July 2009 Part One Archived Do Not Post Comments Here
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July 6th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Good morning everyone! Hope you all make it over here to the most current blog site!
Next Sloarc Group Session: THIS TUESDAY, July 7th 5:30pm!
Steve–out
July 6th, 2009 at 7:37 am
Weather at the coast was wonderful this weekend. Thanks for sharing it with me. The valley was 112 on Sat., and just plain hot when we got home yesterday. Took a pretty good fall loading luggage in the car yesterday, and barely walking today. But, on the positive side, nothing is broken, and I am moving. Good news, hey?
Everyone have a great Monday. Step out of your box and do something you thought you’d never doMake it an awesome day. Hugs to all…
P.S. How is Ratdog and wife? Rockinstuff- Keep on rockin and showing you are going to have a another great day. we believe in you. SCD, JWS, Bup, EVERYONE I can’t remember right off the top of my sleepy head. Stay safe,,,
July 6th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Okay everyone out there Nothing better than one of SLOARC’s Tues groups with Steve as the headmaster of the circus. Fair warning. I’ve been good so no drama will be comin off this Momma. But I’ll gladly get all sugared up just for fun. Hope to see y’all there
July 6th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Rockinstuff-Like I said, I can’t go to this weeks, but can make it to the one two weeks after that. Maybe we can meet somewhere, and I’ll follow you to the meeting? That would be great. Thanks
July 7th, 2009 at 1:08 am
See some of you tomorrow!
July 7th, 2009 at 6:42 am
LAST NOTIFICATION:::::::::: Hope to see many of tonight at the SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tuesday, July 7th 5:30pm
Steve–out
July 7th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Hey Doc. or Steve,
Just started reading “Healing the Addicted Brain” by Urschell what do you guys think about his treatment process?
July 7th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Morning everyone. Hope you have a great day, and a rockin, sockin meeting tonight. I’ll be there in spirit, hopefully in person in two weeks.
Rockinstuff- You just keep sounding better and better. You got the strength girl!!!!!
JWS- Hope I see you at the next meeting. Looking forward to meeting EVERYONE!!
July 8th, 2009 at 12:29 am
Calling the police tomorrow. I’ve had my home number since we were married, 33 years next month, and I’m not giving it up cuz of a jerk who is terrorizing me. One of you said you thought it was a crime, and I think you are right. This has been a hell of a year, and I”m not gonna let some jerk make me depressed, set back the progress I’ve made, and make me cry everyday again. SHAME on this bastard. I think they’ve picked on the wrong person this time. I thought through this tragdy I’d become weaker, but I surprised myself, and I found strength inside of me that I didn’t know existed. WOW! Live and learn..
How was the meeting tonight? Wait and be surprised! I WILL be at the next one. YEA! Take care, sweet dreams, and will read the blog tomorrow. Stay strong…DQ
July 8th, 2009 at 7:22 am
D.Q. Good for you for taking a stand! We have all found strength through total defeat! NO ONE beats addiction by themselves, EVER! We WIN when we stop fighting it, and start to use the tools of recovery…Your comment of “strength coming out of tragedy” made me think of this…..
Small group last night, but all who attended were Sloarc HEAVY HITTERS! ha ha…Thanks everyone…..We had Ratdog, Rockinstuff, JWS, and another one of my favorites, who I can’t convince to get on the blog. YET!
Hope to see you next time D.Q. It was nice talking with you on the phone, and I passed your greeting on to the group last night. Lots of good recovery at the office all through the day yesterday! It keeps me excited about my job when I see patients doing really well…Had several young people in yesterday, and some “day one” folks as well…I see this WONDERFUL future in front of these folks that they can’t imagine, because of all the “fog” still lingering in their eyes….on the other side of that; I also know for a fact that you can change your life, no matter what your age! I got clean and sober at age 30, relapsed at 35, and didn’t make it back until I was 43. I now have close to 10 years of a glorious, fulfilling, clean and sober life! My sponsor got clean at age 52, and he now has 21 years of sobriety, and he has the energy and the attitude of a 30 year old guy! I also know of folks who became sober in their 80’s! Glad I didn’t wait that long, but they feel the same miracle that everyone else does who gets clean and sober….
Have a great day out there everyone……Next Sloarc group will be on Tuesday, July 21st, 5:30pm…..
Steve—out
July 8th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Help, thnk I screwed this up again . ran out of subs prior to holiday weekend, decided this was a good opportunity to quit them …..day 5 now
and I cant move , eat , sleep, or look people in the face when I speak to them. Im hiding in my house, except for when I am required at work , then
I hide in the backroom, because if someone asks how im doing I have an
embarassing meltdown. sorry doc, Steve , and staff at sloarc.
jason
July 8th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Well since Doc. and Steve aren’t going to answer my question on ” Healing the Addicted Brain” I’m going to give you my two cents on it. It appears that Dr. Urshell the author of the book has taken the works of people like our good Doctor and others like him, compile that knowlegde into a book (add a web site with a catchy name) brand it cutting edge addiction treatment and voila your the Doc. dejeur. If I sound a bit cynical it’s because I find it upsetting that good folks like our Doc. H go at it day in and day out and do not get the accolades they so rightly deserve.
Now with the tirade out of the way the book does get out to the pubilc at large the fact that addiction is a physical disease that is treatable and not just a will power issue that us weakling addicts can’t handle.
whew, done
Strat
July 8th, 2009 at 9:12 am
strat,
i have to agree
great 1st impression for someone deep into their disease,
but anyone educated or sober enough can see right through.
lets write a book
hmm….
seems everyone’s an expert these days
July 8th, 2009 at 9:17 am
i will, however, credit them for what seems to be a good first step in a path to recovery.
as with any spin-dry facility,
just getting in the door is huge.
hopefully it sticks
July 8th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Well said Strat and Bup. Sorry Strat, I went and looked up the book after I got off the blog yesterday, and the only thing I could find was ”buy it here!” So, I bought it. When I’m done I’ll put it in the office library so maybe this guy doesn’t make a fortune off of it, when like you put it so well, our Doc and the office don’t get the accolades so very rightly deserved. Don’t know of many people like Dr, Steve, Rick, everyone in the office who will go out of their way to make sure you talk to someone, that they find them, you get a call back, and if you’re looking to get off drugs on a Sat. evening, they are there to help. It’s not like the Dr. in Clovis who told me one Sat., “well, I can’t see you til Moday, but I understand drinking alcohol helps with the pain.” As sick as I was at that point, I actually fell off the bed laughing. My husband came back to the bedroom and asked what was wrong. I told him, and I think he laughed as hard as I did. Not heavy drinkers, he went to the outside fridge and got me a flavored wine cooler. Boy, that came up fast. Anyway, how right you are, that our Dr and staff deserve a day named for them. Where would we be without them? Thanks you guys.
How was the meeting?
July 8th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Your right they are some good people in their. There family to me. I’ve known them probably five yrs by now. I started coming to the Dr. before I even moved over here and that has been 3 yrs.
I started to just get tired of looking for pills, and different doctors to supply me every day. I could have a bottle of 200 Norco’s. and still be worried wear I can get some more.
I have Restless Leg Syndrome, and found out that opiates were perfect for the symptoms. I took about 15 different kinds of pills. My Neurologist in Santa Barbara even gave me some Zyrem I don’t know if anyone knows about that stuff but 1 tsp will get you messed up. Luckily I didn’t like it and tossed out 3 big bottles of the stuff. It was going for $10.00 a tsp or capfull on the street. ( I did not try to sell any of it). I am so glad we have a caring Dr. who would do anything for us. I know I need to get on this site more often and I will every morning. I get up around 3:00 am and watch the news. by the way I just kicked the nicotine gum habit. I’m using the patch to quit the gum. (crazy) well good bye everyone and thanks for the time.
July 8th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Hey Strat….Sorry I didn’t get a chance to look that book up…I’d never heard of it before, but maybe if D.Q. brings it in, we will paste a picture of Dr. Howalt on the front and call it OURS! Ha ha….
Boardwalker..welcome back to the blog….Keep it up, your input is great!
Steve–out
July 8th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
hey scruff,
how many mg of sub were you doing when you jumped?
July 8th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
So Tuesday nite’s SLOARC Group, small on quantity but large on quality. One question Steve asked was why we continue to show up, whats different that keeps us coming. My take on the question. Complete honesty, no fear, there is absolutely nothing I can’t say that is not understood, no explanations necessary. We are all different, ages, walks of life, addictions of choice, but all the same. Addicts with a common goal of helping each other. There is genuine caring, reaching out and lots of laughter. I’m trying not to sound too out there, like a crazy, cuz we all know I am. It’s just awesome realizing we are not alone, safety net time. So Steve, thanks for all you do and for the great cookies. So Yummy. Don’t know what else to say to get all our bloggin friends to come out for the next meeting except GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET DOWN TO SLOARC. The more the better dirt we’ll get, yes sir. That’s the good stuff.
So anyway, home alone. Hubby on motorcycle trip for a few days. Normally would be cuddled up with the vodka watching some DVD’s, maybe calling in sick a day to have the whole day to dedicate to the drinking. Sorry it still sounds like a good time, until the come down. So I took an extra antabuse at group just for good measure. Got my hair done tonight, going to make a meeting tomorrow night and hubby home Friday. God, with meetings every morning at 7 frikkin am the time will be gone before I can think of forgetting to take the antabuse. Friday will be 20 days since the last drink. Pretty soon I won’t have to introduce myself every meeting with less than 30 days sobriety. One day at a time. Rocking out, time to snuggle down with my puppy dog, pick up my book and grab a quick ice cream before checking out for the evening. Hope everyone has a great evening and awesome rest of the week. Love out to all of ya, take the time to make every moment special.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:47 am
Scruffy The Cat…Sorry, I just read your post. Are you okay? Have you called the office and talked this over withDor or Steve? Don’t hide, don’t be embaressed. Get help. CALL THE GOOD DOC!!!!, or I’m sure they will be calling you. Clearly, this is no way to live. Let us kow how you are doing. I feel so bad I bet you thought no one cared, when what probably happened is you were posting the same time as so many of us were,
Take care, letus know how you are, and CALL THE OFFICE!!!!!
