling all day and people told me I was glowing.
So Im eating pizza, watchin the tube and getting ready to cook some choclate chip cookies to have warm with yummy vanilla ice cream. Screw calories tonight, afterall a fifth of booze would be much worse for not only the body but the soul.
Peace and luv out. Rock on with your bad self. HA, Its okay to laugh out loud.
September 26th, 2009 at 2:33 am
Damn gremlings ate ny blog.
Hi jb. Hop in anytime, and welcome home.
rockin- I’ve been writing to you for over an hour, and it’s lost. It’s late and I need rest. So I’m going to try to rewrite, faster and less words. (everyone says YEA)
Rockin-u r beautiful, inside and out. I feel in love with your spirit when we talked after the meeting. You have it inside of you to make it. I see it and I feel it. You need to start feeling it. If drh said something to you that angered you, it’s because he has seen death and life, and he knows that you have the potential to make it through this, and to help other people. Period. I have faith in you. Start loving yourself. You have a mother who needs you. A husband that loves you. You are the life of the party without the alcohol. You feel worthless, lifeless, like giving up. Sweetie, I understand that. But you are somthing special. God doesn’t make junk. He made You for something special. Honey, I’ve felt those feeling also. The day I watched them close the lid on my son’s coffin, I felt like the biggest failure. I wanted to be buried w ith him. I KNEW we shouldn’t have left the hospital. But I didn’t listen to my gut feeling. And then we left the hospital, and he was gone within an hour. What kind of mother was I NOT TO LISTEN TO WHAT WAS BEING TOLD IN MY HEART?????? The failing kind. a bad mom. now, do you believe that of me? it was life and meant to be. so you aren’t bad, you are good. we are human. we make mistakes. it takes a brave person to step back up and keep trying. just like you are going to do. and you won’t talk about not living, because i can’t loose another person in my life . that is the truth. you slip, you call me and we’ll talk. i’ll drive over if possible. i’m not closing the lid on another casket. you and i have big mouths, and we will tell people this is a disease, and how to get through day by day. but we need to learn more before we can help others. we NEED LOTS OF WORK!!!! I won’t, and listen one more time, loose another friend. YOU ARE LOVED. BY MANY. Call me on the bad days. I’m here. We will succeed. I love you. listen to drh and steve and rick and you will be okay. now, i need to head downstairs and get some rest. we’ll talk in the morning. remember, you are human, you make mistakes, I’ve made them, everyone has. it’s how we handle the mistake afterwards that enriches our lives. no more talk about no more life, u have lots of living to do. love, love love you. we;ll talk soo
September 26th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Good going Rockin’Stuff!!! You are USING the tools of recovery that are available! After we go through some uncomfortable days, WITHOUT drinking or using, it gets easier….and then JUST when you think you have it made, a craving will come screaming out of the blue and hit you full force!! That’s just how addiction works…The trick is to keep your recovery toolbox full of tools! You’re doin’ a great job….
Something that might help you all as far as computer issues are concerned is to use your regular word (MS Word) program to write your blog….when you are finished, just click on the “edit” tab, click “cut”, and then navigate back to the blog, and just “paste” your comment in the box….it will usually save you the hassle of “cyber gremmlins” and if you do happen to lose it, it’s still in your word program, also allows you to use spellchecker and such, if you like…..
Have a great Saturday everyone! NEXT SLOARC SESSION: Oct. 6th, Tuesday, 5:30pm…..
Steve–out
September 26th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Yum Chocolate chip cookies and vanila ice cream,
Damn I can almost smell the cookies baking now. I remenber when I quit drinking you coudn’t find a spot in frig whithout some Sara Lee product stuck in it somewhere. I stopped drinking 30 years ago on will power alone (none of that higher power stuff for me) went throught 10 years of being a dry drunk and then found the wonders of pain meds. boom instant junky,it is so true about your addict self sitting back doing push ups while it waits for to relapse. No point my rambling on except “Rockins ” post reminded me of Drunkalog past.
Strat.
September 26th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Steve, I’d love to cut and paste, but never have on my computer. only in scrapbooking!! Plus it was 3 in the morning…not much sleep…
Strat, I love your vision of our addicts just doing push ups, staying strong, waiting for a little hole to get back into our addiction mode. Proud of you becoming sober by sheer guts.
Rockin, have a GOOD DAY. Keep baking cookies, put them in the freezer for Christmas pass arounds, and one other thing. U r not, by any means, damaged property. A bit nutty which makes you fun, but never, ever, damaged. You are in the repair shop. That’s all. And keep listening to drh, steve, and not that stupid addict in you. love ya…
September 26th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Hello everyone, I just want to check in and say hello. I need to start blogging more. I can find/have all the excuses as to why I can’t we all know how to do that. All I have to do today is say Hey I have my High activity grandchild with me today. Here’s an example. I work all week and cannot wait for the weekend to com so I can relax may blog etc. And then I start missing her they call and well here she is. Don’t get me wrong but it sory of reminds me of addiction. Oh well, at least it is her and I love her so very much that I just can’t seem to go without having her for the weekend and that better than being back on opiates. I still struggle hard with some stuff but I have faith in me and Dock that WE will get through this. Some how. Also I am glad to see that I am NOT the only one that Doc may not be able to figure out. And it seem like I may not be the only one who frustrates. lol Love to you doc. I sincererly mean that sorry I am in such a difficult spot right now. I was sitting there last night and thinking oh==it is getting close to Dec and around this time of year I really through the loss of my man ( that one is not so bad pretty much through it except the part when I get upset as to the shape he left us financially) The hard one is my mom. Both happenened in dec the loss and the death. This will be 2 yaears for mom. I miss her so much. I know people have their loses so they can relate but none of us can say oh I know just how you feel because we don’t. I can emphathize witih DO but I cannot know her feeling same with me. But it good to able to have people to talk to. I think I struggle with the other issues besides suboxone cuz it helps keeps me. I need to get closer and more connected with the right people. I’ve tried here but most or alot of people are on pain pills and the works. Not juding just makes it hard. So I have to find my nitch. I cannot be around any of that. I am still looking for my home base and I will find one. I have one with my church, Now I need one from AA. Thanks for listening to my long winded stuff.
