September 2009 Part One - Archived - Do Not Post Here
Archived!! Don’t Post Here, Go To Newer Area!
Dr H
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August 28th, 2009 at 1:49 am
christmas is coming charlie brown….it’s just around the corner…. Time to try and get some sleep. til tomorrow…
August 28th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Welcome to our newest thread..Hope everyone makes it over here!
Next Sloarc GROUP SESSION: Tues Sept 1st 5:30pm!!! Come one, come all!!
Steve–out
August 28th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
OK DO. Whats really going on. we still have Halloween, Oh and before that Labor day, Turkey Day. No Christmas this year Charlie Brown! So there. lol
August 28th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Hello Steve How are you. It was good to see you. Hope you have a good week. Can you do me a favor As usual I lost my appointment card. Find out when my next appointment is? Thanks
August 29th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Can anyone give me ideas to get off Suboxone?
August 29th, 2009 at 7:26 am
hi,
anyone out there have gout?
i do, and since being clean & sober it has gotten worse.
bizarre
when i drank heavily it was non-existent,
but whenever i cleaned up - within 3-4 weeks - wham.
now, for the past couple years, i have occasional bouts with it.
they have gotten further & further apart.
the sub helps for pain, but they still happen.
the only thing i can glean is that maybe my kidney function is improving.
hmm…anyone?
and, yes, i’ve tried all the pharmaceuticals as well as holistic diet shit.
August 29th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Hello doc, Rick and Patty and Christina, Kim. I think I have covered everyone cept Steve but I said hello earlier. Hope all is well with you.
August 29th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Hi~~~
Wow, what a busy weekend. it’s convention time for AA at the vets hall in slo. 30 straight hours of meeting marathons. several out of town speakers, and every imagineable topic. tomorrow at 10 am is a big spititual speaker.
( think this should count at least for 5 meetings for the week, doc) just kidding, like whos counting. if only there was some air conditioning !!!!
what exactly is gout Bupester? I have some swelling on the feet and ankle since being clean but maybe thats not what you mean.and Bup I really appreciate your good words on the blog.
well have a great weekend everybody, and hope to see lots of you on tues. would be great to see some folks who are taking Subs, this is the only place to get that kind of specific support. it’s a place to be real.
August 30th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Good morning all….Yup, great recovery things being heard at the convention this weekend! Pretty cool, to say the Serenity Prayer with 800 people!
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues Sept 1st 5:30pm!!
Steve–out
August 30th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Steve, I didn’t see you at the convention. I was looking for you haha.
I think I’ve had one of the best weekends in a long long time.
Friday and Saturday I went to the AA convention, which was amazing. My sponsor and I snuck into a hotel pool and got to swim (we’ll do forth steps for it later hahahaha)
Then today I am in Santa Cruz spending three days with my beautiful older sister.
I’m very blessed.
I hope everyone else is doing well !
I might not be back in time on tuesday, but I’ll try my best
August 30th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Bup, I had a couple bouts of the gout when I was drinking. First time I thought I just sprained my toe. Second time I went to a doc who gave me something that fixed it in a day. God was that painful. Haven’t had it in a few years and hope it never comes back. Doc told me besides alcohol, watch huge protein meals. Meat and beans can be a problem. Also exercise for blood flow helps.
A beautiful but scorching weekend. Had to ride on the beach as going inland didn’t seem to make sense.
August 31st, 2009 at 1:30 pm
slo dancer,
gout is the build up of uric acid crystals in the joints.
usually in the feet and hands.
symptoms are similar to arthritis.
mine is almost exclusively in the large knuckle of my big toes.
painful - probably the worst pain i deal with.
all my back troubles are faint in comparison.
the weird thing for me is i’ve tried all the diet prescriptions,
as well as the different medications.
one of the antagonists for gout is alcohol,
but funny thing is, i never had a bout while i was drinking.
only after sobering up have i taken ill with it.
strange
none of my physicians have been able to nail it down.
one thing that does clear it up w/in a day or so is prednisone,
but i would almost rather gimp around than take that shit.
i suppose things could be worse,
but if any fellow bloggers have a similar situation,
i would love to hear about it.
thx
August 31st, 2009 at 1:35 pm
NEXT SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tomorrow, Tues, Sept. 1st 5:30pm….All are welcome..
Steve–out
August 31st, 2009 at 2:19 pm
5150- hey kid- i’ve decideded to cancel everything this year. just for me; my life, my decision; can’t get off the crying jag.
alchy- be safe in santa cruz. 3 years ago we were having such a heat wave, our youngest grandgirl was 6 week old, so I told the family we were going to the boardwalk,and what fun we’d have while enjoying the ocean. hubby and i ended sitting under the boardwalk shade holdin a 6 week baby naked to keep her cool, and finally, i bought a rubberholder to put my hair in a ponytail, and after 5 hours, i was goin home. the kids decided to stay, they are young and heat, cold, wind or sleet do not bother them. i scrapbook, and looking at the pictures i thought, i can’t let anyone remember this. but i put them in the book and laugh whenever i see what a ‘cool’ day we had.
bub=hope you feel better soon. i don’t know much about gout. my brother used to get it, but, well, to late to ask him now…
slodancing-wish i had know about the convention. but, i’ve been sick and would have made it anyway. good for you for going.
been sick since last monday. thought 24 hr flu. next day it’s no throwing up, but when i say get out of my way DO SO. 4 flippin toilets and someones always in one. saw family NP thurs. and for some reason he thought i had a UTI. what i had was some good dehydration going on. SO, got a bag of fluids on sat, felt a little better. back to my dr this morn. got something to settle my tummy, lots of blood work, and ultrasound in the morning to check gallbladder and those old ovaries which haven’t worked in a couple of years or so. gott a go…reallly hugs to all and willl miss seeing you at the meeting..
September 1st, 2009 at 1:26 am
may your higher power (what it may be) bring you strength when weak,
friends when needing love,
and the ability to know we are changing our lives in a good way,
and we have the power to kick bad things aside.
hugs to all
September 1st, 2009 at 7:00 am
Old Dusty, welcome!
How long you been ON Suboxone is the first question.
What are you doing other than Suboxone to be a recovering person rather than an active addict?
How much Suboxone are you on?
WHY do you want to get off?
One of our patients, an “old bold” heroin person says if someone wants off Suboxone, that means they want to use their drugs again, a tad harsh in my opinion but thought I’d share that with you.
So….
Steve and I got to be part of an “intervention” a week or so ago. Went well from our side of the event, the person involved however did not seem to catch on they had a problem (Go Figure!!).
Anybody have stories about interventions they’ve had and opinions/suggestions? Steve says he had at least one but I don’t think I’ve heard much more than that.
Dr H
September 1st, 2009 at 9:56 am
Hey Bup.
Don’t you think that knocking prednisone after all the crap we’ve thrown at our bodies is a little self defeating considering the alternative of not taking it. And prednisone only causes problems with long term use(years and years) is my understanding. I use to take it for keeping the swelling of my brain down after repeated migraine episodes and look at me know I’m up to 99 pounds after they removed the tumors. JUST KIDDING! No realy short term use is perfectly fine and if it works so be it.
Good luck
Strat.
September 1st, 2009 at 10:19 am
Good Morning everyone. I have so many things I need to talk about. I’ll start with constipation. I had a problem while I was on norco, metadone, vicodin, but with Soboxone I have a huge problem. I have tried everything. Right now I’m using MiraLAX. I use it everyday. It works, but I’m not thrilled having to use MiraLAX every day. Steve, I won’t be able to make it tonight, I forgot I have a dentist appt. I won’t be very much fun with my face all wierd. I’m not happy after the dentist. Have a great day.
September 1st, 2009 at 11:16 am
gel,
i had the same issue - had key word.
i don’t know how much sub you’re on,
but once i tapered down to ‘just enough’ i did reach some semblance of normalcy.
good ol’ metamucil was a big part of the mix as well.
mmm…yummy…sandy orange - my favorite
strat,
you’re correct - prednisone isn’t all that bad.
when i use it the gout will clear up, and as soon as i stop - wham.
worse than i started with.
i’ve been ’round and ’round for years with this one.
cunning, baffling
September 1st, 2009 at 1:11 pm
green eyed lady-
I have that problem with the suboxone as well. i take stool softeners and those usually help. not like every day, but whenever i eat a lot of food or if i am having problems.
hope to see u all tonight!
oh! and I have 6 months sobriety today! I never thought I would make it here. I owe it all to SLOARC and the program. And thanks to all of you for your support.
ttyl!
September 1st, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Hey everyone. Hi Doc. Glad you get on and we get to hear your opinions time to time. I know you read the blog, and only can imagine hearing you laughing and saying, ”well, for goodness sakes.”
Interventions- no. I asked the group once, and I believed that they voted to stay out of it, and out of the way.
