July 2009 second part Archived Do Not Post Here!
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July 24th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Let me have the honors of posting the first blog on the second half of July, 09.
Rockin Sounds like you are doing great, and having lots of fun at the fair. I’m happy for you. Life can be fun, with your personality, you don’t need alcohol, cuz you’re one walking can of fun. Remember that. If it gets uneasy, remember what I saw in your eyes the other night. Honestly, a woman who loves to have fun and discovered that it comes from her heart. You’re awesome.
Hope that everyone who goes to the fair has a good safe time. We go to the Fresno Fair, when it’s a little cooler, and sorry, and hope it doesn’t break the rules, but I’m sure it does: I love to bet on the fixed horses. I don’t put much money on them, but my father in law used to own race horses, and I guess it got in my blood. They never won us much money, and my father in law went bankrupt with them, but I miss them right outide my house; the flies, watching my mother in law being thrown threw the air, breaking her shoulder and collar bone because FIL my couldn’t wait for my husband to get home in 5 minutes. Bless her heart. And the box seats. That was the best. I don’t bet anymore, but I play them on paper now. And now I win. Go figure. Okay, everyone have a great day day and a safe weekend. Drive carefully if you go to the fair. Hugs to all…
July 24th, 2009 at 9:05 am
My husband does my betting. Does that count????? hahahaha
July 24th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Hi everyone how are you all doing on this wonderful Friday lol! Hmmm as for me i have my husbands side of the family coming up to camp up here on the ranch…yikes. People with money are nvr fun to hang out with when it goes to there head
anyways its gonna be a long 4 days and very hard for me to stay sober but i have will power! Anyone going to a AA meeting in El Paso de Robles? i would totally luv to go and meet up with someone from group or whomever:) ttyl kron
July 24th, 2009 at 11:17 am
oh hello drama Queen…how is yr daughter? good i hope!!! hope ur feeling better.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
try the meetings at 14 st & oak.
i’m in one now
listening to ch. 5
July 25th, 2009 at 12:32 am
k. 14st…whats ch. 5? just moved to paso from bako so not sure what you mean. Whats a good time? taking boat out tmrw w fam…but i wont to go sunday eve and monday morning.
Appt. with Doc & Steve monday 3ish so would luv 2 have 2 in bn i’ve nvr gone b4 & have always been talk zero act.
July 25th, 2009 at 12:34 am
opp….EM I BAD! I MEANT I WANT TO GO SUNDAY EVE AND MONDAY MORNING. DANG 1 LETTER AND IT THREW MY HOLE WORD OFF…NO FAKING IT.!!!! WHOS IN????
July 25th, 2009 at 7:40 am
Morning All
Hey B.D. Chapter 5 is what Bups. referring to “How It Works ” in the Big Book Of A/A most Meetings are opened by someone reading Ch.5 But you’ll find that out when you go.
I live in Atascadero where the realy cool meetings happen and you don’t have to ride a horse and wear a cowboy hat to be allowed in (JUST KIDDING) love to have you hang out with us if your ever down here.
strat
July 25th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Morning All! B.D., good for you! You have the right attitude, that will help you change your life (not just think about changing it…ha..) If you ever want to go to meetings here in SLO, just send up a smoke signal, and there are many here who would show you the way….My entire “being” has been transformed for the better by becoming a member of the 12-step recovery community….I will share my story with you someday, but in short, I was a down and dirty, dope slingin’, booze swillin’, steal your kid’s piggy bank money, sell my family’s heirlooms, cheat on my wife, run from the CHP and crash my car into a guard rail, run a family of 4 off the road, sit in jail for MONTHS ON END, and drink and use the second I got out, type of guy, which went on for YEARS……and as I hope you know………I’m a NICE GUY! ha ha ha…..
“We judge ourselves by our INTENTIONS, while the world judges us by our ACTIONS!” I HATE that part sometimes, still today! ha ha….Right actions, is what it’s all about for people like us….Have a wonderful, clean and sober Saturday everyone!
Steve–out
July 26th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Good morning all, and what a beautiful overcast day. I’ll take it, knowing what’s going on 2 hours away from here. YUK. Hate to pack up today, but have been blessed to been able to be here for over a week. Blessed.
I’d write more, but this laptop is acting up. I write, and it spits half of it away. So, I’ll write when I get home. Love to all, have a safe and sober day, and if you go to the fair, have a safe time. Do they have horseraces there? Just wondering, don’t worry.