September 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Drama Queen, You are my hero. Sweetie, I can feel your love, and its really warm and fuzzy. I need you as a friend 4ever. Thank you for your support. And Strat, the cookies came straight out of the oven, still warm and a little soft and went right on top of the vanilla ice cream making it melt. Yummy. Maybe some more tonite when I pop Beetlejuice into the DVD. And Steve, if the uncomfortable feelings and cravings that are driving me to sweets keep up I’m gonna be calling Jenny Craig. Me and Valerie Bertinelli, she loved a Rock Star too!!!
After work today went to visit my Mom for lunch at Sydney Creek. She is doing so awesome. Just talking up a storm and making the caregivers laugh. Don’t think I will ever tire of seeing my Mommy’s face light up, her big smile and telling me how see loves to see her beautiful daughter. I took two full boxes of See’s Candies with me. All the ladies and gents in the neighborhood made short order of making one disappear and the second I left for the loving caregivers that, like angels, watch over all the special residents of Sydney Creek. Who says you can’t buy love with chocolate!!!! Don’t know how I could have ever been so selfish to think of leaving this existance. If I didn’t give a shit about myself I have to remember my Mom. I’m all shes got left, and I promised my Dad before he passed away I would always be there for her. My Dad would kick my ass if I broke that promise.
Headed out for a Rotary function that promises to have lots of wine swilling going on. I would be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me a bit but I am taking the antabuse and have no plans of going back to hell any time soon. HA Remember Pinhead from Hellraiser, think thats what my addict looks like.
Doc H, if you are out there, I love you too ya big teddy bear. No more drama from me, just sing me an old barbershop tune. Maybe Stairway to Heaven….
September 26th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
5150 Aren’t the babies the best? So innocent, and they don’t know your past, and they just depend on you to be sober and to do your best taking care of them. I sure love mine. You sound great today. I”m very happy for you.
Rockin-Aww, thanks, but I think we are all each other’s hero’s because we cheer each other on, and we are so happy when a friend does well. And how brave to admit when we’ve slipped and tripped. Anyway, you and I connected that one night after Steve’s meeting (which I think are great, and he’s doing a top notch job, even though I’ve onl been to one) I could have talked all night finding out about each other. You are SO full of energy, and you DESERVE to be and stay sober. Don’t ever say you shouldn’t be here, because you are right where you are supposed to be. maybe struggling a bit, but we all do. I promise you that. Keep being that bright shining star, the sober star, and take on the world. I love you too. I love you all. gotta go for now…be back soon.
September 26th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
HEY JB!!!! Welcome Back!!
Sorry, I had missed your post!
Hmmmm I wonder if we might start a “Suboxone Anonymous” meeting somewhere, anyone have a feel for how that might be received at the AlAno club or Melody or any of the other places where 12-Step meetings occur?
Hang in there JB. What did you mean about the comment that taking too much Suboxone was a problem for ?using? or ?craving? or getting high?
For those of you who have not met JB, he is one of the RARE people who feels Suboxone has a euphoria or something associated with it, but Steve and I wonder if it’s just he has no other way to interpret feeling “okay” or “normal” which is what everyone usually says about buprenorphine.
Dr H
September 26th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Thanks for the update Rockin. As a fellow alky who has had my share of “further research” I can completely identify with all the feelings you expressed. And How. Did the same thing myself about a month ago and tried to “taper off” for a week before calling in. What a strange idea to go back for more misery. Truly cunning, baffling, and powerful.
Right from the first drink I knew it was a bad idea, it didn’t make me feel any better, and yet somehow I thought maybe another one might…
Strat makes a good point. As it mentions in Bill’s story and elsewhere in the big book, a psychic change is needed. The point of surrender. I pray you and I have reached that point. That’s where meetings come in. To remind me I’m an alcoholic but there is a solution and I don’t have to go back to hell. Heard a good one yesterday I hadn’t heard before. AA won’t open the gates to heaven to let you in but it will open the gates of hell to let you out.
September 26th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Sunday nite and a very long week it’s been for me. Have had a few low moments but nothing that I wasn’t able to work though. Have had alot of responablties to deal with and that can be both good and bad for me. Need to be carefull when my plate is so full because I look back and see those have been some of the times I have relapsed. When I metioned that point of taking to much suboxin haveing the reverse effect on me is that addict thinking that more is always better, then it comes to a point where I find, or start to think that I might want something more. Not sure if that makes any sience. I just know that for me I have lots of trigers and I’m constanly trying find my way on just what is the right amount for me to keep me centered and not looking for something more. As you know feeling just normal or ok has never been something I care for. I’m all a bout altring the way I feel. Have to have some type of boost weather that be through coffie, energy drinks, ext. it just what I work with. I find myself taking alot longer to get moving anymore. Mornings are out, not that I sleep in or veryanything but It just takes along time for me get started for the day. By about 3pm I start comeing around to a feeling that to me feels right and then that carries me through the night. Although I’m surrounded by people all day long I still feel lonely. at times lost and wanting more out of life. Guess I need a good friend I can hang out with do things with. I’t been along time now that I haven’t had that. And as time goes by it becomes harder for me to reach out and take ahold of all that. You can probaly tell by my writting that I’m in a strange mood tonight. Steave, thanks! I needed that today and we talked awhile. Not sure where it all goes from here but will atemped to keep at it, because that communacation was alot of help on my part and hopfully the feeling was mutule. I think next time I will take up the writting in word and do the cut and paste. My spelling is so bad and it would help me write some of what I’m feeling and don’t because of spelling or pronauation. At times I can take what i’m feeling and put it to words on paper and then other times not so good. For any of you out there that do meetings and want something alittle different that what you get at the club, try our speaker meeting here at middlehouse. It small in size 15-20 people. We get various speakers and you can hear some good stuff. Every sunday morning, pastries and coffie at 930 and speaker from 10 to 11am. 2939 augusta st. slo. Off of laurel ln. Need to close this out now, probaly not makeing much since of things anyway. Again thank you steave for helping to make this a better day for me. The boss is back so now it may be my time to just get out of here for a couple of days. Have to think of something. You all have a good night.