Constipation- oh, if only this past week and 1/2. yea, had it while on norco, in fact that was my first sign I was withdrawing- diareah. get ahold of norcos, it went away. So GEL, why not take the miralax. we didn’t mind taking the norcos, so the mialax shouldn’t be so bad once a day. good luck and let us know how things are going. (no, i didn’t mean it that way, it just came out that way.)
I fought a small dose of prednisone earlier this spring, to help take the swelling down in my knees. I filled it, sat it on the counter, and would push it aside, look at it the next day, push it aside. took me about a week before i took it. didn’t help, and did no harm.
had more tests today, was lucky to be out for a couple of hours, and now am enjoying my clear liquid diet.
question popped into my brain for DOC. what would happen to a herion addict if they used and was on subox. is there a reason they need to be off subox, or , i don’t know. curious. you bring up things, and i like to know the answer..
Steve, I like GEL send my regrets, but trust me, you all would make me sit outside. you would not want what i have had for the past week and1/2.
everyone have a great weekend. hugs to all
September 1st, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Congratulations. JWS
September 1st, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Well done JWS! You found your footing, and are well on your way to a long, healthy, BEAUTIFUL life. Congratulations! Now if we can keep reeling in the younger, so they don’t suffer a lifetime away. JWS, I’m so, so proud of you, and know you have a special guardian angel watching over you…
ya all have a great meeting tonight…
September 2nd, 2009 at 10:23 am
Thanks to all that attended the group last night….I hope you all enjoy the “non-structure” we have there….There are many different types of group therapy sessions available and of course many AA/NA meetings everyday. I strongly suggest everyone become involved in those as well…Our little group is just something a bit different; I don’t view it as a major part of your recovery, but more as a fun supplement! It is for sure a safe place to have interaction with another human being, and that’s something most of us, (myself included) lacked during our active addictions.
Have a great all,
Steve–out
September 2nd, 2009 at 11:41 am
Well im Pissed off. I’ve been sitting here writting on the blog, and suddenly it disappeared, lost in space. Now im done. I shall return.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Yeah, we all have the “cyber gremmlins” now and then G.E.L……
It is SO frustrating to write a bunch of REALLY GOOD stuff and then, POOF! It’s all gone! I just always figure it’s my lesson in “patients and tolerance” for the day! ha ha..
Another warm day in SLO……, and STILL a full room for the noon Alano meeting! We are a tough bunch! Ha… I heard there is a new young peoples meeting at Melody on Firday’s…10PM! I think, or maybe it was 10am……If it’s at night that would be WAY COOL for young folks…there use to be midnight meetings at the club and that was neat….
NEXT SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Sept. 22 Tues, 5:30pm
…..Doc, Rick and I will be out of town for awhile, and that’s why it’s a week later than it usually would be.
Steve–out
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:17 pm
steve,
patients…patience…and tolerance
hmm…i like that
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Ha ha….thanks Bupe…guess I work with “patients” so much that I ran out of “patience”..ha ha…..
Been a long day….Hope you can make it to one of our groups…we’d love to have you. You have a wealth of personal experience with Suboxone that would be useful to all….Plus, I just miss talkin’ with ya!
Have a good night all..
Steve–out
September 2nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
I always have this idea that Steve and Doc can see what we’re typing, and mess with us, and delete before it hits the press. haha
GEL= your post cracked me up, thanks.
Steve= Take a deep breath, hold it, let it out slow….life has a way of making us look up and thank God….that and a good nites sleep…
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:31 am
Me thinks everyone got up to late, are now rushing around to go to work…ahh, farm living is the place to be, frogs and snakes in the house running free, love the fresh air but Pest control, keep leaving those sticky things coming to me.
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:33 am
Did anyone ever hear back from Old Dusty Man ?
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:09 am
Old Dusty, seems to have gone radio silent….Hope they return and let us know how things are going….
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues, Sept. 22 5:30pm….We are skipping a week because Doc, Rick, and I will be out of town learning about all the newest and greatest advances in the treatment of addiction…..No brag, really, but rest assured that Sloarc is staying on the “cutting edge” in the field of recovery…
Steve–out
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:27 am
I tried again. Did it again. Mad again. I am really tring to blog.
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
still laughing. honey, you hitting the wrong button today???lol….it’s a Maxcine thing?
Okay, said I’d put it on the blog. SOOOOOOOO, while Doc, Rick and Steve are out of town ‘cutting the edge,” do we just sit still so we don’t have any meltdowns and are in need of help? cuz, I often meltdown. i don’t always share, but i probably melt down as much as the gremlins play on our blog.
Just asking.
Good luck GEL, cuz after 2 misses, we’re really looking forward to what you have to say!!!!
I hope OldDustyMan knows they REALLY can depend on us, and hasn’t hit the ole trail again. Let us know you are okay.
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I’M PISSED. I’VE WORKED HARD THIS YEAR TO BE GOOD, AND THE BAD WORDS ARE FLOWING FROM MY MOUTH. I NEED, NO WANT, TO SEE THE SIGN IN BOOK FROM MY BROTHER’S FUNERAL. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP, BUT A FRIEND CALLED AND ASKED IF I WAS OKAY CUZ IT WASN’T LIKE ME TO NOT SEND OUT THANK YOU CARDS LIKE MY MOM TAUGHT ME. HANDWRITTEN. AND I ASKED MY SIL LAST NIGHT WHEN I TOOK HER FRICKING DINNER IF I COULD LOOK THROUGH THE BOOK AND FLOWER CARDS, AND SHE SAID,” UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, SURE, THAT WOULD BE FINE SOME DAY.” MY FRIEND SENT 150 DOLLARS TO THE NUNS, AND I DIDN’T THANK THEM. WILL IT SEND ME TO WANTING TO TAKE A HANDFUL OF NORCOS? MAYBE. CUZ I’VE WORKED HARD TO DO WHAT DOC SAYS. NOW, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pray. damn. i hate being mad, such wasted energy, and didn’t mean to yell.
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
It’s ok to be mad, angry, pissed off, livid, D.Q. We just don’t need to use drugs to CHANGE the way WE FEEL….Using medication to help with pain is certainly ok for you at this point….When we actively and knowingly use it to squash an emotion, we are headed back to our old ways….I’m not saying anything here that we all don’t already know, but if you are like me you have a good “forgetter”..ha ha….
Also rest assured, Doc and I will be available by phone just like always….
In case of meltdown call: 541-0632…..
Have a good weekend coming up everyone, and I will see some of you who have office visits on Tuesday next week…
Steve–out
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Thanks Steve, and no, don’t worry, I didn’t take norcos. But it frightened me because it popped into my mind so fast. And I don’t like to be mad, or confrontational, and I was. I like to try and be happy, to find the good instead of the bad. This isn’t me today. And that makes me sad…We lost a cousin today, and I’m thinking, are we entering that age, although my son didn’t fit in there, so, what’s going on? I feel like I’m living in death. A big pot of death, just simmering on the back burner. I know by my faith that death leads to eternal life, and I should be celebrating. Why am I not celebrating? Because I am sitting here, waiting for the next call…
Sorry guys, really very sorry. I won’t go back to norcos, they are not my friend. I will NOT head back to my old ways.
GEL, hope you get your computer working, cuz miss hearing from you, but thank you SO much for making me giggle today. Maybe I still am in there. Be well, and Doc, Steve and Rick-safe travels, PLEASE….
Me thinks me should be heading to a meeting. TTFN…
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Drama Queen - I’m glad you stayed sober. It’s so hard when a craving or the though to use just pops in your head as casually as possible. The addiction disease is just very powerful and patient so watch out.
Well, I made it back from Santa Cruz in one piece.
I went to a few meetings up there, it was very interesting.
I got shunned at one meeting for how young I am, but the other meeting welcomed me right away.
It’s funny how different meetings can be.
I’m very blessed my sister even wanted me to visit her.
Just a few months ago she wanted nothing to do with me, now she’s constantly texting me about how much she misses.
sobriety has really changed my life around, and I’m very grateful for all of it.