Gremlins are acting up on comp., so I’m ending here, and pray I get home safe. Love to all, j
July 26th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Morning all. Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues. Aug. 4th 5:30pm….
Steve–out
July 26th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Day before my 33? anniversary….
I think that’s a great way to celebrate…
July 26th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Hope to see you D.Q…..Mighty quiet out there today….Did addiction decide to take Sunday off??? Ha ha….
Have a peaceful evening everyone…
Steve–out
July 26th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Steve- Maybe addiction did take the day off- or maybe all went to the fair! hahaha Usually we go 41 all the way home, but our daughter gets carsick very easy, so we went 46-101-41, and it took us 30 minutes longer. All the extra cars at 101 and 41. But no car sick!
It was great having our DIL’s(daughter in laws) new friend come to the coast again with the girls. She had to work this weekend, and so he brought the kids over Saturday,spent the day, worked in my yard, took the kids to the beach, stayed Sat. night, then took the kids home. It is so strange to see the kids with someone new, not my son, but someone who my son would approve of, and it’s almost like he tell’s me daily, “it’s okay mom. I sent him to them. He’ll love them, take care of them, teach them and love them in a Christian home, don’t worry mom.” Great dreams at night lately. Yet depressing. My hubby thinks I need a shrink. I want him back so much, but realize that it’s not possible, and when I get depressed, I’ve come to realize that it’s “ali” messing with me. My mind says “your leg hurts, your heart hurts, so take some norco.” And I swear, those “friends” we were talking about at the meeting the other night, that’s when they call and say, “i know someone who has N’s for 6 a piece, or if you get all 100, they’ll let them go for 4!” “No THANK YOU.” Someone’s messing with me sometimes, but it’s so easy to say NO now. Especially since Doc has my pain to a loud, but dimmer roar than before. That’s how I know it’s the right thing to do, because the pain is still there, and I don’t take more than I’m supposed to. I’d really love for MK to get my internet address or phone number, because I’d love to talk to a nurse like her who has helped people after surgery come to and let me know what to expect. I’ve had to cancel surgery twice already because my DIL is working the days I had scheduled, and I don’t want to wake up to her, no thank you, very much. But, haven’t heard from MK lately. Hope she’s doing okay. So,back to this person our DIL is dating; we’ve let someone new into our lives, and we sure don’t want them to get hurt anymore, nor do we want to hurt. It’s hard to trust another person coming into your lives, especially when they are taking your son’s place. OH WELL, it sounds like I’m BUI, which I”m NOT, I’m just babbling. I’ll shut up for awhile.
Love to all, and hope everyone got home from the fair safe and sound. I know it was warm there today, so wear plenty of sunscreen, stay hydrateded very well on cold water, and have a great time, but WATCH THE OTHER TRAFFIC!!!!
Hugs to all, and can’t wait to hear from some of you til tomorrow. Hope tomorrow’s not such a quiet day, but God bless you all, j
July 26th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
You know Steve,, that would be funny if a flyer went out….
Drug Addictions (Ali’s) Renunion
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Must attend.
Open Bar and Pharmacy.
See you there.
Think of yourself for once,
And don’t worry about your Addict.
They’ll be there on Monday waiting for you.
If it were that simple to get rid of Ali.
July 27th, 2009 at 6:41 am
‘SLODANCING”…….So sorry, I fell behind on the behind the scenes work on the blog….Your original post is on the previous thread;;;;please post again, and from now on it will show up immediately on the blog when you “Submit Comment”……Thanks so much for joining us…..
Nest SLO GROUP SESSION: Tues, Aug. 4th 5:30pm
Steve–out
July 27th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Welcome Slodancing. That’s what this blog usually is; slodancing to fast music. Is that possible? Keep writitng, I think you’ll find to learn to love this group here real soon…
Kim- Easy to notice who’s high now when you aren’t, isn’t it? I’ve said it once, and I’ll keep saying it. I hope that Dr.s like DrH and his trusty assistants Steve and Rick keep the young from a lifetime of not knowing sobriety until you get older and have lost most of your youth, although no matter when you become sober, you still have years to help people. Get sober when you’re young if possible.