September 27th, 2009 at 1:01 am
417, talk about being 5150. Im such an alkie that I didn’t give a shit that I was on antabuse. I fuckin took a couple shots anyway. Think in my demented mind I needed to do it to make alcohol something I would never touch again. Kill the craving, the need. I was never so sick in my life, I flopped like a fish on the bathroom floor with everything coming out of me. It was the most horrible, disgusting, could have died and probably should have been hospitalized fucking hours I have ever experienced. I dont remember some of it crawling around, wondering if I was going to die, then realizing the hell was, I wasn’t. Don’t have a lot of body weight on me so it probably hit me harder than most. BUT did that stop me. Hell no, just knew to be off the antabuse at least 3 days or more before I started drinking again. Now that is a fucking sick disease. A destroying disease. How could a human go through that torture and willingly put that shit in their body again. I can only pray that there is a higher power, one that will help flush this pollution out of me. I am stone cold sober right now and just want the craving, the need to be gone forever. God I wish I was pure again, like before I ever took my first drink. Im making myself cry, probably need to take something to sleep or I’ll be up all night. Not feeling sorry for myself, just wanting to be cured. But sadly, know there isn’t one. I’m not a teenager and its not a party anymore.
Allright, Im hitting a meeting tomorrow. Anyone making the Melody Group on Garden Street in SLO at 9 am?? If youre a fellow blogger I’ll be the one in the Harley tank. Please come say Hey and Im always up for a hug. Love to all and to all a Good Night. Rocking Always True!
September 27th, 2009 at 6:55 am
Rockinstuff, JB, and 417, Very cool that you folks are utilizing the blog again! It’s a great tool for a safe outlet of our emotions…Many times, the act of WRITING our feelings down, moves them from our head to our hearts, and that’s why it feels good…That’s also the reason most sponsors will ask you to WRITE on each of the 12 steps….When we think, about something we feel, or something we SHOULD DO, it’s just that; a thought. Thoughts really don’t DO anything FOR us, and sometimes just zap our energy.(especially when a thought turns into a never ending “tape loop” and just plays over and over and over….anyone know what I’m talking about??? Thought so….) When you WRITE DOWN a thought, and feel it in your heart, it becomes PART OF YOU, and moves one step closer to being an ACTION!! And ACTION is what CHANGES who we are and how we feel about ourselves….Big Book (AA, not the Bible, as someone thought it was in our office the other day….) says, “Faith without works is dead”…..it’s all about action, action, action! Remember, WE judge ourselves by our INTENTIONS (ie.. thoughts..) and the world judges us by our ACTIONS! Makes sense, doesn’t it? Hell, people can’t read our minds, they just know who we are by what they see us DO! EVERY TIME I woke up in jail (yup, more times than a cat with 7 toes on each foot could count! ha.) I thought, “WTF am I doing in here, I’m a really good guy!” and then I would look at the booking sheet that they slide under your cell door the next morning, that says what you did to get there, and OMG, my actions FOR SURE did not match my INTENTIONS….I deserved to be there, and if I would have received what I REALLY deserved, ol’ Steve here would have spent the rest of his days in some State Prison……Instead, I was shown grace (a gift we did nothing to deserve) and have a bitchin’, kick ass, life today!!
Have a great Sunday everyone….and yes, it was nice talking to several of you yesterday on the phone….keep reaching out like that, instead of retreating into yourself. (Your alcoholic/addict LOVES IT when you DON’T reach out, and just hide in the shadows, and the darkness of a little bedroom with all the blinds drawn….That’s when it just has it’s way with you….) GET OUT IN THE SUNSHINE TODAY!!! I guess our addict/alcoholics are a bit like Dracula…ha ha…..The bright sunshine seems to take away their power over us…Try it!!
Steve–out
September 27th, 2009 at 8:52 am
I’m Flying kites,
Going to go to the beach to get away from the 103’s in A-town today.Steve loved the comment on Grace. I bask in that wonderful feeling in the first three months of my sobriety when I was very humbled and defeated. As I get further from that moment of surrender and my confidance grows I have to keep touching base with that moment and deep since of wonder and forgiveness that I was feeling at that time through prayer. By the way I disagree with you in that we did nothing to deserve that Grace, I beleive that we are in a natural state of Grace from birth but push it away over time with reason and logic, drinking and useing and by demanding that we control our lives versus our Higher Power. Ok so much for Philosophy 101.
Hey J.B. I don’t know what you whole story is but don’t you think that manipulating your dose daily smacks of self medicating youself or more to the point that your addict is still trying to adjust your dose for that perfect Feeling. Not judging just observing it sounds very much like my behaviour(see above paragraph under “control”) when I was useing. “Just let go an let God” as the Cliche goes. I know easier said than done but try settling on a dose for say a week and then take it and stop thinking about it. Just my two Cents
Strat.
September 27th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Yup Strat, I like your idea about grace….Very cool….
Steve–out
September 27th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
jb- sounds like you had lots of ”friends” that we don’t need to hang around with anymore? when i’m feeling ”low or lonely” from ”missing those friends,” i take a walk, hose the patio, water the flowers. this will pass, i promise.
Strat- i went and flew my kite today also. everyone was asleep, so i drove to the beach, tied my problems to the kite, and let them fly away. such a wonderful thing to do.
did anyone find out that their marriage wasn’t ”what they thought it was” when not sober, and maybe that was a reason we weren’t sober? so, what do you do with a marriage of many years, and you realize, you’re tired of being yelled at, put down, but they love you SOO much? i would take a handful of norco and ease the ”pain.” yes, i know he loves me, but not like i thought. it’s like we are good friends instead of a great couple now. very depressed to know, yes, i failed again.
rockin- i remember you taking your antibuse, and still drinking. you made me smile when you spoke of your mother. my mom left this earth in 1995, and i miss her very much. it’s so wonderful to see you enjoying yours. because nothing is forever, and we have to savor every moment we can.
tired. just got news from my very, very best friend from hs that her son has cancer. they are heading to the coast for his surgery, and they are staying at our house there til he can come home. pray for him if you believe. he’s been fighting to keep this country free for 10 years.
going to go rest. i thought this would come out more happy, but it didn’t. sorry…i love you all…
September 27th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
How in the heck did my post get changed to odd5150 on the 26th of Sept. It is, and continues to be, mskat5150. Hope everyone had a good weekend and if you work may it be pleasant this week.
September 27th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Ha…Don’t know where the “odd” came from 5150, but that’s how it showed up, and I saw it was you, so I “approved” it and it went on the blog…haha..Gremmlins again….