September 4th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Alchy, welcome home. Don’t give up on your family…you are trying and they will be the ones who loose in the end. As I’ve written and you all know, I lost my brother Aug. 9th. Seems like yesterday. He’d been drinking since HS. He was SO intelligent, it blew your mind, and how he put together what he did drunk all the time is even more amazing. He was in an accident a couple of years ago (we had one last Christmas with him after he got out of jail). We lost our dad right before he was sentenced, and felt blessed our parents never had to see it. I was ”upset” with him for about a week after he went to jail. My sister was just plain pissed. His wife just kept on doing, going to church, caring for her family, and my sister would call her everyday saying “if I were you, I’d leave.” I’m so proud of my sisterIL for staying. After listening and ”watching” my sister’s rage, I thought, why am I upset? He’s the one suffering. So, I got the jail’s address, put pen to paper and wrote to him to let him know I loved him, and that is one thing I’ll never regret doing. I have problems. I’m sure my sister has problems. So through his jail time, we grew closer than we had ever been. There’s a big enough age difference there that we didn’t do much together. But we wrote, I tried to make my appointments for after 10, for that’s when he’d usually call, I sent books he wanted, made sure he had mail everyday even if it were a Smiley face, and, I don’t want to get to long here. When he died, , I was able to forget the CRAP, and to grieve. I’m still grieving, but hopefully in a healthy way. My sister sat beside me at the Rosary and the Funeral and did the big sister things. She went up to the casket with me, she held me while I cried for a soul set free, she made sure to reach out and hold my hand during the cerimonies and burial, and calls everyday. But, she hasn’t shed a tear. “He hurt me, he was a drunk, I got him out of two many messes.” I finally told her, ”he hurt himself, we all have weaknesses, and you could have said no, and not gotten him out of those messes.” She still hasn’t cried. SO my friend, here’s the happy part. Your sister accepted you. You aren’t being sober for her, but for YOURSELF. But the goodies are catching up, like you and your sister talking again, and for that, I thank God. I believe we are not here to judge anyone. (except maybe for 50 and 60 year old women still trying to look like Britney Spears LOL) God took the jugding out of our hands, and that is that. So, work on your relationship, your sobriety, but don’t let her hurt you again. She’s made mistakes in her life I’m sure. But she sounds like a hell of a woman to step back forward to you. God bless, and glad you are home safe…
September 5th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Good Morning D.Q…..Hope you got a little rest last night….I had Doc return your call, because it sounded like you might have been in need of medication adjustment, which is out of my range of expertise…Doc said he lost a connection, and tried to call back…hope all is better today….We all care about you…Looks like our heat wave may have passed for the moment….Get out and enjoy nature today, everyone if it’s possible…
Steve–out
September 5th, 2009 at 10:32 am
hi everyone on this beautiful saturday. It was a rough week for me at work as the prison is very old building(old army barracks actually) with no air conditioning. our little inside thermometer actually read 92 degrees in the office !!! believe me when I say “serenity now” was not my first thought. I’ve been having edema problems even during normal summer weather, and this extreme heat makes me look like elephant man.
sorry i missed out on the earlier discussion on constipation but I did want to add my thought (God, where else but here would this even be a topic of conversation, Ha! ) While taking all the norcos, codeine, ultram, etc, I was constantly backed up, and lived on stool softners and laxatives. While on subs , it took my body about a month to totally clear out all the other junk.
I could tell I was normal again. Now during the summer fruit season I just make sure to eat a few servings every day and that helps a lot.grapes and watermelon seemed to work really well.
Steve, thanks for the awesome meeting on Tues. It was so helpful, as always. Hope our newcomer feels more at ease about subs.
And Ratdog, you really had so many right-on thoughts. I was constantly nodding my head and thinking “Yeah, that’s me too”. Thanks for your honesty and maturity–you rock !!
speaking of rock—where is Rockinstuff? Anyone heard from her?
Well I hope everyone has a great weekend. I’m going to sit out by the pool and do absolutely nothing but swim and sun. And be so thankful that I have my life back. I’m normal again.
September 5th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Hello. Lets try this again. Each time I’ve tried to blog, I was tring to talk about the nasty taste of that orange pill. It’s really hard for me to take. Every morning I wake up, I’m already sick to my stomace. I’m not sure why I’m sick. I just am, everyday! Then after Im finally done, orange pill desolved, I begin to become human. My mornings are alittle rough.
I really enjoy reading the blogs. It’s hard for me to get into it because I don’t know everyone. Do we get to know names at meetings?
I think I made to the end, so good-bye
September 5th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Oh yea.. Everyone have a great holiday weekend. Be safe. DQ, I forgot to comment on your blog.I don’t know how long you were on norco, but I was on it at least 7 years. I almost destroyed me, my family, my marriage, my life! I never think about ever going back. I’m so thankful to be on Soboxone. Not thrilled about the fact there is still opiods in the soboxone, but I surely have a better quality of life. I personally think all the opiods are from satan. He come to steal and kill and to destroy. and so do opiods. So maybe next time you think about one of those stupid pills, remind youself , it is so not worth it.
September 5th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Shit, GEL, I’m laughing so hard. I was writing, and when you posted, your gremlins cleared my posts. I’m going to enjoy the day, laugh, smell the ocean, not scream or yell anymore. It’s not me, but obviously somthing bringing it to the surface, and I think I’m intelligent enough to know that it has to do with the past year and half, and all the death that has been engulfed around me. I’m just going to pray for peace, and we’re heading for Hwy 1, and enjoy the views. And maybe some shopping.
Slodancing- waternelon and tomato’s un-back me also. There are so many wonderful fresh fruits , that everyone should be able to keep everyone flowing.
I’ll write later, what I was working on when Gel’s gremlins hopped on board. I really think they are messing with the sloarc blog. they are probably addict gremlins, and don’t want us to get well, stay well, and party with them. So, PISS OFF GREMLINS. Leave Sloarc alone!!!!
Thanks Doc and Steve. My phone went dead, is dead again, and maybe Hubby’s car will be able to charge it. He says my phone won’t stay charged cuz my car isn’t American.
Seize the day. I’m leaving my screaming lungs behind me, and sweetness will follow me the rest of the day, unless somone pisses me off……hugs.
September 5th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
gel—at our meetings we go by our first names and you don’t have to say your blog name, unless you want to. It’s all up to you. It’s a great casual meeting (cross-talk allowed) and it’s really the only place where you can honestly talk to other people about the subs. (and the blog of course)
Please come, you will feel much better about any issue you may want to discuss. The taste of the subs isn’t the greatest, agreed, I just try to imagine it’s baby aspirin. And I sometimes drink milk before taking, so it doesn’t upset the stomach.hope that helps.
Drama Queen, you should look me up sometime when you’re at the coast.
Steve and doc have my permission to give you my #. We could walk on the beach and talk our hearts out !!!! One of the benefits of our meeting is we have a phone list to contact one another. Isn’t it great to know we have so much support? I mean, how many places have 24 hr support, including when they are on business trips? Awesome!!!!!
September 5th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Thanks slodancing. Steve gave me your phone number, and stupid me didn’t tell him to give you mine. I’d love to met you sometime, and just hang out.
I’ve decided I’m just going through some hard grief issues that hit so fast and hard. I live above the Cloisters (?). Well, a little north of. Nothing fancy, just home. Found the house driving around one Aug, and a builder had put 3 houses right in a row. Got to know him and watched finish them up, then showed hubby, and he loved them, except for the one I liked. He wanted the corner one, I liked the 3rd one in, and it was almost a deal breaker. Til I found o ut that he was picking the only one that you could see the ocean. stupid me. the things I ignored back then.
Dinner is here, and we talked to people at farmer markets today. looks like we’ll (me) will be at the coast next year selling heirloom tomatos. I’m looking forward to it.
love to all. hope ou are all doing well.
ThankSteve for making sure all was well today. I just need a new phone that holds a charge, and I’m trying hard to come next Tuuesday for a tune up. safe and sane to all, me
September 5th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
not only did i finally double my makeup here after 3 years so i don’t have to worry about packing it or not, but i finally feel like i live here, even if i’m still a tourist. i belong, and went to a meeting today in nipomo. yea.
September 6th, 2009 at 8:42 am
gel,
if you notice a big change in the way you feel after your morning sub
maybe you aren’t taking enough.
good question for your doc.
i too can’t stand the taste of sub.
i’m over it, but in the past i would put a tic-tac under one side of my tounge and sub on the other.
still tasted like shit,
just not as bad.
September 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tuesday, Sept. 22nd 5:30pm….
Doc, Rick and I will be out of town Sept. 9th-20th….Addiction Symposium…
Steve–out
September 6th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
DQ If you’re still at the coast for the next couple days, maybe we could hit up a meeting or two. The Morro Bay group is close to you, or maybe one in SLO or elsewhere. It would be fun. Or just to hang out and talk.
We have a lot in common, as do most of us, one way or another.
I lost a lot of my family members right in a row, my grandparents who raised me, and my mother, all by the time I was 24. I felt like a lost soul for many many years, I did’nt allow anyone to get close to me for fear they would die too. My drinking and drugging just was out of control for a
very long time after that. I worked as a cocktail waitress at night and actually taught preschool during the day, after having consumed huge amounts of free booze. Hell yes, I’m a gemini, and we do have two sides
I only stopped while pregnant twice. While my kids were little I rarely drank and wasn’t into the pain pills yet.