Miss my walks on the beach. Makes me a bit depressed, just getting back home from vacation is always a challange. I don’t know where to jump in and start working again. SO, my first day home is usually a bust….mostly watering flowers in this heat.
Everyone have a great day…
July 27th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
hi everyone…haven’t been on the blog in awhile so i thought i’d stop by and stay hello. just got back from nyc and now it’s back to reality…BUT I made it through my 21st birthday sober!! Never thought that would happen but it did. Thanks Doc and Steve for showing me the way. i’ll try to start keeping up with the blog a little more. hope everyone is doing well!
JWS
July 27th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Way to go JWS, and happy birthday…
How is my daughter? If it were in my blood, she’d be thrown out of the house. She’s taking us all down. But, it’s not in my blood. Thanks for asking.
BD- You are jumping right in, and seem to be doing well. Hope you havea great week.
July 27th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
SloDancing writes!
I’m sorry I missed you’re comment too, WELCOME TO THE Merry Band of SLOARC bloggers.
Quote from SloDancing
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hey all, I hear the water’s warm and I wanna play too !! So…….
It’s day # 4 off the norco’s, and aside from some sleep issues, and a headache, I feel pretty darn good.
Wouldn’t have believed it if someone had said ” guess what, your pain will be ok and oh another lil thing…..no cravings . WHAT???????
Not scurrying around desparately searching for that last crumb somewhere in the bottom of my purse. Wow, really, wow
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
July 28th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Hey Slodancing
You’re off to a glorious new adventure in your life so hang on and enjoy. And welcome to the Blog.
Have had house guest for the last few days so coudn’t get on line as often as I like the blogs a little quiet without Rockin, Bup. et al chiming in. Silence is not a good thing for us here, so where are you guys hope it’s just personel commitments keeping you busy.
Strat
July 28th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Stratman, You always say things, spot on. Thanks.
July 28th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Morning D.Q.
Thanks
Strat.
July 28th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
No prob. Think everyone who loves the fair has made their way there. Hope they are having good fun…
July 28th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
A quick note;
I went to a noon meet today (spontaneously) because it occured to me that my other list of things to do was already impossibe to finish, Dr. H say’s its good to be around “people like me” and mostly because it made me smile to think about how much ‘Ali’ would hate it. Ha, Ha!
Off I go…mom taxi responsibilities.
July 28th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
PERFECT “someone new!” You are SO on the right path! Keep it up…
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues, Aug 4th 5:30pm!
Steve–out
July 28th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Congrats Someonenew!!!
July 29th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
i just ’spontaneously’ went to a meeting myself.
i’ve grown into going daily.
i must.
am i obsessed?
maybe.
do i care?
not really.
i/we could be obsessed with worse,
so…
…thanks for being part of my recovery.
July 29th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
really…thanks
July 29th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
You’re a good person bup…
July 29th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Next SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tues, Aug 4th, 5:30pm!
Bupe, come on over if you’re not busy that night….
Steve–out
July 29th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Another regular heard from,thank God. I was starting to hear wind blowing through here it was get so vacant. Just heard a really disturbing thing a few minutes ago it apears that there are doctors in our community that presribe suboxone to individuals for two months with no addiction treatment and then take the patient off the drug without tapering of any kind. I’m not to sure what there point is to that line of treatment but I find it wierd.Of course the person relapsed.Not sure what my point is on this but I find it strange if true, any body else hear things like this?
Strat.
July 29th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
The more I think about this story the moreI start to wonder if I’m getting all the details or is this some addict jerking a Doctor around Hmmmm?
Strat
July 29th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
i’ve read the details for what it takes in order for a dr to rx sub,
and i would have to agree with the ‘jerking’ conclusion.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Strat- It is creepy-ily quiet on the blog lately. Like, some got on a airship and zipped away…
As to your question re; this Dr. We have an “addiction” dr. ”pig” in Clovis, and to be proper, I wont put his name down, but if you did some looking up, it is in CLOVIS, CA, And I believe his last name starts with a G.