July 9th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Good Morning everyone. I have been reading these blogs off and on for about a yr now. You all seem very close to each other. I don’t know if scruffy the cat would take my advise. for me being new at this. Do not give up. You are probably ashamed of yourself and you don’t want to face the Doc. I have been there so many times. Getting off Suboxone. I don’t even know if it is possible. If you have not called the Doc yet. Please do. Don’t listen to your addict. Don’t let the cost of Doc’s services sway you the other way or any other excuse keep you from calling or just showing up. Thank You
July 9th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Hey Scruff, So sorry, like DQ, that I didn”t reach out. Run, do not WALK to SLOARC and get some help if you haven’t already. No reason for embarrasment, they are there. If I let embarrassment stand in my way I would be long gone, and I do mean that, by now. I have faced it, picked my ass up, and given life and sobriety another shot more times than I want to admit. Everyone has been there for me, while not supporting my relapses, welcoming me back with no judgement ready to support me as I give it another try. Please let us know you are doing okay. Life is worth it. There is no reason to be miserable, we all have only one to live so let it be quality. Live it with wonder and joy. PLEASE Sruff, get back with us and check in. Okay?????? And Boardwalker, you be one of the crew now, just another crazy in the sideshow of bloggerland. Meant that with lots of love and respect ya know ,being one of the resident wackos
July 9th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Scruffy Call theDoc. Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call Scruffy Call theDoc.theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc. Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call Scruffy Call theDoc.theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.Scruffy Call theDoc.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:40 am
Now that I’ve got my message out to you Scruffy I’d like to know how in God’s name you could “just” decide to get off of Subs because you ran out my god were addicts, when I was using I knew presicely how much, the size, the mg, how long they would last when I had to get more. It was my driving priority in life, I’d wake up and think how much I had,how long it would last and where to get more all in 3milliseconds after my eyes opened. I not hashin on you I just think you’re ADDICT is having a field day with you at your expence and if you let this go to long you’ll be looking for the quick FIX if you know what I mean, call the Doc. and stop this little nightmare before it’s to late. Please
Strat
July 9th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Amen Strat. I didn’t even think about his addict screwing with him.
But Scruf, you have more support behind you, right here on this blog. If you’ve written to us once, you are automatically family. So, like Rockin said, RUN, RUN, RUN to the office. The sky won’t fall in, but you will get the help you need. I just have to apologize one more time when I got on line last night, and there was your post, and like I said, all I can think of is lots of us were posting at the same time, and my habit is to find the last one I read and go from there. We weren’t ignoring you; it was just a freak accident that we didnt’ see it. PLEASE LET US KNOW THAT YOU ARE OKAY…
And to Boardwalker…don’t have to write everyday, or everyweek…family is family, and that’s what you’ve gotten yourself into with us. You are stuck with us…
Love to all…
Be thinking about Scruffy all day…
July 9th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Is everyone okay today?
I changed my appoint with Doc to July 21st, and I’m staying for the week, so I getting my nerves together to hit the meeting at the office that night. I get nervous, so keep me going, okay?
Did I also tell you I contacted the police? Okay, I called some of Chris’ friends who went into law enforcement, and they are helping me with this.
Talk to you tomorrow.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:52 am
D.Q. NO NEED to be even a little bit nervous about our friendly little Sloarc Group session! Right everyone??? It’s so relaxed, it’s almost ridiculous! Ha ha….Only thing that would make it better would be couches and lazyboy recliners! Have a safe weekend everyone….Get out and enjoy nature, even if it just means sitting on your back porch and watching birds go about their day!
NEXT SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tuesday, July 21, 5:30pm
Steve–out
July 10th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I asked someone to be my temp sponsor at a meeting and she gave me her number. Excited and scared. To me this is a huge step and comitment for a I’m not going to an AA meeting girl. I’m ready to continue this healing process. Just don’t drink no matter what. Right Steve!!!! Life, what a journey…
July 10th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
This is my third day, rather third night, without my very social 6 (rather large) glasses of wine. Havent’t been without for this long for at least several years. Feel okay, mostly very tired, Perhaps the meds, maybe just the mind shutting down, finding a hidey place for awhile.
I have begun to pay closer attention to what DR calls “the alcoholic”. I refer to her as ‘my alcoholic’ since she seems to have spent so many years living side by side with me.Can’t imagine where else she could have flitted off to and still be so attentive to me.
I’ve noticed how clever she is, and such an opportunist as well. And how ugly and greedy and self-serving she has become over all these years.
‘My alcoholic’ in my teens was such a good girl friend. She just knew that only one beer before going out to the party would surely rid me of all that silly insecurity and shyness. Regretfully, those were the very qualities which were supposed to keep me safe and allow me the time to ponder each event as it came to pass. To step slowly around new people, places and things.
I think that if my commom sense and ‘my alcoholic’ were to show up in the room together there would be an awful row. After a bit of thought I’ll bet good money that is has already happened quite a few times past. I’ll give it some thought tonight. Astonishingly I have hours and hours of extra time now each evening at my disposal.
One other delightful surprise…when I watch a movie with the family I recall it in it’s entirety the following day! Who could have imagined?
Thank goodnes for the atabuse as my self centered little witch alcoholic just this second chose to remind me of the left over bottle of white hidden in my closet between my riding boots from when the Mom came for her last three week visit. I know that it is empty but ’she’ thought it could still be a good idea to just make sure.
Good lord, what a sneaky, conniving relentless exercise in duality. I’m off to the trash and then to bed.
Such a simply complex day this has been.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:42 am
Taking the right path Rockinstuff, and proud of you. The journey less traveled is the one that brings us most joy and happiness. God be with you on your travels…
July 11th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Way to go Rockinstuff! I’ve had a sponsor for a couple years up in Marin. While I do call him a couple times a week you have motivated me to find a local sponsor. Seeing your sponsor at meetings and having more accountability is a good thing. They also push you to do things like get commitments, work the steps, get involved….I also am not a big AA person. I know I need to go and it works but I too easily fall into the showing up 2 minutes before and leaving right after “keep coming back”.
I guess that’s the “next right thing” I need to do to move forward.
July 11th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
What a group…a great group… have a good weekend…and soak that wonderful weather up a little for me….
July 11th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Oh, been to hospital and back. Big drama. Thought hubby was having a heart attack. Thankfully not. I was wondering since my son passed, “why?, why is it coming in handfuls?” Always was. I was just to loaded to handle thing the correct way, and now that my mind is semi-working, hahaha, I notice things like, gee, hubby is usually up by 5 or 6. I wonder why he’s sleeping in? He did go for an 8 a.m. hair cut, but when he got back he told me he didn’t feel well, a little clamy…and he was going to rest for awhile. I checked on him several times, but the last time, he looked dead. His heart is fluctuating? and they will put it in rythem tomorrow. Of course, my brother has already called him and told him how it hurts like hell. Thanks Dr.H and Steve for keeping me semi sober at this time, or I may have lost my husband today. And the reason to “why?” Because it’s life. It’s just life happening…love to all…
July 11th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Oh and Steve, a recliner WOULD feel great on my knees!!! for the meeting. hahahaha…just bring the famous cookies…
July 11th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Another day sober. Made it through a Costso run. I don’t recall ever paying so much attention to the wine selections in other peoples baskets. My ‘alcoholic’ was having a fine time; critquing other people’s choices, fondly recalling some of the nicer picks, even pairing up imaginary foods to send them home for dinner. I had quite a nice get-to-gether planned for several lucky shoppers! I peered into my basket of Vitawater and assorted vegetables and it was just so depressing.
But, I perked myslf up by imagininging all the hang-overs I was not going to have this weekend.
Still to scared to go into Trader Joes - it could take weeks.
Physicially feeling stronger and the mental fog is lifting a small amount each day. Sleeping quite a lot. Not sure yet if this is good health saying “at last someone taking care of us” or “I’m so depressed I’d rather not talk today”.
Noticed in the mirror today that the face looks clearer, less ravaged puffy. Thinking of all the cash I’ll save on revitalizing scrubs, night time mousturizers, under eye cover up…it could add up to a weekend for four in Cambria in no time at all.
Ah, another milestone - was able to use those Crest Whitestrips this evening. Finally found 30 whole minutes without needing to have a drink!
Littke things count.
My blog is rather shallow and trivial compared to some but for right now I”m grateful to not be living in interesting times.
My best to Drama Qeen and her family, may all go well for you.
July 12th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Noticing the ebb and flow of my daily/weekly scgedule and how my family’s lives are adapted to my drinking schedule. My husband has adopted all of the early morning kid’s practices’ while I handle afternoons and early evening. Any pick up past 8:00 pm is his. We do not talk about why…it’s simply understood. In the past I have gnawed at that bone of what if? If left all up to me whould I be up to getting everyone, all of us from point A,B and C? Impossible of course, I’d need to hire someone to take my drinking shift.
It’s more than just giving up cocktails after all, there is a faimily to rebuild.You would think there would be a great sigh of relief by all…but people become accustomed to their roles and controls and the dances we dance with one another.
My alcoholic is a member of our family, quite dysfunctional, the quiet passive aggressive Auntie who lives upstairs. Always coming down for dinner with an opinion and small chocolate treats in her pockets for the children to pacify their need for real parents. Run away children, to your sports, games. texting, T.V. Mom’s soooo busy can’t you see?
I expect it may prove most challanging of all to learn how to “play” with my children especially now that they are at the age of reason; excuse me ‘the age of rejection’!
Going back to work tomorrow…the black hole. Best attend a meeting afterwards.
Hope all is going well for everyone else.