Currently I’m going thru my second divorce, having been married to a man who used more pills for more “ailments” than I’ve ever seen. He was commited to being a “chronic pain patient” and “disabled” and didn’t really ever want to get better. His sickness was making me sicker and I had to get away. Hate to leave a sinking ship but “Women & children first !!!!
Just got back from a meeting in SLO. It was my first “stick” meeting.
I got Step 12 on the stick. I didn’t really know what I could say on that, since I don’t have a sponsor yet, and really haven’t gotton to that step.
But it’s funny, the more times I go to meetings, the more I feel like I’m in just the perfect place, and words do come. You know how it feels to go through life feeling like you just never fit in, no matter where you are?
I never felt comfortable at church, or a Hells Angel convention, or anyplace in between.
I don’t feel that way at AA, or Steve’s meeting. I feel at home, like this is the place I’m supposed to be. I fit in, finally.
Well I’ve rambled for sure, so thanks for letting me share. I’m trying to be more honest in my life, and not hide behind whatever I can.
I could really use some advice from those of you with more time, about getting a sponsor. I’m just flying blind with the steps, and haven’t really met any women in meetings around my age, who could sponsor. I mean do they ask you, do you ask them, do you mention at meetings that you’re looking for one?
Oh, and good one about the tic tac.
September 6th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Listen for someone’s story that sounds kind of like yours and that you can relate to…Make sure they have worked the steps, and that THEY have a sponsor….Then just say, “I was wondering if you would be interested in helping me as a sponsor?”……
Steve–out
September 6th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I’m finally starting to understand the relationship between “my addict and the true me “it’s very much like an abusive relationship and the first step the addictshelf uses is alienation. I’m starting to feel like an outsider at meetings, althought I do literature for two meetings and secretary another, my addict started culling me from the herd so to speak,thoughts of not fitting in, not feeling socialy adept, unworthy of others company pretty much the same feelings that got you to use in the first place. It’s taken three days to put my finger on the source of these feelings. They were all very subtle and it was reading Slodancing’s post that it all came together, her talking of A/A meetings as her place of sanctuary. And if that Feeling ever changes for me I need to start asking for help.
Strat
September 7th, 2009 at 9:33 am
strat,
that’s similar to where i’m at right now.
i feel somewhat socially inept at meetings.
why?
i don’t know. i’m a fairly normal dude.
maybe it’s the disconnect forced by my addictive side.
trying to force me into isolation with me, myself and i.
oh, by the way, 2 years clean today.
thanks to everyone here on the blog for being part of my recovery.
September 7th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Happy Birthday Bup.
And yes it’s the addict inside that’s doing it. I’m not a real social gadfly but this feeling that I’m having at present borders on teenage angst. Too weird.
Strat
September 7th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Happy Birthday Bup !!!!
What a great milestone in your life and recovery.
Your addict doesn’t want to hear this, but you are such an inspiration, and I’m sure that lots of us would love to hear the readers digest version of some of the highs and lows of your two year journey. It would be more valid and genuine than “A Million Little Pieces”.
Strat-the only thing that gets me through meetings without feeling like a total dork, is the feeling of being one with my higher power. There is no way that me “by myself” would ever make it through even one meeting without totally shredding a napkin to pieces, or making origami from the teabag label. My nerves and insecurity and quieted when I enter the room, and my addict is forced to SHUT UP”
This is a totally new feeling for me and I pray it never ends. My addict says, This is a fluke it’ll never last, You’re an idiot to trust in some “higher power”, my god you’re so stupid to believe that crap.” Again I say shut up.
works for me.
And DQ, where are you ?
September 8th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Oh, I like that story slodancing. Your addict is all dressed in clean white gloves, lacey socks and mary-jane shoes, and YOU are controling your addict at the meetings. She’s forced to sit and do what you say. Love it.
HB Bup. Two years. Awsome.
we came home early, again from the coast. sitting outside at carla’s, the air is wonderful, and i’m sipping seven up again. and my stomach is talking. so, after realizing that soup and seven up was the game for the weekend, we did a few chores and hit the road. the dr. office called this morning and said, “congratulations, you have gallstones. lots of them.: what the heck is a gall stone? I know i’ve been sick for at least 3 days, was just starting to feel better on Friday, then splat, felt like crap on Sat morn but got through it. then bravely said goodbye home, and came back to the valley. so doc, what do i do with the gallbladder crap? i knew i couldn’t have had the flu for 3 weeks, but guessed I must have had. i don’t eat fatty food. haven’t eaten much of anything, except for homemade icecream for 2 weeks every night, and i understand that dairy isn’t good, but it was the only thing my husband could get me to eat. and i’ll have it tonight also. no one has told me no yet.
So slo, would have loved to walked on the beach and had a talk, or gone to a meeting, (there’’s one close in MB?) I will be free of this soon also.
safe traveling dr. group. what would we do without you?
September 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I need someone to talk to. I am 21 weeks pregnant, I got off suboxone rapidly as soon as I found out…it was rough, but not safe for the baby, I also was taking klonopin for anxiety and stopped that too. I have recently been having really strong cravings for opiates and severe anxiety due to that. I dont know what to do and neither does my obgyn doc. He just wanted to put me on methadone and that is not going to happen. I feel so bad and no one understands?
September 9th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Where are all my answers? I was told, without a doubt, that this was the place to find my answer. Suboxone is addictive as hell, and I want off. I don’t want to share why - I just want to get some help getting off of this stuff. No one warned me how addictive it is. I’m stuck and I need help. Anyone out there got an answer instead of another question?
September 10th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Well OldDustyMan,
just like the drugs that you were taking before you started using Suboxone it is habit forming which means that you will have to tapper off the medication over a long period of time (months) cutting your doses gradualy (16mg.-8mg.-4mg.etc.) and since your not willing to share any part of your story I will assume that you have a prescribing physician that you could ask the same question. Good Luck.
Strat.
PS. Remember a request works better than a demand.
September 10th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Good answer Strat. I was wondering what I would say, then read yours, and nothing left to add,
Except-OldDustyMan, You have found a wonderful place to share and find answers. But no relationship is considered so, unless it goes both ways. Strat wrote to you, I believe bup did also, and most and foremost, you got in to the DOC who wrote to you. You can’t expect exact answers if you don’t answer his accurately. Do you know how many of us get direct answers from Doc? No, he’s not the wizard of oz, he reads this everyday. But, he, like many others, is a man in many places, helping many people. With people of his own which he loves likes to spend time with(family, dogs, cats, trash to take out). Doc asked you specific questions, and you did not answer. He reached out, you demaned. Shame. Be patient; answers come. Yes, you are on a drug that gets you off other drugs. Why did you make that decision? Because you were tired of your old life. Sounds like to me that you might? want to go back to old life? If not, why not stay here, and as Strat suggests, gradualy cut your doses. Best wishes.
To the travelers; may saftey follow you always…what would a basket of nuts do sitting if the squirels didn’t come home to rearrange them from time to time?
September 10th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Hey Dusty, just re-read your post.
Do you have any answers, so we may ask more questions, and perhaps help you? The game isn’t played one way, and to us, this isn’t a game. Unless you call it Life….
September 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Dusty, I know several sobox patients, out of all of them, there is one person who feels the way you do. This person plans to taper as low as possible, then just stop. I don’t think there is another way.
September 10th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Howdy. Are there any woman out there going through menapause? Well, this crazy gal is. My mind does not work like it used to. My husband thinks I’m cracking up. I feel that way alot too. Growing old is a drag. What does this have to do with addition? Nothing.
September 10th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Old Dusty Man - I was on Suboxone for several Months and quit. Best advice is to taper down as slowly as you can. Generally, once you have tapered down to 2mg daily - you can try and “jump offf”.
I have not read all the questions, but more information would be required to evaluate how to taper, etc. If you are a patient of Dr. Howlat he can assist you with other medications.
I can tell you how I did it, but without knowing your circumstnaces it would likely be comparing aples to oranges at best, harmful at worst.
Drums
September 10th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Dusty - I did bother to go back and read the posts. The post from “Admin” signed “Dr. H” is from doctor Howalt - an addiction medicine specialist, MD. If you respond to his questions he may be choose to help you out. I would respond and see what information he can provide online.
I know you want a straight do A, then B, then C response - I can tell you it is not that straight forward. All of Dr. Howalt’s questions are valid - you should be responsive if you want help. Sorry if this sounds too direct - I have never been accused of being a touchy feely guy.
Finally, yes Sub is a bitch to quit. I jumped at 2mg and did the whole withdrawal routine. Sub also has a long 1/2 life - so the WD can take longer. Regardless, respond to the MD’s questions.
Good Luck!
Drums
September 10th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Drums_ Hi and thanks. Just what I was trying to say about DrH responding directly to Dusty. Usually don’t forget what I have read, or how it was put, but knew it was out there, and didn’t know where to go from there. My question was, and is, if the good ole Doc wrote and asked Dusty questions, why no response from Dusty? Then, (2?) months later, he writes, again, and a bit agravated.