Anyway, he’s been practicing along time. When I wanted off so bad, my husband took me to this Dr, back in 96, 97? Of course, sub wasn’t here then. He gave me darvocet, with directions a mile long. How to cut them down til the dreaded day that you were only taking 1/2 the last day, and that was it. He didn’t stress meetings at that time. I never felt right, no matter how long I stayed off. I’ve heard Dr. H talk about being in a certain ”condition” at that time, and believe that’s where I was at the time. My head was bouncing around like there where ping pong balls, no sleep, no concentration, and my kids were small then. No one could help me. His advice was to ”drink a little alcohol, I hear that works.” Well, after about 3 weeks, obvious I was going to fail, and didn’t even consider it a small victory at all. Finally, about 2 years ago, one of my ”friends” called, excited, told me about sub, and how he was going to get off drugs. He went to this same dr, and the drill is, you go in while in withdrawls, they give you your medication, and for about a week you sit in their office, doing nothing. Then they ”trust you ” enough to take your meds home, come in for check ups, and to attend meetings. After a certain amount of time, you are taken off of the sub. My niece went, so I know for a fact, that even then, she’s having a hell of a time. Her only saving grace is going to meetings, and she’s told me she feels like a failure everyday. She tells me taking sub everyday is also failing, and I told her both ways can’t be failure. If a person feels good and is leading a good life making good decisions, which they weren’t while on drugs, then, isn’t that a sucess? I’ll stop here. Only to say that I think this Dr. is setting people up to fail, to restart the program, and I just don’t know where his head is at. I know I’ve met him, and he’s NO DR. H. He’s creepy, doesn’t listen to you, and , well, who know’s why he choose addiction medicine. I just know he’s one of the reason’s I drive to SLO from Fresno. Because in SLO, I get a good Dr., good care, good support.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I think Dr. H has looked this Dr up, no? What do you think about this kind of treatment Dr. H or Steve?
July 29th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Hey all in Bloggo Land!! Hope I’m back finding y’all happy and sober. I’ve been enjoying every night this last week at the fair. Concerts have been a blast. The guys at the lemonaide stand know me and give me a shout out when they see me coming everynight
Seriously, I’ve been having a stone cold sober blast. My best of on concerts: Heart - good God, Anne Wilson has some pipes on her, best female rock singer there is in my opinion. Most Fun: Kelly Clarkson My life would suck without you rocked. Craziest: Hell Yes, KISS They are old but gotta love ol Gene Simons tongue. Sexiest: Yummy Tim McGraw. Okay, there’s my take on the music side of it.
NOW, Dearest Steve-o, On looking around with eyes wide open and most of the folks not drinking. HELL NO!!! I’d have to say 80% of the population at the fair is drinking with part of the 20% that’s not being children. All I want is their damn blinky cups. The old saying that you more a person drinks, the more attractive the opposite sex appears to them. Well, the same is true the opposite way, the more they keep drinking the less attractive I am thinking they are getting. I saw some perfectly adorable girls at the concerts starting the evening and when I ran into them in the bathroom later they were taking my lipstick, spilling their beer on me and pissed cuz I didn’t have a cigarette. And I still couldn’t bring myself to scab their blinky cup. God, I still have my morals damn it.
So this has been my preparation for the debauchery to come tomorrow. Headed out of town for the Crue Fest Concert up at the Shoreline. Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, THE CRUE!!!! I am pumped. You want to talk about the true test of sobriety. I have been calling my sponsor every morning and taking the antabuse every morning. NO CHEATING. I finally have earned the right not to introduce myself as less than 30 days at meetings and I sure as hell don’t plan on “F”in that up. You might ask do you plan a “F” up, in my case, yes I do. It starts with not taking the antabuse. So I am good to go all. Bring on the party.
So DQ, Strat, JWS,Bup,Someonenew,BeautifulD,Admin, Steve and all my new friends out there I haven’t met yet. Hope to see everybody next week on Tuesday Doc’s office. Its so important to be there for each other and the cookies are rockin. Seriously, I really think we all have something to give or share. If nothing else maybe we can help kick some addict ass!! I’ll be on detox from the fair just starting back to meetings. Anyway, I be back in touch when I get back in town Friday. Have fun and play safe out there. Luv Ya, Peace Out
July 30th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Steve- Don’t think I’ll be in town early next week, so don’t plan on me attending the meeting. Have to get ready for grandbabies. Hope all are well…
July 30th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Still very quiet. Are we going a full week of no one on the blog? See, we knew where rockin was. Where is everyone else?