Steve—out
September 28th, 2009 at 12:23 am
OMG 5150. You know I love you to the ends of the earth and back, but ODD5150? Agree with Steve and the Gremlins at work again…..or was it Karma? LOL Have a good one Sweetie…
September 28th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Hi. Hope everyone is doing well today.
Today is one of my babysitting days, and right now I’m waitingfor the school bus to come home with my oldest grandgirl. Anyway, on sitting days, I try to stay home, find projects for the little one to do, and do some fall cleaning. Got me to thinking, as I sorted clothes and other things…it’s getting cooler outside, and will continue to do so. And I have so many things that are doubled, or don’t wear.
So, I’m just sending a shout out to anyone who believes as I do, there are people who live on the streets, maybe because they are ill, have no jobs, or perhaps are addicts such as ourselves, who may need help. Sweat shirts, pants, socks, shoes, BLANKETS, pillows are good to take to the mission in your town. Let’s keep everyone warm this year. It’s also a great time to clean out your pantry. You may have gone to Costco, and didn’t like those turkey chili beans at home as much as you did at the store. Check the date to make sure it’s not expired, and take it to the food bank. You’ve made room in your closets and pantry, and have helped many people.
Thanks for listening. Something that really bothers me is someone being cold and hungry on a cold night. God Bless.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:44 am
No sleep, weird feelings. So I”m asking my blog friends, you all okay? Please let me know all is well. Just a shout out, count off. I’m okay. Rockin, Strat, 5150, jb, Dusty, 417, JWS, and all the ones I missed. Have a GREAT, SAFE day. God bless….
September 29th, 2009 at 6:47 am
D.Q. Shouting out, and counting off, ONE, I’m ok, clean and sober, loving life!! I often wake up at 1am and if I know there is no chance of going back to sleep, I just get up and try to be productive…Work on the computer, clean house, get creative and work on my song writing or recording music…..Those are the times I feel fortunate to live alone! Ha ha…..
Will see MANY of you today! That always makes for a good day for me!
Steve—out
September 29th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Strat here still hang’in in there,
Another day of blissfull sobriety here at work, a little quiet time before every body shows up and the wheels start turning. Hey Steve what do you record on I think I ask you once before but I can’t remember(tape or harddisk) my one addiction that I still allow is my home studio.
Strat.
September 29th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Wow, thanks guys….sometimes my gut feelings get to me. And I have vacumned at 3 in the morning, only to have a upset husband staring at me at 3:01. LOL. Hey, at least the house is clean, mostly.
So, sounds like we have lots of musical people. Love to sing, but my daughter made me pee my pants the other day when we drove to the coast. I WARNED her I’d be singing, keeping up on my favorite songs, and she said she’d turn her iPod up. Car radios beat iPods in the LOUDNESS department. She said she could go the rest of her life without hearing me sing again. I told her it was only about a 2 hour walk to MB from where we were at. She gave in…
I’m good. Hope all have a great day..sending good feelings to everyone…Rockin, you ok? 5150? you two sleep in too late.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Strat, I have fun with one of those 16-track Fostex digital recorders……Not as high tech as your studio… Started with an 8-track recorder in 1970(which really only recorded TWO tracks.ha..)I spent years “bouncing tracks” on a two track Sony reel to reel, and then moved on to the “state of the art” 4-track Tascam cassette deck…..ha ha….AH….love the tech progression…..
Steve–out
September 29th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Believe it or not, I still have our reel to reel, our 8 track PLUS 8 track tapes, many albums that I can’t EVER get rid of, and our wedding taped on a cassette, which I suppose we could listen to in the car from time to time. My hubby doesn’t get rid of ANYTHING. But boy, those were the days. Parties only needed one album, and the one our group liked was “Tower of Power”, Bump City. It played over and over and over….
September 29th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Thanks Steve,
Remember it’s not how whiz bang the equipment is, it’s how good the talent is. Remember the beatles had only four tracks total to work with.
Strat.
P.S. I think there’s a two track recorder for the iphone now,go figure.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Hello all,
Sorry I haven’t been on the blog in quite some time.
I find myself really overwhelmed when I am not on for a while because there is so much to get caught up on. haha.
Well, I went to an AA camp out up in Big Sur and it was a truly amazing experience. Even though I’m very very sore from so much hiking and bike riding. It was very spiritual up there, which I needed since I’ve been having trouble with finding a higher power.
I hope everyone is doing well
September 29th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Wow Dusty, You did it.
Bloging everyday for me is boring. But I check in every once in a while. This time I caught your blogs. I only got your story in bits and pieces. I’de like to hear the whole story about your life after you stepped into hell. (Right after you jumped off.) I know whats ahead for me if I ever plan to go off soboxone. I dread the idea off the suffering, and being a zombe for God knows how long. I’m not a strong person. I need to hear possitive results. I would love to be whole again. Feel normal ( what ever that is ) Anyway, More power to you! I’m proud of you. I’ll pray for you to have fast recovery time, and that God will bless you in every area of your life.
GOOD JOB
Hello to all.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Hello all. Been an alright day overall. Going back to last night, I went to go to the NA meeting. Before the meeting my ex showed up. We talked for awhile before the meeting was to start and there’s no bad shit there it’s just I wasn’t quite prepared for it, so as the bell went off for the meeting to start I ended up exiting out the side door and headed home. Still to difficult to be around her. As for today It’s been pretty good . Spent most of the day on the computer doing various things. Bought two books on the camera I bought yesterday. I got a good deal on it and have been wanting something like it for awhile so I jumped on it. Ordered the books so I can learn to use it. So that’s my new hobby and hopefully it will fill some of the lone time I’m going through right now. After that I cooked a polonaise chicken for dinner here at the house. After that I walked to the Alono club for the 530 meeting. Been awhile since I’ve walked and sure was tired. Then I came back and dusted off my step working book and started back into that. Something I’ve been putting off for far to long. It was another one of those things that was bothering me about being the asst. manager at this house and requiring everyone to be working a program and doing their steps. I was feeling like a hypocrip. So now I feel better and I think I’ve put in a good day. Also looked into doing something for myself in the next few weeks. I want just get out of town for a weekend and spend some time doing something different than what I’ve been doing here for the last year. Thinking of a trip down to Santa Barbara but nothing concrete yet. Next weekend is the Harbor Festival in Morro Bay. We are committed to setup on Friday, work a little Saturday, then clean it all up on Sunday. Couple of alright bands playing so should be a good time. If your not doing anything come on out and look me up. I’ll one of the guys wearing the staff t-shirts. Ok I really could go on and on but I think I’m going to close this up for the night watch a little TV. and go to bed. Got another busy day tomorrow shopping down at the food bank.. You all have a good night. By the way if you want to check out an interesting site goggle blue light.ru then go to some of the threads on soboxon. It’s a trip to read some of the wired ideas and what people are doing with them.