I’m glad all of you who have tried to ”jump” have responded to Dusty in a fast manner, the way I think he likes to do things!
Gel- Meno is no womans’s friend(ha) and it helps when your partner understands, or at least pretends to! I think I’ve been in meno for about 4 years after a hysterectomy in which I demanded to keep one ovary. It kept churning and working til about 4 years ago, and with wanting to get off of opitates, I thought I was the biggest nut job in the Central Valley. Wearing shorts in the summer, then wrapped in a blanket, no central heat or fireplace to work. If you wanted to get warm, invest in your heaviest blankets which I promised to keep clean, and last winter was the same . My moods changed just like when I had my periods. I’ve noticed that this summer not so bad, so I’m hoping that this summer we might be able to resume our Christmas traditions of a Christmas fire. But, not counting on that. I took estrogen, then didn’t, and to tell you the truth, never felt a difference with or without. Let your husband know that its real, it’ll get better, and you soon won’t feel ”old”, just better and more sexy. (Don’t read guys, unless you don’t care>) You’ll be sexier, sex will be better, fun, and crazy like in the ole days. Hang in there. I know its a hard time, and maybe some estrogen would help you cope. How long it last is different for every woman. when you are feeling extrememly crazy, go outside, and howl at the moon. Or the sun. Or just be bitchy if it makes you feel better. The only thing I never got a handle on were the hot sweats, or the power surges. You feel them start in your gut, and not a damn thing you can do to stop them except wait. My brother grew fruit and had cold storage. He’d find me in there many days, (swear) with a blanket on the ground, and a portable TV. He lived only 1/4 a mile away which made it easy to get to, and the workers learned to work around me. I felt like a menopausal-cicle. Delicious. Good luck, and call me any time you want to talk. All I can say is good luck, and if you can get through menopause, you’ll get through anything (without killing anyone) haha. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, AND NOT GETTING OLD!!!!
September 11th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Green Eyed Lady two words
Identical Hormones
my Wife swears by them,check em out
Strat
September 11th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Oops Bio-Identical Hormones
September 11th, 2009 at 10:58 am
can anyone tell me the differances between methadone and Suboxone? thanks ahead of time!
September 11th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Strat- Is that the creams they mix for you. Have heard GREAT things for them. What a guy to jump in and join the hormone discussion. Proud of you Strat. Gel- Keep hanging in there sweetie. You are still the person you were during meno as you were before. But don’t you hate the stories of the women who said, in a southern voice, “I had the vapors for one day, and it was over!” Lets laugh about it. Can’t change it.
No words on the traveling trio?
September 11th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Dusty Old Man- Not turning our backs on you. We haven’t heard from u in a few days. U okay?
September 11th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Yes D.Q. thats the stuff
September 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Thanks Strat, then GEL, go for that. Heard SO many wonderful things about it. It my last ultrasound they couldn’t find the ovary I fought to kept, so, I guess I’m just all done. But still crazy!!
Dusty Old Man. You out there?
My husband just sent me into the most ”interesting” SaveMart in an area of Fresno that you should never be, let alone now, and he’s be-bopping listening to the 50’s. I don’t think they have places like this at the Central valley, so, date night, still going…just on hold right now. Think I’m just not feeling so well from the heat. We have soccer game for little one tomorrow, and is it in the morn? No, at noon. In Fresno. But we’ll go. I may need IV’s afterwards! haha… hope everyone is well. Strat, Gel and myself are the only ones,and drums writing. So, be good everyone. Stay safe…
September 12th, 2009 at 9:05 am
I think almost everyone went on vacation…
Travelers, travel safe…
Everyone have a happy, healthy weekend…
September 12th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
hey kids,
those of you paying for sub out of pocket will like this:
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/nation-world/bal-te.orphan18dec18,0,7085040.story
generic sub coming soon.
this article is 2 years old,
and it implies that generic sub will be available in fall 2009
September 12th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Thanks bup. Hope the generic is as good as the real deal. keep up looking up all your great information.
We won at soccer (of course no winners no loosers). I jusge by the treats. So,we had a hot dog get together here, and all the little bittles were happy. If they only knew these are the best times of their lives. But many other good times in life also. God Bless, keep the travelers safe, and hope to see more blogers tomorrow. night ya all…miss the coast…
September 12th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
misplelled “bloggers” sorry
September 12th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Hello everyone I have not been on the blog for a awhile and guess I should have been on for some advice about what I was about to do. I was having a bad couple of weeks and used more of my valium than I should have and I found some old phenobarbitals that I had hid. So I should say I hung on to them just in case. Anyway I pulled them out of my safe and used them. Went to see doc and told him and he put it to me straight. it hurt at first but it was right on. I could have called them (steve I do not know how to get ahold of you). and told someone what was really going on. So anyway I am going to write the next part to your doc cause I do not know if the blog is the appropriate place. let me know if it would have been. My addict had just been really fighting this thing. Seems to be running my head. I want to beat this thing so I am going to put it on the blog tell on myself from this point forward of what I am thinking about doing instead of telling after the fact. Doc I love ya. YOU made lots of sense. I have a long way to go but I have hope. You may have sort of given up and thats okay I understand. But I can’t and won’t. Hope all is well with everyone.
September 13th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Mskat5150 I’ve learned by attending meetings that your addict resides in your head and your true self resides in your heart and the journey from your head to your heart is a slow one, where as the journey from your heart to your head only takes a second.When your mind(addict) starts working overtime is the time to let your heart take over and start making phone calls,blogging etc. and getting outside of yourself and tell others the plans that your mind(addict) is starting to make and when those plans hit the light of day they start to sound pretty Thin.
Strat.
P.S. Go through your house and throw it all away while your thinking from your heart
September 13th, 2009 at 9:43 am
5150= Gosh, I wish you would have said something. But I’m glad you let it out, and I’ve told on myself a couple of times myself, and that in itself is a big step. I don’t know what doc told you, but the only one thing i know for sure, is, he’s been working with addicts in hospitals, jails, his office for, longer that God. He’s seen it, he’s seen people live, and I”m sure he’s seen people die from it. Well, what the heck, we all die, right? But, God has plans for us, and He doesn’t want us to ”leave” before our time. Strat’s right. Get rid of everything. I’ve even stopped carrying my hubbies norco for him, because at first it wasn’t hard, til I realized it was my addict it wasn’t hard. My addict was estatic that there was some ”norcos’ riding in my purse. I don’t know where they are, I know he carries a small bottle in his pocket daily which he fills when needed, he sleeps with it under his pillow, and his gun and wallen under the mattress. I really watch what I say at night. haha. I did recently find his norco’s while cleaning, and what was the first thing I did? Open it, poured some in my hand, put them in my pocket, and put them back. kept cleaning, and all after an hour thought, ‘ i’m starting to hurt, i’ll just take a norco.’ RED STOP SIGN. But them back, took the bottle and hid it in a place i could reach easily, and gave them to him when he got home and told him he needed a better hiding spot, like where the money is, cuz i sure can’t find that!!! doc, honestly to everyone, has me on something for my knee. see, i didn’t need to tell everyone, some of you already know. it does not stir my cravings, it works on the pain, i remember the days (except a bit foggy a couple of weeks after my brother passed away, but i was told that was normal.) i was taking norco before that trying to get rid of the pain, but it didn’t work anymore. so, doc hit what would work for me spot on. but why, WHY, did I take those norcos? because they are what i crave. like walking past a box of whoppers. they will jump into my shopping cart almost everytime. we are weak in many ways. not just with drugs, but with whoppers also. or driving to fast. or spending to much money. know your weaknesses, and like Strat said, get rid of them. when we had little kids running around, everything was locked up. baby aspirin, baby this and that, and when they outgrew it, we threw it out. time to do some fall cleaning sweetie. i’ll have my phone on if you want to call. not at the coast, but still just a touch away. now, you did the right thing, you survived facing doc, you told on yourself and we still love you…now start loving yourself again. you didn’t do anything wrong. we are creatures of ”habits”, that’s all, and as long as we accept it and work on it, what the heck. you don’t need to keep anything hidden just in case, because the dr we go to is a kind and caring man, and you will never be in pain. much love to you, and enjoy the day going through your drawers…
still, safe traveling to the trio…you’ve been much to quiet! WE WORRY ALSO!!!!! LOL
September 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Hey DQ, would love to continue our phone conversation of last week-
You had to leave, and I never got your number to call you back. When are you coming to the coast next? Call me, K?
I am actually visiting my son in Bakersfield next weekend. He got a great job there after graduation as a geologist. His choice was either Texas or Backo.