July 30th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
I am here…didn’t want to be the downer that depresses everyone on the blog, but i have nothing else to say so here goes. Lately, I have been depressed. My disease tells me on a daily basis that I’m alone, no one loves me, and I’m worthless. I know these things aren’t true, but my head tends to get the better of me. I feel like some days I have to make a conscious decision to wake up in the morning and not curl up into a ball and cry. I have everything to be grateful for, and I don’t want anyone to pity me. I guess all I can do is force myself to get out of bed, go to meetings, call my sponsor, and pray. I guess I’m just finding that even though doing the right thing is good, it can be lonely. I meet people in meetings, but they all have lives filled with distractions, and not nearly as much free time as I have. I know one of my biggest fears is being alone…so maybe my higher power is trying to teach me something. I also know that some of the loneliness is my fault. I don’t get out and try new things or put myself in new situations, because the anxiety about them is unbearable. When I’m in new situations, it’s like I’m crawling in my skin. I just get overwhelmed so easily. Our addiction really is all powerful…it tells us we are lonely and then tells us to isolate. It seems hard to win. All I can do is use what I have learned, trust in my higher power, and hope for the best. That is why I’m writing this right now. Speaking up and being honest takes some of the power away from our addict. Thanks for letting me do that here today. Hope everyone is well, and even if you aren’t, don’t forget to speak up!!
JWS
July 30th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Honey, I’ve been depressed also, and kinda like you, I thought to myself, what the heck do you have to be depressed about? I have always leaned towards being down, and have to look real hard towards the happy place. And I can’t keep using the loss of my son forever…kind of a joke there, like it’ll ever go away. But not really. That’s been one of the hardest things to get over in my whole life so far. And I do feel like he’s with me most of the time lately. Oh well…
Well, I’m very tired right now, and probably not making much sense. When the girls got here, it was right before lunch, and I told them we could fill the pool up and they could play til lunch time. My oldest grandgirl (7) came up to me and said, “nana, there are wasp on the water handle.” Told her to leave it alone, and I’d be there in a minute. Walking over, they flew out of the hose wrapper thingy, and ATTACKED ME. And I’m highly allergic. I grabbed the one of the wasp sprays placed all around the yard, and I have a ”feeling” that she saw wasp go in the holes, and took a quick spray, making them angry. She’s getting pretty sneaky lately. I hadn’t even reached for the handle to turn the water on, and two wasp came out towards me, and I’m thinking, they’ll go around me like usual. Not this time. Sting, sting,sting; scream, scream, more screams, attack by two stupid wasps. Finally fell and rolled on grass, telling, screaming for the girls to get in the house. I got away from them, got my daughter out to help, and by then she had called the ambulance, which I told her not to, I had my eppie shot on board by then. So I declined help when they finally made it to where we live, my husband was on his way home, the grandgirls were packing myarms with mud and pouring water on them. So swollen, but I’ve been through this before. My hubby took me to our family Dr., where he checked me out, gave me some more shots, an antibiotic a new eppie pen, I went to work with him where by then my addrenalin( ?) was wearing off and boy, sleepy was I. I sat in my husbands office recliner while he worked, he woke me up, and I’v been sleepy ever since. You never know how your day is going to turn out; this I’ve learned several times during my life. So take the the good, take the bad, and there you have the “facts of life.” haha, sorry.
So , that was my crazy day, and I just shared it with you before hitting the hay. Hope you all are well. So, I’m taking me swollen hand and arm to bed.I love ya all and hope you are doing well. I also hope that more of you write so that we will know you are all okay. Hugs to all, and write so that I don’t have to share this trivial crap with ya all.
JWS- thanks again for sharing your feelings with us, and NEVER feel like they are silly, or that we wouldn’t care. That’s when we start to slip. Remember, no slippage on the blog. To many eyes, ears and mouths to come to. Stay well sweetie. Much love to all…..j
July 30th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
God, sorry that got so long. Just read every other word, or every other line. LOL…j
July 30th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
JWS~ I’m a newbie to the whole recovery thing, but I do know a few things about being lonely/depressed and wanting to keep to yourself. When I was really down, I’ve found it so important just to get outside, in nature. You don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t feel like it, but walking on a trail in the park , or the dunes, or a hiking trail~~~you’re just bound to feel better !!
Some days I go to the grocery store and just say hi or smile at two people-just kinda brings me out of myself a little. And a walk will do wonders for the “crawling out of the skin” feeling. God, I sound like my Mom ” go play in the sunshine and get some fresh air” but Mom was right.