July 13th, 2009 at 5:39 am
Hi everyone, it’s been a couple of days since I have posted. I need a question answered. I had to go to the E.R. Dept Thursday afternoon for chest pains. I work in the medical field and have always been aprehensive about telling anyone what I am doing. What do I tell the nurse or Dr. when they ask what type of meds do I regularly take? Also, should we be wearing med alert bracelets or something incase we ge into an accident. and the Emergency Staff give us something that is contrindicated by the suboxone. I did tell the nurse and Dr. I was taking suboxone. they did not know what it is. The Dr. says, “trying to quit smoking huh”? and I nodded my head and said yes. Thanks for listening to me. Have a great Monday.
July 13th, 2009 at 7:33 am
WELCOME “Someonenew!” Please accept our apologies for not getting your post on the blog sooner…They were “hung up” in our website…from now on they will appear on the blog as soon as you click “Submit Comment”…..Thank you so much for writing here…
“Boardwalker” I certainly hope all is well with your health. You bring up a good point about your medication….We do have wallet cards available to inform doctors that you are taking Suboxone, please ask me for one on your next visit…Also, Suboxone is sometimes prescribed as a pain medicine, so just by telling people you are using it, doesn’t necessarily tell them your are an addict. There are pain medications that will over ride Suboxone, so as long as they know you are taking it, you would be fine in case of an accident. Thanks for staying with us here on the blog…..Hope all had a great weekend…
Next Sloarc Group Session: Tuesday, July 21st 5:30pm
Steve–out
July 13th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Morning Boardwalker,
I find that the truth is always best, just tell them what you take and let them fill in the blanks. What they associate Suboxone with is very different than what we associate it with (mostly we think about how we got on it vs. there thinking about what interacts with it) and yes you should carry some form of med alert for those situations that require it. I think if you google the manufacter of Suboxone I beleive they have a program for those issues.
Strat
July 13th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Good morning ,and welcome to someonenew. Look forward to getting to know you. Getting ready to head for the hospital to pick up hubby. Of course he wants to head to the business. I don’t know what to do. He’s a hard one to keep down. But all is well with him, and should have him around for along time.
How do you get on Facebook. Miss can’t figure the computer out is having problems.
Rough weekend, but so far the sail held together. Daughter’s bi-polar is worse, I think made worse by the meds he has her on and lets her take. When I need strenght from the one family I have left, all she did was give me shit, and yes, threw a few punches. Someones at the door. will write soon. Glad you are all alive. Felt very alone this weekend.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:02 am
DQ you don’t have to be
I check this web site at lest four times a day over the weekends didn’t see anything from you.
Welcome Someonenew Yea it’s pretty amazing how we tend to construct our lifes around our habit of choice (one of the first signs that your life is becoming unmanagable) althought we tend to think that we’re still in control.
Strat.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Just Reading back throught your blogs Someonenew nothing trivial or banal about them quite insightful and your going to find for good or bad that there’s nothing trivial about recovery.
July 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Hi Strat, and thanks. Wasn’t on line much yesterday, at hospital with hubby. Brought him home, and then he went to the office. I can only do what I can do. Most stubborn man on the earth, I swear. Oh well, he has to make his decisions, just like we all do.
Hot, hot, hot here, and even though yard is on timers, on these days I need to run them, and that takes enough time throughout the day. Feel like setting up the slip and slide, but that wouldn’t be a pretty sight.
So, is everyone doing well? I will say when I took hubby to hospital, my first gut feeling was to find the nearest Norco, take a handful to get through everything they’d told us. Then I realized, no need. This is life now, and this is how we’ll handle it. With prayer and God. My addict wasn’t happy, but I have no interest in making my addict happy anylonger. Took to much of my life away, with my help of course, but it’s my life now. I may have to look around every corner and under every bed for my addict to be hiding and to ambush me, but bring it. I’ve got friends, meetings, tools to help when I get weak. Thanks guys for being my friend.
Still, anyone about the facepage?
July 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Cool pics Doc and Steve!
July 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Cool pics Doc and Steve!
July 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Thinking back upon a lifetime of grasping, clutching just generally trying to force everything and everyone all about me to just stop. Stand still, be orderly and maintain. Do the right thing. If only everyone would do as I say…as the adage goes. And yet I really can’t recall ever drinking in an orderly fashion. Over the years I just became more tightly wound (rather nice way of putting it I say!) and depended upon ‘my alcoholic’ to release the pressure before we all blew a hole through the roof. I wonder how long ago I actually abdicated my power to her?
The message is, I think, is to find a new way to hold on gently. Oh boy, this will serve for some interesting moments.
Thank you for writing back with your thoughts, they are helpful.
July 13th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I think we abdicate our power right from the begining. Some realize it immediately, others don’t. We don’t want be addicts, but the the addict decides before we do. I also don’t think we should be beat up by others; those who don’t understand addiction. Nor should we beat ourselves up. But, shit happens. The most honorable thing is to work at/ or take our power back.
No, life beats us up in so many hundred different ways, so don’t beat yourself up for this. Just try, and then change. Make admends with anyone we’ve hurt, and if they can’t accept it, then it is them loosing in the long run. Just heal. just get better and stay better. And find something wonderful in each and everyday. If I were to die tomorrow afternoon, I’d be honored if my family and friends could think of something nice to say about something I did good that day. And all the other days. The only thing I’ll continue to be rude to, mean to and fighting with is my addict. We will fight til the end, and hopefully by the grace of God, I will have succeded. I know it’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Love to ya all, and a round of hugs to all on me…
Someonenew- It’s nice to be reading your blogs. Hope you keep writing.
July 14th, 2009 at 6:33 am
SOMEONEFREAKIN”NEW!!!!
Trivial?? TRIVIAL?????!!!!!
You are SO NOT trivial! Your posts are wonderful and heartening!
In my opinion, if you can grasp the whole “two separate people” concept, you have a good chance of winning the game. You’re descriptions of your alcoholic thinking are honest true and very very real, and THAT is what will serve you in finding recovery and sobriety!
The rest is all under “advanced concepts” and not truly necessary to recovery and long term sobriety.
You are doing GREAT and keep up the good work!
Dr H
July 14th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Morning everyone…Hope all are well…..
Looks to be another beautiful day on the Central Coast.
NEXT SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tuesday, July 21st, 5:30pm.
Steve—out
July 14th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Someonenew- DrH is smart, on top of everything, and always says the right thing. Listen to him. Like I said, I look forward to your posts. Hope you are having a decent day.
Steve- You need a billboard for your meetings hahaha
Is Ratdog, Rockin, Missy, JWS, everyone okay? Getting that nervous feeling. Maybe it’s me not okay. Been fighting with bipolar daughter since 6a.m. What a way to wake up. I keep telling myself that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. He must think I’m something else…ha
July 15th, 2009 at 12:09 am
Thank you Dr. H. I am giving pause to the idea of “advacned concepts”.
I’m of a mind that they might be similar to the Zen koens in their purpose? It is said that some people can only find happiness when the mind is wrestling demons. Each battle builds upon the previous until finally complete destruction illogically occurs and what is left is - simplicity. The simple way was always present but the mind could not be convinced as to its value without running the preconceived gauntlet of pain equal to blame. (The blame usually of not feeling worthy of the grace)
So - the more complicated the relationship between myself and ‘my alcoholic’ which would of course include a long and very involved ‘history’only serves to keep me intellectually mired in “advanced concepts’ and is rather a waste of precious time?
I like this because it feels calm and still.
I do not beleive that I need to engage in years of dialog between I and my “alcoholic”. And by the way from now on I’ll refer to her as Al just because it’s much easier and much less powerfull as well. As I see it the more dialog between us the more we are hanging in Al’s neighborhood. Nothing much good ever seems to come out of her place in the attic.
I do not mean to disrespect the ole girl but frankly am starting to picture her more like poor Britney Spears during her sad hoochie mama days. No malice intended but not likely to invite her over for a cup of tea you know?Mahem and foolishness sure to follow.
For the next couple of nights and days too I’m thinking about just trying to stay with still and calm and sidestep anything that resembles a funnel cloud.
I’ll begin by going to sleep. Thank you for your thoughts and nice words.
July 15th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Nice mental Images someonenew.
Somehow this saying comes to mind;
“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
The only thing I might argue is that I think it’s dangerous to “ignore” the things your addict is saying, because I think “Ali” is capable of saying things the YOU start to buy even before you are aware of there being a dialog. Odd state of affairs but maybe SCD can tell us about how he made some moves towards relapse before he was aware of his “addicts” plan!
But I haven’t seen him blogging in a bit so perhaps the adage “No news is BAD news” is at work! (Hint-tease!)
Dr H
July 15th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Addicts inside us are like bad backs. You can ignore them for only so long.
Must hang wash outside and not give PGE my pennies…
July 15th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I guess I needed a push. I haven’t had much to comment on but have been reading the blog.
Relapse..I think the big book puts it better than my poor ability to describe it. Particularly the doctor’s opinion.
It’s not a mystery. Feeling better, getting on with life, and slowly forgetting how terrible addiction is. I think the “dis-ease” is part of it.
Stuff happens and the addict says “you know how to feel better”. As Dr. Silkworth says it’s that instant sense of ease and comfort that comes from just one drink. Powerful stuff. Of course it’s a lie and one only needs to look at past experience to see that is not the solution and will only lead to more pain.
This is why AA works. It reminds me on a daily basis why I can’t drink and what would happen if I choose to drink again.
July 15th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Amen…
July 15th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Of small note, I seem to be missing my normal parade of brightly colored bruises generally located about my forearms, legs and derriere. Since my husband is a true gentleman it was always a bit of a mystery the way new ones would show up ever so often. Some bore an obvious relationship to the corner table or that wicked bedpost. Other’s, such as the morning I awoke and to my astonishment I had misplaced my left great toenail in its entirety are still unsolved. Anyway, I’m enjoying knowing each morning where all my parts have been.
Good night to all.
July 16th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Morning all! I trust we ALL wake up knowing where all our body parts are! Ha ha…..That’s a good one “someonenew”…….
SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tuesday, July 21st 5:30pm
Steve–out
July 16th, 2009 at 9:21 am
I remember the bruises. Told everyone I bruised easy. Which I do. But I don’t remember where 3/4 of them came from. And some were really pretty. And I’m embaressed to admit it, but my left leg is full of bruises now, but I know how they got there. We were at miners last week, I bought some flowers for the yard, and get in the back seat to reach for them and get them out. My husband comes by, says, “whatcha doing?”, and flips the back seat up and threw me inbetween the front and back seats on the floor. My knees are smarting with everything else, he’s cracking up, and I’m saying other things to him, which weren’t PG rated. But, at least I know where they came from. Oh the days of forgetting where you left the car, having the security guard drive you around the whole lot for an hour, then remembering, “oh my God, I brought my dad’s car.” Very funny I thought; he had different ideas. Not remembering what time to pick the kids up, but at least I knew them when I saw them. Going to the movies and falling asleep. Of course, I still do that. Habit. I actually slept through the Perfect Storm. Had the “perfect amount of pills in my system.” Yeah, I had it together. I was fine. I was sober. But, in my heart, I knew I was in deep trouble. And I was so tired of treading water, that many times I just wanted to slip into the vast deepness of the cool water. But, thankfully, God must have thought I was worth hanging onto, or I wouldn’t have been here now. The car accidents, which thankfully no one ever got hurt, and none were my fault. But if I’d been sober, I would have seen them starting to happen, and would have had more time to get out of the way, or respond differently. I was a lucky one, and I realize that every single day. Just one accident I’d trade places with, and that is my son’s. But I’m grasping onto the fact that it was meant to be, and I’ll find out why someday. Just not for me to know or understand now. DIL is dating, and that hits triggers. But, I need to be on my toes for the babies.
Oh well, hubby told me to get to the coast today, and I might take him up on it. Triple digets again.
Had a dream my son wanted to go golfing. I think he’s telling me to get back out there and hit those balls just as bad as I did when he was here. The dreams. That’s when I wish I could just black out. Honestly. It does get better, but it comes in waves at times. He sure picked good friends, cuz they don’t let me down, they visit, make me go places…he was a good guy…
Better go before I get to sentimental…Everyone have a super day. I’ll be on facebook still trying to figure everything out. hugs…
July 16th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
so, last month i went from 1mg sub to 8.
i feel much better.
i am still waking up early (3am) to take my dose.
some habits just will not quit (yet).
i go back to sleep, and i’m fine.
i have gotten to a point of thinking (dangerous) that i don’t need to increase past 8mg.
hmm..(i know, dangerous)..
the last couple of mornings i’ve had using dreams.
haven’t had one of those in almost 2 years.
had that very uncomfortable feeling of drug seeking behavior.
very real - scary
waking up and feeling for hours how very real it felt.
and how very scary it was to know that i had relapsed (in my dream).
the feeling has stuck with me
can’t get it out of my head
i guess that’s a good thing.
in the past, these dreams were brought on by lack of substances.
now, i’ve increased my dose and they happen.
coincidence?
fuck, i don’t know.
i have been considering going to 16mg because i feel so much better,
but i don’t want to have to deal with more of the dreams.
i know, suck it up and don’t be such a fucking whiner,
but i know you guys will share your experience with me.
anyone have similar issues?
July 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Bup- my opinion, feel better. Also, sounds like your ”addict” is fucking (excuse me) with your mind when you are most vulnerable. You are too strong for it to beat while you are awake, and it’s just finding another way to get to you. YOU DIDN’T RELAPSE. YOUR ADDICT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DID. Take care…
July 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
As for dreams;
I’m still stuck on my son.
July 16th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Hey Someonenew!!! Resident Alkie and “past” relapser here. God, you’ve only just begun the fun. Guess you liked the wine from your posts, yuck, weak stuff. Gimme the vodka bottle with the handle for easy pouring staight down the throat, thank you very much. Hmm, your wine bottle was between your boots, mine under the sweatshirts on top of the rack in the closet or in the water bottles placed in several different boots throughout the closet. Or under the sink in the bathroom behind the soft scrub. Oh yes.. the shit old days. Just in case you don’t believe and have to try everything cuz you don’t believe Doc completely. DO NOT EVEN HAVE ONE BIG SHOT WHILE TAKING ANTABUSE. Found some left over booze in the closet, God only knows how I let that happen, must have been really fucked up. And before I could think twice, down it went. Can’t be that bad, right??? Should have gone to the hospital, did the wave flat on the floor for hours and if there was anything left not exiting from every orifice in my body, that was a miracle.
Anyway, gotta run rght now, hubby home, but so much more insight to pass along. Yahoo, another new friend. Bup, DQ, JWS, Strat, I gotta sponsor !!!!!!! AND the fair is coming. Sobriety at the Paso Robles Fairgrounds, News at 11. HA Love Ya’all
July 16th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I remember when you found the booze in the closet. YOU SOUND GREAT TODAY!!
And congrats on the sponser. You’ve come so far…
Know you like the heat. Right now its 107. And all this weekend and all next week, triple digets. The weatherman just said “enjoy the heat while you can!” Yea, he works in a studio and wears his jacket because the AC is turned up so high. Oh, better get my clothes off the lines. Free drying in 20 minutes, and that’s for jeans. Love PGE, just hate to give them all my money. And you guys wonder why us valley people flock to the coast on the weekends…
July 16th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Sounds like you’re on your way RS. I had two locations..easier to remember and keep track of cuz I was scared to death someone (wife) might find out I was sneak drinking. Gee, she wasn’t fooled. Briefcase in my car and golf bag in the garage. Amazing how many times I had to take out the trash. Through the garage (golf bag) and/or past the car (briefcase).
Welcome Someone New. Great stories and love your writing style. It brings back memories. I don’t remember bruises on a regular basis but had my share of “fun times”.
When I look at it, what’s amazing is that I’ve survived and been given the opportunity to live and move forward.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
SCD- I’d be suspicious if my husband EVER took out the garbage. haha
I don’t know if this is funny, or just sad. I had just sat down when I took a call from Steve, and while I was talking to him, I’m thinking, ”Okay, there’s the buffet table, where’s the couch table?” I looked in our container, I called my husband, and he said, ‘you got rid of it when you got on a kick to get all new tables. You gave it to Chris and DIL.” Don’t remember that. It was about 3 years ago. So, I go over there, and go in the house, and there’s the pool table, several other furniture, and I could not remember it. Yea, I was with it alright. But I ALWAYS knew where my pills were, most of the time. God forgive me…
July 16th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
SCD- I’d be suspicious if my husband EVER took out the garbage. haha
I don’t know if this is funny, or just sad. I had just sat down when I took a call from Steve, and while I was talking to him, I’m thinking, ”Okay, there’s the buffet table, where’s the couch table?” I looked in our container, I called my husband, and he said, ‘you got rid of it when you got on a kick to get all new tables. You gave it to Chris and DIL.” Don’t remember that. It was about 3 years ago. So, I go over there, go in the house, and there’s the pool table, several other furniture, and I could not remember it. Yea, I was with it alright. But I ALWAYS knew where my pills were, most of the time. God forgive me…
July 16th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Opps, sorry…
July 17th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Happy FRIDAY!!!!! SCD, I think the garage thing is soooo funny. I shared at a meeting about the closet drinking thing and another girl stepped up to the plate and said her husband wondered why she cleaned her closet so damn often. Even when he was out of town and she could get “out of the closet” it was such habit she left it in there to sneak the booze. Then a guy shared next and his was, you guessed it, the garage! Always out there working on a project ya know.
HA, good one, needed a belly laugh on a early morning.
Thats just us alkie addicts. Think we are being so clever through the lies and deceipt. Then it turns out we were never fooling anyone. Never thought anyone knew when I was drinking. Can’t smell vodka, sorry rest of you drinkers, you must have reaked of the ol booze, but not me
And yes, the bruises the morning after. Think I told y’all, my most recent is the broken little toe. Not so distant, happened last relapse. Woke up the next morning thinking what the hell. I am experiencing pain. Went to stand up and nearly went down it hurt so bad. What a good morning shout out at 5:30 am. Checked it out it the bathroom, blood on the floor and little toe size of the bit one. I spent 3 weeks in denial, wrapping my four toes on the right foot really tight with tape till they went numb so I could cram my foot into my pumps for work. Once in there they could NOT come out all day and hurt like a son of a bitch. Finally admitted to my husband, no he hadn’t guessed, that one I hid really well, and off to the foot doctor I went. JC the break was so bad I could see it in the xray without it being pointed out. He said it was as bad as if he did surgery on my toe and would be a good 6 months for the swelling to be gone completely, could not believe what I was doing to try to compensate. So now little short Rockin in flats. Amazing what we addicts will do to try to cover up our lying and fuck ups. I was going to have a toe that grew back sideways cuz I was trying to hide it and keep in the pumps. STUPID!
That said, I pray to my higher power that I am trying to connect with, that was my last relapse. NEVER say that was the last stupid thing I will ever do, OH NO, just last moron thing I will do drunk. I am plain stupid enough sober, oh shit yeah. So I need to run to get ready for another day at work. TODAY is DAY 24 in my sobriety. AMAZING, started with Doc and Steve at SLOARC at the end of November 2008 and it has taken this long to come to terms. Guess we all grow at different paces and some it takes longer, and more testing to sink in. Somebodynew, I hope for your sake you don’t need to do all the personal testing that I HAD TO EXPERIENCE. I say it that way, cuz that is just me. Don’t tell me anything, I know fuckin better. Right???? My way to sobriety or not going there. Well, fellow bloggers that have been with me throughout blogging on the influence, the hell, shame and close losses that I went through afterwards know. It’s been a long road. Hoping that I am on the one to recovery now.
Enough for now, hope everyone has a frickin awesome Friday and kick ass weekend. REMEMBER, just don’t drink or use no matter fucking what and you’ll be better than OKAY!! YOU WILL ROCK. Love and Peace Out.