This is karma bitin me in the butt for all those years of making fun of Bakersfield!!!!! Hahahaha.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
hope everyone is well this weekend!
JWS
September 13th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
As to you JWS. You are okay, yes?
Slodancing- need a new phone so bad, but no one believes me, specially hubby. thinks i’m just hanging up on him.hahaha. don’t mind giving you my cel over phone, but don’t know what doc would say about that. call the office tomorrow and tell Patty that Jane gives you permision to give ya the number.
I’m doing lots of fall cleaning today, and i’ve about had it with myself for being so selfish. I must have almost every closet in this house, crates stacked up behind a screen in our room. So, i’m washing blankets that werent used last year and in the car they go, clothes, and going to the mission in the morning. i have so much. if i only had two sets of clothes for each season, and washed them everyother day, that would be just fine. when did i try to start keeping up with everyone. oh, and one black dress. every woman needs a black dress- it gets you through funerals, weddings, more funerals, baptisms, dress up parties, nice resturants. I’m just ashamed of myself right now.
Hope all are having a great weekend, and with no issues other than having to much crap…love ya all…
September 13th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
hey old dusty. i haven’t blogged in a really long time, but i came on and saw your question, and had to tell you. i asked the same shit. but now i’m proof you can do it. for me a lot of it was in my head. and i had to tell myself that i wasn’t just gonna feel fine tapering off these. and that i just needed to man up and get over it. even though i’m a woman. if you want it bad enough, you can get off subs! i recomend a little nyquil, or tylenol pm on the nights where all you wanna do is just take a sub cause you’ll feel better.
hey steve and dr. h. i hope you guys remember me. i’m the girl who would ask questions and then turn around and answer them, like i was having a conversation with my addict. i just wanted to tell you guys how i’m doing. i’m not taking subs anymore, it’s been about 3 months off subs, and much longer since oxy’s. but the thing i’m still trying to get over is the alcohol. i know you said it will sucker me back into my drug of choice, but it hasn’t yet, and i really don’t have a desire to go back to the way things were. it feels good being normal. i don’t even have to worry about taking anything or how i might feel after a while. the only problem is a little hang over once in a while, which is nothing compare to withdrawls. i also want you guys to know that i still catch aa meetings here and there to keep myself in check. so thank you guys for all your help and support. i got here because of you and it sure as hell beats where i was before. thanks again.
Good luck everyone, and good luck old dusty you can do it!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Thanks everyone for your feed back. I know that I am an okay person and the I just wish I was off of Everything so I did not have to worry about taking too much of this and /or not having enough of that. I guess that is now my goal. I wrote doc a letter and haven’t heard back. I had 5 suboxone last week and I take two a day and I could not get a refil due to a pre auth needed. Well Patty bless her heart is trying to take care of it and there are other reasons my urinalysis might not be the best to send. because of the phenobarb. Well I went and tested at a walk in clinci this Sat and the barbs were still present. I takes a week or two for me for those things to clear out. Always has. I have not reason to lie at this point . I do not have to be going to the doc and paying for this. It is a choice I made not court orders is what I am saying. So I have had to cut down on my suboxone and have been very very shaky. It’s awful. I do not have the money (400.00) for 20, to purchase so I have had to take a few more valiums than possibly I am required. I would rather do that than give up go find some opiates and be back in that same circle. I know I am not a victim here. There are no victims just alot of volunteers. I am trying to make the best choices possible. If I knew how to get ahold of doc or Steve I would. I believe this is one way as I know they check the blog. I will get through this. I am trying the hydroxine and they do not really help. I do not believe I am ready to just quit the sub. I need to get away from the others but they are also addictive and I am a wose to just do it. I was told I could go into seizures. I am so sorry that I even began those. I just can’t take anything. So If I get through this part. My goal will be off the diazepines and then the subs. What a mess.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
5150= Please do not up your valium until told to by doc. PLEASE.
I know this isn’t the best of time with them out of town, but I KNOW they will finally plug in and answer you. DON’T JUMP SHIP! I ”believe” (i’m no Dr., and I think you may be talking about the valium, that yes, you could go into seizures. So, MAKE sure you don’t overtake, and that you have enough to keep in your system. I don’t know what the phenobarb is for, or why you take it? I also don’t know what would happen if you just stopped. I, like you, also believe this isn’t time for you to stop subox. I can hear the desparation in your voice, and know you are frightened. I’d say, go to the hosp?, but that’s probably a poor choice. I believe that when Doc, Steve and Rick are on convention, that they are pretty busy. I KNOW DOC OR STEVE WILL READ THIS, and get back to you soon. Please call me if you still have my number, or get it from the office tomorrow. I don’t know what to do, except to be here for you. NO, you aren’t a bad person.
My prayers are with you, and even though you feel like shit, you are wonderfully beautiful. Yes, we can go to Doc to get something to help us get off, but sometimes, we have to dig deep inside, hold on and wait. Help will come. I’m sure of it. Did you not know Doc was going out of town? Hang on, hang on, hang on. I wish I was there to stay and help you out. Let us know how you are doing. Really. This may be your fork in the road, and you need to make the decision. love and hugs…
September 13th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
5150
Don’t do anything until you talk to Steve or Doc. We all want you to stay well and on track. Try calling their after-hours # (805) 541-0632.
You really really need to talk with them, ok? They will get back to you as soon as possible. Hang in their sweetie !!!!! Help is coming !!
September 13th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Queen I am so sorry I could not call you right back. I just phoned you and no answer so it was probaably timing on both parts. Your are right it is my call. and Ineed to be making the right decesions. Don’t get me wrong. I think Doc is at the point of just keeping me safe and I don’t blame him yet I really don’t feel in that much danger. I owned my stuff does that make sense. What I mean in that much danger is that I do not have the desire to use any other meds. I just should not have used those stuped phenobarbs that doc gave me months ago. I have gone through all of my med and I have none other than I am supposed to. The Phenobarbs were the only ones I had. We tried those to get me away from the fiorcet. To be honest The valium does not do that much for me other than keep my nerves in check. yes that is a bad sign and obiously a need to work away from. It’s just hard with this stupid preauth on the insurance. I expect them to do it every time there is a change and I guess I thought everyone else did do. They do it about every three months anyway. I will hang in there and I will be okay. Shaky. short with people etc. I am just afraid that if the insurance company does not approve I am screwed and it pretty much that simple. Love to all. slodancing Have we meant? Thanks so much for all of your input and plan on blogging alot more often now. It helps. Drama Queen call me if you can.
September 13th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
5150- I too got busy with grandbabies. Look, my family dr put me back on something for my nerves, because as hard as I try to accept the fact my son is gone, many days are left crying, breaking things, so much to the point that everyone thought I’d go crazy when my brother died. But, as much as I loved him, a brother goes and has his family, and it’s not your young son, and for the first week waiting for the funeral, i mostly sat. I just sat in my chair. Then I’d get up and do some chores. But I didn’t fall apart like I did with Kris. Life goes on, with or without us. I know you have pitfalls and problems, and they are probably more surmountable than ours. But I’ve sat with you, I’ve talked with you, and you are a strong woman. You need to believe in yourself. You don’t need that stinking stuff. If doc is helping you with something, then thats different. Always, ALWAYS be honest with him. If he gives you a med that doesn’t work, drive your butt to the office, hand the bottle to Doc, Steve, Rick, Patty, and say, this isn’t working, and I can’t have it in my home. Baby steps. I remember the fiorcet time. I was at the office, and you were still positive, BUT YOU LOOKED SO HEALTHY. Thats what I want for you. Good health. Like Slodancing said, wait for their call. Have faith they will call. Have faith in yourself, and keep writing. I’m here, and I’m listening. Love ya… I kept going through my address book going “who is 5150? God, WHO IS 5150?” I’m gonna start putting blog names next to names and numbers. I’ve been going crazy today. Take care and call if you want.
September 14th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Safe and happy day for everyone…
We had RAIN last night. Not great on the crops, but drama mama LOVES it. Feels like fall today. Need to go dig out long sleeves, which isn’t hard, cuz my suitcase is always packed for MB.
5150- Hang in there baby.
To our weary medical travelers- I think your having to much fun. Safe travels…
September 14th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Hi STRAT!!! Didn’t mean to forget to say hi; not many blogging.
“When the Dr’s away,
The bloggers will play.”
September 14th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Hello. Hey DQ, I gather you lost a child. And I can so relate to that. I lost my precious daughter 7 years ago to sucide. I will never be the same. She had a problem with opiods ( pain meds. ) and a husband who couldn’t stop bringing them home. And because of the high price of drugs, they could not pay their bills. So all the stress, and all the pain from withdraw, over and again, trying to raise 3 small children, my little girl gave up. I cry every day. Why ? Why ? I miss her so much. I raised my oldest grandson, the 2 smaller ones stayed with their dad. My grandbabies are so messed up in one way or another. I spend every available time, holidays, vacations, when ever, with my grand children. My oldest grandson ( Joey )is now in college. The 2 younger ones, Nicole (14yr )and Brooklen ( 9yr ) All of them excell in school, I guess that might help them cope. People say in time it will get easier. Bull shit!