J.B.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Thanks JB, I think I need to spend a little time on step work myself. I do read “keep it simple”, a daily thought for the day but need to get back into the practice of reading, and pondering, a couple pages of the big book everyday also.
Just watching and enjoying Ken Burns’ “National Parks”. I need to get a backpack trip in before the snow!
September 30th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
jb- sounds like you’ve had a couple of busy, yet productive days. what is the harbor festival in mb? i saw a couple of signs, but to be honest, my vanity makes me forget to take my glasses around with me, and my allergies just don’t allow my contacts to do anything but swim around in my eyes.
417- i can’t think of one person that doesn’t need to spend more time on step work, or anything to make us better. i’ve found it amazing that the more i concentrate on doing studies, or reading and not concentrating of what kind of mess i can get myself into, the better off I am, especially with thinking about drugs. my only wish in my ”bucket list” is that i leave this earth understanding it better, leaving it better, and giving back to it, as it has taken care of me all these years.
i was telling steve that my friends son doesn’t, DOES NOT have cancer, he’s back in Fresno recuperating, then early this morning another good friend called as she drove to Fresno Community after her husband found her dad under his pickup unconcious. near they can figure is 1)he’s nearly 80 2) his R eye is a glass eye, and 3) he must have gotten out of his truck to look at the grapes, didn’t put the truck in park, and with his blind eye, didn’t see the truck as it was still in drive, knocking him down and drove over his neck. he has a broken neck, they have him sedated, and so far he is paralyzed. hoping things go ina “Positive way” for him. I’m getting my blanket and a couple of pillows to go and spend the night with my friend. They told her that if it were their dad, they would make sure that NO ON would be more than 10 minutes away. living in the country, at a fast pace, it takes us 20-30 minutes to that hospital, and that’s with no officers or traffic. I just can’t let her stay by herself.
So, today I’ve learned, not to expect the expected, be ready for the unexpected, and still, no one would ever believe my life story, unless I sold it to nbc, cbs or abc.
Take care everyone. Someone fly a kite on the beach this week for me. Thanks friends, just for listening. hugs…
September 30th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Hello Everyone. Hope all is well. It sure is alot better for ma cuz I got caught up in my disease for a tad but. Ihad to be homest and let Doc know some truth once again. I am so close to talcum powder, snorter. I will explain later. right now I just got home a few minutes ago and at least wanted to make comment. I[ will explain better at a future time. Such as tomorrow. Love to you
October 1st, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I’m BUMMED OUT!
SO many new folks SAY they’ll post here on the blog but nooooooooooooo….
You would think I could browbeat them into sharing stuff here.
Dr H
October 1st, 2009 at 2:13 pm
yes, kids, it is easy
look at me typing away
share some thought with us
it won’t hurt
promise - unless you want it to
October 1st, 2009 at 2:14 pm
i’m sure you’re tired of hearing from us ‘old’ fuckers
October 1st, 2009 at 6:50 pm
LOL at bup. what age brackets make you and “old fucker.”? you are too much for an old ladies bladder!
n
Dr.H. Don’t be bummed. you can lead a horse to water, but can’t make them drink the water. U r doing all you can. So, like bup said, you are stuck with us old folks. I would love for the younger crowd to get involved before they get older like us. how wonderful to be sober in your 20’s or 30’s, like we were.
so here’s to the people Dr h is trying to get to blog. Yea, we’re all different ages. but he’d love to stop you before you get to old to get off of this shit. I think this is what Doc’s trying to say. Start living before you get so old that you say to yourelf, I could have stopped so many years ago,”
Steve-I’ll probably be calling you later. I could use some help. Thanks,
Everyone be good…..
October 1st, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Ya know Doc, I’ve been thinking about his for a few hours. Took me awhile to start blogging, and i was 50ish? You asked me to go to meetings as it was several months. It will happen Doc, it’ll happen. Patience grasshopper, patience…
October 1st, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Hey All Good to hear from everyone. Like Steve said, its great to blog away whats on your mind. It helps relieve some frustrations, lets us catch up with old and new friends with life and can be an excellent information sharing tool. I hope sometimes maybe my fuck ups might help someone out there that might have similar “bad addict” thoughts in there mind to step back and reconsider. Then if ya go for it, ya got warned. If ya don’t, awesome, spared yourself some of the pain I had to go through. BUT if your a pig headed, strong willed, gotta do it my way or the highway, kind of person like I am you will have to do it all anyway. But honestly, I am working on that. Its in the 12 steps, just not worded quite that way.
So everyone, I leave Sunday for a 7 day Mexican cruise with my hubby. I have been feeling really great, taking the antabuse, got the “shot” from Rick, been to meetings, and have all my tools laid out for use. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that fucking addict gave me the old suggestion “If you quit the antabuse now you could sneak a few on the trip” Its so hard to draw the line between me and the addict cuz we are one in the same. I know that. So I, not the addict has to keep control. I know if I listened to the addict and drank, and it couldn’t be just one kids, then hubby found out at any point in the trip, it would be all over. Over, the fun trip I have been looking forward to for months and my relationship with my husband. It would be hell. All for alcohol.
Think before the drink. Not a new phrase, but my new motto. Got to get some sleep. Opening the office tomorrow and the alarm will be going off at 5 am something then have to hit a meeting tomorrow nite before I get to come home. Need it and I know it. Talk at ya later.
October 2nd, 2009 at 5:17 am
Rockin- Take me with you and I’ll carry luggage, and keep your addict in check. You can do same for me.
October 2nd, 2009 at 5:24 am
Like I told steve,..i’m having a melt down…….