I need to walk real bad right now ( not this very minute… but soon)
While I was numbed out on norcos, i couldn’t even tell if I was full or not,
so I just kept on eating…..and eating…til the half-gallon of ice cream was gone.!!! ( I must be finished, the container is empty !!) I have gained 40 lbs in the last couple years. Yuck.
Anyway, JWS, just know that you’re not alone in your feelings, and that you have some really good friends here.
You and all your buddys are actually the nudge I needed to call the doc and drag my fat butt into sloarc. I read this blog for weeks, reading all the way back to the beginning And you all inspired me so much !!!
So thank you all for being so real.
July 30th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Know exactly how you feel JWS. Isolating leads me to believe I can do this on my own. Unfortunately I had to learn a lesson. I am so tired of relapse and know what the solution is and yet I do it for a while, get comfortable and don’t reach out when it gets uncomfortable. So I told the doc I would look at what happened and try to learn from it.
First, a back injury. Total excuse for my addict to say a couple drinks will relax the muscles and then go back on antabuse. Of course it doesn’t work that way.
What I did wrong. No calls to anyone to discuss other options and just taking aspirin, stretching, and knowing it will go away. When fighting the addict I went back and forth for hours, perfect time to call for advice from somebody with my best interests in mind. I have numbers and chose not to use them. It’s actually selfish to think I don’t want to bother someone with my problem when it may help them stay sober that day. I have to keep that in mind.
July 31st, 2009 at 6:51 am
JWS I too suffered from depression and it’s not just related to addiction or recovery and it can be treated. You should really talk to your doctor about this their are medications for this that will not threaten your sobreity. Depression is not something you can talk your way out of. If you are suffering a serotonin inbalance it is treatable and is a disease. Please treat it as such, the medication will not alter your perception or make you feel high but will fix the imbalance of chemicals in your brain that causes depression, check it out please
strat
July 31st, 2009 at 9:29 am
jws,
you’re not alone.
a majority of people in recovery go through some period of depression.
myself included - unfortunately still.
but it is treatable - if you let it happen.
i find myself uncontrollably slipping into a bad place at times,
but i’ve found the ability to recognize and act.
act, the key word.
just the other day, after a shitty week (of my own making),
i finally picked up that 300 lb phone.
allhamdalla (thank god)
in other words, communicate.
you’re on the right path here on the blog,
but please try to get some face time in with someone close and confident.
the phone works just as well, or in addition too.
anything, anything to address the issue.
if clinical facilities need to be addressed,
cottage in slo has a fantastic outpatient program for depression.
a former spouse went there, and the result was amazing.
July 31st, 2009 at 11:08 am
Thank you all for your advice. I see a psychologist on a weekly basis and take antidepressants…but lately it has just been bad. I guess I just have to accept it and know that everything is going to be okay. Thank you again for all of your support.
JWS
July 31st, 2009 at 11:39 am
JWS, unless they can prove to me if my seratonine is low, then I don’t like anti-depressants. I don’t know if there is a test, but must imagine there is one to see where your levels are. Like thyroid tests. So, get tested. If is imbalance, get it fixed. And I like bup and strat…get out and just talk to one or two people. Help an elderly person in the grocery parking lot loas their groceries in their car (great one). Best medicine in the whole world, and it’s free. FREE! Talking to others is such a great release, and you find out that there is better and worse out there. Good advice guys. Also, know that it’s normal to feel ”depressed”, as long as we don’t let it go forever. Give it til Sat. afternoon, then it’s over. You can’t be depressed pass your cut off time. Like I said, the guys gave great advice. I’m interested in finding out about the ouptatient program for depression at cottage. Amazing results convince me. OR, get a walking program with friends. or fellow addicts. Just, move it move it! How does that song go.?
Said I might not be there Tuesday, but that may have changed.
Arm is still swollen and sore, but ice on it is amazing. I’m just so lucky I had an Eppie pen. Always be prepared.
We’re staying home this weekend. Have lots to do in the garden, even if it is our 3something wedding anniversary. I’m going to celebrate by myself. Don’t let anyone tell you a death in the family will bring you closer. You have to work at it even harder to keep things happy, or you wake up one day ,and it’s gone. Marriage, and all.