Also DQ I have been going through meno for 9 years. And I don’t think it’s fair that we, as woman, get to go through it for ever. Mildly or unconfortable. And don’t forget that mind screwy crazyness. I’m with you, I’m not crazy ( all the way ) I’m just getting older.
Take care everyone.
September 14th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
D.Q. 5150 is a police code for someone “who is a threat to themselves or others” or something to that effect.
So 5150 hang in there and the doc will call. Stick with the subs, do not start self medicating it’s the first step to self induced hell but I think you know that already. Do you go to A/A or N/A? If so call someone on your list’s and get to meetings. If not start. If you can’t do that keep blogging here and stay in touch do not close yourself off.
Strat
September 14th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Hi everyone,,,,,just a quick check in…..Lots of new stuff going on in the addiction field and we got it all!! Thanks to everyone for helping each other out here….What an awesome job you all do…..
Will be back in the office next Monday, the 21st,, and Next Sloarc Group: Tuesday, Sept. 22nd.
Steve–out
September 14th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
talked to 5150 finally for 1/2 a min., and she sounded good. (that was you, right?) I even called Steve and said, 5150 needs HELP!
GEL- I’m sorry for your loss also. you’re right, it never does go away. I find it doesn’t cut to the core like at first, but those days still come from time to time. Maybe you and I can just get each other through.
Surgery on Thursday for gallbladder. Dr says I can’t keep this up, sick, real sick, so he was going to put me in tomorrow, but running a fever. Steve- there goes the soap opera of my life.
Thanks for writing and letting us know you guys are okay.
Thanks Strat. You know, I knew that, but when put with a name, I lost the connection. She’s gonna be okay. I know this lady. She’s strong.
Be good everyone. Gotta go babysit-poker night……
September 14th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Yes I am in the medical field and I have had that handle for ahwile. The 5150. Love it. They can’t do that as easy as the used to (5150) someone. It can be very difficult. Hey Drama Queen you did not have to call Steve you silly goose. I was just venting and making my attempts at getting back in with the group. I was not all that desperate. I know it sounded that way. The written word can sound way worse than it is. I was just asking for some permission if I needed to do something. I sort of had the feeling it would be left up to me and my decesions. Don’t worry doc. (and I know that you do care) I will make it. As long as I hang with you and your crew I will. Love to you all. I did not really expect you to be able to do anything as you were out of town. Hey till the 21st. that is Kewl. I got my Rx today.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:52 am
5150= I’m not just a Drama Queen, but a Drama mama Queen. I was WORRIED that day for you. I love to vent on the blog also, but don’t stop my heart again. I’m not sure anyone around here would help me. I’m glad you got your RX yesterday. Well, I don’t think I’ll be going to MB this week to look for my car keys. I’ve never lost my keys (ok, not for this long).
Yea Steve, we’re taking care of each other while you are gone . Strat’s taking the lead and doing a good job. When I open my mouth I go so fast it’s like diareaha, and Strat is more refined. Hey, I’m just a country girl, all my life.
Taking my daughter to the Dr. today. He’s got her on a 3 month plan when he finally woke up and saw that the apple don’t fall far from the tree. He won’t see a pretty picture today. I had a few tears yesterday, and he said, “You take care of yourself, and I’ll take care of her.” But, he’s doing her no favors, none,none,none, by prescribing to her. I want to take her to SLO, but she still refuses that she has a problem. And I remember those days. SO, I’ll just keep putting the money away til she wakes up. Hopefully long before I did.
We have a bad corner near where we live, and there was bad accident. My dad always taugh us when we heard of an accident out here to call in. Well, it’s dwindling down now. I drove up on it, and you knew there were fatalities, 3 helicopters, and I pulled over on a safe part, an officer came up and told me I had to move, I said I understood, but the family I have left travel this road all the time. Had to move, Then the tears started, and the story of my son, and just having my brother pass away, so he asked me what kind of cars, and we was so polite and told me none were involved. Talk about a nut case I’ve become. And that’s the same canal that we pulled our d-i-l and my first grandbaby out of. She was bombing down the road, new car, reached across for her phone, went on the road, lost it and ended up in a full canal. She’s strong, and was able to reach behind and get the baby, but could not do much after that. My son called and didn’t know where the location was, he was so upset. I told him that was grampa’s ranch, and we all rushed there. Some wonderful man with his family stopped , dove in and got them out. Since he was from Mexico and had no papers, he hauled off pretty quickly. But I pray for that man all the time. To drive up and see your little baby on the side, diaper soaked with dirty water, and I had no idea it’d get worse. We pulled our daughter from not one, but two canals, (second time we had just landed in Vegas when we got the call from our son), back to the airport and last report before boarding was, “she’s not responding.” She hasn’t wanted to drive since. Then the call for my son. Sometimes I hate the phone. It seems to bring more bad news than good. Mom, dad, my brother. Too much to think about, especially when they are going to do surgery, and give me the crap that killed Michael Jackson. Okay, no, I’m not BUI, just rambling. Sorry. The accident just brought up so many memories yesterday.
Everyone have a safe, happy day. Stay out of accidents. Our roads are very dangerous right now with the harvest. That’s why I drive an SUV, don’t apologize, but I can see over the vines. Used to have an Eclipse, and I’d just close my eyes and cross the road. Crazy. Hugs to all…
the worry wart.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:31 am
okay..how do you get someone to reply to you..and what does
“Your comment is awaiting moderation” mean…like my question have to be approved before anyone can answer..or help..hmmm..well..must say..so far..not to happy with the way this program is ran!!
September 15th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Hey DQ What time is yoiur surgery and at what hospital and please give me all the details so I can check up on you. PKEASE You said it was Thurs right. Love you honey nd aeverything is going to be okay. Just get the info to me. Okay You are gonna be okaky. You are. We love you tood much and you still have a lot of work to complete in this here life. Love ya
September 15th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I thank you sooo much. It’s just so close to ”death”, you know? Takes awhile to settle you mind down also.
Took daughter to Dr. Of course, he ok’d her meds, but wants to see her monthly now. He also told her it’s time to hit the road, what 23 yr old would want to live at home? With an OCD mom like me. He went a to far asking about her boyfriend, which of course she has none, and cares not to since her two long relationships ended 1) first went into the Army, and before and after berated her like crazy, and 2) asked us for her hand in marriage, and I said okay, but if he hurt her, I’d beat the shit out of him. Well, he was cheating on her while she was working, and then on Valentines day, broke up with her and told her to move. He was so scared of me that when we went to get her things, he had a court order against me (For saying I’d kill, oh yeah, ”hurt him” if he hurt her, and the cops were at his apartment. What a whimp. So, she told him she wanted to write children books, and he said he wanted to be a pro golfer, but that wasn’t a life dream, so he became a dr. instead. I did crackup at that one. I got her out of the house several times today, which is major just to run errands, but I remember when i wouldn’t leave the house, and sometimes i’d just run into the store and buy a can of soup. And we had soup for dinner. She gave me her meds , which I gave to my hub, and now he has to dole them out to her, which she is so ashamed of because you can kick your mom around, but never your daddy.
5150- I’ll be at Sierra Hospital in Reedley (I’m pretty sure), and I’ll be home that day unless he cuts my liver. haha? No heavy work for 3 weeks, which means my sister lied to me in July when she had her’s done. She was still recovering at my brothers funeral, 7 weeks later. Whatever. She’s a nurse and knows much more than the drs.
I will be fine once they put me to sleep, and after that, if I wake up, it’s all gravy. And I’ll call Dr.H to see what to do. If I don’t wake up, I have this really pretty vase, so I better wash it, cuz hubby would just put my ashes in it, or throw it in the cat box. Better to give back to life than a casket. If i want new furniture, I want it NOW. Not in the ground rotting. I’ll call ya with all the info. I need your home number anywho.
Strat_ quiet today. You okay? NOt like you to not say anything.
Gel- I think of you everyday and the ”common thread” we share. How old was your daughter? I think of her, and to be so young, and you are so right. We just aren’t meant to loose children, but it happens, and the survivors are really the victums, no? But like Steve says, and maybe I said this already, but baby steps, and it helps me with my son also. We have 2 grandgirls, and the baby was just one at the time. My back yard is full of swingsets, club houses, doll houses, one flower bed that I bought the colored sand for, and the little one usually plays there, right by the kitchen window. His was a car accident, and the dr let him leave the hospital, but his neck was not okay, and he wanted to go eat, and he collapsed at the resturant. That was that. But he had a great best friend who lived just down the road (when you are in the country, that’s a neighbor!), and he comes by all the time. He’s always called me mom (their birthdays were 3 days apart), I’ve always called him son, and sometimes i’ll say, ‘my son did or said that’ , and people look at me like i’m nuts. some days I feel like i am. But I help with the girls while mom goes to school, and I know I’m doing something. His friend was here waiting the day we came home when my brother passed away last month. I’m blessed. I really am.