July 17th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Happy 24th BD Rockin! Keep going…
July 17th, 2009 at 9:22 am
the barn was my spot.
i was working on one of my kid’s cars the other day.
went to use the sand blast cabinet,
which hadn’t been used in quite some time,
and, wow, about 6 empty 18pk miller boxes, neatly stacked, there waiting.
i think back, i emptied those in hiding.
hiding from what?
me?
i guess so. my wife had already left me.
just another of the mind-fucks we alcoholic/addicts do.
cunning, baffling, powerful
July 17th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Hey Rockin you can’t be the same person I met once in a galaxy far far away? Awsome stuff going on here.
Yea Bup. I’m going through a little nightmare scenario myself in Recovery Land I’m experiencing emotions I’ve never dealt with before and trying to reason my way through them using the ever so popular self will approach to sobriety with really dismal results. I think you know in your heart what you should do about your meds but your self will is giving it the old college try one more time (in A/A speak stinkin thinkin) stop dealing in theory and move into action start working with others and get outside yourself (I’m talking to myself here too) stop trying to figure out why it is and just give it over to the someone that can do somthing about.
Strat
July 17th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Do you think it’s the ”addict” hiding, so not to be caught? Sneaky bastard that one is…
July 17th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Hi all…beautiful day here! NEXT SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tuesday, July 21st 5:30pm.
Steve–out
July 17th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Opps I slipped on my date earlier. DAY 27. Come Monday no more introductions for under 30 days at the meetings. Friday nights headed into the weekend. Just got back from a meeting, needed it really. Someone said something about needing a cool one, like a glass of ice tea, on a hot day like this to toast his 9 months. That made me think, just 4 Fridays ago I was drinking vodka (straight of course) and salt rimmed lemonaide. Im not gonna lie, it was damn good. But I got fucking stupid, and nasty, and not me. It lasted through Saturday, drinking the whole time, even in the middle of the nite when I woke up. Husband was gonna leave me, Steve wouldn’t text me, I hurt JWS and last thing I was gonna do is blog to everyone out there cuz I was drunk and deserved to be drunk if I wanted to be damn it. Who the hell was I hurting, everyone could go to hell. I was done with it all.
Have a great weekend all.
Thank God I ran out of booze and out of energy by late Saturday night. Sunday June 21st was the lowest. I don’t know how, no, I can’t describe, I just can’t. I can’t go there ever again. I don’t know why my husband is still here. I don’t know why I even tried to pick myself up. The emtiness and sorrow. I hope I do remember. And I hope to never go there again. It is very dark, wet, cold, empty, alone, void of everything. Done.
So here we go into the weekend and I can’t wait for the sunshine, the joy of just waking up feeling good and greeting life, good or bad, on its own terms as ME. Love Ya’all AND EVERYONE, NEXT SLOARC GROUP SESSION, BE THERE !!!!!! Just do it, you will never regret it. Good cookies, great company, and if you are up for it some Rockin Hugs
July 17th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Ha ha…..good goin’ Rockinstuff! One of these days, you will be sponsoring a bunch of women, and some will start TUI(Texting Under the Influence) you at midnight, and you will say, “Contact me BEFORE you drink, NOT after”… I was told one time: “Steve, if you want to live in the SOLUTION, I will take a bullet for you, BUT if you continue to live in the PROBLEM, I’m not goin’ there with ya!” Great advice, and I stick by that today….Hope everyone has an excellent weekend…Lots of NEW Sloarc folks out there…Hope some of you show up on the blog! and yup, we WILL have a group session at 5:30pm on Tuesday, July 21st! Cookies included!!!
Steve–out
July 17th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Little over a week sober and I get the flu. Drama Queen said a while back “that god does not give us more thab we can handle…and that she thought he had her mixed up with someone else”. Maybe god got confused and thought she was referring to ’someonenew’? I does bring me a smile no matter which way I looked at it.
The web of vines that are my alcoholism curl throughout all facets of my life. Each new day I must be honest and seperate the true nature of me from my ‘Ali’ me amd sometimes its difficult to find a vine to seperate us. Some vines have curled around us since childhood.
I must report that having the flu while sober is quite less enjoyable and a whole bunch less self absorbed. It’s really just quite awful. Standard protocol at my childhood home was a warm bath, 2 tylenol and a yummy hot toddy. The type of toddy depended on the season (although I can not recall the offical begin/end dates) One version involved hot buttered rum and lemon juice and the other was good whisky, honey and a cinnamon stick. Oh,and that heavenly Vick’s rub to the chest with the warm towel. In retrospect its a wonder we didn’t burst into flames since Mom and Dad were aslo avid smokers!
As I grew older (not to be confused to growing up mind you) I found my own digs and that is for sure when the Hot Toddy rule book changed. The tylenol and vicks were lost, and the season didn’t matter anymore, only what was in the cabnit. And I’m quite sure the new protocal called for 3 and perhaps 4 toddys before sleep.
So you see having the flu was a lovely opportunity to retreat to the bedroom (by myself) with my splendid medcinal coctail (s). And I really, really, really don’t recall feeling all these body aches and truly tedious eye,neck and head malfunctions.
I’m not sure if I’m living in the solution or the problem right on this one, but I’m drinking lot’s of fluids (non-alcohol I feel insecure enough to add) taking my Tylenol and using hot/cold packs depending on the fever at the time. I don’t think my ‘Ali’ is hiding right now. Think she is perched cross-legged at the end of the bed bouncing, smiling and assuring me that this is only the very begining. She has grown into such spiteful little wench you know now that is being told to go sit down.
bupester - I really do enjoy your blogs, the style is quite poetic. The cans stacked so nicely although your wife had already left…it was melancholy.
Good night to all, no bed bugs or bad dreams….
July 18th, 2009 at 12:00 am
outside illness and alcohol. I did not receive any when I was a kid and was sick. When I got older, and looked for hilarious and clever reasons to justify my drinking I found an old english proverb for curing the common cold. “When having a bout of cold, put yourself to bed with a bottle of good Scottish whiskey and hang a hat on your bed post. Drink until you see two hats”. Not too funny or clever. I don’t remember suffering from many bouts of illness but how can you distinguish between a flu and a hangover? Maybe the absence of alcohol would have been a good hint.
July 18th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Good Morning all:
Just reread the blather that I spewed out yesterday. whew made since yesterday.Bupester my point was this do the still look at your dose as a daily reward vs. just something you put in your mouth once a day? I use to, it was one of my last crumbs of addictive behaviour, now it’s just a pill. My point here is that if your thinking along those lines you might be associating your increased dose with drug seeking behaviour?
Someonenew, yea it seemed to me that as soon as I quit using that I caught ever virus Known to man and since I wasn’t in a self induced coma I got to experience all of it’s lovely symtoms first hand. Your description of being treated by your parents when younger was not only funny but also for me very insightful as to how we later see illness (or what ever we perceive to be unpleasnt feelings) ,drugs, and rewards, all tide together in one neat little package of behaviour we play out in our adult years of Addiction.
Just my 2 cents
Strat
July 18th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Sorry you have the flu someonenew, but the image of your Al sitting and bouncing on your bed did crack me up. Little imps they are. Hope you feel much better soon. Just try to sleep through it.
Here at the coast, hubby got here while we were at the store, and don’t know why, was in a foul mood. I think he liked me better when I was always on pills; he could boss me around more. So, whatever set him off, which totally baffled my daughter and myself, and she wouldn’t stay out of the middle like I asked her to, and soon, he was leaving, going home, and filing divorce papers. I ”don’t know what I’m saying, I have diareah of the mouth, nothing in my brain…much more.” So, today I’m fighting hives, he’s sorry, and I don’t know if I want to forgive him. He’s actually a pretty decent person, but the more ’sober’ I become, the more I see in him that got away for 33 years. THe only thing I can come to the conclussion is, our son’t death is finally catching up with him. Don’t know what to do. Like I said, he’s really a decent lovig man, just the sharp tounge that opens up from time to time. So nice weather in MB, little chilly in the house. Just what I need, is more to handle
July 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Someonenew, So sorry you get sober to get the flu. I used to love the sick days from work, drinking all day ya know. Drink, sleep, watch game and judge shows, drink, sleep, oh my. Looked forward to calling in sick once in a while just to be alone in my drunken cocoon. It was quite blissfull as I recall because I don’t recall the being sick part very much. NOW GETTING SICK SOBER JUST SUCKS. I’d rather go to work cuz if I am miserable the rest of the poor slobs I work with are going to go through the toture with me. Unless pucking of course, I do draw a line somewhere.
I can just see cute little “Ali” bouncing, laughing on the end of your bed. When you get the energy kick her fucking ass for me to wipe that stupid grin off her face. Ya see her best friend has been over at my house, and that little bitch is pissed cuz the antabuse has been going down every morning and there is not drop of booze stashed anywhere. Car hasn’t been stopping at the liquor store and the makeup section was the only stop at Rite Aid.
So ya see Someonenew, those girls had better shut up and take some time outs. DQ, honey stay strong. You have so many challenges in life. All the “higher power” stuff at our meetings. I can’t pretend to understand it all, but just the act of release, letting go is good karma. I believe in good, and the positive, and wonderful flowing waves, thats the higher power. Natural happiness that can be found within if we just allow ourselves to be quiet and peaceful.
Wow, was that just me!! Awesome. Loving life!!! Love and Peace Out.
July 18th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
When something tragic happens in a family, it’ rolls through everyone and everything. SOme days are golden, some aren’t. Thanks Rockin. I BELIEVE i’m going to be able to go to the meeting on Tuesday. I’ve got my own car here, and I’m not looking forward to the triple digets, at all.
Hope you’re there.
I’m still laughing at Ali sitting on the bed. I think we should all go over and -itch slap her for someonenew. But the was someonenew explained it was priceless, and adorable, and reall, I still laugh at it. Someone, you’re gonna be all right.
Again Rockin- You’re sounding the most awesome I’ve ever heard you. KEEP IT UP SWEETIE!!!! I’m SO proud of you.