Love you all. Hug and kisses, j
Have a great weekend. Thanks for sending some coastal air this way. I appreciate it. Hugs and kisses, j…
July 31st, 2009 at 3:38 pm
JWS, Gave you a text the other day just to see whats up. So now I know. Yup, depression. A nasty friend that accompanies you when you least want it hanging around. I know the “Im not good enough, Im boring, Shes prettier and more interesting than me, Why would anyone want to hang around me and be my friend, Im just a worthless piece of shit, no one cares, why should I” So been there, Done that, and probably, unfortunately, will be doing it again one day soon. But please, NOTICE the one tie in there!!! “I” and “Me” Pretty much if people don’t like who I am they can kiss my sweet addict ass. I am who I am and there is no fuckin changing it. Yes, I still feel all those things, but what can I do about it accept curl in a ball and want to die. And thats just the easy way out that your addict wants you to take, cuz soon you’ll be headed right back down that road in his or her company cuz they are the only one that knows you and understands how you feel. You can be safe and secure with your addict. No one can touch you there and make you feel anything. AND THERES ANOTHER KEY, FEELING!!!!! Thats what we all have to deal with that we didn’t have to cope with loaded and high. FEELING.
So I say, hard as tough love is, SUCK IT UP. Don’t let that mother F**cker take you down to that place we just pulled ourselves up from. Remember those talks you had with me sweetie, YES YOU JWS, when I was loaded and screaming no one cares, why should I. We all care. I love you so much. Get help. Depression is a REAL FEELING. It is so something that CAN be dealt with. Listen to all our friends in bloggo land here. Seek out help in the right places. Don’t go back to the bad place that will only bring more pain, sorrow, guilt and depression. Get out of the house, get some sunshine. Have a yummy milkshake, pet a puppy and get some puppy breath kisses. What ever makes things rock in your world, just do it. Even if you just start with baby steps, its one baby step in the right direction. AND away from our alter ego that waits for us to feel just bad enough to give it the chance to become one with us and take control.
Nuff said for now. If you want to talk walking into the devils den of temptation, try 6 hours at the Motley Crue Fest yesterday. The Paso Robles fair has been childs place compaired to this wonderful, awesome concert filled with every kind of relapse inducing source of fun you could possibly ask for. But somehow I felt really alive and strengthened by it. I felt glowing for a lack of a better word. Got to bed after munchin down some Taco Bell Volcano Nachos at 12:30 pm, woke up late remembering every detail of the concert with no hangover ready for a day off from work. Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, Vince Neil and even old Mick Mars were the kings of Dr. Feelgood and I loved it.
Have a great day and awesome weekend. I am off to the fair again tonight then up and out tomorrow am for a long walk in nature with my sponsor, and her sponsor. Just what the “Dr” ordered!!! HA Love Ya All Out There. Hang tough and hope to see a bunch of ya Tuesday at SLOARC.
July 31st, 2009 at 4:37 pm
It’s just sad enough that we all on this earth suffer from so many problems, that depression is thrown out there also. Sucks, just really sucks. Thinking of you JWS. Stay strong…
July 31st, 2009 at 5:48 pm
;I never got a text from u rockinstuff or i would have texted u back. and i take antidepressants because my feelings get out of control and they are the only thing that has ever helped. Though I don’t think they are a cure all, they do help me in combination with therapy.
thank u all for your love and support i know i am cared about my mind just brings me down. i think it is a combination of my genes and my addict. i know that all that i can do is continue to use the tools that i have and wait it out.
July 31st, 2009 at 5:49 pm
damnit steve i broke my anonymity on accident. lol correct it if u can if not i don’t care. JWS
July 31st, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Opps JWS, Oh well. I too am on some mood stuff. My problem is the “dreaded” menopause. Yes siree, that dirty word that young ladies when they reach my time in life have to deal with. So, mind, genes, addict, mood swings, Good God. My poor husband, I sometimes don’t know how to deal myself, let alone a “man type” trying to handle it. If he didn’t really, really love me I know he would have walked, especially recently after the shit I pulled. But that is over 30 days behind me and I am moving ahead. Know its not going to be easy. Hell, life can’t always be a party. So I enjoy the party time when its here, cuz thats what you’ve got to get you through the down time that is sure to come.
So sorry you didn’t get my text JWS, sent it while on the move in the car so might not have made its way through cyberland. Anyway, I am looking forward t seeing you Tuesday. Lets have a big, BIG HUG. Okay sweetie!!! SMILE