Travelers- hope all is well, and learn and have fun, but get back to the fish tank as soon as you can. Travel safe…
Dusty old Man- Are you okay? You haven’t said anything for awhile, but I have a feeling you’re still reading. Write. Let us know how you are. We do care, really.
hugs to all…mean mama
September 16th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Crap, I hate to log on and no one’s home.
Doc- Can you travel on a Friday to the coast if surgery (lap) went okay on Thrusday? We’re hitting the triples this weekend, and my PGE is nearly hitting the quad numbers. NO KIDDING. It has gone up every month, and it’s my goal to keep everything turned off.
Okay, things to do, hope everyones okay.
God guys, feels like you’ve been away for a longgg time, and some of us (me) are getting restless. Travel safe, and friends, enjoy the day…
September 16th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Hey D.Q. et al
haven’t forgotten you just very busy with life in general, work, A/A, family the normal stuff of my existence.
Strat.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
hello i tried to blog on the 12th but it said awaiting moderation. this is a test.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Just feels weird when the office is away. no connections…
September 16th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Damn, D. Queen, you gotta get a life girl. I thought I was old and out of touch, but fuck your constant yappin’ takes the cake. I was told this was a place to find answers, but if y’all need some go to: http://addictionsurvivors.org/ …….. That’s where I’m at.
And not to knock this blog .. I did find out about the above site from here. Old dusty..OUT
September 16th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
boy, if that post wouldn’t want to make you take a handful of norcos and say ”fuck it.” have a life. maybe i don’t. thanks for taking a big piece and throwing me under the train. damn d queen, OUT
September 17th, 2009 at 7:28 am
OldDustyMan,
Making friends again I see, before you start patting yourself on the back for finding the website with all the answers you need to take a very close look at the ratio of forum members that successfuly ween themselves off Sub. without relapsing. I’ve been monitoring that site for close to a year and the percentage is pretty lousy. As for yourself do you have all your ducks in a row, stong A/A or N/A network, a sponsor who knows your story, do you know the difference between habit forming and addictive behavior? Those are questions only you can answer. If you decide to ween then jump keep us mere mortals in the loop and pass along the knowledge and wisdom you collect on the way. As always.
Your humble servant
Strat.
September 17th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Hey D.Q. don’t let the bullies win.
Remember it’s easier for people to spread evil than to work on them selves so they can spread good and be of service to others. I can pretty much guarrantee you that Olddustyman has never worked a twelve step program in his life and if he has he didn’t work it very hard. So the sad thing here is that for all his bluster and blow he will most likly not have the success he so desires. I don’t like to take others inventory but in this case I will not sit by and let a good woman get hurt by the brute nature of someone who is her moral inferior.
Strat
September 17th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Thank you Strat.
September 17th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Your welcome
September 18th, 2009 at 9:19 am
alright, let’s start fresh,
hope everyone is having a glorious day.
saw an old dr of mine the other day.
no big deal - he was the 1st to label me as
** drug seeking behavior **
kind of odd at 1st, but was grateful in the end.
weird, how resentments turn to anger,
but at full fruition - gratitude
similarities? anyone….?
September 19th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Good morning all
Never had a Doc. finger me in that way mostly due to the fact that my “source’ was not Doctor related. But there were those time when changing Doctor presented those akward moments of haveing to ask for a presription for somthing or other and getting the LOOK, but I never ask for the big guns, my D.O.C. from the docs was Darvocet somthing I used for my Migraines (mind you I could handle most of those with advil but you know?) another accuse symtom for taking drugs i think we all had them in one form or another. Any body else have a Story?
Strat
September 19th, 2009 at 8:40 am
Well, I hate to yap about it,(lol Strat), but I was 2 Dr.ing it. Damn if i didn’t get my refills mixed up, and the pharmacist called my main dr. I got ”called in to the office”, given a sheet of ?’s to fill out, and that was that. The sad thing is I DID suffer from dibilitating migraines, 4-5 days was a short one, and the only way to get out of the cyle was for the dr. to knock me out with a shot or send me to the er. I know I was labled at the er as drug seeker, and my dr would be the one to send me there and tell them what to give me. I took care of that with my family dr. this summer, because he knew those weren’t fake, as I threw up on him so many times.
the 2nd dr i was going to, well i went to and apologized to. he’s still the one i go to now, and he’s very proud of where dr. h has me at, even though not completely off everything. so, i feel lucky to have 2 best drs i could find, the only thing is the one i’d like to go to for colds,ect is in SLO, but maybe someday we’ll move. the first dr delivered my son, and the dr we go to now delivered my daughter, just cuz he was on call. he recognizes the rise in drug seekers, and usually can weed them out, unless the eyelashes get batted. not at all like doc who see’s right through you. it was awhile after seeing drh before i told anyone, especially my dr here. i blame it on my addict. lol but i will say that even though the dr here did prescribe for me, he never let me go refill early, very strict on that part. but bup, yes, i went through all the feelings you mentioned , and maybe a few more. easier to blame someone else than yourself. and you just fool yourself. my sister told me the other day that she takes one norco a day, not everyday, yet she gets 360 pills every two weeks (she’s a nurse), and what is she doing with them? saving them if they run out?, or paving her driveway? excuses, i’m better than you are. hey, if she needs them, take them. I have given Dusty some thought. If he’s soooo happy on his new site, he must still have us on his list, (YEA SLOARC), or he wouldn’t have CUSSED me out. So, HI DUSTY, ya old cowboy! Still hope you are doing okay. Although after I stopped crying, I wanted to reach and take your testies out through your dirty mouth. Shame on you.
The team must be coming home this weekend. Family, friends and patients pray for safe homecoming. God speed.
Did I yap to much?
September 19th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Never
September 19th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I’m cracking up and peeing my pants. Thanks Strat.
September 19th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Hello “Jaydub” and “Old School”…..SO SORRY, that it took so long to get your posts on here…..Hopefully everyone will go back and read them, so you can get some respones…Doc, Rick and I, have been in Boston for a couple weeks at an Addiction symposium, and we got behind on the blog stuff….Your posts should go directly to the blog now everyone….
Sorry for the inconvienence….Busy week ahead, and I will be seeing MANY of you…YEAH!! Also, we are having our SLOARC GROUP SESSION: This Tuesday, Sept. 22, 5:30pm! Hope to see you all there….
More later,
Steve–out
September 19th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
AND, hello to “Fishing Girl” as well…..The first time you blog, it is “Held for moderation”….after that, your post will go to the blog immediately when you click “Submit Comment”…….It’s just a way for us to keep the huge amount of spam that comes our way, off the blog……You folks really DON’T NEED to know how to grow to be 12ft tall in just 3 days, do you??? Ha ha ha….
Steve–out
September 19th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Hello Jaydub, Old School, and Fishing Girl. Doc and his team have been out of town for real, and glad you’re on now.
Fishing Girl- Don’t know much about pregnancy and sub or what to do, but Dr will help you when they get back. I’m sure of that. I hate to give any suggestions, cuz I’m not medically trained. But good luck sweetie.
You guys home now? It was a long time you being gone. Hope you learned alot, and got some fun time in as well…the yapper. Clap once and I start, clap twice and I stop.
September 19th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
D.Q., That is FUNNY!!! Ha ha……”once I start, twice I stop!” ha ha…..
And yes, we are home from the East Coast…..Lots of good info there, but really glad to be home…..Good news is, SLOARC remains state of art as far as addiction treatment is concerned…..the “big boys” ‘ain’t got nothin’ on us’! Ha….
Steve–out
September 19th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Hello all, Just a quick note to say hello to all and that i am still alive and well. Hope aall are doing good and having mostly notes. Steve i think I have an appointment on the 22nd with Doc. I wanted to be able to keep that appointment and come to the evening meeting but thus far I am scheduled for a mandatory overtime. I am trying to get someone to cover it for me but have had no luck up to this point. I will have to change it hopefully to Wed if possible. The other thing is I am with Ride share and they can’t take me places but to and from work. I should have my new (old) car ready to go my then and I can drive it to work. I am having the missing sun roof put on and I cannot take it to work without it. I will call Patty and leave her a message. Just a heads up.
September 19th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Excuse the sentence of doing good and mostly notes. Meant to be wonderful days. Sorry don’t know what happens to my writing. One thing is is that my over active grandaughter is here and to even get an email out is a miracle. lol