And of everyone. Take care..hugs and kisses…
July 18th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
When grandbabies get here, you no longer can hear the ocean….haha
July 19th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Early morn, one’s sick. Might be a short trip to coast. Or might be cuzDIL brought new ‘friend’ with her. Umm, not what I expected.
Even though it’s foggy, I’m going for a walk. With my crutches in case I fall and can’t get up. See if any yard sales are going. My “Ali” is speaking to me hard this morning, and need to shake it off. Hope you all have a great day. I was looking forward to it, be not so much now. What do they say? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade? Mine might be a bit sour. Wasnt ready to see them with someone replacing my son. Not this early in the game. Yea Drama, keep on going and keep sending it this way. Maybe I’ll go home with hubby, except heard it was 111 in Fresno yesterday, I could slip and slide all day. Any casino’sround here? But I’m sure that’s on the no list also. Have a great day…hugs to all…
July 20th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Good morning everyone! Just another reminder that we will have our SLOARC GROUP SESSION: Tuesday, July 21st, 5:30pm…..
Hope to see some of you there….All Sloarc folks are welcome and you too BUPESTER!
Steve—out
July 20th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Oh Yes Group on Tuesday. Want to put some faces with blog names. Bup. Come out to play. The sugar is good and I promise to be on good behaviour just for you. DQ. You’ve promised us so many times. Let this be the one you just DO IT Please. Everyone Don’t let me down
July 20th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Very quiet day on the blog. Spent the day at the beach with the grandbabies. What a beautiful day…
Hope all are doing well…and hope to see you tomorrow night at SLOARC group session
July 20th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Hey DQ, it was quiet cuz the best was saved for last. Me & you lady!!!! I am looking so forward to finally meeting you. I want you to share a celebration cookie with me for my 30 days. This time it is so very special and I want to share why with everyone tomorrow night and it would mean a lot to me if you were there. You too Bupester. God I love it, didn’t realize it at the time, when you were so happy that I was miserable relapsing and you weren’t. I so totally understand now what a reminder it was of your own personal hell and strengthened your conviction that you never needed to or wanted to go there again. Strat, come on out. The grade ain’t gonna kill ya. SCD and Someonenew, ya know you need a meeting anyway, right? This is the good one, take my word for it. Oh yes, Steve, can you make it and bring the cookies. Seems I am planning an addict party here and since your location seems to be the spot maybe you could have the chairs ready and serve as the greeter.
I love being a bold pain in the ass !!!! God, feeling good and sober has me feeling full of it. But seriously, we are all kinda a silly bloggin family so it would be nice to “Come Together”
Oh yes, the FAIR is coming. YeeHaw. This girl is so ready for a corndog and cinnamon roll. Bring it on, after a week of it I’ll be ready to puke but the anticipation right now is justabout killin me.
Have an awesome evening, great sleepytime and even better tomorrow. Luv to all and Rock On
July 20th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
I knew you’d make it this time. I’d be honored to be there and celebrate, mostly to meet you finally. Let’s hope my anxiety doesn’t kick in. Get real nervous meeting new people, even though I feel like I know you all personally. I’m tired. Think I”ll clean the house tomorrow (no one ever leaves it clean) , and get some rest tonight. My DIL had a “talk” with me about having an intervention with my daughter. I know her problems, but I don’t think she’s the one to be there. She’s an LVN, going for her RN, and she KNOWS IT ALL. I’m sure she even thinks she knows more than the Drs she works for….swear…she’s told me . Just left me drained having her talk AT me, instead of WITH me.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Interesting, a patient showed up today and when I asked them how they managed to get up the nerve to come in they said they had been reading the blog and it had really helped them.
Good going bloggers!
By The Way…
ANYONE is welcome to join in here and ask questions and make comments or share opinions, it’s not restricted at all. I suppose it would help if you were and addict or alcoholic, and if you were considering stopping.
Dr H
July 20th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Hi, first time on here. It was mentioned by Dr. H And Steve’O….I read ya’ll blogs and it is totally cool you guys are close. Quick question. Huh anyone one going to group tmrw night? sounds radical might go…just wondering how it works? Thanks late
July 21st, 2009 at 1:25 am
Very late, need to get to sleep. Feeling better now, flu is almost finished and I’m back at work. All your good wishes helped me to get better sooner.
Sunday was a very bad, not happy, forlorn exausting day. Sunday was also Santa Maria Japanese Obon Festival. I am the co-chair for decorations. And just stop right there, don’t get into a ‘now I can picture her’ tizzy I’m not of Japanese desent. Too many details for this late.
Obon day (weekend) is sooo much hard work. Out the door by 6 am Sunday still wobbly and leaning on hot green tea. A quick run home at 10;30 to among other things take my Atabuse. Becase, I must very mustly have atabuse on Obon day.
I swear there I was with the dixie cup in one had and the 2 pills in the other and there was ‘Ali’. On some etheral plane; freaking out. It was like one of those B grade movies where the ghostly appariations float around in the background. There she was, and she was beyond panic and moving fast into some non-verbal crescendo that promised to be unsafe to all. I recall feeling her shreiking and waving those misty little hands all around my head trying her damnedest to make physical connecttion and then I swallowed my Atabuse. She wailed one time “But it’s Obon!” and off she went who knows where. I guess the closet.
I just had to get back to the event. Obon went the way off all the others and at the end of a long backbreaking exericise of civic, cultural and religious pride we all crawl back home to put up our throbbing feet and swollen legs to start the recovery.
For many recovery begins when the packing up and breaking down is going on. Various red plastic cups filled with secret special ‘it’s all over’ potions. For myself, it has been for years that first glass of very chilled oaky white. This fist glass has always represented the embodiment of REWARD - Job Well Done!
Tonight there was only throbbing head, feet and ‘Ali’ blaming, blaming for me taking the Atabuse. I sat in a heap, bawled for awhile and took two Ativan and went to bed. My beyond good husband sent in each son to rub my feet for a few minutes and I gave it up and went to sleep.
It wasn’t a restful sleep because two very important new things had changed you see. One, I had used the atavin to replace my chardonay and even bigger; I had very,very clearly seen the truth of one of ‘Ali’s most successful, decades long lies that I had believed without question.
You see I never drank in the day. Only at the end of the work, the labor, just like the beer comercials tell you. I drink for the Reward.
Since Sunday night I’ve been trying to find my way around the collapse of my rational because we all know that when the premise is flawed everything that is based on the premise is of course just poo poo too.
The quention is: if I do not drink as a reward system then why do I drink at all? And knowing all the above why do I still want to drink so very much more?
I’m tired, I’m trying, I slip in and out of crying and I can not attend the meeting tomorrrow, my regrets…I’ll be at work. If you see my ‘Ali’ there just leave her alone at least she’s away from me for a time…
Night, sleep tight, no bad dreams for any one even the new patient.
July 21st, 2009 at 9:35 am
WELCOME “Beautiful Disaster”!! Yes yes, by all means, please come join us TONIGHT at 5:30pm! This is a very informal group, usually 10 folks or so, and very casual…..Hope to see you..AND we have COOKIES!!! ha..
Steve–out
July 21st, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Beartiful Disaster. Welcome, and what a cool posting name. I’ve been on the blog for along time, live out of town, but am in town today, and plan on going. I don’t know what to expect, but if I can keep my anxiety under control, and Ali in her place, I’ll be there. Even if i’m sitting in the parking lot. But I made a promise to my friend Rockin, so I’ll be there. Hope you make it as all.
Someonenew- You did good this weekend. Just getting up with the flu to fulfill your obligations, and then to deal with Ali as well. I don’t think you are substituting antivan for your wine. If Dr. thought you needed it, so be it. You’ll recognize the signs of wanting it instead of “needing” it. I take xanax on very bad days. I thought I’d be better after a year and half of loosing my son, but he’s been coming to me in dreams, and I swear he’s walking with me most the time. I took the grandgirls to the beach yesterday, walking down the ramp in flip flops, started to slide and was waiting for the ground to hit my butt, when I felt someone grab my elbow to steady me. Turned to thank this kind person…no one there. I also feel he was here when the girls and my DIL with her new ”friend” were here. SO many things were wanting to fly out of my mouth, and all I could hear was him saying “mom, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. And remember, my girls are watching you.” I swear he’s been hanging around me. Of course I have ideas that no one else believes in, like God lets the person gone spend time when we’re having hard times. My husband admits to ”feeling’ his presence around also. Of course, his idea is one of us is close to dying, and he’s here to take them ‘home.’ I would rather believe my idea. ANYWAY, I’m glad you’re feeling better, and you ARE doing well. It just takes time to recognize the signs of wanting to use, and that’s why the meetings are so important. We gather tools to use, and this blog is one of the greatest tools I use.
Look forward to seeing ya all tonight.. Remember, I have low self esteem, so go easy on me. Right now, I’m gonna go work in the yard and watch the ocean while I’m still here. Hubby is waiting for me to come home, but I’m NOT going home to high triple digets. Plus, need to finish cleaning this ‘motel’ house of ours. Don’t get it. Stay for free; leave the laundry and let me clean the bathrooms. And I have signs in every room what I expect if you stay in my home. Oh well…hugs to ya all.
Dr. H, you carry your pink shirt very nice. Honest, no teasing here. Thanks for the talking with today. Always a pleasure. You make my brain work in ways it never has before. A big YAHOO for Dr. H.
July 21st, 2009 at 8:38 pm
THANK YOU ALL who came to group tonight!!! I know it’s difficult to work up enough courage to come to a group, not knowing what it’s about or who you will meet….Good job everyone! Hope everyone went home feeling a bit more stable in life….Please continue to blog…”KP” would love to see you back on here too….