October 2nd, 2009 at 7:16 am
Just Because the Doc. said they were new doesn’t make them young.
But it’s realy interesting to watch new comers at A/A meetings with there court cards sit there and roll their eyes and pretend it doesn’t apply to them. And can any of you truly admit that you were willing to stop your drinking or useing in your twenties when you were immortal and in complete control of your life and destiny. I shudder to think about how delusional I was about who and what I was shaping up to be.But it took another thirty years to get me to a place where there was enough pain to get my attention and break my strong willed (and alleged) rational thinking.
Strat.
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
I can identify with the court card people because in 91 I was one of them. I didn’t roll my eyes, I went to the required 12 meetings, and I remember thinking that it was nice that people with a problem had a place to go for help. I was in the early stages of alcoholism, not drinking everyday, just on weekends, but getting drunk. I also remember having a brief thought as I had the last one signed, that I would likely be back. Of course my main worry was another DUI, not that I would NEED IT.
Somehow I didn’t get another DUI but attended the next AA meeting 12 years later because of an intervention and rehab.
The one thing I don’t like when court card people are in AA is in small meetings when they say “I’m here because the court made me”. That’s fine but it instantly changes the meeting and suddenly the shares all focus on that person and “denial”. “I remember my first meeting, a nudge from the judge,…..”. I do know people who have gotten DUI’s and are not alcoholics. I prefer to stick to the topic and let them see a regular meeting rather than have it become a 12 on 1 intervention.
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:28 am
417 do you think the court system should be useing A/A as a clearing house? remembering that the only reqiurment for A/A membership is a desire to quit drinking. It’s been my experience that most court card folk don’t have that desire. Just looking for a little discussion.
Strat.
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Hello to all. I am not quit sure who Doc is talking about but I guess he has been metting with some of the younger gneration he must be seeing. If you say you are going to utilize the blog, then do it. Some on uou may thaink that had no where else to go and so here we are and don’t really understand that WE are just like you. I can sense that at times. It doesn’t really matter to me though cuz if I would have stayed in Narcotics Anoymous my very first time that I was able to see things as they really are. I would have about 30 years. But no I had to think I was to young , had a lot of using left in me. I would put together some time and would ene up doing the same thing hating life and would be lucky and end up with the help of my HP, I would pull up out of it and then do it again and again and again. I am by no means bragging. I am sharring this as best I can to let you guys know that I ( as well as probably all of us) have had some close calls when it comes to to the end. Then some of us get to make it and some don’t. I do not understand this but it is how it goes. I have used every drug one could imagine. I am very grateful to be alive today. Remember this disease it out to kill us. Not just get us but to literly kill us. I should have been dead along time ago. The time that I was able to put together off an off was not of no value. I have learned so much and I really do not want to ge back to that. So now I am sixty and still kicking. I am fortunate and have a good job get so see my grandchildren grow and spend time with them. I am in hope that alot of you will not have to go thourh all of this. If you are at a chance where you are getting a first or second , or more choices, then stop before you don’t get thos message of Keep on keeping. and go to meeting and get a good sponsor and work the steps and call at least one peson from the program every day for awhile. Life is so so so so so much better without ddrugs/alcohol Remember all any of us have is today. So liive it to the best of ability. Love to all of you. Live for today. Hope I mad sense and this has no typos cuz it pas 9:00 and that my
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
P S Has anyone had any difficulites with thier teeth. My bottom front teeth are falling out due the bone is wearing down. I dont how to explain it Slowly but surely. So far I lost 3. The dentist says the bone structure in the first l
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Hello you all. This is going to be short, I hope, cause I’m beat! Have had a very long day setting up the Harbor Festival. Drama Queen asked what it was? Every year we have it in Morro Bay. Runs sat. & sun until 6pm each night. Lots of bands, concession stands and such. Like a small fair or a large Thurs nite farmers market. Of course there will be Lot’s of drinking so if you do go take thought! Might be a good idea to hook up with someone from the program to bring with. Can’t remeber all the names of the bands but I do know CanedHeat is one tomorrow. Even though the owl and bear are gone they still put on a good show and play all the hits. For us that are old enough to remember who they are. Remember woodstock? I don’t work untill closeing tomorrow so I kind of want to go out and at least see them play, but haven’t worked that out yet.
Now about the blog, It took me awhile to get started mostly cause I just didn’t have easy internet acess. That I have fixed so you all will hear from me quite reguler. I learned along time ago that it helps to keep a journel and each day write your thoughts down in it. It gets that stuff out of you head and can be a great help. Sometimes good and some bad just put down whatever comes to mine. I like doing it right before I go to bed at night, get everything out and then I sleep much better. I now will use this blog instead of a journel. I allways love feed back also and if I can help or answeer any ?’s please feel free to ask. Altough my main drug of chose was always opiates, I also drank heavly for twenty years and have injested most every kind of drug known to man kind. Remember I’m the one that would do most anything just to not feel normal. So if it could in anyway altra my thoughts or the way I felt I did so. Beyon that I also have a pretty extensive crimanal background which I’m not proud of but If any of my past can possbley help someone else from going down the same path I did. I have been working in recovery now for awhile. Had two years once and then relapsed and ended back in prison. I’ve had it all and lost it all! Good jobs, wife, kids, and good life all taken away because of the use of drugs and achol.
I agrea with stratman about the use of court cards. I know there are some out there that it saved there life by being interduced that way. But yes the only requerment is that desire to quit and most court card people haven’t aceved that yet. For the most part people don’t end up in AA/NA by accedent. Some just take alittle longer before they relize they have a problem, then even longer before they figuer out that just stopping drinking and useing is only a small part to the whole picture. I know I wouldn’t listen to anyone and It took a long time before I could truely amet that I had a problem and that my life was unmanagble. So I guess for nothing else court cards at least interduce them to this program we have and then maybe down the road they know where to come back to. If a court card saves just one life then it is will worth it. I never really was requered to have one but it also took me 47 years before I made my first atemp to get clean and sober. Then after two years thought Ihad learned it all and went back out. I then learned about the prograsion of the desize. It is out to kill us, some sooner than others. OK here I go again makeing a novel when I said it was going to be short. So I’m off for now and will be back tomorrow. Hope you all have a peasefull night and a great tomorrow. JB p.s. I see lots of misspells and typos but to tired to clean it up hope you can make sence of it all. JB
October 3rd, 2009 at 12:20 am
Well put JB. “If it saves one life it is worth it”. I also assume that a DUI still requires some additional alcohol awareness classes. I had 12 hours that cost $700 back in 91 in addition to the 12 AA classes.