Good night all…
Steve–out
July 21st, 2009 at 9:38 pm
It was great putting faces with names. I feel even closer to you than I did before, and it was just a great pleasure meeting you all tonight. Looking forward to making it every 2 weeks, or at least once a month. I’m sure going to do my best. Hugs…have a great rest of the evening…
July 21st, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Awesome job as the hostess with the mostess Steve-o. I really enjoy the SLO ARC group as opposed to AA as a refreshing change. AA is helping me right now with functioning as an alcoholic and the changes that must be made by me, to live a crazy, but normal life not drinking. The ARC group lets me be myself and lay it all out there, like breathing. No fears, no judgement, just understanding with no explainations necessary. Like I said, be it drugs or alcohol, we are still just addicts trying to connect the dots and function without our “drug” of choice. Drugs are just a bit harder to come by than alcohol, you don’t usually walk into about any store on any corner and walk out with some oxy or other “substance”, it requires a little more effort. So the connection between all in the group is just an unspoken truth.
Drama Queen, Thank you so much for rising up to the challenge and coming tonight. It meant a lot to me to meet you and share up close and personal during and after the meeting. I feel a deeper bond than before and love you only as a sister in recovery can. Our challenges are different, but again so similar.
So everyone out there in blogging land, if you are reading this and you were there, thank you for that. I feel energize after our time together and ready to take on the world one day at a time.
Gotta go to sleep, FAIR starts tomorrow and I don’t want to miss a thing!!
Love to all, Peace out.
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
Same here Rockin. Just make sure you miss out on ONE thing at the fair. LOL. I know you’ll do great.
I was touched by how many young people were there. And they say there’s a generation gap. Not with drugs, huh? It makes my heart SO happy to know you are starting the fight now in your lives, so you don’t need to carry it around for years, and years, and you’ll actually remember your lives. Great meeting ya all…
Think I’m heading home. Sounds like daughter is off her bipolar meds. I think she was taking the wall paper down in her room last night…yea…more for me to do. Or, she can live with what she’s done.
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Still at the coast.
Everyone okay? I know you all can talk. Wierd when no one gets on the blog except a couple of us. Ratdog, you can just get up on the roof and get good reception.
TTFN…Going to walk on the beach while the sun goes down.
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Sorry I missed the meeting, sounds like most everyone survived although I agree the blog is a bit slow. Maybe it can take awile to process all of that meeting, smiling, greeting, hugging and talking to people that do nor look at all like their supposed to in your opinion.
Thanks Drama Queen for your kind words. I think I’m past the hysteria phase of Wait just one minute, please this I know for sure is not the Disneyland gets sober package that I signed up for! So I’m mostly just working on getting my teeth to stop grinding till I see Dr. H next.
Good news is I’m dropping about 5 lbs, a week on the sober diet and I read nothing in the literature about this little bonus. Used to be I’d have to wait for a boyfriend to break up with me for really measurable weight loss.So on the bright side I’m saving gobs and gobs by not buying wine, fitting into old jeans and spending less at the grocery store.
For some women this is the top of the game so I’m looking for gratatude where ever I can grab it from.
Night again, only happy dreams (but no clowns allowed we’ve all been through ecough have to put up with any clowns -shudder)
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Hey Someonenew, The weight loss is an awesome bonus. Good Lord, used to watch every calorie I would put into my body. Cottage cheese for breakfast, only a Healthy Choice and piece of fruit at lunch, some veggies at night. But never gave a second thought to half of the 1.75 litter of Vodka I was putting down every night. Funny how the booze was never “real” calories, only the food was guilt going down with every bite. How fucking screwed up was that. It sounds just plain stupid but that was my world for so long I never gave it a second thought. Beers and Mikes Hard Lemonaide in between so it appeared I was drinking the okay “light normal” booze between the hard shots in the closet. Who was I kidding, abosolutely MYSELF. I will never forget the first time Steve told me I was an alcoholic on the phone when I was trying to pussyfoot around my problem when making that first appointment. God did I drink that night before the next days appointment. And God did I look like shit that first meeting. Oh well, thats all past history now. NEVER forgotten, just not going there again.
So the FAIR was fun tonight. More people drinking and being stupid than not. But thats okay. I was sober and having fun. Got my little dog a $59 buck pink studded blinggy collar just cuz I think she’s beautiful, Belle’s the name, and she’s my only child so she deserves it. Can you imagine the spending urges when I had a snootful. Saw Carrie Underwood and the lady is so beautiful and has tubes on her I just can’t believe. She actually sang a Motley Crue and Guns and Roses song. She rocked. When she did the encore of “When He Cheats”, I call it the Louieville Slugger song, I jumped up and danced, with all the motions to go along with the words. Hubby said I was being stupid cuz we were in the middle of a bunch of seated cowboys. But I was NOT sitting down. Wasn’t blocking anyone’s view and I was SOBER AND HAVING A BLAST!!!! So watch out, I don’t need that shit to have fun at the fair. And it’s only DAY ONE. YeeHaw. Gotta get to bed ya’all. Up early for work tomorrow and its Heart and Journey tomorrow night so I gotta get my ROCK back on. Have a great day tomorrow and just remember
DON’T Drink or Use no matter what. GOT IT!!!! Love to all, Rock On
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:51 am
Rockin-Thank God the fair was okay for you. Even though I’ve heard such a positive change, you never know when ”ali” is going to screw you up. So, yes I was a little worried, but after talking to you tuesday, and LOOKING into your eyes, I knew you’d make it. I think you’ll find watching the people who get blasted, that maybe it was fun, but a put on or fake fun. How much better to come home from events and REMEMBER them. That’s something that hit me, and what they have me on now doesn’t mess with my mind. A greeat plus. And you got to enjoy your HOT weather! Glad you had a great time.
Someonenew- This blog will go like nuts somedays, but it often slows at the begining of the week when people get back to work and their duties.
I’m lucky to be able to stay home, although I’m starting to “hold and rock” babies at Valley Childrens, and becoming an advocate for children rights when they go to court. Wanted to do something for others instead of all the selfish things I did when the pills slid down my throat. You sound great. You’ll find the fog lifts, and if you don’t feel well, CALL THE DR OR STEVE. So many problems have been solved for me by a simple phone call, and they ALWAYS get to you. Great dedication they have in that office, and never enough thank yous go that way. So, DON”T WAIT IF YOU DON”T FEEL WELL, CALL, CALL, CALL. Please. Let us know how you feel later today.
Okay, going to the beach….hugs and good wishes to all. Ratdog,, get back on the blog.
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Oh yeah the weight loss. It does depend on where you stop the progression. Some get to the point where the only calories they get is booze and end up malnourished and skinny. The “classic” alcoholic on the street I refered to so I knew I wasn’t one. I was bloated and heavy, travelling and eating out, and getting no exercise. Now 25 lbs lighter and exercise everyday.
Until today. I went to the gym yesterday and tweaked my back. Hurt to get out of bed and walking with a little Cro Magnon bend. Of course shortly after breakfast when I decided to get caught up on some stuff my little voice (Al, El Diablo, he has various names depending on how loud he is) says, “you know, if you’re just going to hang around the house you might want some booze to kill the pain”. Strange when that comes up. Sat down, read some of the big book, and laughed at how “fun” it would be suffering from a hangover AND a backache tomorrow. I will crab walk to a meeting tonight.
July 23rd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Okay Doc and Steve here I am good to talk with you both this morning. Doc when you got down on your knee to please blog I knew I had to then…You guys always make me feel a little more normal and not the only addict out there. I am going to make it. I have lost alot of friends or I thought were friends from this dease. These friends were never addicts so I guess they will never understand. So anyway here I am taking two subs a day and I am going to make it. I am done with the vicodin and OC’s never going there again.. Hi everyone out there lets start blogging looking forward to it.
kim
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Welcome and HI Kim. Doc on his knees? Now, that lightens my day with a laugh!!! Kim, isn’t it strange how when we were loaded, many of us had 2 sets of friends. The ones we loved, went to school with, raised our kids together, yet never let them ”know” about what we did. The other set of friends were the ones we went to when we ran out of pills, needed something NOW, and the same with them. When you stop taking those things, well, they get the hint, and stop calling. Like I said, I Did have an ex friend call the other day needing 75$ for her Dr’s appointment to get her script, and for that she’d give me 75 norcos. Of course my head did a fast figure, and went, “WOW, that’s only a dollar a pill!” But it didn’t take long to say, no thanks not now, not ever again, thank you. And now those people don’t call. People who you did drugs or drank with…they aren’t friends. They use you, and I, or we, used them. Sick relationship. But nice to be away from them. It really is a clean feeling. Anyways, glad you are blogging. Again, welcome, and don’t be a stranger!!!
SCD- If your back doesn’t get better, try a chiropracter. Works wonders on my bad back, and we’ve found a great one, who doesn’t set up 20 days for you to come in that month. He just adjusts you, and says, that should do it, if not, give me a call. He’s truly trying to make us feel better, and not set us up like some, I say SOME, back crackers do. Our first one was like that, had us on a schedule, and finally I told my husband, I think we’re getting screwed. Then a Dr who worked for them left and set up his own office, because he didn’t like the way they practiced medicine. SO, we followed him, and been with him for over 20 years. Hope you feel better very soon. Heat and ice. Especially ice takes the inflamation away. Take care of yourself.
Had a surprise visitor today. My best friend drove to Santa Maria to take her son’s truck, who just got back from Iraq, to him, and she drove to MB. She made it here this morn and just left. We had a great time, and wish she could have stayed longer. Now, that’s a friend.
Take care all. Hugs to all…
How ya doing Rockin? Your car is BEAUTIFUL. Take care my friend…
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Steve, Thanks for taking the time to have the meetings. I LOVED meeting my blogging friends, and the ones who didn’t blog. It was a very special evening for me. I know it takes a big chunk of time out of your life, but again, thanks….j
July 23rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Hi steve…k this is where i stand. Took doc’s advice about the pain and he suggested to take another sub or 2 and tylenol…ugh sub and asprin tylenol is totally killing me. I feel so puky and ill…even made me feel depressed. So out of idears and desprite. Please hit me up if you get this. I am not trying to sound like a baby but i’d so rather get karate kicked in the gut or kidneys then have a toothe ache where yr nerve is exposed.
July 23rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
D.S.B.
July 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
What does D.S.B stand for if you don’t mind me asking Andyman?
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:42 pm
WELCOME KIM!!!!! THANK YOU for getting on here…..I think you will enjoy it here! Was good to see you today…
Beautiful Disaster….OUCH! Sorry the pain is kickin’ your ass right now…WHEN do you go to the dentist???? This is NOT an AMA approved pain killer, but I use to get relief by disolving a pure aspirin right on the nasty tooth….PLEASE get to the dentist as soon as possible…It’s not reasonable to have you in that kind of pain for very long……I know Doc talked to you about some other methods, but they can be dangerous, and it seems this is a problem the dentist could stop with a few minutes of work. Keep us informed…..
Great to see all you folks who had appointments today!
Steve–out
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Hi all. Same ditto kind of day. Teeth grinding, neck still stiff, gut just in a twist most the time. Just have 0 interest in food. Trying to keep the water going steady at least. Started pondering a bit and had an AHA! kind of moment. Off I crawled to the healthy foods store and picked up a luvely cold bottle of lactobacillus acidophilus. Billions of those stomach happy orgaisims pouring into my Atabuse bombed and wine deprived tummy.
If this doesn’t work I’m heading for the acupunctuist. He’s wonderful. He’ll feel all six of my pulses and look at my yucky tonuge and then he’ll tell ‘Ali’ to go sit outside and wait. Ha Ha. Do not know where my brain was this is a most auspicious time to get all that yin, chi and yang put back in order. Herb will help.
SCD I’v been noticing that these “alcoholics” are not always bright but they are all uncommonaly Rentless… Try alternating heat and cold pack on the back very gently knee to chest stretches a few times a day flat on your back and sleep with 2 big pillows under your knees. Unless you side sleep then pillows inbetween the knees. Take Advil before you go to bed. Heat first in the morning. It will run it’s course but it will make you feel like you are 92 till its had its way with you.
Night to all, it could be worse…we could all be politions instead!
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
SCD - should have been Relentless I have no idea if their frocks have tears in them or not and probably shouldn’t care!
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Okay, I’m lost on the blog again. Really lost.
SCD- What someonenew says does help your back, but I’ve been told ice, ice ice, and then some heat to make you feel comfy and loved and warm. But the ice will have the most effect on getting the inflamation out of those nerves that are beating you to death right now. Advil of course, and again, like someonenew also said, easy stretching is a lifesaver. Then keep those up even AFTER your back get’s better. I’ve had a bad back for YEARS, and it’s often like a gremlin would hit me in the lower back with 2 by 4. Time will take it away, and I’m still a strong believer in chiropracters, if you can find a good one. I’m sure Doc would have suggetions. Or call him and see what he can do. Just cuz we’re addicts, an this took me a long time to get throuh my thick head, doesn’t mean we need to suffer through pain. I remembering listening to Doc last month saying to go off subox, and his idea was to put me on something that would go through the subox? Don’t get the story right all the time. “NO, I DON’T WANT TO FAIL!!!”’ I looked at Steve for support, and he understood, but the two of them made me understand that an addict doesn’t need to live in severe pain. As long as I take care of the problem. It was a hard moment to say, “okay.” And like many addicts, I’ve found that advil (ibuprophen) really does help with aches and pains, but it didn’t when I was going to my ”Dr.”". None of those things worked on me, and I needed Norco, or something stronger. When I go on a trip with lots of walking, he’d give me oxy for the trip, so I could walk and keep up with my back. The back pain is legit, I’ve learned that the s tretchs and exercises do help, or a warm bath, and like I said before, ICE! Amazing how I lied to myself and the Dr. just to get the pills. And he’s a good may; he just doesn’t want anyone in pain. Good intentions; bad judgement on his part. But I Don’t blame him…I take the blame for my actions. Okay, I’m blabbing. Get better, and let us know how you feel tomorrow. PLEASE call Doc or Steve if you don’t feel better tomorrow. THELY are the ones who know how to get us through this. Docs and expert, and won’t let you down. Good luck and hope you get some rest….
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Thanks for all the kind words and advice. I have a bag of frozen peas behind my back right now. They’ve been in the freezer for a year and I’m not wild on frozen veggies. I’ve used em before for mtn biking injuries, kind of like a ice pack. It’s been awhile since I had back problems but the stretching, ice, and movement seem to be the key.
Of course after the thought of booze…I thought about a doc for muscle relaxers or vicodin, I’m in pain right? I’m not a pill guy so it would be appropriate for the situation. Problem is I’m an addict. Alcohol, pills, doesn’t matter. I’ve known people with years of sobriety go out on pain pills after an injury. This just isn’t that bad. It kind of lets me know my addiction to exercise when I feel like &%$ because I didn’t ride or go to the gym today.
Sore back? No problem. Sober today and that’s what counts.
Good to see you on the board Kim. Please let us know about your journey. I don’t see this as a substitute for AA, but a great place to discuss things that can’t be brought up in meetings. And I feel bad whinging (Aussie term) about my back when Beautiful Disaster has tooth pain. OUCH.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:00 am
WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!! Ha ha…yeah, one of those nights when I woke up at 2:30am and just KNEW there was no going back to sleep! Thought about CALLING ALL OF YOU ON THE PHONE, but that would be just plain MEAN! ha….Good chance to catch up on some reading about the latest and greatest on addiction treatment….Lots of new stuff all the time…Looking forward to the Cape Cod symposium on addiction that I had the pleasure of attending last year…That’s coming again in Sept. All the “big boy players” from all over show up…After being to several events such as that, I can honestly say that SLOARC is staying on the cutting edge of what’s going on! Not bragging, just feel very fortunate to be part of it! There are just SO MANY great things about living in this part of Californina….I grew up in the Midwest, where we had to drive 4 hours to see a “Quack Doctor!” ha ha….here we have one of the top cardiac units in the U.S. at French, and quality addiction treatment galore!
Thanks SCD and Someonenew for your always enlightening post…D.Q. I really DO think you are making progress, and that’s what it’s all about. Beautiful Disaster, Dentist today???? Keep us informed..Looking forward to more from “Kim” and I KNOW there are SEVERAL of you that are reading and not posting…Come on in and join us..the water is nice and warm!!!
Steve–out
July 24th, 2009 at 4:02 am
No SCD, you are right when you say this isn’t a substitute for AA. But it sure is a great tool to put in our tool boxes, to open when we need help to be accountable for ourselves. It helps me knowing you guys KNOW me, listening to me, and can often talk me off the edge of the roof. LOL Plus, Doc and Steve can read it and get insights to how we’re really doing, instead of the nice polite, “I’m fine, doing fine.” while you are really thinking “If I were fine, I wouldn’t be sitting here.” SMILE!!!!
I’m glad to hear you’re taking care of your back. My knee woke me up about an hour ago, ”talking” to me, and I’m waiting for it to shut up. The stairs in this house create a few extra problems, but oh, I’m so happy to have been here all week.
Doc or Steve= Have had an upset stomach since starting the new medication for the hives. Also very sleepy. Could this be a result of the new medication? Thanks for the info. Well, gonna give in and take one of those pills. I fight taking them, thinking I’m SO TOUGH, but I’m reminded dailly that I’m not so tough at all. Off to take a pill, lay down, and hopefully fall asleep to a infomercial. Good Lord, how may sleepless nights am I signed up for. I think I’ve had a fair share of things,but I’m not complaining; just asking. I thank you God for just being here with me. Getting very sleepy, so I’ m off. Hugs to all…Maybe if I close my eyes, think of the good times with my son, he’ll help me drift to a plesant sleep. God bless you all, and have a safe, sober Frday!!! I love you all…
July 24th, 2009 at 4:10 am
Hey Steve, you’re up also. Yea everyone, this is a nice playground usually, so join us. It’s a great place to get to know everyone who usually goes to Doc, just very much like being at home, with family that u get along with. Sloarc Blog, a good thing…
July 24th, 2009 at 4:17 am
Oh yeah, are you guys going to the ”big meeting” again this year? Would like to make sure my surgery fits around when you guys are home, if that makes sense. Does to me!!!
July 24th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Starting to get a little tired and only two nights of the fair under my belt. God, I have not even had the urge to drink, just want the damn blinkie cups. HA That’s pretty funny. Anyway, amazing how the booze sets in at the fair, seems I didn’t notice it in the past. All I can say is I am having a great time. Last night listening to Journey and watching the lights on the fair rides over the top of the arena was very surreal. Beautiful.
July 24th, 2009 at 6:52 am
Oh yes, please everyone get better. Aches, pains, flu, all the nasty stuff. At least when its cold you can bundle up to nurse yourself. In the blazing heat all you feel is miserable when you don’t feel up to being yourself. Off to another day at work. Take care of you and the world will fall in place all on its own. Awesome to have some new bloggers out there. Welcome to the SLOARC family post. HA
Just remember, its okay to get pissed off at your higher power when it all goes to shit, He/She can take it and understands you better than we will every know. Have a great one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Hey all, I hear the water’s warm and I wanna play too !! So…….
It’s day # 4 off the norco’s, and aside from some sleep issues, and a headache, I feel pretty darn good.
Wouldn’t have believed it if someone had said ” guess what, your pain will be ok and oh another lil thing…..no cravings . WHAT???????
Not scurrying around desparately searching for that last crumb somewhere in the bottom of my purse. Wow, really, wow
July 26th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Yes it is interesting to see how booze affects people at the fair. I went on friday. It is so sad to see those tennager on who knows what kind of drugs. And I think if they really knew what they are gettin them selfs into and all that it takes to get out they might see the light. But it is still sad to see. And the booze it seems people just come there to get drunk how can you really see the fair thur all the fog!!!
D.Q. go to the dentist you tooth might be infected and that could be causing most of the pain.
Have a good day everyone…… off to get my garage in order. I just moved and trying to still get settled in.It’s hard when you have 25 years of acumalated juck. I think a I am going to have to a BIG garage sale.. Bye you all for now.