I personally think requiring AA is a good idea. I would like to see the courts tell them what a closed meeting is though. Members only, meaning those with a desire to stop drinking. Open meetings are just that. One of the most heart warming things I’ve ever seen at an AA meeting was a 20 something year old guy getting his one year chip and his whole family was there to cheer for him. Open meetings are also for people who aren’t sure they’re an alcoholic. (don’t understand that but I have heard it). One problem with the court requirement is AA’s anonymity, there really is no way to verify a secretary’s signiture or initials. Half the people in my alcohol classes said they faked the court card.
I guess my issue was more with the shares focusing on the court card person and not on the topic picked by the person leading. At a recent meeting the topic was the 10th step. It was a small meeting so we go around and introduce ourselves and a young guy said “I’m here on a court card” and more than half the shares were about the first step, denial, when they realized they were alcoholic, etc. I just felt bad for the guy and I’ve seen this happen many times. Maybe I should look at why this bothers me as it didn’t seem to bother anyone else.
October 3rd, 2009 at 7:54 am
Thanks J.B., 417,
Good stuff J.B. I’ve also seen C/C’s come into a meeting and take home one year chips and because the way A/A is set up it’s a little hard to call them out about it. But very true about the introduction of the program to one’s who would otherwise would remain clueless.
417 I’ve personnely not seen that in any group I’ve attended, at most what will happen is that members with some time in will tailor their shares to address a new comers concerns in hopes of something striking a chord in the listeners mind and any twelve stepping is left until after the meeting. I think it says in the Big Book in the chapter on working with others that what your describing is not the way to go about it, pontificating is the shurest way of turning someone off.
Strat.
October 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Thanks for the info jb. We won’t be at the coast this weekend. Picking fruit for the Fresno Fair, and also staying near to a friend whose dad had a pretty bad accident.
My daughter went through a DUI 2 years ago. She just had to show up in court, and of course, her officer didn’t show, so she was “off the hook.” Don’t get me wrong. I wanted her on the hook. I wanted to learn (maybe) something.
I go to meetings, and maybe I’m going to the wrong meetings, but what the heck is a court card?
Rocking. Don’t drink sweetie. Your chance for a happy life starts now. I’m afraid if you drink, and loose your hubby who loves you, you’ll punish yourself, and not ever possibly find sobriety again. You’ve got enough personality on your own, that you don’t need the alcohol. Besides, the drinks on the cruises aren’t that great. Buy the soda cup when you board, and keep filling it with, soda. Have a great trip. LOVE YOU, and want to hear all the good things when you get home. Safe travels.
October 3rd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Drama Queen, I never ever go back on a promise to a friend. I promise I will not drink!! Your right, I don’t need any of that crap to have fun, not when I am on a cruize to Mexico with a Spa Package Upgrade. Gonna pick out a great book and relax for a week. Once that ship horn blows and we start pulling out of the Long Beach port I am officially on vacation. No worries, and that includes worrying about getting a drink snuck in and not getting caught. I was at a meeting the other day and swore I there was alcohol on the guy next to me and it smelled like SHIT !!! How could I ever have thought there was no odor. It is one of the many delusions we live with as addicts.
Anyway, If I get he chance to blog from the ship I’ll let you know how delicious the warm melting chocolate cake is or whether it’s steak or lobster for dinner. Seriously, I know there’s lots of crap going on in peoples lives and Im just enjoying a little happy in mine right now. And I hope it is a lot of happy moving forward. When I get home I will be close to 60 days friends. Thats HUGE !!! And Im starting to get to know me and my feelings so much better lately. Thats another thing I plan on doing on the ship, being happy in my own skin.
Dr. H and Steve, I will take the tools you have given me and use the entire work box if I need to. But I’m thinking you both have taught me well and I will be shining like a rock star. LOVE!!!!!!
October 3rd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
well I just don’t get it. I finally agreed to be on the blog more often, everyday according to doc and no one even notices me. No even drama queen. I wrote way to long and maybe we on the wrong track but I felt like I was just there babling to much stuff which meant nothing to others? Oh well. I will keep typing. Did anone qet the questions about your bottom teeth. Yea or nay. Ms Kat 5150
October 4th, 2009 at 6:49 am
Not to worry 5150…..your posts are read, and we luv ya! Maybe no one else has had the teeth problems…not sure…anyway, please CONTINUE to post, this is an ever changing community and there are lots of READERS who don’t post…..
SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues, Oct. 6th 5:30pm…..Please join us if you can!!
Steve–out
October 4th, 2009 at 8:24 am
mskat5150,
If I were to have stopped posting here because people did not responded to something I said I would have bin gone along time ago. Remember this is a Blog (like a running journal on a topic) not a Forum (running conversation on a topic) although it flips back and forth between the two depending who’s on the site.It’s like Steve says people are reading.
As for your teeth I now have a bridge in the same area your talking about, due to an infection years ago, just be thankful that your living in a time that allows more alternatives to these problems. As for your comment about snorting talcum powder I could guess at what your point was but you said that you would explain later so we were waiting for the explaination so we would not guess wrongly. So keep posting because I for one am still waiting for you to explain the talcum powder remark.
Strat.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:31 am
5150 Thats what Im thinking. Certifiably so. Yahoo. See ya’all in a week. Stay safe and sober everyone!!! No court cards in Mexico. Not going on vacation and ending up on probation. Got that one from you Steve!!!! HA Love to ALL Rockin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 4th, 2009 at 8:41 am
I am taking 4mgs of suboxone. I feel fine all in all. I have noticed by mid day that I hit a low, start yawning a lot and some other wierd side affects… It passes. Reading the blog here (recent discussions) and doing some researching, it is said the 4mgs should be enough to satisfy the brain and body, that more is bascially a waste. I find myself still having drug seeking behavior ideas. I don’t drug seek, but the thought is still here along with the mid day lows. So, should I increase the dose (rather not), or is it just behavior?
October 4th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Safe and SOBER crusing Rockin. Remember, you won’t break your promise. I’ll take you for a nice walk when you get home. I we will fly a kite. Cruises are great. and they can really be romantic and heal many wounds, until you get back home LOL
5150 When I was blogging last night, I was babysitting and they were wild, I’d been at the hospial with a friend whose dad had a terrible accident, and never, ever would i ignore you. I LOVE YOU. I met you first. How could I forget you and not love you. About the teeth. Well, I was the youngest, and didn’t get the dental care that my older siblings did. Plus when I was in about 4th grade, my mom was offered a tremendous job, with a porsche, high income, and LOTS of traveling. She’d get up at 4a.m. on Mon., pack, get pretty, and hit the road, sometimes I’d get a goodbye, sometimes not. And this was before cellphones were the rage and all over the place. Then she’d zoom in on Friday night and she and dad would hit the town going to dinner at their favorite place. My dad taught me to drive, taught me to cook the best he knew, how to clean(although he never knew, but the best money I ever made was in HS when mom would call the school and give me permission to stay home, and she’d pay me to clean house. That’s where I learned to keep a damn clean house, cuz she sure didn’t! LOL) I’d give her the money back since I figured I lived there, and kept my grades up, and she’d feel mom guilt and buy me tons of clothes instead. She worked in Capatolia, and would take me there any week in the summer where I could drive her car around Santa Cruz, or lay out by the pool. But then I’d feel guilty that dad was home, and usually would stay home on the ranch. She worked this job until right before I got married. ANYWAY, it really wasn’t on my mind to make dentel appointments, nor did mom or dad think about it, and when we got married, the first year I had a really bad tooth flare up, and I remember hubby saying, “I should have checked her mouth like a horse before I took her!” One thing he promised me was that I’d never loose my teeth. I had bad teeth, but only from neglect in the early years, and I’m sure the drugs didn’t help. So, about 3 years ago, and many dollars later, my husband made sure I had implants where I had to have teeth pulled, and every tooth has been done. That’s my only story about my teeth sweetie. Like I said, I’m sure it started with parent neglect, and then taking opitates didn’t help. I hope you don’t loose anymore, and that you have some good dental insurance. Let us know how it goes. SORRY YOU FELT IGNORED. Like I said before, I’d never intentionally hurt, ingore, or forget you. You are such a nut. Love you, your fast food friend, me.
Lets think about Rockin everyday, and maybe she’ll get our insight and energy. (What shot was she talking about ? Since she mentioned it, that’s not breaking the rulse is it? IF so, I’ll wait til she gets home to explain. Thanks)
Hello Strat. Don’t want you to feel left out either!!!
October 4th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Aw Shucks D.Q.
You make me feel special.
Strat.
October 4th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
LOL. You are priceless Strat. One of a kind… Keep that charming personality, and your ability to blush so easily…
I think flying kites should be SLOARCS thing. Strat flew a kite the same day I flew my first one, and I told rocking we’ll fly one when she comes back and has suceeded LIKE I KNOW SHE IS. Pretty soon we’ll all be meeting on the beach in groups flying our kites to celebrate what every we are celebrating.
5150- you didn’t say hi to me. are we a o k? LOL Love ya sweetie
October 4th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues. Oct. 6, 5:30pm!!!!!
Steve–out
October 4th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
blueboy- You pretty much discribed myself. I find the 4mg does the trick for the most part but lately I have increast that. I was doing ok with 2mg in the morning then another 2mg around 2:30-3:00 pm. For the last week I’ve added another 2mg in the evening but starting tomorrow going back to just the 4mg. The thoughts still come and go, I just try to stay busy. I really don’t think incresing my dose would do much good. I have someone I’m working with right now doing 8mg a day all at one time. Trying to get him to try my methed.
It’s almost time for me to go to work cleaning up after the Harbor Fest. Going to be a long night.
October 4th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Hello Blueboy,
I take 8mg. daily @11:00 ghrs. or there abouts, sometimes will feel a little sluggish around 17:00 hrs but that depends on how I’m occupying my mind at the time. From what your describing it sounds as if your having impulses versus cravings two seperate issues, the first being mental the second being physical. I found that taking my dose in the morning hours would leave me a little sleepy around noon so I pushed it to the the later time and all was fine after that. I find the less I think about taking the Suboxone for what ever reason the better off I am. In my case the more I think about controling my drug intake by increasing or decreasing etc. that it’s pretty much like self precribing and thats what got me into this nightmare in the first place. Saying that I have control over my drug taking is like saying that I can have one drink, I’m an alchoholic junkie, there are no deals (manipulating/selfprescribing)to be made in any areas of my addiction for me, or I’ll end up facing relapse. It’s a pretty Black and White issue.
Strat
October 4th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Blueboy, Maybe Doc or Steve will hop on the blog and answer your question. I’m not a medical person, and sometimes wish I were, because maybe I wouldn’t be here. But I doubt that opinion. I think I was meant to be here for some reason. Sorry you are having some problems. Honestly, I’d think if it were me that I was withdrawing. But as I said, I’m not a dr, and would seek medical advice. And we always look forward to a new blogger, so,welcome, and let us know how things work out, okay?
I myself have been cutting my meds down drastically. Thought, “oh your knees are cured.” I can’t say I’ve had cravings, but barely walking today. Hubby said, keep on you med til you have surgery. If you have surgery. He’s been talking to several people who have had knee replacements, and so many are unhappy with the results. It’s not that you are looking for totally no pain. Just a little dab would do ya. But hubby, people he’s talked to, none have had much relief at all. So, I wonder, should I say I do? Very depressed today from the pain, depressed from wondering if I’ll ever get away from it.
Okay, that’s my sad story that I’ve been keeping to myself for awhile. Dinners ready. Hope all had a wonderful weekend.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Blueboy WELCOME to the blog..Hope you continue to check in with us…
Ask your doctor BEFORE you change any doseages of Suboxone, I find it takes a little while for most people to find what works best for them….If you have physical symptoms of withdrawal, and you ARE SURE it’s not just your “addict” wanting more pills, it would seem prudent to increase your dose, rather than risk the chance of relapse….
Hope to hear more from you, and let us know a little more of your history; how long on Suboxone, original drug of choice (DOC), and maybe just some experiences you’ve had with Suboxone…
Steve (Counselor @ SLOARC)–out